If...Then

I'm often complimented on how smart, polite, and just downright nice my kids are. Often times I'm asked the mostly rhetorical question, "How do you do it?"

First of all I should say that I'm not witting this in the same mode of the proud parent who has the bumper sticker on the back of their Robins-egg blue mini-van:

MY KID IS AN HONOR STUDENT AT RETARD LAKES ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

Nope, it's not that way at all. They're just good kids...as smart-assed as any other, but they've been taught to keep the wise cracker attitude in the house and they've also been taught - apparently successfully - the art of presenting one's self in a positive and productive manner outside of the house.

As for the question, "How do you do it?", I've often answered, " I give them everything they need, some of what they want, and not much else". Inclusive in that is love, kindness, affection, help, guidance, money, inspiration, and most importantly- a sense of accountability. All 3 of my children were taught from a very early age that they are solely responsible for their own actions, and any reward or admonishment that goes with those actions is theirs as well.

It happened again tonight, which got me thinking about this some more. I think the best way to describe it is my wife and I bring our kids up in a what I call the "concrete world". Neither of us allows our children to fall into the IF-THEN philosophical trap that we all see (and perhaps from time to time have been guilty of).

"If you would only like me more, then I'd probably be nicer to you".

"If I had the same bicycle as the kid across the street, then I'd be a lot cooler".

"If my teacher wasn't such a jerk, then I would have received an A instead of this lousy C".

If-Then, If-Then, If-Then.

We have a great deal of people in our country who live in the If-Then world, don't we?

"If Florida hadn't stolen the election in 2000, then Al Gore would have been President and things would be a lot better now".

"If we hadn't invaded Iraq, then we could have better focused on Osama Bin Shitinhishat".

"If we had reacted faster and spent more money on Hurricane Katrina relief, then New Orleans wouldn't have the problems it does now".

"If Donald Rumsfeld wasn't so arrogant, then maybe the Military General's would have solved the Iraq crisis sooner".

If-Then, If-Then, If-Then.

The point of this is not to argue the validity of any of the statements above. They've all been said, and they may all be true. They also may all be false. They may have have some truth and some bull-hockey to them. In any case here is the deal:

You can live in the "concrete world" where you deal with what is, and adjust and make the best of it regardless of the circumstances; or you can live in the "If-Then world", where you will be miserable, upset, and wondering what could have been most of the time. The choice of course, is yours.

Now where is that bag of Quick-set Cement? I had it around here somewhere...