Someone told me today they felt I was rude, condescending, negative, and abrupt. Naturally, I replied "Fuck you, you stupid ass." Then I walked away.


That isn't how I responded, that's a joke. I did however want to say that. Instead I used something professional like "I'm sorry you feel that way" or some such nonsense, when what I should have done was slap the crap outta him.

**SLAP**

Ever wanted to do that? Sure you have. You're in an elevator riding with another person. He silently farts as the door opens onto a new floor. He steps off as others are stepping on. Within seconds, they are exposed to the aroma that they can only believe YOU did. You wanna push the door open button, step out and find the guy and ...

**SLAP**

You're trying to get into traffic - which is going nowhere by the way - and you see your only opening closed by the woman who pretends to not see you. Out of the car, you want to knock on her window and ask "How's your day going dear?" ...

**SLAP**

Finally your in 7-Eleven to buy a coffee in the morning. You're not late for work, but time is of the essence. The fat dude in front of you is delighting in the $7 he won on a scratch ticket five minutes ago. While you're ichily waiting, he pulls out a 5 dollar bill to apply to the $7 he has in credit, and he starts agonizingly...painstakingly....slowthefuckingly...saying..."Uhhhh...gimme 2 lucky sevens, no no no, make that 3 crazy 8's, one lucky seven, uuuuhhhh, 3 casino hijix's, uhhhh, make that 4, and uuuuuhhhh, 3 monopoly's....how much is that?...$11?....okay.....and uuuuummmm...one three blind mice." Then he stands blocking the counter and starts scratching them right there. It's cab fare to get around his 300 lb frame, so you just put the coffee in the nearest place you can find and bolt out the door hoping like hell you don't get a speeding ticket while you worry about the time you've lost waiting for the sumo wrestler to piss away his 12 bucks.

**SLAP** **SLAP** **SLAP****SLAP**Fucking **SLAP****SLAP**

Sooooo....what does it for you? Or are you too happy in life to never want to **SLAP** anyone?