Old

You know you're getting old when...

• You mention Babe Ruth and your kid asks you, "They still make that candy bar?"
• You listen to talk radio more than regular radio
• You think you should be hosting the talk radio show
• You sprain your ankle reaching for the toilet paper
• You put your glasses on so you can see
• You take your glasses off so you can eat or read
• You have no idea where the hell your glasses are
• You discover you're wearing them
• Sexy underwear is anything with color
• You stopped watching the 10 pm news because it was waaaaaay past your bedtime
• You wonder why McDonald's hasn't caught on to the "senior menu" idea yet
• At breakfast, something snaps, crackles, and pops, but you're eating French toast
• I dawns on you that eating Hot Pockets has the same symptoms as the bird flu
• You stop doing everything that is bad, but you still feel like crap
• You can't seem to recall when your memory started failing
• You say things like, "Nowadays"...a lot
• You try to justify your position by saying, "50 years old is different than it once was"
• You ask your kid to turn down the music while you turn up the volume on the T.V.
• You stopped watching the 7 am weather because it was waaaaay before you awoke
• Flea markets are cool
• You say, "I remember when", but the story cuts off because you really can't
• A HUGE party is held at your house, and no one in the neighborhood notices
• You get called 'mister' more times than you would prefer

You're getting even older when...

• Your kids are close to moving away, and suddenly it's not as good an idea as you once thought it was