OY!!

On occasion, you get to note some things in life that are really good as a comparison study. For example, if you're unsure of your mental standing as compared to the rest of society's main body, stories about people getting a bottle-rocket violently shoved up their down-side on the 4th of July, or getting their head stuck inside a toilet bowl - provide us all with some fine examples of where we stand.

Unless that is, you're the one who suffocated him or herself jumping into the 10 foot snow drift off of their roof.

With that, I give you some latest examples, with my comments in blue.

The Swedish Agriculture and Sciences department has secured a 2 year grant for $539,000,000.00 (Yep - $539Million) to study the effects of cow farts and cow burps on Global Warming. "Hi. I'm Darryl, and this is my brother Darryl and my other brother Darryl."

A Michigan couple sued the owners of a nearby business claiming that dust, noise and vibrations invaded their property and therefore were trespassing. A jury actually found in their favor, but a Court of Appeals panel overturned the jury's verdict. The Appeals court stated that noise, vibrations and dust are intangible objects and can not be considered as trespassers. I have no idea for sure, but I'm thinking nose buggars cannot be charged rental fees for housing either.

In Hayden, Idaho, a man cut off his own hand and cooked it up in the microwave because he believed it bore the mark of the beast. "It had been somewhat cooked by the time the deputy arrived," said sheriff's Capt. Ben Wolfinger. The man is currently under observation at the mental health unit of Kootenai Medical Center. Apparently, this guy had been reading the Book of Matthew, which advises that "if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away." When the Bible says, "Abraham tied his ass to a tree and walked a mile"...it's generally assumed he was indeed speaking of his donkey.

A survey carried out by Fitness magazine found that 23 percent of women would be willing to shave their heads or spend a week in jail in order to be at their ideal weight, and 83 percent of women would rather have an 11th toe than be 50 pounds heavier. Not too surprising, but 21 percent of women also claimed that they would be willing to take a full 10 years off their lives in order to reach their ideal weight. That thing I once said about wanting to be like a male porn star so bad I'd chop off an arm? I was kidding.

ANNNND FINALLY:

A woman in North Carolina who robbed a Bank of America and felt she didn't get enough dough, turned herself in to the sheriff's office hoping to claim the reward for her arrest. "9-1-1; can I help you?" Yes, I'd like to report a large amount of cocaine is in the trunk of a '97 Nissan. "And where is the car, ma'am?" Right here....I'll wait.