Uncle!!!!

The following things make no sense to me:

An ad on the radio for an attorney's office that says, "Slip and fall? Call." Call who and why? You're a spaz, so your company should be sued? Plllleeeeeease!

MVP awards in sports. Why do they always give out the MVP awards to the guys with the best statistics instead of what the definition of MVP is? If he wasn't there, would the team have done as well? If the answer is 'probably', he's not the MVP, stupid.

Telephone voice prompts in the U.S. that say, "For English, press 1." I better not have to explain this one!

Test instructions that say, "Fill in every answer. There is no penalty for a wrong guess." What? Excuse me, but there sure as hell is!

A woman in a grocery store - in front of me of course - who asked the clerk if the question on the ATM machine, "Is this amount correct?" was for her to answer? Oh my God, somebody get me an oxygen mask!

Everyone knows that Braille on a drive-up ATM is retarded, but I drove up to an ATM at a Bank north of Orlando about a month ago that wasn't wide enough to accommodate my car. No, I don't drive a Hummer, but after the 76 Datsun went out of production, you'd think they would have modified the lane. Apparently not.


Ahhhh, no more...I'm starting to get pissed again. I'm heading off to Wendy's. My plan is to slip on the floor, spilling hot coffee on myself, and then sue them under the grounds that when I fell, I did so because I was staring at the finger in the other person's chili, while contemplating faking the fact that I was about to have septuplets.

That' outta be worth a few 'mil' at least.