Freedom without cost.

“If you give a man something for free, you break his spirit”

Franklin D. Roosevelt said that, and FDR was a democrat.

Today in this country, and by “today” I mean both the literal as well as the broader use of the word, I would be willing to state that the vast majority of Americans [and the number is still growing], are no longer interested in the Super Power theory of world dominance. This is a natural occurrence, as we’ve seen throughout history in each empire that ruled – Greeks, Romans, Byzantine’s – the people became complacent, happy in their own world of family, food, and leisure. This complacency was eventually exploited by an outside agency that had none of those things, but wanted to try them for themselves. Greece fell from within when philosophies of leadership and direction changed, which led to internal wars, leaving the empire exposed and vulnerable. Rome fell because it became so vast it had to split into Eastern and Western regions, giving birth to the Byzantine dynasty, which eventually fell to the Crusades and crusaders. In recent history, the Soviet Union fell because they invested nearly 25% of their gross national product into their military, and when they saw in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s the United States – only using 4.2% of their GNP for military machinery and might – was indeed light years beyond the Soviets in technological advances – and had money to burn. The Soviets were broke, without an adequate military, and subsequently they had to release all their interests in Eastern Europe and the Balkan’s.

Apparently, we are now seeing the beginnings of this in our own country as well, as more than half our citizens are ready to embrace and welcome our descent from super power status. Indeed, the majority want to pull out of Iraq, Afghanistan, the Philippines, and wherever else we have troops, bring them home to where they [and us] are presumably safe, then throw the lounger back and vote on American Idol. Let the world be as the world is, as long as they leave us and our families alone. The world doesn’t need a super power, let alone the United States as that super power. The American Idol fans have been growing in number and voice since the 1960’s, and their time is now. They will succeed in their quest to withdraw every troop from every location, go back to their sofas, and start worrying about what “Friends – the Reunion” will be like on NBC next week.

And the world will be plunged into darkness.

It may take some time, but eventually, the “Survivor” fans will channel-surf over to MSNBC, and gasp in shock that Chicago, Kansas City, or Philadelphia were just blasted into the Netherlands by a suitcase nuke smuggled in by Ramsey Bin Al Fuckaduck. Cindy Sheehan, Keith Olberman’s MSNBC replacement because Olberman was considered too conservative, will be expressing her outrage that Al Fuckaduck had promised her during her 2007-2008 tour of the Middle East that he was an ally, not a foe. “He lied to us; he lied to me”, Sheehan will say in her nightly montage. Yes, he did. A lot of people did, as a matter of fact.

And right now, we’re lying to ourselves.

Indeed, the insurgents in the Sunni Triangle will not follow us back home. The Iranian’s will be too busy claiming Iraq as their own to worry about flying over here. The Taliban will once again rule Afghanistan, executing women in the soccer stadiums because these women had the audacity to stake a claim to equality, or at least some form of it. Hugo Chavez will be laughing his ass off as his Venezuelan troops march through a defenseless South America, and all the while we in the U.S. sit around praising our new-found separatist mentality, Al Qaeda will be lurking in their jungles and tents, planning for the nuclear annihilation of Seattle.

Pyongyang, Brussels, Paris, Berlin, Moscow, and several other world capitals will lose whatever slim respect we once had, and they will no doubt point out that Vietnam and Somalia were not aberrations, rather undeniable trends in our nation's outlook and policy decisions. Everyone will know we as a people do not have the stomach for war - justified or unjustified - and that weakness alone will leave us exposed like no other time in our history. Hollywood and the NY Times will be deliriously happy at our departure from combat, until of course, they see the residual effects of such an action.

Some out there will argue our insistence in fighting this thing from the beginning is the cause of all our current woes; completely dismissing the 1960's thru the end of the 1990's, when terrorists hijackings, bombings, and other mayhem were happening both on and off our shores, long before anyone even knew who George W. Bush was. And lastly, we have all but forgotten the lessons of 9-11, taking on a national consciousness not unlike the "Stockholm Syndrome", where the party entrapped takes sorrow upon the entrapp-er. Somehow we have managed to shift blame for the four September 2001 airliners upon ourselves, and in doing so we have empowered the very people who perpetrated the deed in the first place.

Greece, Rome, the USSR, and soon the United States as well. I wonder what they’ll call the next dynasty? Probably something like “The Mohammedan Empire”, I would think.

Better duck and cover everybody. "Free" freedom is damn near upon us.

Surfing without a board

In Los Angeles, Paris Hilton was seen...click!
Tonight on Nancy Grace, Nancy finds...click!
Senator Joseph Biden of Dela...click!
Muhamed Al-Sadr said the American...click!
In NBA action last...click!
One of six men said to be the father...click!
In Washington, White House sources say...click!
The killer was said to be depressed over...click!
The fire, which killed 6 children...click!
You add 2/3 cup of non-hydrogenated...click!
And then the man who played Kramer went...click!
The former NBA star said he really wasn't homophobic, he was just...click!
And the car came in upside down...click!
Post-pardem syndrome was blamed for the...click!
Toxicology reports sa...click!
NJ, one of the few states to recognize...click!
Spears, a former Mousketeer...click!
Obtained the rifles from his grandfather...click!
We liked the second house better because...click!
I've heard better singers drunk in a...click!
Wearing a black trench coat, he entered the school...click!
In Chicago, the worst...click!
A case of road rage, this is the 3rd time in...click!
The mother, smoking a cigarette and drunk at the time...click!
In the book he admits to...click!

Alarm set. Lights off.

Click.

Today is Friday, unless of course, it isn't

90% of all scientists agree that catastrophic global warming is upon us; it is our fault; and we probably cannot stop the total destruction of the world by the year 2015. Or maybe it's 2025. No, wait...perhaps it's 2052. Or 2076. 2132?

In any event, it has now been decided by the scientists, and if you even question their speculatory gestures, you're considered an evil, hateful, person.

Funny, but I clearly recall my senior year in high school (1975) and we were launching satellites faster than Campbell's was churning out soup cans, because the same scientists were telling us the ice-age was upon us and Maine was only a few short years away from being Key West, etc., etc. The reason for the satellites is because we were trying to measure and record the atmosphere to see if the ice age was being caused by that. We already knew how to warm the earth - we only had to pour cement.

Now here we are 30 years later, and the same folks are back - apologetic about their missed hypothesis of three decades ago - but firm in their resolve that this time, they are 100% correct. Interestingly, these scientists are using very little science in their scientific hyperventilation. You see, if you believe so strongly in something that no one can shake you from that belief under any circumstance, that my friends is what we on Earth call "F-A-I-T-H". Mention faith to a scientist, and be prepared for a dissertation on the existence (or lack of existence) of a God or anything related to faith and belief. Faith does not enter the equation, according to the Chicken-Little's of today. The sky is falling dammit. The sky is falling. And if you don't believe them, they're going to stomp their feet...uhhhhh...stomp their feet again...and uhhhh...stomp their feet a 3rd time. Then they'll come out in 2037 and tell us to bundle up because it's reaaaaalllly friggin cold out, and again it will be our fault that it's snowing in Miami.

So stop asking them to prove their theories. Don't mention things about Solar Cycles [where Earth, Mars, Pluto, and Venus become warmer, while the other planets get cooler]. The cycle, like all cycles (that's why the word means what it does) repeats itself now and then. If you ask a global warmist why it's snowing like a sunovabitch and cows are freezing to death everywhere in the world right now, they'll tell you that's "weather", not "climate". However, they have no issue in noting the fact that the Earth has had some extremely hot summers the past decade, but apparently hot summers are not "weather" like cold and snowy winters are. It's a brilliant position to take, because no matter who says what about whatever, you have the ability to deny the validity of everything, or concur the validity of everything, dependent upon how the wind seems to be blowing at any particular moment.

Wind of course, being "weather", unless for some reason it's not. Get it?

The game that would be king (Epilogue)

On Wednesday evening in Lockhart Stadium in Ft. Lauderdale, the magic ran out. Giving up a goal 1 minute and 10 seconds into the game, Lyman was behind the eight ball the entire evening.

They managed to tie the game 1-1 with about 14 minutes left in the first half, but Wellington High School proved to be too much. The next two goals were scored by Wellington, and then Lyman's fierce determination kicked in, and they scored with 11:33 remaining to make the game 3-2. Unfortunately, that was the final score.

It was an unprecedented run for a school and a team on no one's radar even as the season unfolded and opponents started to understand how good they really were. Everyone kept waiting for them to fall, but it didn't happen until the very end. Pain will be replaced in a few weeks by a tremendous sense of accomplishment, and the boys and their parents now have a memory for the ages.

Way to go "Greyhounds"....you made us all extremely proud.

The game that would be king, Part I

On an unseasonably pleasant February night in Winter Park Florida, the sport that has taken not only a backseat to football, but more accurately has resided in the trunk of the high school sports popularity vehicle, took center stage in a big way last evening. Mark your calendar folks; February 9th 2007, soccer made its appearance in Central Florida, and the “other” football had to take a step to the side.

Perhaps two steps, now that I think about it.

It was a tale of two high schools, galaxies apart socially, and was the perfect setting for the tortoise to stand toe to toe with the hare. Winter Park High School is part of a northern suburb of Orlando, a city replete with multi-million dollar mansions, upscale yuppie-style restaurants and boutiques, and interior design firms and home fashion stores on virtually every corner. Mercedes Benz autos and monstrous SUV’s dominate the roads, and everything about the city speaks of wealth and opulence. Art festivals and an open farmer’s market are a staple of Winter Park. Indeed – as is often the case – those not-so-well-off live remarkably close to those with money to burn, but the city goes out of its way to ensure that side of town goes relatively unnoticed.

The opponent for the game was Lyman High School, located on the working class side of the town of Longwood, about 10 miles north of Winter Park. Longwood itself is a nice little place with its own share of well-to-do residents, but most of them send their kids to different schools. Lyman’s location speaks to its very nature: A vast industrial park across the street from the front entrance and a dog track across the street on the other side. As a matter of fact, the high school’s mascot and nickname is “The Greyhounds”, taking their cue from their neighbor. Lyman’s parking lot has no Mercedes or BMW’s, and the family vehicles are SUV’s and mini-van’s made by Chevrolet and Ford. For years Lyman was looked down upon socially and academically without justifiable reason. In time, the school obtained magnet status by initiating and staffing their “Institute of Engineering”, which has started to bring a cross-section of different kids into the school, making it more balanced socially, and certainly more competitive academically.

Athletically, Winter Park had the better pedigree. No stranger to post season success, this very team had advanced to the state final four just last year. They were accustomed to long winning streaks and a high place in the yearly district and conference standings.

Lyman on the other hand, had spent the decade prior to this year finding nothing but heartbreak in the playoffs. In 7 of the previous 10 years, they had capitulated in the very first round, many of those times ending their season far sooner than the talent on the field would have led you to believe possible.

In the 2006-2007 season though, things looked different for Lyman. They went through their conference - thought by most to be the toughest in the entire state – without a loss. There were 5 ties, but ties are still better than losses. As the season progressed into the playoffs, Lyman was taking on an air of confidence and solidarity among its coaching staff and players that was noticeable to both Lyman and opposing fans alike. Prior to games and during breaks in the action, the entire team would huddle on the sideline, arm-in-arm in a show of unity and strength. There seemed to be no distinction between the players on the field and the players on the bench. They were one team with one goal: victory every time they took the field.

Each school won its district championship, though by different means. Winter Park, not surprisingly, rolled through their tournament without breaking a sweat. Lyman had to get mud under their fingernails in each game they played. A hard fought win over rival Lake Mary High, followed by a dramatic last minute goal against Lake Brantley for the district championship.

The regional championship tournament was more of the same. Winter Park winning its two games leading up to the regional final, 4-1 and 3-1. Lyman again had to rely on last minute heroics to notch a 3-2 win over local Apopka High, with the decisive goal scored with 52.2 seconds remaining in the contest. Two games in a row, Lyman had refused to go down, playing as hard in the last minute as they did in the first. One interesting side note about Lyman’s two regional tournament games - they were both played at Lyman stadium, and drew in excess of 400 fans each game. In Florida, football rules and no one is even in second place. A normal regular season soccer game will have about 65 fans at it; perhaps double that for a rivalry game. Four hundred plus twice in a row was the high school soccer equivalent to filling the Orange Bowl on a Fall Saturday for a Miami Hurricane’s game. With Lyman now advancing farther than they ever had before, the prospects for an even larger crowd at the regional championship game loomed more likely as the championship approached.

The time had arrived, and the stage was set. As David laced up his cleats and looked over at Goliath, it wasn’t fear he had in his eyes; it was desire.

The game that would be king, Part II

Debated for two days leading up to the game, the site was finally chosen. With the better record, Winter Park was the host, but their stadium was undergoing renovations and couldn’t be used. Several places volunteered their facilities, but none were in Winter Park, and they wanted to use the home field to their advantage. It was arrived upon that Rollins College in Winter Park would be the location of the game. Cahall-Sandspur field is a cozy and well maintained facility on campus. The problem with this field being used was obvious at the outset: nowhere near enough seating. They had a covered fan section with 500 very comfortable seats, but as I said earlier, Lyman alone was nearing that amount of fans at each of their last two games. I arrived early, fearful that my wife, son, and I wouldn’t get a seat. As we entered and paid for our tickets, I volunteered to the Winter Park folks taking our money that they had made a miscalculation, and they were going to have more people than they could accommodate in this tiny facility. They brushed off my words and told me they would just refuse entrance after a certain point.

Yeah, ok. Good luck with that.

About 20 minutes prior to game time, every seat in the stadium was already full, and the people entering were starting to fill any available space they could stand. Aisle’s, up in the back of the stands, on stairs, wherever. The building was awash with excited soccer fans, and more were on the way. Ten minutes prior to the start, I went down to use the rest room. I passed by the ticket takers and looked at one of them and shrugged my shoulders, as if to say, “I told you”. The woman selling tickets nodded her head and rolled her eyes in agreement. As I walked to the rest room, I could see the line of people wanting to get in, snaking its way down Aloma Avenue, so long it was out of my line of sight. There was soon to be a large number of people in a very small area.

The teams marched out to the center of the field, and the public announcer read off the starting line-ups and coaches for both squads. It was at this juncture that I noticed the canopy over head and the aluminum flooring beneath our feet was providing outstanding acoustics, and it didn’t take much imagination to realize this was probably going to be a fairly loud soccer games. I couldn’t have been more wrong. This ended up being the loudest and most electric high school soccer games anyone has ever been a part of. The intense energy was flowing through those stands, and there probably isn’t a strong enough adjective to describe it.

One of the moments I’ll always remember happened one minute and forty-seven seconds prior to kick-off. Everyone rose for the playing of the National Anthem, and then a strange thing occurred. Slowly from the Winter Park side of the stands, people could be heard softly and respectfully singing along with the music. Everyone in there, white, black, Hispanic, parent, student, school administrator, or stadium official, picked up on the singing and joined in. We were all caught up in the emotion and expectation of the evening, and regardless of which side anyone was supporting, for slightly less than two minutes we bonded together as Americans and citizens of the same nation. It was a very moving moment to be a part of, and unfortunately happens far too infrequently any more.

The field is surrounded on three sides by a wrought iron fence about seven or eight feet high. They had indeed shut off ticket sales, though far beyond the number they had initially planned upon. I can only imagine they didn’t want to face a confrontation with a parent who couldn’t get off work in time to arrive early, and in doing so they made the correct call. The sidewalks near the fence started to fill with people who simply watched the game for free from the street. With the exception of being higher up in the stands, those forced to stay out had a perfectly good view of the game. There were around a hundred lining the fence as the game began, a number that would just about triple as the night wore on. Game organizers had indeed miscalculated, and the lost revenue was represented by the growing multitudes on the outside of the fence.

After feeling each other out in the beginning, about eight minutes into the game “David” struck first. On a corner kick, the ball was maddeningly bouncing around in front of the goal, Lyman in their sky blue and yellow and Winter Park in all white, each frantically trying to do something in a sea of legs. In what seemed like an eternity, but were actually fractions of seconds, sophomore defenseman Josh Bonnel finally flicked the ball into the back of the net, setting off what was at the time the largest explosion of noise I’d ever personally heard in soccer. The place erupted larger than Mount St. Helens, and the game was on. Everyone knew then, this was not going to be a normal night.

Four minutes later, the initial noise produced after goal number one became a distant memory. Lyman junior midfielder Chris McKeever sent a high ball from about 25 yards out on the left over the outstretched arms of the Winter park goalkeeper, and when the fans saw the vinyl netting give way to the ball hitting it, somewhere in Florida a Richter scale surely must have gone off. I had mistakenly thought the first goal produced the loudest noise in soccer history, but it was nothing in comparison to goal number 2. The Lyman fans, who we later realized out-manned the Winter Park fans somewhere near 5 to 1, were delirious. It was screamingly loud, a term I use to describe the fact that even if you screamed at the top of your lungs to the person sitting 12 inches from you, they wouldn’t have the foggiest idea what you just said.

As the first half wound down, Winter Park had an incredible scoring opportunity whisk right by them. On a breakaway, the left wing striker for Winter Park took a low hard shot that Lyman’s senior goalkeeper Marcos Lado had to dive just to get his body in front of. The ball deflected off of his legs and ended up on the foot of another Winter Park forward less than 10 yards out. With Lyman’s keeper on the ground and the goal mouth wide open, the young high schooler shot the ball high of the cross-bar, bringing about another huge roar from the Lyman faithful. As half time arrived, the crowds outside the fence had doubled, and the tension in the stands was palpable. Would the giant fall tonight? Did Lyman have this in the bag?

Not hardly. Champions don’t fall without a fight, and this game was far from over. The Winter Park boys were champions, and had every intention of proving it in the last forty minutes.

The game that would be king, Part III

Lyman’s head coach is a man named Steve Lyons. Steve is an engineer, reserved and quiet for the most part. He’s well spoken, articulate, and doesn’t say very much during games. This particular night, Steve was very quiet. Dressed in jeans, a shirt, and a short leather jacket, Steve leaned up against the inner wall of the shelter that covers each bench, his arms folded in front of him. I understood exactly where he was coming from. Although his assistants occasionally shouted instructions or adjustments, there was not much coaching to do at this point. The groundwork had been laid since October in the daily practices and earlier games. All coach Steve could do now was watch the kids play, and hope the hours of training and effort paid off.

Winter Park came out like the fierce competitors they are right from the start of the second half. Although Lyman nearly connected twice on scoring opportunities that no doubt would have put the game to bed, the score stayed 2-0. More than half way through the final period, a defensive mistake on Lyman’s part led to an easy break-away goal by Winter Park striker Nickolas Scures, bringing them within a goal at 2-1. The applause from the Winter Park side made everyone realize how many more Lyman faithful were in that stadium than the so-called home team. In comparison to the bursts of noise from Lyman, the other fans barely registered from 50 feet away.

The minutes continued to tick away with Lyman precariously holding onto its slim lead. The mistake that led to the goal seemed to be wearing on Lyman, while providing inspiration to Winter Park. Lyman’s passing wasn’t as crisp as it had been, and the scoring chances had dried up. Conversely, the Winter Park boys were furiously attacking the Lyman end of the field, and the only thing keeping the tying goal out of the net was the sheer determination of Lyman’s defense, along with some brilliant goal keeping by Lado. Finally, with less than ten minutes to go, Winter Park’s continued pressure and Lyman’s inability to change the momentum swing resulted in Nickolas Scures again breaking free down the left side. Lyman’s keeper – in a moment of indecision – came halfway off of his line, stopped, then went further out and stopped again. This left him in no-man’s land, and Scures easily lifted a soft floater over Lado’s head to notch the game at 2 apiece.

With momentum firmly on their side now, Winter Park nearly won the game on 3 separate occasions in the final seven minutes or so. Senior Lyman defender Nick Basquill-White brilliantly shut down two breakaway scoring chances, and with less than a minute to play, Junior striker Ezra Rickard sprinted from the middle of the field all the way back into his own goal mouth and threw his body in front of a would-be winning goal. The screaming, pleading, and frenetic energy from both sides in the stands was deafening at times, as the people in those stands were up and down every 30 seconds, watching potentially game ending play after game ending play be thwarted by each team’s defense. As time ran down, Lyman’s Orlin Palma took a punted ball from his own keeper and sent a scorching shot about an inch and a half above the crossbar as the numbers on the clock went to 00.00. The place simultaneously gasped and screeched at the thrilling end to regulation time. It was almost unbearable to think they had to play overtime to decide this game.

The game that would be king Part IV

“How fun is this?” I said to my wife. The blood nearly drained from her face, she acknowledged this was the most fun you could ever have for six dollars. There was a 5 minute break, and then both teams came out for the first overtime. In soccer they call it a “golden goal”, but I still prefer the universal “sudden death”. There would be a ten minute overtime with the first team to score being the winner.

Forty seconds into it, that winner was darn near Winter Park. In a flurry of activity in front of the net, Marcos Lado again got a fingertip on a ball to keep Lyman’s season alive. Four minutes into the OT, senior Lyman striker Marko Bilal took the game winning shot – or so it seemed – but it rattled hard off the right goal post and back into play. Not a minute later, Winter Park sent a high ball into Lyman’s goal mouth that bounced hard off the firm turf, struck the underside of the crossbar, and came back into the field of play without crossing the goal line. Those crossbars and posts are round, and so is the ball. It’s in the hands of the sporting deity’s which way a shot will carom after it hits. At this point in the match, it was impossible to tell which team destiny was favoring, as both had struck and come up empty. With only one or two minutes left in the first overtime, senior Lyman midfielder David Portella fired what looked to me and everyone in the stadium to be the winning goal. It was a blasted strike, heading straight towards the upper 90 (the corner of the post and crossbar that form a 90 degree angle). Incredibly, the Winter Park goal keeper sprung upward like a gazelle on steroids, and flicked the ball away with his gloved left hand. I remember screaming out loud how impressed I was with the save…disappointed, but impressed nonetheless. You can watch professional soccer on T.V. for the rest of your life, and you may see many saves just as good, but I guarantee you won’t see one better.

The second overtime wasn’t quite as dramatic. There were scoring chances for each team to be sure, but these boys had been going at it for 2 ½ hours now, full speed the whole time. You could see the kids suffering from cramps, exhaustion, and little nicks and bruises. There were players on both sides playing hurt, but in a game of this magnitude, competitors go with what they have and play through the pain. In a last second effort, Winter Park nearly scored with 4 seconds left, but Lado came through again.

We all knew at this point, the game would end soon. Per pre-established procedure, after the two teams play two overtimes without closure, they immediately go to penalty kicks, or PK’s as they are called. Each team will get five shots, alternated from team to team. The shots are taken from a spot centered approximately 12 yards from the goal line. One player – one keeper. The referee ensures both parties are ready, blows the whistle and the shooter makes his approach and fires away. By rule the keeper has to have both heels on the line and can’t move until the shooter starts his approach. For all intents and purposes, the keeper is dead in the water. He has to read the eyes of the shooter, make a guess as to which way he’s going, and then dive that way. Most times it’s an exercise in futility.

With both teams’ shooters assembled at the mid-field line, Lyman had the first shot. A glance at the Lyman bench found the coaches and players arm in arm in a line, one more show of solidarity for the team. They would stay locked together for the duration of the penalty shoot.

Senior Marko Bilal sent his shot too close to the center of the goal, but it had so much velocity on it, it bounced off the keepers hand and in.

An explosion of noise from the Lyman side followed.

Winter Park’s first shooter took what I thought in hind-sight was the best shot of the whole PK session, a screamer headed around the right goalpost and into the side netting. Lado, obviously inspired and guessing correctly, leapt to his right, body parallel to the ground, and deflected the ball away.

Quadruple explosion of noise.

Lyman made its next two kicks, and Winter Park made one and missed another. Lyman was on its fourth kick, with three opportunities to win. Make the fourth kick; stop Winter Park’s fourth kick; or make the fifth and final kick. We went with option #2. After Lyman missed for the first time, the Winter Park #4 shooter sent a ball careening off the top of the crossbar and upward, setting off a tumultuous ovation that wouldn’t stop for nearly 15 minutes. As the shooter missed, the Lyman players went streaking across the field as the stadium floorboards vibrated with the volume and emotion of the moment.

I too was screaming as loud as I could, but somewhere while watching my own son race across the field to join in his teammate’s celebration, a thought came to me: I’ll be darned. The coyote finally caught the road-runner.

Seniors for the Winter Park team sat or were laying on the ground devastated, crying understandable tears. They had fought hard and nearly won the game on several occasions, but fate was wearing sky blue and yellow this night. For most of those seniors, this is it. Sad as it may seem, life will start getting in the way, and their playing days will begin to dwindle. For Lyman, it’s off to Ft. Lauderdale and the state finals this Wednesday, so the journey continues.

As the Lyman boys danced, chanted, and sang into the night - taking victory lap after victory lap around the field - I could have sworn I heard the rumble of high school football waking up from its slumber, wondering how all of its fans had made their way to this soccer game. Of course, I’ve just explained to you why that happened, and how for one night at least – soccer was king of the universe, and the center of it all was a tiny, overfilled college stadium that turned out to be the perfect venue after all..

Who knew Zsa Zsa was even alive?

Zsa Zsa Gabor's Husband: Anna Nicole's Baby Daddy?

LOS ANGELES (February 9, 2007) -- Actress Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband says he had a decade-long affair with Anna Nicole Smith and may be her daughter's father.

The claim, by Prince Frederick von Anhalt comes amid a paternity suit over Smith's five-month-old daughter, Dannielynn.

In an ever-increasingly bizarre story, three more celebrities have also stepped forward, claiming to be the father of the 5 month old baby...

Now what? Where will we turn?

Nicole Anna Paris Britneyhan died yesterday at the age of 39. Unfortunately, her breasts were only 14, her hips and buttocks still in the pre-pubescent years of 7 thru 10, and her eyes and nose barely out of diapers.

It is a social loss to our nation to be sure, the effects of which we'll no doubt still be feeling for the rest of the decade. We're running out of role models faster than a DNA test result in a Judge's hands can necessitate the phrase, "Sir...the report clearly shows the baby belongs to the pool boy."

Whom do we turn to at this point? How will our children ever grow up with a set of values that bespeak hard work, educational focus, and goals-based achievement without the positive influences of the Anna's in our world?

People magazine will soon be 7 pages lighter, there will be one less Enquire/Star at the checkout stand, and US Weekly will no doubt become US Monthly. Oh, the humanity. Who will carry the mantle for our children at this point - parents?

Parents as role-models?

Now you're just crazy-talkin'.

Yes...they DO say the darndest things

Questions on Marriage and relationships asked to children:

HOW DOES AN ADULT CHOOSE MARRIAGE?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.
God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10


HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8


WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets
them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and
make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7


The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and
have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to
clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

Astronauts gone wild

I awoke this morning to Internet, television, and radio shock. The word "Astronaut" has always - ALWAYS - brought the following adjectives to mind:

Honor, bravery, courage, guts, intelligence, and any of a thousand other superlatives.

Not this morning though. In one single story about a 43 year old mission specialist, the following words and phrases were extracted in the order which they appeared in the story. Certainly, a story such as this is the first of its kind in the history of manned space, for any nation who has participated in these endeavors:

Attacked, trench coat, wig, latex gloves, knife, BB pistol, adult diapers, kidnapping, battery, attempted vehicle burglary with battery, destruction of evidence, GPS ankle bracelet, victim, restraining order, intent to batter, pepper spray.

What in the world is going on here?

How could we have done this?

Good Lord in Heaven, what the heck were some of these people thinking? This is before the age of Prozac, so a certain level of insanity can be excused, but my goodness, most of the folks featured here have lost it - and more than likely will never again find it either.

Tino. Tino, Tino, Tino, Tino, Tino. What in the name of the disco duck were you thinking? My sources tell me the title means, "For the first time." Hopefully, the last as well.


Isn't Al Davis the flamboyant owner of the Oakland Raiders of the NFL? We now see where his flamboyancy came from. Which came first, the "Crusades" or the "Spanish Inquisition"? Whichever order they came in, we now have a solid theory as to why these tragic events occured.

The title of this little piece of musical history tells most of the story: "PLEASURE PUDDING SWEET PIE LIVID AT FAT CITY.

Anyone who has even the vaguest idea of what that title may mean may call me at 555-266-3873...that's 555-CON-FUSE.

Apparently, this classic album is from the 1970's, when the Industrial Revolution was still in its infancy, and people were forced to go to church in their neighbor's barn. Eventually the 80's came about, and concrete and stained glass were discovered.

An interesting tid-bit about the photo. All three men look as if they have both arms hanging straight down, yet the woman has a hand on her shoulder. Is anyone else spooked by this image? And furthermore, if the cameraman is over here, who are they looking at?





Pass.
















"The Playmates"? They're kidding, right? The guy in the middle is having way too much fun, while the guy in front has just come to realize he has the stomach flu, and no time to get off the scooter and over to a bathroom. Subsequently, the photo shoot ended about 4 seconds later.











I once saw Herbie Mann in concert. Now I've seen far too much of him. Why didn't he just shave the title into his chest hair? It would have had a greater cinematic effect that way.















And we finish our segment with "Devastatin' Dave - the Turntable Slave".

Dave was famous for the chart-topping hits "Hey Baby", "Yo Baby", "Wassup Baby?", and his 1972 #1 Single, "Sssapenin' Baby?"

Dave was the original model of the Michael Jackson JC Penny collection, but he eventually zip, zap, rapped himself into oblivion.

"Ssssall in a day's work, Baby", Dave said in an interview conducted in a 1984 autograph session at the Umatilla Florida Quick-Mart and Check Cashing Emporium, where literally scores of unknowing people made Dave's aquaintance for the first time.

Speaking of Prime-Time cable news

The top 4 cable news shows between 7 pm and 11 pm.

#1 The O'Reilly Factor Fox (Don't watch it often, and only in small bursts)
#2 Glenn Beck CNN's Headline News (Watch it a lot)
#3 Anderson Cooper 360 CNN (Watching it more now)
#4 Countdown with Keith Olbermann MSNBC (Used to watch it, not any more)

This is a quick look at what you could have watched in Prime-Time last week:

Anderson Cooper:

2 terrific interviews with a British war correspondent that broke down the fall of Iraq, and how Iranian insurgents have taken so much control without the main-stream American media reporting on it. Best and most informative story I've seen in a long time, and a radical departure from CNN's reporting stance. Included constructive criticism and praise [where merited] of the civilian and military policy makers in the U.S. Wonderful use of maps, Google Earth, and pertinent graphics.

Several interesting and introspective pieces about the various U.S. politico's view the entire Middle East issues on both sides of the political fence.

A heart-felt and sensitively handled on-site coverage of the Feb 2nd Tornado's that ripped Central Florida.

Anderson Cooper is a rounded program, with a focus on issues in and out of the country that concern us all.


Glenn Beck:

Iranian nuclear enrichment program and it's global consequences.

A story about Islamic Extremism taking a bolder, more proportional role in European politics.

Stories of the 5 U.S. Soldier's killed in a coordinated attack inside a compound, and the 3 (now 4) helicopter downing's in Iraq that have all the ear-marks and fingerprints of the Iranian Revolutionary Guard.

A fascinating story about the rift occurring in the U. S. between Shiite and Sunni's living in this country, to include specific notation of acts of violence happening without mention in the media.

In short, Glenn's focus is on the Middle East, it's broader issues, and how it affects the U.S.


Keith Olberman:

3 different monologue's about President Bush and the issues he has failed the country on.

Another monologue about how Newt Gingrich wants freedom of speech limited.

A story about how 9/11 fever has Republicans' criticizing Senator Barak Obama about something to do with Islam.

A monologue about how the President is conning Christians (that makes 4 Bush mono's)

A monologue about how the President doesn't want fair and speedy trials of Gitmo prisoner's to happen (that's 5...but who is counting?)

A criticism of FOX TVs popular show '24', and how it is giving its viewers the impression that car bombs on the streets of this nation are not only possible, but likely. Apparently part of the current administration's "fear tactics."

Keith's broadcasts tend to be about to people, in particular the current republican administration. He talks issues, but mainly concentrates on the people involved in the issues and the mistakes they make.

I can certainly see what makes one show higher than another. Focus. News. Interesting and constantly updating content. Each has the right to their own style and opinion of what is news, and what is not. Some stuff about people, some stuff about broader issues. Very little in the same ole - same ole department.

I don't watch local news because it does the weather 4 times a half hour. I don't watch Hannity and Colmbs, Nancy Grace, or O'Reilly, because they never change, and always have the same basic theme.

H&C is about libs vs concervs in our government. Grace is always about women who have crimes committed against them. O'Reilly spends most of his time defending what he said the night before, but in fairness to him, he does go from topic to topic.

With the exception of O'Reilly, the majority of them spin their wheels in the same spot in the ratings, while Anderson Cooper rises, Glenn Beck rockets towards the top, and Olbermann seems to be falling slightly.

In change, there is often progress. I'm pretty sure that applies to news as well.

Jerk-off's personified

There is much said on a regular basis about the media...pro and con. Quite frankly, in my opinion they have become an embarrassment to our nation, as demonstrated on a daily basis with the crap we're exposed to, from the mainstream venues of CBS, NBC, and ABC, to the pay cable stations such as CNN, MSNBC, and FOX.

This past weekend is absolutely representative of how they play stupid games to present the story they way they want it presented. I don't want to seem insensitive to the plight of the unfortunate, but did you notice this past weekend the people in the Tornado-socked area of Florida who were interviewed by the national media? If you watched any of the coverage, you got an average of about 10 interviews per hour, most of them from the less than stellar in our society.

I understand the many of those who took it hardest were folks who were trailer park owners. But there were plenty of people who lived in $500,000.00 homes that were leveled who could have been interviewed and were not. Instead of a representative section of Florida's population being shown, the media instead focused on the hapless and undereducated. Some of the quotes that went out on the air:

Woman: "I heard the freight train comin', and I nue 'twas a Tornada." (T-o-r-n-a-d-A)

Man: "In all mahh laahhfff, I ain't not never seen anythahhhn lahhk this-ee here before. It was laahk being hit with a huge storm er sumpin."

Man: "This here truck is sumpin laahhk 47 foot, and it flew over here about 19 foot or so, and ended up in a place that don't make not a lick of sense at all."

And my favorite, from last night:

"Lake County just keeps getting bombarded with inundation."

Everyone in Florida is not a country bumkin struggling to find enough quarters to buy a half case of Bud and a pack of smokes. But I believe the media intentionally shows these folks to create that impression. Why they do it is beyond me, but I truly think it's elitism at its finest.
If you show only the lowest we have on the social chain, it makes the "show-er" of such look much higher than the content of their material. Certainly there is a tie into the 2000 election when elderly South Floridian's couldn't seem to understand the ballot, and since then the media has made every effort to exploit Florida as a dumb person's Valhalla.

Personally, I think its despicable.

When luck is all you have

I live in Greater Orlando. This morning at 4:08 am, the phone rang in my bedroom. Grogilly, I answered it. It was my wife, on duty as an RN at the hospital.

"Get the boys down from the upstairs."

"What?"

"Just do it!! Tornado's are smashing everywhere."

Sometimes all we have is luck, and this morning my boys and I were among the lucky. A couple of miles here...a couple of miles there...well...

These are not mobile homes. They are brand new single - family structures built to the latest code...14 feet minimum from ground to the top of the last concrete block.

And the tornado's handled this minor incovenience as if it didn't matter.

The rabbit clearly shows that God is not selective in whom he challenges.

Are we really gonna go there again?

Joshua Sparling is a Corporal in the 82nd Airborne Division from Ft. Bragg, N.C. , and he lost the lower part of his right leg in an IED road-side attack in Ramadi. Sparling has been at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington for the last 14 months recuperating. He heard about last Saturday's peace rally, and he decided to go. His father (a Vietnam vet who has taken up residence in Washington while his son is in the hospital) and he went to the rally, with the idea of expressing the pro-soldier/pro-occupation stance.

Although his choice to attend is guaranteed by our freedoms, it's probably not the best idea. "I'm tired of the anti-war crowd bringing down the morale of my fellow soldiers," Sparling was quoted in several television and newspaper accounts. At some point in the proceedings, something went wrong...or perhaps not.

Sparling said a single male protester spat at him. Other accounts say Sparling spat back, while still other sources say nothing of the kind happened at all. Somewhere in there lies the truth, a truth we probably will never get to the bottom of. In any event, whether it's true or not, last Saturday's rally will more than likely give rise to other rally's down the road, which makes confrontation an inevitability. Sparling himself should have known he was going to bring on someone by his mere presence at the rally, and perhaps he welcomed and even encouraged the encounter.

Corporal Sparling is driven by a force inside him that only those who have done the same can understand, and I myself have many times had to fight the urge to slap the crap out of someone who thought burning the flag was a great social statement. I truly believe everyone is pretty much born to be the way they end up, and all you have to do to verify this is look back upon your own youth and upbringing, and "arm-chair quarterback" the signs that were there, even though at the time you didn't know they were signs. I myself loved parades, marching bands, and all the pomp and ceremony surrounding them. I loved to play war, cowboys and indians, and crawl around in the dirt as a child. I was competitive as all hell, and loved things like the National Anthem at games, and saying the Pledge of Allegiance in school. Anyone who wonders how I became a career soldier need only look at my youth to see the framework of my adult life. So I too am driven by the same forces young Corporal Sparling has inside his heart and soul, and I understand his need to show that devotion he has to his nation. As he becomes older, he'll learn to temper the desire for physical reaction/confrontation, and let others be as they are.

As far as this past Saturday is concerned, one thing the American public has never gotten through their thick skulls is why soldiers are willing to do what they do. You hear comments ranging from the ridiculous, "Soldiers just want and avenue to kill people legally," to the absurd, "Soliders are made up of society's under educated and lower economic strata."

In truth, soldiers are the last people who want to go to war, because "go to war" means them. Soldiers don't want to be shot at, but they are. Soldiers don't want to die, but they do. Soldiers don't want to suffer horrifying things like lost limbs, but it happens. Soldiers don't want to leave their spouses and their children, but it's a part of the deal, so they accept that.

When we as American's do something so baseline crude and animalistic as spitting at one of those soldiers, we bring ourselves down to a level beneath the morons who car bomb marketplace's and kill children. Yes, we do. Even the terrorists and insurgents don't condemn their own, as bad as their own may be. When we stoop to criticizing those who willingly and honorably do what they're told to do - not necessarily what they want to do - we tear at the very fabric of unity that has allowed us to progress this far without folding.

And the entire world watches and shakes their heads in contempt at how stupid and spoiled we are.

This looks like a long blog...but it isn't. I call it: YOU DECIDE

It is a sign of age when your drive time is punctuated by listening to talk radio, but such is the case with me. Yesterday I heard a conversation that was at once fascinating, frightening, and foreboding. I'll leave it up to you to decide for yourselves (that is...all 2 or 3 that actually read this blog). There are at least 6 - and possibly more - talking points here, and I honestly don't know where to begin.

Key:
Talk Show Host = TSH
Caller = CL

TSH: What do you want in life?
CL: I want peace.

TSH: Define peace.
CL: Peace is when we withdraw all of our troops from Iraq and Afghanistan to within the confines of our own shores, reduce the size of the military to cut expenditures, and stay within our own borders.

TSH: So you define peace as an absence of conflict?
CL: I define peace as the United States minding its own business.

TSH: So you feel we should allow evil to permeate the world, and be separatist?
CL: There is no evil.

TSH: There is no evil?
CL: Correct.

TSH: Was Adolph Hitler evil? Was Stalin evil?
CL: Adolph Hitler could have been negotiated with.

TSH: I see where you are now. So we should be negotiating with Osama Bin Laden?
CL: Yes, absolutely.

TSH: I've just theoretically appointed you chief negotiator to Bin Laden. What would you say to him?
CL: I'd offer him whatever amount of money he wanted to leave us alone.

TSH: And you'd trust that he'd comply if we paid him?
CL: Of course he would. He'd build schools, roads, and a modern infrastructure.

TSH: He wouldn't use the money to finance more terrorism?
CL: Never. I know in my heart he's an honorable man.

TSH: Would you give him $100 million? $200 Million?
CL: Yes, I'd give him $200 million. It's better than any of our soldiers dying.

TSH: Ok. Peace to you means an absence of conflict, and you think negotiating is the way to go. Additionally, you think the U.S. should be isolationist in the world.
CL: I'll go along with most of that, but those are your words - not mine.

TSH: Do you live in a single family home? Condo? Townhouse?
CL: Single family home.

TSH: Ok. You hear your next door neighbor screaming that she's being raped by a man with a knife. What do you do?
CL: I'd call the police.

TSH: Ok. You call the police and they tell you they can't get anyone there for at least 8 minutes...what do you do?
CL: Nothing. I'm against violence of any kind.

TSH: But next door, a violent act is occuring.
CL: You want me to fight violence with violence?

TSH: If necessary, yes. I believe that is the appropriate response.
CL: It can't be...I'm sure I could talk the rapist out of finishing his actions.

TSH: So you'd do nothing? That's your neighbor...possibly your friend. And you'd do nothing? She may die. Are you going to let her continue to be raped and possibly die?
CL: (Long pause and a whispered sigh) Yes. My interests are in myself and the United States.

TSH: What?
CL: We are here to talk about the United States' involvement in the Middle East, are we not?

TSH: That is what we're talking about. Confronting a violent enemy with violence of our own.
CL: (Sigh) And we're wrong for doing that.

TSH: Ok. Ok. Thank you for the call.
CL: You're welcome.

C'mon...gimme a break already

Approximately 10,000 people marched in Washington D.C. this past Saturday in an effort to stop the Iraq War. The usual suspects were there - the chick from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show", "Barbarela", and "Spicoli" from "Fast Times at Ridgemont High."

Lost on what appears to be either an ignoramus society - or at least a naive one, is the fact that "Spicoli", arrested several times over the years for assaulting photographers attempting to take his picture, was pleading for the violence to stop in Iraq.

In any event, the totally legal protest went on without incident until several unseemly types decided to deface the Capital Building with graffiti. The Commissioner of the D.C. police gave the order that "no one was to be arrested", and the felons-without-a-charge continued their assault on property that belongs to every legal citizen of this country by standing around and taking photos of their handy-work.

Look, you wanna invite Hanoi Jane out from whatever rock she was under to be a speaker?...go ahead. You wanna invite Anny Savoy from "Bull Durham" to be a speaker?...go ahead. And you are even encouraged to invite "I'm so wasted" Jeff Spicoli if you want to as well.

But defacing something that has been a part of this country for over 200 years? Now, you're just being a fucking douche-bag. You claim to be part of the "progressive movement", and you do some trailer trash stunt like that? Wanna know why no one with half a brain wants to listen to your crap?

Read back a few lines, assholes.

Take your pick

"No great civilization has ever died from murder. It committed suicide, instead."

- Arnold Toynbee


You don't like the happenings in Iraq...fair enough. You don't like the inferences that Iran is next...fair enough. You don't like the "Surge" plan...which is actually reinforcements under a different name...fair enough. Speaking of which, if it were called "reinforcements", would you be so against it?

In any case, the debate will go on about all of these things listed above, while our country erodes in a sea of violence in the cities, myspace paranoia, Paris Hiltonish celebrity fascination, anti-parenting legislation, and educational apathy among minorities and poor non-minorities.

I would prefer middle ground for sure, but if my choice for who rules the world were the neo-conservatives in the White House or the people who blow off car bombs in Baghdad markets, I'll take the neo-con's every day and twice on Tuesday.

I want freedom of thought and action, but then I see where 1.7 million legal abortions happen every year, with untold thousands of coat-hanger and knitting needle abortions happening as well, and I wonder if there isn't a better solution. "Stop the killing in Iraq, but keep abortion law as it is," seems to be the sentiment shared by the same minds in most cases, and therefore makes no sense to me. This statement doesn't make me pro or con abortion rights; it simply means I'm attempting to sort it all out.

I believe America has long passed their melting pot stage, and they are more like a salad now. A melting pot brings all the ingredients together to form one. A salad has the lettuce, veggies, croutons, and dressing together, but each item is still distinct and separate and not melded into one. Some say this is a good thing; others say it's not.

Our roll models in society are George Clooney and Terrel Owens? This is our choice? I nominate my father for roll model of the year. He's 76, has Parkinson's, can't drive in the proper lane, is so deaf he couldn't hear a nuke go off in his pantry, but he is and has always been - a good guy.

We can't decide if it's ok to be fat or ok to be skinny. And we blame others for this national epidemic. It's obviously McDonald's fault, because they drive their goods to your home, and force you to eat it at gunpoint.

Our lawyers chase votes by procuring charges against kids who didn't do anything more than drink a keg of beer at a college party and then make the bad choices that come with that intoxication.

Myspace is at fault, not parents who fail to monitor their child's activities. Currently there is no law against teaching your children as they enter their teens that all those boogeyman stories are actually real, you know.

But I'm sure we're working on one.

In California, a childless state representative is trying to pass an anti-spanking law. She states too many children are abused and beaten in California - subsequently redefining "spanking" and calling it "assault." When queried, she did acknowledge she owned a cat. Ahhhh, I see.

Fourty plus years of post secondary educational placement by race and ethnicity, and the number of minority collegiate graduations has grown a sorrowful 13%. And no one wants to bring the guilty to task on this. The powers that be are afraid to tell the truth and chew the social ass that needs to be chewed.

So what do you do? Move to Montana? I think not...the Unibomber hung out there. Move to Mexico? Perhaps. The population of Mexico decreases by thousands daily. I sometimes wonder where they're all going?

Maybe it's all a bad dream, caused by hitting my head on the window sill or something like that...

Heels together...now, click them three times....

Our upside down world

Ignacio Ramos and Jose Alonzo Compean turned themselves in to go to jail today for failure to report and do proper paperwork. Barring a pardon, they will be in jail for 11 and 12 years respectively.

You see, apparently pardon's are only given to the criminals, not the defenders.

Border Patrol officers Ramos and Compean caught Osvaldo Aldrete Davila smuggling 100 lbs of pot across the Mexican border into the U.S. When he broke free of their grasp and ran, the officers shot him in the ass. Our drug smuggling/illegal immigrant friend Davila, worked his way back across the border, and told his mommy what happened.

Davila's mommy knew someone on the U.S. Border patrol staff, and she made a complaint. It turns out the officers feared prosecution for the incident, so they failed to report it. They were recently convicted of hiding the incident, and today they went to prison - many inmates of whom are people these two officers were a part of placing them in the prison as well.

Davila? He testified for the U. S. government, and was granted full immunity from prosecution. The illegal immigrant/drug smuggler was granted full immunity. Sorry, I had to say that twice.

So Davila went back to Mexico, lesson learned, and lived happily ever after...right? Uuuuuuummmm....not so much.

He was busted 40 days after the incident - AGAIN smuggling over $1 million in pot across the border, and was pardoned by the same people who gave him immunity from the first felonious activity. Meanwhile, the border guards are in prison.

Whew!! Justice was served and I feel a lot safer now!

Excuse me. Ma'am? I think you're using that word incorrectly.

When did we start to mix and mingle terminology meant specifically for a particular group of people, yet now used by the masses?

This morning I was listening to a great conversation on education, education reform, and the problems we face in our public schools. Going backwards 40 years, I remember when I was in school the term for a child that couldn’t grasp the concepts presented – and I speak here of a child specifically identified as having some sort of clinical medical reason for their difficulties – was "retarded." I know that term has taken on a cruel insensitivity over the decades, and it was justifiably changed to the two word phrase “Learning Disabled”, or LD for short. My wife has been lifelong friends with a woman who teaches LD children in a Virginia elementary school, and again, I’m talking of the clinically diagnosed.

On this radio talk show I listened to this morning, a woman from Denver called in and spoke of her two children in elementary school. The woman was intelligent and made several cogent points, but I was alarmed at how she described child #1. She laid the groundwork for her discussion by stating both children attend public schools and normal classes. She stated child #2 was doing fine and received relatively high marks in all areas and tests. Child #1 was different. She kept referring to him as being learning disabled, and described how he struggled with both in-school tasks and homework. I was struck by the fact that she kept saying he was LD, when it seemed obvious to me that he was merely academically average. He received modest grades, and was modestly successful. She was rationalizing it by saying it wasn't his fault...mother nature is playing a large role here. Perhaps...but I doubt that.

I am of a mind that it is not acceptable for this woman to place her son’s difficulties in school in the LD mode. Look, all people are actually NOT created equal, and school is one of the major benchmarks in determining where a child will fit into society. I’d love to be able to play golf like Tiger Woods, but I can’t. I’d love to have the mind of some great thinker at Princeton, but I don’t. And her child is not especially bright. Although I feel for her and others like her, I believe we need to keep phrases like LD specific to what they were always intended to be. That way we can deal with the true issue of clinical learning disability in a forthright manner, and focus our attention thusly.

And parents need to understand that C students happen…all the time as a matter of fact. And it’s ok to be average.

Peace.

American History, 101

It's time for the younger readers out there to learn a bit. The business of running a democratic republic the size and political might of the United States is many times an unseemly one to the untrained eye. Everyone in our nation would love to hear that the acts, deeds, and policies of the country are always in the best interests of the entire world, and conducted with the utmost standards of honor and respectability.

Unfortunately, that is nothing but a pipe-dream.

For most who bemoan a lack of international or national integrity, the fact of the matter is sometimes things are done in the interests of this country only, and that's the way it is. If those who don't like it were to step into the same situations, they themselves would be faced with the same tactical, financial, and ethical dilemma's faced daily by our nation and its leadership.

With that said though, lines do have to be drawn and upheld. Sometimes our leaders lose their compass, and fail to notice or draw those lines between the dirty business that is necessary to keep the behemoth that is our country moving, and acts that are downright unacceptable to anyone.

In what has been well documented for over 30 years now, the President of the United States and dozens of his closest officers committed what amounted to a never-ending series of criminal acts and the coverup thereof, now known as "Watergate." I'm not going to give you the entire Watergate story; there are hundreds of books, movies, and on-line articles that would keep you busy for months if you started reading them right now. I wanted instead to talk briefly about one person, John N Mitchell.

John Mitchell was the Attorney General of the United States at the beginning of the 70's. As AG, by definition, he was the "top cop" in the U.S., and therefore should have been above reproach or suspicion. He was not. In charge of the committee to reelect the president as well as AG, he was directly involved in the Watergate proceedings. In 1977, he was sent to jail in Alabama for 19 months for "Perjury", "Obstruction of Justice", "Illegal spying on American Citizens" (Democratic party leaders), and numerous other charges. John Mitchell died in 1988.

The highest ranking law enforcement officer in this country turned out to be one of its biggest criminals.

In 1999, Sandy Berger was the National Security Advisor to President Clinton. In September of 2005, Mr. Berger was found guilty of stealing secret sensitive documents from the National Archives in Washington after the events of September, 2001. Berger and his lawyer said he knowingly removed the documents and his own handwritten notes by placing them in his jacket, pants and socks, and also inadvertently took copies of actual classified documents in a leather portfolio.

"I deeply regret the sloppiness involved, but I had no intention of withholding documents from the 9/11 commission, and to the contrary, to my knowledge, every document requested by the commission from the Clinton administration was produced," Berger said in a statement.

Interestingly, some drafts of a sensitive after-action report on the Clinton administration's handling of Al Qaeda terror threats during the December 1999 millennium celebration are still missing, officials and lawyers said. Officials said the missing documents also identified America's terror vulnerabilities at airports to seaports, and these documents never ended up in the possession of the 9/11 commission for their review. Mr. Berger was convicted of his crimes, and was fined $50,000.00 and given community service.

The highest ranking official in charge of our national sovereignty and security tried after the fact to hide his mistakes, and in doing so incriminated himself, held out documents we still need to see at this point but cannot, and lied to the commission investigating the worst thing that ever happened to this country.

So there my friends is your history lesson for today.

The highest law enforcement officer in the land broke the law and ending up where he belonged - in prison.

The highest security official in our nation broke the law, endangered the lives of every man, woman, and child in the land, and ended up on the first tee at Congressional Country Club in Bethesda, Maryland for his morning foursome.

Who says "History repeats itself" ? Does not.

Words and their meanings

Hate (Verb used with object): to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward.

I used the word hate in an e-mail to a friend about - of all things - the College Football National Championship Game. I said I "hated" the two teams playing because they've both come under decades of scrutiny about their social and academic ethics vs. their sports goals. In any case, argument was rendered stupid because I used an inappropriate term. The return e-mail led off with the sentence "Hate"?

It was a few days before I thought about it, then came to the obvious realization that "hate" is a word we should really curtail in this country. If someone says they hate the President or hate Senator Clinton for example, perhaps they should reconsider. It's perfectly acceptable to hate soldiers dying in Iraq and Afghanistan, but to hate the leaders that sent them there takes you into a totally different reality and dimension. In fact, it could easily be argued that hating a human being who has never really done anything to merit hate, put's the user of the word in a category to be hated themselves. I personally don't like Senator Clinton or the President, but by no means do I hate them, their political positions, or their policies.

I hate people who commit rape, murder, and crimes even more atrocious - if such a thing exists - and I believe it does. I don't like the Rev Al Sharpton; but I don't hate him either. I don't like raging feminists or chauvinists, but I don't hate them. I disagree with - and at times I'm angered by - attorney's and judges - but hate never enters the equation. At least...it shouldn't.

From here on out, I'm going to try and be selective in the verbiage that dominates both conversation and my lousy writing. I can disagree with, dislike, abhor, condemn, despise, detest, deplore, eschew, resent, scorn, and admonish without changing who I am.

But I will save "Hate" for those individuals and situations most deserving.

You got all A's? That's terrific!

Prequil: None of this - NONE OF THIS - is exaggerated or made-up. It is fact, followed by fact. I'm not kidding.

The Young America's Foundation - a 40 year old conservative non-profit organization - among other things does research on the most bizarre college and university offerings every calendar year. The listings are at once hysterically funny, while simultaneously frighteningly stupid. Los Angeles area institutes of higher learning have walked away with no less than 25% of the awards in the 6 years these listings have come out, and this year is no different.

2007's overall winner was Occidental College in L.A., with 2 entries in total, to include the number 1 winner: "The Phallus."

The Phallus is a survey, offered by Occidental's department of critical theory and social justice, focused on - and I quote directly - "Feminist and queer takings-on of the phallus." Topics include "the relation between the phallus and the penis, the meaning of the phallus, phallologocentrism, the lesbian phallus, the Jewish phallus, the Latino phallus, and the relation of the phallus and fetishism." Before I go any further, I believe two things need to be noted:

1) I'm no prude, but I do believe the sexual habits, customs, and thoughts of individuals belong in non-public settings, and ....
2) In the not-so-distant past, Professor Jeffrey Tobin, who wrote and teaches the course, might be required to seek psychiatric help before he was allowed back into the classroom. These days, he's considered "innovative" and "refreshing." I still think he's a perv, but that's just me.

Also this semester, Occidental will offer the course that the Young America's Foundation rated No. 5 in bizarreness: "Blackness." This class will explore "new blackness," "critical blackness," "post-blackness," "unforgivable blackness" and "queer blackness." They also offer a companion course, "Whiteness", which discusses the obvious right to privilege that all white males are entitled to. Their words...not mine.

Annual tuition at Occidental, a private college, is $32,800. That means if you take "The Phallus" and "Blackness" (plus its prerequisite "Whiteness") this year on a four-course-per-semester schedule, you will have set your parents back $12,300. That's just terrific, isn't it?

UCLA won the coveted No. 2 slot on the list, with "Queer Musicology." Queer musicology is a new field dating from the 1990s based in part on the idea that if you're gay, then music by gay composers such as Benjamin Britten will sound different to you than it would if you were straight.

Nipping at UCLA's heels was Amherst College in Massachusetts, with "Taking Marx Seriously." The first sentence of the course description is: "Should Marx be given another chance?" 100,000,000 people died in gulag's while Marx was in charge, evidently a minor inconvenience to be overcome by the Amherst prof's teaching this lovely course.

There is more...and here it is, in order:

1. "The Phallus"Occidental College. A seminar in critical theory and social justice, this class examines Sigmund Freud, phallologocentrism and the lesbian phallus.

2. "Queer Musicology"UCLA. This course welcomes students from all disciplines to study what it calls an "unruly discourse" on the subject, understood through the works of Cole Porter, Pussy Tourette and John Cage.

3. "Taking Marx Seriously"Amherst College. This advanced seminar for 15 students examines whether Karl Marx still matters despite the countless interpretations and applications of his ideas, or whether the world has entered a post-Marxist era.

4. "Adultery Novel"University of Pennsylvania. Falling in the newly named "gender, culture and society" major, this course examines novels and films of adultery such as "Madame Bovary" and "The Graduate" through Marxist, Freudian and feminist lenses.

5. "Blackness"Occidental College. Critical race theory and the idea of "post-blackness" are among the topics covered in this seminar course examining racial identity. A course on whiteness is a prerequisite.

6. "Border Crossings, Borderlands: Transnational Feminist Perspectives on Immigration"University of Washington. This women studies department offering takes a new look at recent immigration debates in the U.S., integrating questions of race and gender while also looking at the role of the war on terror.

7. "Whiteness: The Other Side of Racism"Mount Holyoke College. The educational studies department offers this first-year, writing-intensive seminar asking whether whiteness is "an identity, an ideology, a racialized social system," and how it relates to racism.

8. "Native American Feminisms"University of Michigan. The women's studies and American culture departments offer this course on contemporary Native American feminism, including its development and its relation to struggles for land.

9. "'Mail Order Brides?' Understanding the Philippines in Southeast Asian Context"Johns Hopkins University. This history course cross-listed with anthropology, political science and studies of women, gender and sexuality is limited to 35 students and asks for an anthropology course as a prerequisite.

10. "Cyberfeminism"Cornell University. Cornell's art history department offers this seminar looking at art produced under the influence of feminism, post-feminism and the Internet.

11. "American Dreams/American Realities"Duke University. Part of Duke's Hart Leadership Program that prepares students for public service, this history course looks at American myths, from "city on the hill" to "foreign devil," in shaping American history.

12. "Nonviolent Responses to Terrorism"Swarthmore College. Swarthmore's "peace and conflict studies" program offers this course that "will deconstruct 'terrorism' " and "study the dynamics of cultural marginalization" while seeking alternatives to violence.

You mean - - - - it isn't that way?

The way most want it to be:
The way it is:

A chicken in every pot
The homeless

Racial stability and fellowship
David Duke and Al Sharpton

Great music for our children to hear
MTV

Athletes who are role models
OJ & Mark McGuire

Good entertainment
Survivor, part XXXIV.

Flying cars
Segway’s

Great food for less money
McDonald’s

Honesty and integrity
Politicians

Talent
American Idol

Safe highways
Cell phones

Intelligent conversation
Blogger’s – myself included

Safe city, low-cost fun
Orlando

Unbiased news
CNN, FOX, MSNBC, ABC, NBC, CBS

The world...Sep 1oth, 2001
The world...Sep 11th, 2001

Peace
Iraq, Darfur, Afghanistan, Somalia

Respect and unity
The U.S.A.

My own wish list

For 2007, I wish...

...no one would talk about Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie, Brittany Spears, or anyone without talent who has become a "celebrity" because they go out to clubs after midnight and get drunk.

...the middle east would calm down.

...gas prices would go back to $1.50 (remember when we were pissed about that?)

...left wing liberals and right wing hard-asses would stop running each political party.

...the clock would strike 12, and Cindy Sheehan's 15 minutes would be up.

...teenagers would realize that hip-hop music is disruptive and at times destructive. No one ever committed murder after attending an Aerosmith concert. Too stoned, most likely.

...MTV would go back to showing videos. If not, drop the TV and just call yourself "M".

...Al Sharpton and the Rev. Jesse Jackson would appear on TV and tell the black community - in particular, young black males - that they need to get off the schnide and start assuming responsibility for their own actions.

...PETA would drop their stance on medical research using animals, and cures will start popping up.

...judges would sentence murderer's, rapists, and child molesters to jail time.

...Michael Jackson would stay in Abu Dabi or wherever he currently lives.

...defense lawyers would get a Webster's and look up the term "justice" before they get their client off from his 15th "assault with a deadly weapon" charge.

...the President would end the Iraq mess. Escalate it if you have to; de-escalate it if that's the answer. Either way, shut down the bad guys and get outta there.

...Rosie O'Donnell would get a 5 month long case of laryngitis

...there were no more info-mercials, especially those with the bearded "OxyClean" guy...or the creepy ones where the dude is talking about good bowel movements and the joys of a soft yet solid feces.

...the children were all fed, educated, and happy.

...parents would start parenting. No, no, no, it's not the schools fault. No...it isn't!

...the new Congress would pass an ethics bill that they would then obey.

...everything I just said would come true, but of course I chose things that probably won't.

Would you?

Throughout our lives, we have either said, heard someone else say, or the combination of both:

"If I had it to do over again, I would..."

Would you? Consider this if you will. I believe the universe is somehow all tied together. I can't really say how, but I'm sure Carl Sagan or someone like him can explain it to you. I just believe that's the way it is. Call it an act of faith on my part.

So the question remains: Would you? Why would you?

To assuage a past heartache or disappointment? Perhaps an unexpected death occurred and ripped your world apart. Money problems? You go back and take a different path, and all will be better...right? Perhaps...unless my belief about the universe is correct.

I have faith that everything does happen for a reason, to include the death of children, poverty, and ignorance. However, not all things that happen for a reason are negative, even though that is predominantly the way we apply the phrase. If you succeed in business, athletics, music, parenting, or whatever it is you aspire to do, the successes are because of hard work, passion, dedication, and in some small way - good luck. I must tell you though, the more you work at something, the better your luck becomes.

In any event, there is nothing I would do over again and change - to include the fact that I've had 3 major strokes, as devastating to my life expectancy as they have been.

Perhaps I would consider going back to 1990 when PETA put a stop to diabetes testing at Stanford University Medical Center and tell them they were doing the human race - and my teenage son - a great disservice. In March of 2005, he was diagnosed with Type I diabetes. 100% insulin dependent, and it carries a life sentence. But I would only consider it, not actually do it.

Other than that, I'll take every disappointment and success that came my way, because positive or negative, they were earned with honor and integrity...two characteristics that have no equal.

Pat

It used to be kinda funny, but not any more.

Pat Robertson needs to seek psychiatric help. He is a terribly disturbed man, and it's very sad.

Look, my cat tells me stuff all the time, but he (the cat) only claims to be Moses, not God.