Steroid freaksThursday, February 12, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Someone told me today they felt I was rude, condescending, negative, and abrupt. Naturally, I replied "Fuck you, you stupid ass." Then I walked away.
That isn't how I responded, that's a joke. I did however want to say that. Instead I used something professional like "I'm sorry you feel that way" or some such nonsense, when what I should have done was slap the crap outta him.
**SLAP**
Ever wanted to do that? Sure you have. You're in an elevator riding with another person. He silently farts as the door opens onto a new floor. He steps off as others are stepping on. Within seconds, they are exposed to the aroma that they can only believe YOU did. You wanna push the door open button, step out and find the guy and ...
**SLAP**
You're trying to get into traffic - which is going nowhere by the way - and you see your only opening closed by the woman who pretends to not see you. Out of the car, you want to knock on her window and ask "How's your day going dear?" ...
**SLAP**
Finally your in 7-Eleven to buy a coffee in the morning. You're not late for work, but time is of the essence. The fat dude in front of you is delighting in the $7 he won on a scratch ticket five minutes ago. While you're ichily waiting, he pulls out a 5 dollar bill to apply to the $7 he has in credit, and he starts agonizingly...painstakingly....slowthefuckingly...saying..."Uhhhh...gimme 2 lucky sevens, no no no, make that 3 crazy 8's, one lucky seven, uuuuhhhh, 3 casino hijix's, uhhhh, make that 4, and uuuuuhhhh, 3 monopoly's....how much is that?...$11?....okay.....and uuuuummmm...one three blind mice." Then he stands blocking the counter and starts scratching them right there. It's cab fare to get around his 300 lb frame, so you just put the coffee in the nearest place you can find and bolt out the door hoping like hell you don't get a speeding ticket while you worry about the time you've lost waiting for the sumo wrestler to piss away his 12 bucks.
**SLAP** **SLAP** **SLAP****SLAP**Fucking **SLAP****SLAP**
Sooooo....what does it for you? Or are you too happy in life to never want to **SLAP** anyone?
That isn't how I responded, that's a joke. I did however want to say that. Instead I used something professional like "I'm sorry you feel that way" or some such nonsense, when what I should have done was slap the crap outta him.
**SLAP**
Ever wanted to do that? Sure you have. You're in an elevator riding with another person. He silently farts as the door opens onto a new floor. He steps off as others are stepping on. Within seconds, they are exposed to the aroma that they can only believe YOU did. You wanna push the door open button, step out and find the guy and ...
**SLAP**
You're trying to get into traffic - which is going nowhere by the way - and you see your only opening closed by the woman who pretends to not see you. Out of the car, you want to knock on her window and ask "How's your day going dear?" ...
**SLAP**
Finally your in 7-Eleven to buy a coffee in the morning. You're not late for work, but time is of the essence. The fat dude in front of you is delighting in the $7 he won on a scratch ticket five minutes ago. While you're ichily waiting, he pulls out a 5 dollar bill to apply to the $7 he has in credit, and he starts agonizingly...painstakingly....slowthefuckingly...saying..."Uhhhh...gimme 2 lucky sevens, no no no, make that 3 crazy 8's, one lucky seven, uuuuhhhh, 3 casino hijix's, uhhhh, make that 4, and uuuuuhhhh, 3 monopoly's....how much is that?...$11?....okay.....and uuuuummmm...one three blind mice." Then he stands blocking the counter and starts scratching them right there. It's cab fare to get around his 300 lb frame, so you just put the coffee in the nearest place you can find and bolt out the door hoping like hell you don't get a speeding ticket while you worry about the time you've lost waiting for the sumo wrestler to piss away his 12 bucks.
**SLAP** **SLAP** **SLAP****SLAP**Fucking **SLAP****SLAP**
Sooooo....what does it for you? Or are you too happy in life to never want to **SLAP** anyone?
Monday, February 02, 2009
Attention K-Mart shoplifters
I went shopping this past weekend for a suit coat. I went into Blookington's or whatever, and when I asked the nearly dressed like a hooker clerk at the perfume counter where the men's departmant was, she casually stopped sandpapering her nails long enough to give me a flick of her hand in the general direction of "over there asshole". I responded to this by leaving and finding another store. I went into the Binghamton coat factory, and needless to say, when the sales guy approached me, I was the proverbial blond chick at the mechanic’s…
Him- So, what are you looking for today?
Me- A jacket for semi-formal events and stuff.
Him- What style?
Me- uuuum…medium rare?
Him- …
Me- I have no idea. Show me some stuff and I’ll signal my approval by nodding my head.
Him- Do you like single or double breasted?
Me- Does it only go to two? Because I love breasts, so if there is a six breasted one, I’ll probably buy it.
Him- …
Me- Ok. I’m going to just go look around and see if I like anything. I obviously have no idea why I am even here…
Him- No, let me show you these. Some of the best looking blazers we have, in my opinion. *He showed me one*
Me- Yeah, that’s pretty swell. It’s about what I’m looking for. What do these things cost? *He shows me the price tag, which I am sure was a type-o.*
After regaining consciousness, I asked if I could see something a bit less like my mortgage payment and more like my insurance premium. He got a little “I’m better than you”, and said “well, that’s what blazers cost”. I said, “No they don’t, because my dad owned several, and he never had shit for money. If I told my dad I paid that much for any article of clothing that wasn’t charged with magical powers, he’d punch me in my face and disinherit me.”
It always kills me to see these flaky, arrogant diddlywops act like they are superior to me because they work in a clothing store and know more about fashion than a person like me - who couldn’t care less to be quite honest.
After I finally settled on a coat that wasn’t spectackulous in its expensitude, I went looking for a shirt. Different guy this time, but he showed me a nice $75 shirt that I scoffed at. That’s right, I scoffed. Scoffed because I was just at Ross and they had these things on sale. Nine of them for a dollar, and they came in a huge Ziploc bag.
Me- Seventy five dollars? (looking bewildered)
Him- Yeah, but you can tell everybody you paid $150 for it.
Me- Why would I do that? I don’t want my friends to think I am any dumber than they already do.
Him-...
Me-C 'mon, gimme a better reason
Him- Aww, come on, they’ll think you’re rich.
Me- I’d print my bank statement on a $2 tee shirt if I wanted my friends to laugh at my financial status. What do you have in the discount shirt bin?
Him-...
Him- So, what are you looking for today?
Me- A jacket for semi-formal events and stuff.
Him- What style?
Me- uuuum…medium rare?
Him- …
Me- I have no idea. Show me some stuff and I’ll signal my approval by nodding my head.
Him- Do you like single or double breasted?
Me- Does it only go to two? Because I love breasts, so if there is a six breasted one, I’ll probably buy it.
Him- …
Me- Ok. I’m going to just go look around and see if I like anything. I obviously have no idea why I am even here…
Him- No, let me show you these. Some of the best looking blazers we have, in my opinion. *He showed me one*
Me- Yeah, that’s pretty swell. It’s about what I’m looking for. What do these things cost? *He shows me the price tag, which I am sure was a type-o.*
After regaining consciousness, I asked if I could see something a bit less like my mortgage payment and more like my insurance premium. He got a little “I’m better than you”, and said “well, that’s what blazers cost”. I said, “No they don’t, because my dad owned several, and he never had shit for money. If I told my dad I paid that much for any article of clothing that wasn’t charged with magical powers, he’d punch me in my face and disinherit me.”
It always kills me to see these flaky, arrogant diddlywops act like they are superior to me because they work in a clothing store and know more about fashion than a person like me - who couldn’t care less to be quite honest.
After I finally settled on a coat that wasn’t spectackulous in its expensitude, I went looking for a shirt. Different guy this time, but he showed me a nice $75 shirt that I scoffed at. That’s right, I scoffed. Scoffed because I was just at Ross and they had these things on sale. Nine of them for a dollar, and they came in a huge Ziploc bag.
Me- Seventy five dollars? (looking bewildered)
Him- Yeah, but you can tell everybody you paid $150 for it.
Me- Why would I do that? I don’t want my friends to think I am any dumber than they already do.
Him-...
Me-C 'mon, gimme a better reason
Him- Aww, come on, they’ll think you’re rich.
Me- I’d print my bank statement on a $2 tee shirt if I wanted my friends to laugh at my financial status. What do you have in the discount shirt bin?
Him-...
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Genius
The processes one goes through to arrive at a world changing idea is an amazing thing to behold.
As I watched the Shamwow infomercial for the 12th time last night, I arrived at a solution that will aid all of mankind. It was a process I went through to arrive at my moment of genius, and I am happy to relay it to you.
As I watched our guy here wrap a soaking wet sweater in a shamwow, seconds later amazed that the sweater was completely dry and wearable, my mind began to think of the possibilities.
Let's say the damn bursts, and the torrent of water is racing towards ma and pa's peanut farm. You could easily have a ready-made shamwow "net", much like the ones you see behind the goal posts at football games designed to entrap extra point and field goal kicks. The idea would be, as the raging wall of water, trees, concrete foundations, mud, and 1982 Cadillac DeVille's from the broken dam rushed down main street and headed to ma and pa's Circle M peanut patch, you raise the sham wow net up and as the water smashes into the net, it instantaneously disappears. The debris will naturally settle and stop moving as well. No more raging cascade...no flood...no lost peanuts. Shamwow would have diverted a disaster, and Peter Pan and Jiff were saved!
My brilliance was only beginning. Think of the day to day tasks we often find laborious. Need a pool drained? Drop a whole box of shamwow's in there, and within seconds it's as dry as a fart in a Texas windstorm. Tears at a funeral? Not after I invent and market the shamwow tearless eye patches (in dignified black of course, white for pre-September). That Lake holding up your strip-mall development plan? Not any more, as we employ the "EPA Buster", shamwows latest furrow into high finance without repercussions. Kind of like Wall Street without the messiness of bailout money.
My mind raced on. The biggest fear of Global Warming is the melting polar ice caps and the subsequent rising seas, right? I would make one-piece, two-piece, and even thong bikinis and male swim shorts out of shamwow material. We develop and give away 35,000 of these suits, have a national "Save the World So We Can All Say Wow Day" where 17,500 people enter both the Atlantic and Pacific ocean's at the same time, and faster than you can say...uhhhh... "WOW!"... the world's seas will have receded to pre-Jurassic levels! I could and probably would be in line for a Pulitzer for this one as soon as I calmed down PETA over those dead barracuda's and Squids.
While on this roll, I even came upon a marketing strategy for the suits. Years ago, most of you will know they developed a rain repellent material called "GoreTex". Our suits would be the anti-dryness suits, designed to cure the world of its largest ailment. Because it's global warming we are targeting, I thought we should call the suits...
AL GoreTex
Please...please. No applause necessary. Genius is best enjoyed in a low-key manner.
(P.S. There is of course, that pesky matter of 35,000 people sinking and drowning under the weight of their shamwow suits. I can't be bothered with such mundane details when I'm saving the world. You figure that one out; I can't be disturbed. I'm working on an idea for a solution to the energy crisis by deploying long-range tactical nuclear-tipped Pop Tarts. Intellectual flow must not be interrupted)
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Dear JL4 (the herniated edition)
Dear fuck asshole dick JL4,
I can't fuck shit ass stop bitch stop fucker dipshit even with asswipe medication.
What more fucker motherfucker can horseshit I fuck me do?
Tom in fucks dickhead shit Oklahoma
Dear Tom,
In my non-medical opinion, it appears to me you have your Tourettes under control, but like I said, I'm not a doctor.
JL4
Dear,
I have problems in completing and
Truly
Dear Truly,
Have you tried?
J
Dear JL4,
Years now for about dyslexia suffering I've been. Will ever ? when end it
In correspondence yours,
Illinois Bill from
Dill bear,
Doctors you that recommend surgery they where eyes switch left becomes that right verse visa and.
L4J
I can't fuck shit ass stop bitch stop fucker dipshit even with asswipe medication.
What more fucker motherfucker can horseshit I fuck me do?
Tom in fucks dickhead shit Oklahoma
Dear Tom,
In my non-medical opinion, it appears to me you have your Tourettes under control, but like I said, I'm not a doctor.
JL4
Dear,
I have problems in completing and
Truly
Dear Truly,
Have you tried?
J
Dear JL4,
Years now for about dyslexia suffering I've been. Will ever ? when end it
In correspondence yours,
Illinois Bill from
Dill bear,
Doctors you that recommend surgery they where eyes switch left becomes that right verse visa and.
L4J
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Read first - then listen
There are times - admittedly not often - when I'll listen and actually appreciate a country song. The song must contain originality, a little rock and roll, have lyrics that sound as if they're written by an adult as opposed to a 5th grader, and the terms "mama", "daddy", and "mah dawg" are found nowhere in the song, it has a chance in my book. This is one of two that fit into that category.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Dear JL4
Dear JL4 -
I have a major problem. I've been making the same recipes for 20 years..and I have run out of ideas. What should I make for dinner tonight???
Please advise
Helpless and hungry in Hollywood
Dear Helpless,
My good friend Barbie S. makes a great homemade dish she calls "Be gentle Yentl, it's only Lentil" soup. You take a half pound of lean matzo balls, marinated in olive oil and dead sea salts, and mix in a good amount of turnip greens, dates, and schmaltz. After cooking at a slow burn for...oh...40 minutes and 40 seconds...you split the mixture in two using a little known kitchen gadget called a "heston staff", and serve with a side unleavened bread and 3 fishes. Serves 5000.
BON APPETITE!
JL4
I have a major problem. I've been making the same recipes for 20 years..and I have run out of ideas. What should I make for dinner tonight???
Please advise
Helpless and hungry in Hollywood
Dear Helpless,
My good friend Barbie S. makes a great homemade dish she calls "Be gentle Yentl, it's only Lentil" soup. You take a half pound of lean matzo balls, marinated in olive oil and dead sea salts, and mix in a good amount of turnip greens, dates, and schmaltz. After cooking at a slow burn for...oh...40 minutes and 40 seconds...you split the mixture in two using a little known kitchen gadget called a "heston staff", and serve with a side unleavened bread and 3 fishes. Serves 5000.
BON APPETITE!
JL4
Monday, January 05, 2009
Dear JL4
Dear JL4,
I have a problem. As a fully emancipated, forward-thinking feminist, I have recently been a stay at home mom, and to be honest I enjoyed it. Am I wrong?
Sincerely,
Guilty in Georgia
Dear Guilty,
Of course you're wrong! There's no such thing as a forward-thinking feminist.
JL4
Dear JL4,
I am a 24 year old male who has never been intimate with a woman before. I've been enjoying a loving but platonic relationship for nearly 6 months now. The other night on the sofa, things got hot and heavy, and she told me she had either TB or VD, but in my passion, I couldn't remember which. What should I do?
Yours Truly,
Confused in Connecticut
Dear Confused,
Unless she's coughing profusely, take a pass on this one.
JL4
Dear JL4,
Wooowwww. Do you know everything there is to know in the world?
Gushingly,
Impressed in Iowa
Dear Impressed,
Actually there are 3 and quite possibly 4 things I don't know.
JL4
I have a problem. As a fully emancipated, forward-thinking feminist, I have recently been a stay at home mom, and to be honest I enjoyed it. Am I wrong?
Sincerely,
Guilty in Georgia
Dear Guilty,
Of course you're wrong! There's no such thing as a forward-thinking feminist.
JL4
Dear JL4,
I am a 24 year old male who has never been intimate with a woman before. I've been enjoying a loving but platonic relationship for nearly 6 months now. The other night on the sofa, things got hot and heavy, and she told me she had either TB or VD, but in my passion, I couldn't remember which. What should I do?
Yours Truly,
Confused in Connecticut
Dear Confused,
Unless she's coughing profusely, take a pass on this one.
JL4
Dear JL4,
Wooowwww. Do you know everything there is to know in the world?
Gushingly,
Impressed in Iowa
Dear Impressed,
Actually there are 3 and quite possibly 4 things I don't know.
JL4
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Friday, January 02, 2009
Thursday, January 01, 2009
In case you care
The list of bannished words is out from 2008 for 2009:
green I guess your new car will be called "Forrest"
carbon footprint or carbon offsetting Didn't know or care what this was
maverick The tv show or the type of horse?
first dude Never heard it
bailout I guess when you exit the canoe just before it goes over the falls it's....?
Wall Street/Main Street Shithouse/Outhouse?
monkey Okaaaaay. Is it now a cat?
emoticon WTF? :-)
icon or iconic Computer will promt you saying, "you have unused thingys on your desktop"
game changer What?
staycation This is clearly white yuppy crapolla
desperate search Oh Noooooo. Nancy Grace. What will you lead with?
not so much I killed this 2 years ago
winner of five nominations Yeah. Nominated is not winning
it's that time of year again Really? Same date and all?
Fortunately for us sane folks, shit-bird, shit-head, shit-for-brains, shit-eating grin, no shit, I can't take this shit, I love this shit, what the hell is this shit?, I don't believe this shit, is this the only shit on tonight?, give a shit, take a shit, good shit, bad shit, I've seen that shit, did you hear that shit?, don't gimme that shit, ya gotta be shitting me, ever been through some shit like that before?, shit happens, pack your shit and leave, some of the worst shit I've ever witnessed, holy shit, this shit is great, this shit sucks, dare ya to try that shit again, and of course - fuck this shit - are still not considered banned.
Happy New Year. I'm done with this shit for now.
green I guess your new car will be called "Forrest"
carbon footprint or carbon offsetting Didn't know or care what this was
maverick The tv show or the type of horse?
first dude Never heard it
bailout I guess when you exit the canoe just before it goes over the falls it's....?
Wall Street/Main Street Shithouse/Outhouse?
monkey Okaaaaay. Is it now a cat?
emoticon WTF? :-)
icon or iconic Computer will promt you saying, "you have unused thingys on your desktop"
game changer What?
staycation This is clearly white yuppy crapolla
desperate search Oh Noooooo. Nancy Grace. What will you lead with?
not so much I killed this 2 years ago
winner of five nominations Yeah. Nominated is not winning
it's that time of year again Really? Same date and all?
Fortunately for us sane folks, shit-bird, shit-head, shit-for-brains, shit-eating grin, no shit, I can't take this shit, I love this shit, what the hell is this shit?, I don't believe this shit, is this the only shit on tonight?, give a shit, take a shit, good shit, bad shit, I've seen that shit, did you hear that shit?, don't gimme that shit, ya gotta be shitting me, ever been through some shit like that before?, shit happens, pack your shit and leave, some of the worst shit I've ever witnessed, holy shit, this shit is great, this shit sucks, dare ya to try that shit again, and of course - fuck this shit - are still not considered banned.
Happy New Year. I'm done with this shit for now.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Monday, December 08, 2008
Sunday, December 07, 2008
The 28 Days of Christmas
We're not quite halfway through the 28 days of Christmas, for which I intend the 28th day to be December 24th, Christmas Eve. I think Christmas Eve is the early extension of Christmas Day, and therefore part and parcel the same thing.
I have hoped to bring forth some music not normally heard on the radio...and I think I've done quite nicely so far. While mixing in the modern rock sounds of Christian music's "Third Day", I have found a healthy mix of old-time music sung by its masters as well as by some artists you had no idea sung these songs; Sarah McLaughlin, The Beatles, and U2 spring to mind. Who knew the Beatles sang "White Christmas"?
It's always a good idea to add some humor to the affair, as evidenced by the video clips from "Christmas Vacation" and the audio nightmare of the poor bastard butchering "O Holy Night" (sorry Karen...I love that song too). Stay tuned for more from artists such as Stevie Nicks, Bob Seger, and some others who may surprise you.
Hope you like, and Merry Christmas, peace, love, and fellowship to all.
-JL4
I have hoped to bring forth some music not normally heard on the radio...and I think I've done quite nicely so far. While mixing in the modern rock sounds of Christian music's "Third Day", I have found a healthy mix of old-time music sung by its masters as well as by some artists you had no idea sung these songs; Sarah McLaughlin, The Beatles, and U2 spring to mind. Who knew the Beatles sang "White Christmas"?
It's always a good idea to add some humor to the affair, as evidenced by the video clips from "Christmas Vacation" and the audio nightmare of the poor bastard butchering "O Holy Night" (sorry Karen...I love that song too). Stay tuned for more from artists such as Stevie Nicks, Bob Seger, and some others who may surprise you.
Hope you like, and Merry Christmas, peace, love, and fellowship to all.
-JL4
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Friday, December 05, 2008
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
JL4's 28 Days of Christmas, Day 7 part 1
Today on the radio, something astonishing happened. You know how nearly every radio and TV station in the country have some sort of toy drive to help the needy? Well, I heard two totally different radio stations today say something that was nearly word-for-word identical. They were discussing the people and types of people who were in need of toys for their kids, and they both said the face of the people this year has totally changed. While the same faces and social situations one would expect are there asking for help, this year Mr. & Mrs. Middle to Lower middle class are also grudgingly asking for assistance as well. "Perhaps a small toy or two would go a long way to ease the pain of the last year", a former $75,000 a year - now completely bankrupt and destitute former real estate salesman said. Yes, perhaps it would.
Perhaps someday at Christmas all will be well for everyone. Someday...
Perhaps someday at Christmas all will be well for everyone. Someday...
Monday, December 01, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
AMERICAN TUNE from 1974
Many's the time I've been mistaken
And many times confused
Yes, and I've often felt forsaken
And certainly misused
Oh, but I'm all right, I'm all right
I'm just weary to my bones
Still, you don't expect to be
Bright and bon vivant
So far away from home, so far away from home
And I don't know a soul who's not been battered
I don't have a friend who feels at ease
I don't know a dream that's not been shattered
or driven to its knees
but it's all right, it's all right
for we lived so well so long
Still, when I think of the
road we're traveling on
I wonder what's gone wrong
I can't help it, I wonder what's gone wrong
And I dreamed I was dying
I dreamed that my soul rose unexpectedly
And looking back down at me
Smiled reassuringly
And I dreamed I was flying
And high up above my eyes could clearly see
The Statue of Liberty
Sailing away to sea
And I dreamed I was flying
We come on the ship they call the Mayflower
We come on the ship that sailed the moon
We come in the age's most uncertain hours
and sing an American tune
Oh, and it's alright, it's all right, it's all right
You can't be forever blessed
Still, tomorrow's going to be another working day
And I'm trying to get some rest
That's all I'm trying to get some rest
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The toughest call
Today I went and voted, and I faced a tough, tough decision. No, not that one about who should be President. The other one.
Florida Amendment 2, gay marriage.
Now to be fair, I have stated several times over the years on this blog if Bill wants to marry Bob, who am I to object? But this time, it's different. The state of Florida has officially asked me to give my vote.
My vote. My official opinion. My signature on a permanent document. And so I gave it.
Marriage is one man and one woman. Don't like it? Then don't ask me any more.
Next?
Florida Amendment 2, gay marriage.
Now to be fair, I have stated several times over the years on this blog if Bill wants to marry Bob, who am I to object? But this time, it's different. The state of Florida has officially asked me to give my vote.
My vote. My official opinion. My signature on a permanent document. And so I gave it.
Marriage is one man and one woman. Don't like it? Then don't ask me any more.
Next?
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
With winds gusting to 40 mph and temperatures in the mid-20's, the Pocono's in Pennsylvania, Eastern NY state, Western Massachusetts, and Vermont are currently being hit with their first pre-halloween snow storm in almost 3 decades. Up to 9 inches is expected in the Pocono's, with Mass, NY, and Vermont expecting 13 inches.Al Gore? Your move.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Angry Viewers
Fans Across the Nation Furious as TBS Cuts Out on Coverage of the Outcome of Steve and Regina's Madcap Hijinx for Some stupid Baseball Game.
Mass Confusion Across the Country as Viewers Were Expecting to See 'Hanging' with Mr. Cooper' Not 'The Steve Harvey Show'
Michael Jackson - Thriller
Best video ever. Produced and directed by John Landis. Creepy white-guy ebonics by Vincent Price. Pedophilia by MJ.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Huey Lewis And The News - Doing It All For My Baby (1987)
Back when video's ruled. One of my favorites. I sure do miss these.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Gertenfarken Hookentaaaaalen
The past two days I have worked at a place that is nearly 75% Icelandic.
Don't ask.
In any case, I was informed that my primary responsibilities would be to check identification and verify some information telephonically, and it would be very easy. I thought - yeah, I know...thinking again - but I thought the names would be similar to Norwegian or Swedish. Carlson, Petterson, and the occasional Bjorg.
Nuh ah. Did I say nuh ah? I meant, nuh-fuckin'-ah.
The first telephone call I had was from a woman named, and I swear to God on this, Ernlaschmelken Ragmaarsdottian. I know this because I asked her to spell it, and I wrote it down as she told me. Can you imagine writting out a personal check from one person to another? They must use those oversized things you see on TV when someone wins $5 million from Ed McMahan. I can see it now. Everybody in Iceland carrying around what looks like poster board, and it's actually their checkbooks.
And what's with all the A's? Ingmaaarsonjanglinhoosen Maaartinbolinjaaacken. Okay, okay, we get it. You want the "ahh" sound. One 'a' should be sufficient. You don't need 13 consecutively, though.
And so, that's it. My blog for today. This is Jyaaalfourtislaaaken, signing off.
Don't ask.
In any case, I was informed that my primary responsibilities would be to check identification and verify some information telephonically, and it would be very easy. I thought - yeah, I know...thinking again - but I thought the names would be similar to Norwegian or Swedish. Carlson, Petterson, and the occasional Bjorg.
Nuh ah. Did I say nuh ah? I meant, nuh-fuckin'-ah.
The first telephone call I had was from a woman named, and I swear to God on this, Ernlaschmelken Ragmaarsdottian. I know this because I asked her to spell it, and I wrote it down as she told me. Can you imagine writting out a personal check from one person to another? They must use those oversized things you see on TV when someone wins $5 million from Ed McMahan. I can see it now. Everybody in Iceland carrying around what looks like poster board, and it's actually their checkbooks.
And what's with all the A's? Ingmaaarsonjanglinhoosen Maaartinbolinjaaacken. Okay, okay, we get it. You want the "ahh" sound. One 'a' should be sufficient. You don't need 13 consecutively, though.
And so, that's it. My blog for today. This is Jyaaalfourtislaaaken, signing off.
Bay-dirt !!!!
If I've told you once, I've told you 10,000 times: DON'T MESS WITH THE RED SOX IN OCTOBER!
Try and remember that.
Sunday, October 05, 2008
And in sports...Bob?
What's going on with the Cubs, Bob? It seems they lost to the Dodgers.
Yeeesssss, Bif, that's true. But the Cub fans seem to be taking this loss in stride.
That's nice, Bob. I'm glad they're not taking another loss too seriously.
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