Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Serbian Diet

BELGRADE (Reuters) – A Serbian union official who chopped off his finger and ate it in a protest over wages that in some cases have not been paid in years, said Monday he did it to show how desperate he and other workers were.
"We, the workers have nothing to eat, we had to seek some sort of alternative food and I gave them an example," Zoran Bulatovic told Reuters. "It hurt like hell."

It hurt like hell? No shit? Which part...the chopping of the finger...the swallowing of his own finger...or the ass kicking his wife gave him for being so fucking stupid? You know what they say: "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." In this case though, it might be adviseable to trust your own judgement. Besides, who the hell gives a shit what Romans do?

In other news, "Porky's Pandemic" has reached emergency stages, which on the homeland security color meter is......uuuuuuuummmm....I have no friggin' idea. Let's call it fuschia.

Just for shits and giggles, the following headlines were ripped from newspapers across the country in the last week:

TWO RUSSIAN SHIPS COLLIDE, ONE DIES

KILLER SENTENCED TO DIE FOR SECOND TIME IN 3 YEARS

WAR DIMS HOPES FOR PEACE

JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT



Bdabee bdabee bdabee dats all folks


Wednesday, April 29, 2009

And While I'm at it

If you are a U.S. Service man or woman, or a former U.S. service man or woman who served in the Middle East since 1990, you hereby have complete authorization to take a 36" long, 32 oz Lousville Slugger wooden baseball bat and beat the livin' shit out of any doctor, lawyer, or government official who tells you Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and Gulf War Syndrome are not real. Legally.

And speaking of that, any American who doesn't kneel down and kiss the ring of any military man or woman, any honest police officer, or any firefighter or nurse, you are hereby on notice that they may also take the same baseball bat and beat the fuck out of you without any chance of legal issues or problems.

'Nuff said.

Are you a D an R or an I? And who gives a shit anyways?

Senator Arlen Specter (R) Pennsylvania, recently declared that he was no longer going to be a Republican, and he would soon be changing to a Democrat. He's going from a R to a D, and the truth of the matter is he's really a D-I-C-K.

C'mon. Who gives a fuck?

He said two things that struck me...first of all, he said he now believes in the democratic ideals more than the far right that the leadership of the republican party is spouting. Now to be honest, that may be true...PARTLY. The real reason more than likely is he has evaluated his chances of reelection this fall and poll data has shown that his ancient ass is gonna get kicked like Mike Tyson vs. Mickey Rooney.

Democratic ideals my ass! He has no chance of staying in his job, so he's taking steps to ensure he does. As with ALL politicians, you can tell they are lying by watching their lips move. The second thing he said was the President was going to campaign for him.

The president. Of the United States. Is going to campaign for him. What? A bleeding economy, swine flu, war and Al Quaeda aren't enough to keep the President busy? For the record, I am now going to offer the solution to most of our problems.

1) Term limits. PERIOD! How come every elected official in this country has term limits except the House and Senate? Because the House and Senate make the fucking rules, that's why. Here's my suggested rule. Two terms and your ass is back in the law office suing McDonalds for being stupid enough to serve hot coffee to people who want.....uuuuummmm....HOT COFFEE.

2) Governors and the President cannot campaign for anyone, anytime, anywhere. Get to work assholes, and stop fucking shit up.

3) No more D, R, or I. From now on, it's Mr Smith vs. Mrs. Jones. Mrs. Jones believes in this, Mr. Smith believes in that...screw party affiliation. I don't agree with abortion, but I also don't get involved in telling others what is right and wrong. I don't own a gun, but I believe in the 2nd amendment. What the hell does that make me? Parties are hereby disolved by my order. No more Independent-Demofucklicans!

4) Get a fucking job. If you're 23, healthy, and all you want to do is sit on your couch watching the Price is Right while drawing a federal subsidy, you're done. Go clean some toilets or do one of those jobs "Americans won't do". Either that or get the hell out. Now.

5) No more parties - no more lobbyists. Anyone who claims to be a lobbyist or does lobbyist activites will immediately be sent to Af-fuckin-ghanistan to perform human shield duty.

6) No pork projects. You need a new bridge? Ask for one. You fraudulently sequester taxpayer money without being forthright, you're going to human shield duty with the Abramoff's.

7) A national sales tax, and with that a flat tax. Does that make me a Libertarian? Not any more. Liberrepublifucks are not allowed in the United States of JL4.

That's it...in less than a year we'd be sitting once again on top. And speaking of that, all this lame assed bullshit about appologizing for being the biggest, baddest, m-effer on the block? I LIKED IT when we were the toughest country out there. Too bad if Syria is a shit-hole. None of my kids are Syrian, so I don't care. And in closing, I think people who use the word "FUCK" in creative ways should be paid for it.

Peace.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

***** flu

Israeli official: Swine flu name offensive
1 day ago
JERUSALEM (AP) — The outbreak of swine flu should be renamed "Mexican" influenza in deference to Muslim and Jewish sensitivities over pork, said an Israeli health official Monday.
Deputy Health Minister Yakov Litzman said the reference to pigs is offensive to both religions and "we should call this Mexican flu and not swine flu," he told a news conference at a hospital in central Israel.
Both Judaism and Islam consider pigs unclean and forbid the eating of pork products.

I'm on board with this one for sure. These kind, wholesome people should not be thouroughly insulted by naming a flu after a dirty disgusting beast. To think that we would even think of offending our car-bombing, airline-hijacking, child-murdering, terrorist-fuck Arab friends is disgusting to me. By all means, show a little kindness to the Al Quaeda harboring IED building punks, they're people too.

From now on, let's just call it "Porky's Pandemic", and leave the poor desert people alone to fuck their camels and take their yearly baths.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

BNL The Old Apartment

Broke into the old apartment
This is where we used to live
Broken glass, broke and hungry
Broken hearts and broken bones
This is where we used to live

Why did you paint the walls?
Why did you clean the floor?
Why did you plaster over the hole I punched in the door?
This is where we used to live

Why did you keep the mousetrap?
Why did you keep the dishrack?
These things used to be mine
I guess they still are, I want them back

Broke into the old apartment
Forty-two stairs from the street
Crooked landing, crooked landlord
Narrow laneway filled with crooks.
This is where we used to live.

Why did they pave the lawn?
Why did they change the locks?
Why did I have to break it, I only came here to talk
This is where we used to live

How is the neighbor downstairs?
How is her temper this year?
I turned up your tv and stomped on the floor just for fun
I know we dont live here anymore
We bought an old house on the danforth
She loves me and her body keeps me warm
Im happy here
But this is where we used to live

Broke into the old apartment
Tore the phone out of the wall
Only memories, fading memories
Blending into dull tableaux

I want them back
I want them back

Barenaked Ladies-Brian Wilson

Drove downtown in the rain nine-thirty on a Tuesday night,
just to check out the late-night record shop.
Call it impulsive, call it compulsive, call it insane,
but when I'm surrounded I just can't stop.

It's a matter of instinct, it's a matter of conditioning,
it's a matter of fact.
You can call me Pavlov's dog.
Ring a bell and I'll salivate. How'd you like that?
Dr. Landy tell me you're not just a pedagogue,
cause right now I'm

Lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did
Well I'm lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did.

So I'm lying here, just staring at the ceiling tiles.
and I'm thinking about what to think about.
Just listening and relistening to Smiley Smile,
and I'm wondering if this is some kind of creative drought
because I am

And if you want to find me I'll be out in the sandbox,
wondering where the hell all the love has gone.
Playing my guitar and building castles in the sun,
and singing "Fun, Fun, Fun."

I had a dream that I was three hundred pounds
and though I was very heavy,
I floated 'til I couldn't see the ground
I floated 'til I could not see the ground
Somebody help me, I couldn't see the ground
Somebody help me, I couldn't see the ground
Somebody help me because I'm

Drove downtown in the rain nine-thirty on a Tuesday night.
Just to check out the late-night record shop.
Call it impulsive, call it compulsive, call it insane;
but when I'm surrounded I just can't stop.


Saturday, April 11, 2009

Throw it all away
Let's lose our selves
'cause there's no one left for us to blame
It's a shame, we're all dying
And do you think you deserve your freedom?

How could you send us so far away from home?
When you know damn well that this is wrong
I would still lay down my life for you

And do you think you deserve your freedom¿
No, I don't think you do

There's no justice in the world

There's no justice in the world

And there never was

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I feel you there in times of need,
I notice when you've left.
Your sage advice I always heed,
Your touch so soft and deft.

When I cruise with life on hold,
The caring absent and gone.
You temper my actions however bold,
You're never off - just on.

I've never asked for your assist,
Never plead for more.
My insticts tell me you exist,
Millions in your corps.

I thank you often and have for years,
I've never heard a no.
You just step in and ease my fears,
you watch out down below.

I've never seen you at close range,
But of course I know you're there.
You are in fact my Guardian Ange,
Part rumor, part fact, all prayer.

So stay with me, I need you now,
More than else before.
In you I place my furrowed brow,
In me you have a chore.

Guide me into softer fields,
Your hands warm and tender.
Take me if you cannot yield,
A made for life surrender.

I finish with a sound reply,
A message to my guard.
Thanks for all the endless supply,
We both know it's been hard.

- An appreciative JL4






Thursday, March 12, 2009

Of who we are and what we're made of. (Subtitled: The baseball story that has nothing to do with baseball)

Years and years and years ago, I was watching a Yankees vs Red Sox game on T.V. My then 2 year old son came into the room and declared, "Daddy watching baseball!!!". Proud and only able to barely contain my enthusiasm, my wide-eyed boy asked me the eternal 2 year old question:

"Why?"

"Because I like it", was my immediate reply. "Why?" he countered. I sat back and fell into that time warp where real time passes in mere seconds, but your mind's time scans the past lazily; at its own leisure.

At first I thought of answering his question with the story of the small town in the Berkshires of Western Massachusetts where I grew up. A town that had a maximum population of 6,000, and even with such a minuscule population in the lost and sleepy region of mountainous Mass, this town had produced Mark Belanger, 17 year major league veteran, with 5 World Series wins while playing short stop next to Brooks Robinson with the Baltimore Orioles. I could have told my son about Tommy Grieve, 2nd baseman for the Texas Rangers who eventually left baseball with a devastating injury to become the General Manager of those same Rangers. I might have even mentioned daddy's boyhood friends, Jeff Reordan and Dan Duquette, Reordan winning two World Series with the Minnesota Twins while known as "The Terminator", and Duquette being the General Manager of the Montreal Expos and the Boston Red Sox, his boyhood dream fulfilled.

I could have talked of my parents house, a traditional New England Colonial made out of Beech,Birch, Maple, Pine and Oak. Daddy could tell you about the day Grampa poured cement for steps leading up to the porch - big stuff in those days - and how daddy learned to throw and catch by tossing a rubber ball against those steps and working on his accuracy and fielding skills in the process. Fielding skills? Yes, of course. Daddy could throw the ball against certain parts of those steps to produce ground balls, line drives, and over-the-head fly balls that daddy could dive for and learn to catch major league style. Hour after hour, day after day.

As my son waited for my answer, I wandered off again. Should I tell him when all the dad's in the neighborhood got together and made the ballfield behind the grammar school, the one with the cinder block dugouts? Real dugouts!! Like the Red Sox had at Fenway. Daddy decided it best to leave out the fact that 35 years later, daddy returned to find that ball field done under for swing sets and jungle gyms, those beautiful dugouts only a vast, distant memory.

Nahhhh...too depressing for a 2 year old.

Perhaps it would be better to tell him about baseballs unmistakable smells. Yes.. the smell of the leather of that glove. You could also smell the oil used to soften it, the spit used to make a kid feel like a real major leaguer, and you could sense in that smell the love and the inspiration behind every practice; every ball thrown against those steps producing the fabulous catches in front of an invisible fan base of thousands; and you could sense above all else the effort, the tears, and the aches and pains borne of the love of a game that can only be explained by those that take the time to experience it; true love that makes athletic effort and achievement what it is - special in ways that cannot be quantified.

I don't know...maybe I could tell him about my first trip to Fenway park in the mid-1960's, and HOW OLD Fenway was even back then - 43 years ago. I'm sure I would have told him about the color green everywhere, from each level and every wall, to include the monstrosity in left field.
How bigger than life the players looked, and how radio was our TV back then, a practice (listening to ball games on the radio) I still do whenever possible today.

Oh, I thought to myself. I could tell him his dad was in Fenway Park on July 19th, 1969...the day man first landed on the moon, and how 35,000 people fell silent after the announcement over the PA system, and then a lone man stood up - and with one of those long stemmed plastic foghorn horns, proceeded to play the most beautiful version of "God Bless America" I'd ever heard to an absolutely dead silent and reverent stadium...

...Still to this day.

Yeah, daddy could have told him all of this and more, but daddy's boy was but two... at least several years from actual understanding, and several decades from true appreciation. I could have had Barney the purple dragon at first base and big bird at third, with the power rangers playing outfield, and it wouldn't have sunk in. So instead of wasting time elaborating on something incomprehensible to him at this time, I simply said to his one-word question "WHY?":
"Because it makes daddy happy"

And as then the 30 inch tall, 35 lb boy, snuggled underneath the crook of his daddy's arm to begin taking in his first ever ballgame, his daddy finished by saying to him:

"Especially when the Yankees lose."


JL4 Notes: As I reread this for clarity, my wife must have been chopping onions or something, because my eyes got all misty and stupid. Yeah...

- must be the onions.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Monday, March 02, 2009

Crossroads

How much does one have to extend ones self to show that they care?

And if caring means having to hurt one who does not try in order to accommodate one who does, is that misplaced caring, or misguided loyalty?

I am in a predicament. I have to downsize my staff by two in order to keep business as usual for the other 12. I have to make my choice out of a field of 6 and pick four. My problem is, one of the six is a 10 inch thorn in my backside, but she is liked and subsequently fought for by at least one -and maybe a second - of the four that are definitely going to stay. I want to listen to the views of all I want to keep, and make those views and opinions count, but if I were to give in to the two that want me to keep my 10 inch thorn, I would have to give up a damn good person to do so. Why in hell would I trade away a 10 and keep a 1? Because of a loyalty to the 1 by two of the best workers I have?

Do I give up a 10 and absorb the pain of a 1 just to keep the two happy? This is my dilemma.

I want to dump the 1, keep the 10, and hope that the two quality people I have don't turn on me because I dropped their friend. I am trying to do this with all persons and situations in mind, but the fact that the 1 will more than likely always be a 1 leads me to the obvious:

Keep the 10...drop the 1. And hope the two I value and respect can do the same for me.

Crossroads...