Little Boy [Lying in bed]: Dad, some kids at school told me Santa wasn’t real. Is that true?
Father: I don’t think it is, do you?
Little boy: I think he’s real, but sometimes I wonder. How does he get in when we don’t have a chimney? And how does he get all around the world in one night when it takes us 2 hours to drive to Grandma’s? And one bag carries all those toys? It doesn’t make sense to me.
Father: It’s magic, I think. I don’t really know for sure, but I suspect his sleigh is very fast and he can do things normal people can’t.
Little boy: He’s pretty special, isn’t he?
Father: Yes he is. He works all year long to prepare for this one night when he tries to make children all over the world happy.
Little boy: He makes me happy, and he teaches me lessons too.
Father: Santa teaches you lessons?
Little boy: Sure. He goes to all the children, not just some of them. And he goes to places where they are shooting and hurting people and he’s not scared. He’s strong and always wants to do what is right. He loves his children and always makes them do the right thing - that’s why he has his list. The only thing that scares me is I want Santa to live forever, but I don’t know if he can.
Father: When did I miss the moment you suddenly grew up and got so smart?
Little boy: I don’t know, Dad. I’ve always been smart, I guess.
Father: I suppose so. Ok, you have a big day tomorrow. Get some sleep. Goodnight…I love you.
Little boy: I love you too. [Whispering to himself] Santa
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
They're pissing me off again
Christmas haters and Christmas whores...things I hate about the holiday that was my most pleasurable both as a child and an adult. I still love it, but I'm mad about a few things.
Please feel free to add your own.
Please feel free to add your own.
- People who bitch about public nativity scenes and the like should remember it wasn't that long ago we were still doing public lynching's in the same town squares.
- Black Friday is an embarrassment. It has nothing to do with Christmas or what Christmas is supposed to be, and exposes tens of millions who have nothing better to do than get up at 3:00 am so they can go buy a TV that has been marked down to what they want you to buy it for anyways.
- If I see one more manger scene with a pop-up Santa in the middle of it waving...I'm stopping the car, getting out, and I'm tackling Santa like I'm Lawrence F'ing Taylor.
- Same thing goes for a Santa wearing a cross, or Rudolph bowing to the infant...stop it!
- Christmas is a day in December. Hanukah, Hannuka, Channuka, Chanukha, Banana-bofana-bu-hannuka, or however you spell it - is 8 days. In either case, it's not mid-September like Walgreen's drug chain would have you believe.
- Radio stations that play Christmas music 24 hours a day from November 23rd until after New Years should be sanctioned by the FCC. If they don't comply, we send Syrian Insurgents in.
- Speaking of Christmas songs...If I ever run into the jerk-off that wrote the "Mr. My momma is dyin' and she needs new shoes" song...he's a dead man.
Feel free to opine in an "Air-it-out-Tuesday" here on WJL4 radio, home of the 24/7 attitude, "If you don't like it, go piss up a rope."
When Timmy becomes Tammy, Part II Subtitled: Why Sigmund Freud would need therapy
About 10 years ago, I wandered by a TV set that was showing the old daytime Geraldo Rivera Show (now outlawed in 31 states). He had on his show "Transsexual Lesbians". These were women that were formerly men who dated women who had the sex change operation and appropriate hormone therapy and were now full-flegged women - who wanted to date - women.
So we had Betty, formerly Bob...now named Betty him or herself...who wanted to date Bonnie, and the bottom line here was Bob...errrrr...Betty...was having identification and identity issues.
Noooooooooo way!
Currently on the docket in New York State is a lawsuit filed by 7 people. Each of them has had the sex change operation, and of the seven you have 4 women that were formally men and three men that were formally women.
Their complaint? They are suing the state because the state says they have to register their gender as the gender they are currently at. Is your head spinning yet?
Ok, let me simplify it for you. Bob, formerly Betty, wants to be Betty but wants her gender to be listed as one of a Bob. Betty, formerly Bob, wants to be known as Bob but wants her gender to be known as Betty's. Go it now?
Look, the way I see it is this. You can be a bowling ball, or you can be an apple...but you can't be a bapple ball. I'm putting my foot down on this one Bob...what?
Oh. I'm sorry...Betty.
So we had Betty, formerly Bob...now named Betty him or herself...who wanted to date Bonnie, and the bottom line here was Bob...errrrr...Betty...was having identification and identity issues.
Noooooooooo way!
Currently on the docket in New York State is a lawsuit filed by 7 people. Each of them has had the sex change operation, and of the seven you have 4 women that were formally men and three men that were formally women.
Their complaint? They are suing the state because the state says they have to register their gender as the gender they are currently at. Is your head spinning yet?
Ok, let me simplify it for you. Bob, formerly Betty, wants to be Betty but wants her gender to be listed as one of a Bob. Betty, formerly Bob, wants to be known as Bob but wants her gender to be known as Betty's. Go it now?
Look, the way I see it is this. You can be a bowling ball, or you can be an apple...but you can't be a bapple ball. I'm putting my foot down on this one Bob...what?
Oh. I'm sorry...Betty.
When Timmy becomes Tammy
Anyone else notice the emasculation of the American male, or am I off onto some bizarre tangent? I think not, but I’ve been wrong before.
I was in the book store the other night Christmas shopping, and I came upon the “Parenting” section. I started to count the books on motherhood, and gave up at 3,564,231. Fatherhood was much easier to count. There was “Fathering for Dummies” and “Dad”, a retrospective by Nancy Grace. Both books were authored by women, as were the 3 million + on the other wall. So women tell women how to be mothers, then turn around and tell fathers how to be fathers.
On TV, all my children now has a trans-gender female (male?) character.
A woman I know has a son named Kinser, and at age 3 she has him in formalized ballet, interpretive dance, and art appreciation. She is deliberately gender-bending, and she started from the very moment he came out of the womb by giving him an androgynous name. “I want him to be ‘artsy’ and ‘liberal’”, she told me. When I asked what he wants, she fell silent. I can’t remember when I was 3, but I seriously doubt I was staring at a Monet and saying, “His brush strokes thoroughly exemplify his natural beauty and compassion for the common man.” And I certainly wasn’t taking interpretive dance. 50 years ago, boys were boys and girls were girls. It seemed to work fairly well that way.
Enter Gloria Allred, the famed feminist attorney who successfully sued K-Mart for committing the egregious crime of separating their toy section into girls and boys. Ms. Allred continued her trek towards emasculating the population by suing the boy scouts for not allowing a girl in, then turning around 16 months later and defending the girl scouts when a boy tried to enter their ranks.
Hollywood has played a significant role in the gender blur. Given the fact that being gay in the movie or TV game is considered fashionably chic, it comes as no surprise that we now have shows like “Queer eye for the straight guy”, “What not to wear”, “Why is that queer guy wearing sneakers?”, and “Spandex – America’s answer to leisure suits.” Okay, Okay….I made those first two shows up, but you get the idea.
Even when in the heterosexual mode, Hollywood passes on a pathetic message with 3 month marriages, 6th marriages, and having babies out of wedlock being a status symbol. If they just want to screw, why don't they just screw and leave the rest of us alone?
The 10th edition of the book, “Heather has two Mommies” was just published, and there are school systems all over the country clamoring to make this book mandatory reading in elementary school. Look, I’m not homo or gender phobic, but do we really have to go out of our way any further to confuse our youth? Goodness gracious, as if learning the three R’s and computer science wasn’t enough, now we want to make kids read about lesbian parenting when they’re still focusing on “The Little Train that Could.”
Is this trend dangerous for this country? Depends who you ask. I believe a lack of masculine role models might be the latest sway in evolution that brings about the demise of our nation. Others believe it’s perfectly acceptable to downplay and diminish the male’s impact in our society. I believe it is not only healthy to recognize boys as boys and girls as girls – I believe it’s downright necessary. But I'm somehow becoming the minority.
Just look at the newest show, “Fabric Matching with Kinser”, it’ll tell you all you need to know.
I was in the book store the other night Christmas shopping, and I came upon the “Parenting” section. I started to count the books on motherhood, and gave up at 3,564,231. Fatherhood was much easier to count. There was “Fathering for Dummies” and “Dad”, a retrospective by Nancy Grace. Both books were authored by women, as were the 3 million + on the other wall. So women tell women how to be mothers, then turn around and tell fathers how to be fathers.
On TV, all my children now has a trans-gender female (male?) character.
A woman I know has a son named Kinser, and at age 3 she has him in formalized ballet, interpretive dance, and art appreciation. She is deliberately gender-bending, and she started from the very moment he came out of the womb by giving him an androgynous name. “I want him to be ‘artsy’ and ‘liberal’”, she told me. When I asked what he wants, she fell silent. I can’t remember when I was 3, but I seriously doubt I was staring at a Monet and saying, “His brush strokes thoroughly exemplify his natural beauty and compassion for the common man.” And I certainly wasn’t taking interpretive dance. 50 years ago, boys were boys and girls were girls. It seemed to work fairly well that way.
Enter Gloria Allred, the famed feminist attorney who successfully sued K-Mart for committing the egregious crime of separating their toy section into girls and boys. Ms. Allred continued her trek towards emasculating the population by suing the boy scouts for not allowing a girl in, then turning around 16 months later and defending the girl scouts when a boy tried to enter their ranks.
Hollywood has played a significant role in the gender blur. Given the fact that being gay in the movie or TV game is considered fashionably chic, it comes as no surprise that we now have shows like “Queer eye for the straight guy”, “What not to wear”, “Why is that queer guy wearing sneakers?”, and “Spandex – America’s answer to leisure suits.” Okay, Okay….I made those first two shows up, but you get the idea.
Even when in the heterosexual mode, Hollywood passes on a pathetic message with 3 month marriages, 6th marriages, and having babies out of wedlock being a status symbol. If they just want to screw, why don't they just screw and leave the rest of us alone?
The 10th edition of the book, “Heather has two Mommies” was just published, and there are school systems all over the country clamoring to make this book mandatory reading in elementary school. Look, I’m not homo or gender phobic, but do we really have to go out of our way any further to confuse our youth? Goodness gracious, as if learning the three R’s and computer science wasn’t enough, now we want to make kids read about lesbian parenting when they’re still focusing on “The Little Train that Could.”
Is this trend dangerous for this country? Depends who you ask. I believe a lack of masculine role models might be the latest sway in evolution that brings about the demise of our nation. Others believe it’s perfectly acceptable to downplay and diminish the male’s impact in our society. I believe it is not only healthy to recognize boys as boys and girls as girls – I believe it’s downright necessary. But I'm somehow becoming the minority.
Just look at the newest show, “Fabric Matching with Kinser”, it’ll tell you all you need to know.
Monday, November 27, 2006
India revives "Millionaire"
NEW DELHI (AP) - Star Entertainment India television channel is reviving the most popular show in Indian history with top Bollywood actor Shahrukh Khan as its new host, a news report said Sunday.
"Kaun Banega Crorepati" - based on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" - was scrapped in January following its famous host Amitabh Bachchan's illness. The program drew millions of viewers.
The channel will start shooting the program next month and expects it to go on air by the end of January, the Press Trust of India news agency quoted Samir Nair, chief executive officer of Star Entertainment India, as saying.
In the interim, three different shows aired on the network, but none of them garnered the same ratings:
"Kaun Banega Crorepati" - based on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" - was scrapped in January following its famous host Amitabh Bachchan's illness. The program drew millions of viewers.
The channel will start shooting the program next month and expects it to go on air by the end of January, the Press Trust of India news agency quoted Samir Nair, chief executive officer of Star Entertainment India, as saying.
In the interim, three different shows aired on the network, but none of them garnered the same ratings:
- "Kaun Banega Chuze Chikin" - "Who wants to eat a cow?" only lasted 2 nights.
- "Kaun Benega holeye Shoooot" - "Who wants to Nuke Pakistan?" was cancelled soon after its opening night.
- "Kaun Benega Aska Sherwina" - "Who wants to paint a dot on my forehead?"
Hang on a second, cowboy...methinks you're missing a fact or two
Congressman Charles Rangel of NY has recently come forward to say he is planning on reintroducing legislation calling for a draft. In a written article in the NY Times, Congressman Rangel made some good points about troop strength and lessening the burden on current active and reserve forces. Unfortunately, he went too far and proclaimed the military to be representative of the poor, downtrodden, and uneducated minority classes.
I myself have NO DESIRE to see a draft, as the institution of conscription is far too large a burden on volunteer Non-Commissioned and Commissioned Officers who would have to deal with a half million young people who for the most part wouldn’t want to be there. But in any case, they can debate whatever they like, I just wanted to set the record – the public record – straight. A public record that Congressman Rangel also could easily access with a click of his mouse.
The Heritage Foundation report on Demographics in the United States Military
Only 13% of all recruits in the United States Military come from an economic background designated “poor” according to national economic statistics, 6% below the national percentage of people classified “poor”.
According to the 2000 U.S. Census, the median income in the United States was $41,000.00 and change. 70% of recruits in the military come from homes right on this income, slightly below it, or slightly above it. The remaining 17% of all military recruits come from families well above the median national income level. Not rich by any standard, but certainly not poor.
Interestingly, after 9/11, the lower income enlistments plummeted to an all-time low, and the medium to higher than median income families made up the majority of the shortfall of enlistees.
98% of all enlistees have a high school diploma or higher (the other 2% attaining some sort of “Adult Certification” prior to enlistment, that is technically not a high school diploma). The national average for high school graduation is still an appalling 75%.
White Americans comprise 45.4% of the military population. Conversely, blacks make up 43%. The remainder is a blend of Hispanic, Asian, etc. What is important to note is this: Race is defined by the individual in this country, and not by the government or a statistic on a pie chart. A case can be made that any person may indeed declare whatever race they want, especially those of mixed heritage and lineage. In any case, the proclamation that the military is made up primarily of minorities – along with the claim that minorities are targeted for enlistment more aggressively than non-minorities – holds no weight when you look at the numbers.
Bottom Line?
The military looks just like what you’d see if you walked into a Sears, Target, or Denny’s restaurant most places in this country, most of the time. It is no more poor than it is rich. Its educational requirements exceed national averages, and it’s diversity is the most equal and balanced in its history.
Do I think they are currently overtaxed? Yes I do. But a draft will only serve to bring in its own set of issues, and it won't help to diversify a product that is already wonderfully diversified. Sure, a draft would bring in a few more people who grew up economically privileged, but because mom and dad have more zeroes in their bank account, doesn't mean the kid will make a better Marine, just as a kid being poor doesn't mean he can or even would - fight harder.
And what of young people who have committed crimes? A huge part of the late 1970's/early 1980's all-volunteer force was a crack down on criminals entering the service. No more judges saying "4 years in the Army, or 4 years in jail." A draft would bring back those undesirables as well.
Either way they debate it, Congressman Rangel's facts be a bit whatchoo call - wack - yooo hear what I be sayin', Dawg?
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Where is Santa?
A couple of Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door this past Saturday, telling me - once again - the world was coming to an end. My initial reaction was to close the door in their faces, but that would have been rude, so I told them I would give a dollar to their cause if they would answer two questions. They agreed upon two dollars, and I had to take their magazine "The Watchtower".
Ok, I said...question #1: Which iteration of "The world is coming to an end" are we on? I explained that I'd heard it in 1975, 1976, 1979, 1982, 1985, 1986, 1994, 1995, 1999, 2001, and now 2006. So was I up-to-date, or were there other world-ending scenario's that I was unaware of?
They declined to answer, but I gave them the dollar anyways. I moved on to my second question. "Have you seen Santa Claus?" This question seemed to set them on edge, and they explained to me that there was no Santa Claus...however, if you flipped the letters around, one could easily see the word Santa becoming S-a-t-a-n. Ohhhhhhh....so Santa is actually Satan?
"Yes" was their reply. Santa is actually Satan in disguise, henceforth the homonym...or is it synonym? Dammit, I haven't watched "Jeopardy" in a while, so I forgot the name of the category. "Potent Potables"?...Naaahhh, that's not it. "Flippety-Floppity words"?...ummmmm, maybe. Anagrams I believe is the proper term, but that always sounds like something you received from your Aunt in Iowa during the Second World War.
So I looked at them and said, "Do you believe in Angels?" They replied with a rather dull look in their eyes, "You mean dead people who look over the living?" I said yes, and they pondered this for a moment, then said "Yes, we probably do". This lead to me saying, "If I'm not wrong, Angels turned around is A-n-g-l-e-s, which means that geometry must be the subject of the Gods...which means since I probably flunked Geometry because I was more concerned with what was under Susan Schulteiz's skirt than the differential of the Isocelese Triangle and the obtuse non-sequitur squared, then I need to be saved, and I mean in a hurry. But in the meantime, have you or have you NOT seen Santa Claus?"
They left silently with their two dollars in hand, and I successfully proved that the difference between a Jehovah's Witness and a smart ass was simply a bundle of brain cells unused by one of the two...you decide which.
On the soccer field one day soon after, I looked at fellow parent - a Doctor named Schwartz - and asked him, "Have you seen Santa Claus?"
"Oh hell yeah", he answered. "Thank goodness for Santa Claus. He's all over the mall, and my cousin's business - down nearly 13% since July - is booming because of the big guy..."Have I seen Santa Claus?" "You betcha...last night on the NASDAQ report...I saw him totally."
I decided to go down to the Islam AlSalam - "Peace is Islam" Mosque. In there, I found an Imam willing to talk to me. At first, he thought I was going to ask him why so many Muslims profess peace but do so with the sword - or the car bomb in this case - but he was surprised when I asked him, "Do you believe the world is going in the right direction?".
He responded eloquently and at great length about the state of the world as he saw it. I then asked him, "Have you seen Santa Claus?", to which he got very agitated and said in no-uncertain terms that Santa was the Great Satan. I said to him, "I thought President Bush was the Great Satan?", and he replied that he was indeed, but during December, he was replaced as the Great Satan by the fat guy in the red suit. It was all becoming pretty clear now...Santa was the Great Satan, President Bush was the pretty decent Satan, and there wasn't much difference between a Jehovah's Witness and a Muslim, save for a few pounds of TNT and a '76 Datsun no one was using any more.
But the question still remained, where the heck was Santa?
I once again found myself on a sports field. There was a little girl trying her best to hit the ball off of a tee...try as she might, she kept swinging the bat in an awkward motion and hitting the tee...the ball falling harmlessly to the ground. Her mother and father were hiding their heads in their hands, afraid to acknowledge the child struggling was their own.
No Santa Claus here.
I was at a Friday night High School football game - a very exciting and stimulating playoff game - and I was seated next to two parents who didn't know the difference between an "first down" and a "first kiss". I asked them why they were there...and they told me "Their son was in the band and they were there to watch and support him." I asked how he was doing, and they told me they didn't care, as long as he was there and they were there to see it.
I couldn't help but wonder if I was getting closer to my answer.
A friend of mine owns a business. At the business, she puts up a tree each year, and on the tree hang small cards and the like with the names of poor children that have nothing. Also on the card is the individual child's wish from "Santa". The idea is employees take a name, and buy the gift the child wants, in essence becoming Santa to a child who otherwise would stop believing when he or she received nothing.
The United States Marine Corps has for many decades run a program called "Toys for Tots", in which Marines all over the country set up stations where old, broken, or long-forgotten toys are collected, repaired, repainted, and redistributed to needy children all over this nation. The repair work is done solely and happily by otherwise big, tough, Marine guys...who find a small part of their heart to soften to do such a task.
Where is Santa? Well, he's not necessarily in a song...but he could be. He for the most part is not contained in any religious atmosphere, which is astounding since peace, love, and compassion are Santa's greatest virtues, and this is what each church, synagogue, mosque, and temple is supposed to be about.
He's here alright, we've just lost sight of him in the Black Friday, political bs-ing, and gimme-that-Cabbage-Patch-doll-it's-the-last-one world we have created. Santa is out there, contained in each and every one of us....from Marines to Band parents, and everything in between...he's there, alive still - but on a bit of a life support system. It's up to all of you to bring him out. Instead of diving for the last HDTV on sale, hold the door for someone who may actually get there before you because of your act of kindness. Stop complaining for a few weeks and do something to bring about change. And speaking of change...the guy who sleeps at the 7-Eleven and hasn't bathed in 3 months? Give him some of your change, and if he decides to use it to buy a bottle of Boone's Farm wine, so what? Let him buy it and stop being such a moralist.
Yeah...honestly the question isn't, "Where is Santa?" The question is, "Why has he stopped being who he was supposed to be?"
Peace. No...seriously this time. Peace.
Ok, I said...question #1: Which iteration of "The world is coming to an end" are we on? I explained that I'd heard it in 1975, 1976, 1979, 1982, 1985, 1986, 1994, 1995, 1999, 2001, and now 2006. So was I up-to-date, or were there other world-ending scenario's that I was unaware of?
They declined to answer, but I gave them the dollar anyways. I moved on to my second question. "Have you seen Santa Claus?" This question seemed to set them on edge, and they explained to me that there was no Santa Claus...however, if you flipped the letters around, one could easily see the word Santa becoming S-a-t-a-n. Ohhhhhhh....so Santa is actually Satan?
"Yes" was their reply. Santa is actually Satan in disguise, henceforth the homonym...or is it synonym? Dammit, I haven't watched "Jeopardy" in a while, so I forgot the name of the category. "Potent Potables"?...Naaahhh, that's not it. "Flippety-Floppity words"?...ummmmm, maybe. Anagrams I believe is the proper term, but that always sounds like something you received from your Aunt in Iowa during the Second World War.
So I looked at them and said, "Do you believe in Angels?" They replied with a rather dull look in their eyes, "You mean dead people who look over the living?" I said yes, and they pondered this for a moment, then said "Yes, we probably do". This lead to me saying, "If I'm not wrong, Angels turned around is A-n-g-l-e-s, which means that geometry must be the subject of the Gods...which means since I probably flunked Geometry because I was more concerned with what was under Susan Schulteiz's skirt than the differential of the Isocelese Triangle and the obtuse non-sequitur squared, then I need to be saved, and I mean in a hurry. But in the meantime, have you or have you NOT seen Santa Claus?"
They left silently with their two dollars in hand, and I successfully proved that the difference between a Jehovah's Witness and a smart ass was simply a bundle of brain cells unused by one of the two...you decide which.
On the soccer field one day soon after, I looked at fellow parent - a Doctor named Schwartz - and asked him, "Have you seen Santa Claus?"
"Oh hell yeah", he answered. "Thank goodness for Santa Claus. He's all over the mall, and my cousin's business - down nearly 13% since July - is booming because of the big guy..."Have I seen Santa Claus?" "You betcha...last night on the NASDAQ report...I saw him totally."
I decided to go down to the Islam AlSalam - "Peace is Islam" Mosque. In there, I found an Imam willing to talk to me. At first, he thought I was going to ask him why so many Muslims profess peace but do so with the sword - or the car bomb in this case - but he was surprised when I asked him, "Do you believe the world is going in the right direction?".
He responded eloquently and at great length about the state of the world as he saw it. I then asked him, "Have you seen Santa Claus?", to which he got very agitated and said in no-uncertain terms that Santa was the Great Satan. I said to him, "I thought President Bush was the Great Satan?", and he replied that he was indeed, but during December, he was replaced as the Great Satan by the fat guy in the red suit. It was all becoming pretty clear now...Santa was the Great Satan, President Bush was the pretty decent Satan, and there wasn't much difference between a Jehovah's Witness and a Muslim, save for a few pounds of TNT and a '76 Datsun no one was using any more.
But the question still remained, where the heck was Santa?
I once again found myself on a sports field. There was a little girl trying her best to hit the ball off of a tee...try as she might, she kept swinging the bat in an awkward motion and hitting the tee...the ball falling harmlessly to the ground. Her mother and father were hiding their heads in their hands, afraid to acknowledge the child struggling was their own.
No Santa Claus here.
I was at a Friday night High School football game - a very exciting and stimulating playoff game - and I was seated next to two parents who didn't know the difference between an "first down" and a "first kiss". I asked them why they were there...and they told me "Their son was in the band and they were there to watch and support him." I asked how he was doing, and they told me they didn't care, as long as he was there and they were there to see it.
I couldn't help but wonder if I was getting closer to my answer.
A friend of mine owns a business. At the business, she puts up a tree each year, and on the tree hang small cards and the like with the names of poor children that have nothing. Also on the card is the individual child's wish from "Santa". The idea is employees take a name, and buy the gift the child wants, in essence becoming Santa to a child who otherwise would stop believing when he or she received nothing.
The United States Marine Corps has for many decades run a program called "Toys for Tots", in which Marines all over the country set up stations where old, broken, or long-forgotten toys are collected, repaired, repainted, and redistributed to needy children all over this nation. The repair work is done solely and happily by otherwise big, tough, Marine guys...who find a small part of their heart to soften to do such a task.
Where is Santa? Well, he's not necessarily in a song...but he could be. He for the most part is not contained in any religious atmosphere, which is astounding since peace, love, and compassion are Santa's greatest virtues, and this is what each church, synagogue, mosque, and temple is supposed to be about.
He's here alright, we've just lost sight of him in the Black Friday, political bs-ing, and gimme-that-Cabbage-Patch-doll-it's-the-last-one world we have created. Santa is out there, contained in each and every one of us....from Marines to Band parents, and everything in between...he's there, alive still - but on a bit of a life support system. It's up to all of you to bring him out. Instead of diving for the last HDTV on sale, hold the door for someone who may actually get there before you because of your act of kindness. Stop complaining for a few weeks and do something to bring about change. And speaking of change...the guy who sleeps at the 7-Eleven and hasn't bathed in 3 months? Give him some of your change, and if he decides to use it to buy a bottle of Boone's Farm wine, so what? Let him buy it and stop being such a moralist.
Yeah...honestly the question isn't, "Where is Santa?" The question is, "Why has he stopped being who he was supposed to be?"
Peace. No...seriously this time. Peace.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
College Football in Florida
What is the difference between UCF and Duke?
March
What is the difference between novocaine and the Hurricanes?
One numbs you and causes drool to run off of your mouth. The other runs off at the mouth which causes everyone listening to go numb. The second difference? After a while, novocaine stops.
And finally...
What is the difference between Cheerio's and the Seminoles?
Cheerio's belong in a bowl.
Say goodnight Gracie..."Goodnight Gracie..."
March
What is the difference between novocaine and the Hurricanes?
One numbs you and causes drool to run off of your mouth. The other runs off at the mouth which causes everyone listening to go numb. The second difference? After a while, novocaine stops.
And finally...
What is the difference between Cheerio's and the Seminoles?
Cheerio's belong in a bowl.
Say goodnight Gracie..."Goodnight Gracie..."
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Exit polls and Nancy
Remarkable things happened last night, the least of which was the Republicans getting spanked around as predicted - and in some ways - deservedly so.
The first is the story of the exit polls. 62% of all respondents to exit polls said Iraq was the reason they voted Democratic, regardless of their individual affiliation. That's where the mainstream media ended the story of the exit polls, and Keith Olberman and others are happy to report the story in this fashion.
However, the info from those polls is not quite the same as being reported. Actually, 40% of the respondents continued with their individual complaints about Iraq by saying it was the lack of a clear victory, the stagnant or perceived stagnant progress, and the lack of a quality end plan to get out that dictated their vote. Much like the reported polls story above, those are all legitimate reasons to vote for a change in the leadership, it's just that fine line between saying "Everyone wants us out of Iraq", and "Everyone wants a quantified resolution in Iraq" are two completely different things.
It's not semantics...Those two schools of thought are as opposite as apples and bowling balls.
Now for Nancy. In a speech given last night, Representative Pelosi was acknowleging her new role as the speaker of the house. She said, "The American people have spoken, and they want me and others to force a change. We're ready to govern".
I want you to think about this for a moment. Along with all the elections and proposed local policy changes, there were 9 more states who went to vote to amend their state constitutions definition of marriage as A union of one man and one woman. Eight of the 9 states passed the amendment, with Arizona saying "no" by a 51-49 margin. That brings the total to 26 states that have modified their constitutions.
Why do I bring up the marriage amendment after talking about Representative Pelosi? What do they have to do with one another? Hang on sparky, I'm getting there.
Representative Pelosi told us "She" was going to lead us down a new path. With all respect to Speaker Pelosi and her new position, the events of last night are very clear. Most American's didn't vote democratic because they wanted to be led by Ms. Pelosi. They voted for a change in personnel, not a change in ideology, and the marriage amendments passing is but one major example of that.
If Nancy really wants to affect change, she'll be wise to recognize this fact - as well as the fact that the vast majority of newly elected democrats are moderate centrist's - and make her moves from there. Not many people want to go down the road that Nancy would lead us, just as America is saying to the current Presidency "Your hard ass conservatism isn't doin' it for us, Mr. President, and we want a different philosophy".
So I hope in my heart of hearts there is change. But it will take foresight and intelligence to do it. I think the changes in power might be a good thing...we'll have to see.
Oh...and one more thing. I don't want to hear "It can't be any worse", because the minute someone says that - it falls even farther.
Peace.
The first is the story of the exit polls. 62% of all respondents to exit polls said Iraq was the reason they voted Democratic, regardless of their individual affiliation. That's where the mainstream media ended the story of the exit polls, and Keith Olberman and others are happy to report the story in this fashion.
However, the info from those polls is not quite the same as being reported. Actually, 40% of the respondents continued with their individual complaints about Iraq by saying it was the lack of a clear victory, the stagnant or perceived stagnant progress, and the lack of a quality end plan to get out that dictated their vote. Much like the reported polls story above, those are all legitimate reasons to vote for a change in the leadership, it's just that fine line between saying "Everyone wants us out of Iraq", and "Everyone wants a quantified resolution in Iraq" are two completely different things.
It's not semantics...Those two schools of thought are as opposite as apples and bowling balls.
Now for Nancy. In a speech given last night, Representative Pelosi was acknowleging her new role as the speaker of the house. She said, "The American people have spoken, and they want me and others to force a change. We're ready to govern".
I want you to think about this for a moment. Along with all the elections and proposed local policy changes, there were 9 more states who went to vote to amend their state constitutions definition of marriage as A union of one man and one woman. Eight of the 9 states passed the amendment, with Arizona saying "no" by a 51-49 margin. That brings the total to 26 states that have modified their constitutions.
Why do I bring up the marriage amendment after talking about Representative Pelosi? What do they have to do with one another? Hang on sparky, I'm getting there.
Representative Pelosi told us "She" was going to lead us down a new path. With all respect to Speaker Pelosi and her new position, the events of last night are very clear. Most American's didn't vote democratic because they wanted to be led by Ms. Pelosi. They voted for a change in personnel, not a change in ideology, and the marriage amendments passing is but one major example of that.
If Nancy really wants to affect change, she'll be wise to recognize this fact - as well as the fact that the vast majority of newly elected democrats are moderate centrist's - and make her moves from there. Not many people want to go down the road that Nancy would lead us, just as America is saying to the current Presidency "Your hard ass conservatism isn't doin' it for us, Mr. President, and we want a different philosophy".
So I hope in my heart of hearts there is change. But it will take foresight and intelligence to do it. I think the changes in power might be a good thing...we'll have to see.
Oh...and one more thing. I don't want to hear "It can't be any worse", because the minute someone says that - it falls even farther.
Peace.
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