Why?

I’ll be gone for a week, so this is my last post for a while. I have some questions I need answered:

• What do you call that little plastic safety ring that sits near the apex of a bottled soda after the seal is broken with the top?
• Why did birds suddenly appear every time Karen Carpenter’s former boyfriend came around?
• Why is it that a tele-marketer or your mother-in-law catches you every time, but that phone call you were waiting on for 3 hours comes 30 seconds after you’ve taken your seat in the bathroom?
• Have you ever known anyone who actually became rich off of a fortune cookie?
• Some studies have shown that more men legitimately qualify for the title “Genius”. If that’s true, how come its men who pull the pan out of the oven without the mitt, don’t know better than to simply ask for directions, and think a woman’s eyes are about 8 inches below her chin?
• If I can get a “Ronco Wiz-o-Matic” for three easy payments of $19.99, can I get it even cheaper for 3 really complicated payments?
• Why do commercials on both radio and TV still say things like: “Do you want a pain reliever that works?”…or…”Are you tired of paying top dollar for your home, car, or RV?”
• Why is this the only crap I could think of to write today?