Monday, June 29, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Oh my myself. I swear to myself, this is the truth
Hey Everybody, God here.
I just wanted to clear up a few misconceptions, misunderstandings, and outright lies that have been perpetrated down there in earthland by the Jim and Tammy Fae's over the years. Where should I start? Oh yeah...
OJ, Patsy Ramsey, and Casey Anthony did it. Yes they did. Last year I got into this heated argument at the gate. Peter called me saying Patsy was demanding entrance, and that I had better go intervene. I got there and all I could say was "Patsy...are you fucking kidding me? I'm Me, and I SAW YOU DO IT". Needless to say, she was still arguing when the Archangel Herb was placing her on the elevator and pushing the down button 17 times. You get 17 levels deeper if you fit into that special category that Patsy did. I gotta write myself a note to check up on her and see how she's doing.
Are you listening Casey??? You're getting 17 pushes yourself. Maybe 18...I'm still undecided.
Ok...now that we're laying it on the line, so to speak, let me address this issue of Allah. Those violent, illiterate, backwoods bastards think they're praying 5 times a day to ME! They even screwed up the instruction manual. Actually, I said bring "love" and those assholes thought I said "Rugs" and so they drag a piece of weather-worn carpet around in the desert to kneel on, instead of just getting the fuck down and doing it right.
Alright, back to the original sentence. When I saw how stuuuupid these idiots were, I gave them to my cousin Acknad Sooliman IV, gave him the nickname Allah, and sent those stupid ass-wipes a message to get them all in line with cousin Acknad. I clearly said "destroy all the reigns" not in favor with me, and I swear to myself I never - ever - said "destroy all the planes". Good myself in Heaven, talk about lost in translation!
Ok, let's cover this health care issue o-n-e m-o-r-e t-i-m-e. I remember it as if it were last Tuesday - actually I think it WAS last Tuesday - I told Barry..."the program is meant to support people who work, but don't get paid enough to enjoy genuinely good health care", but that dipshit somehow twisted that to say, "Even if you only make $10 an hour, I'm gonna tax the shit outta you so your lazy-assed neighbor on food stamps and welfare gets the same health considerations you do".
And this ladies and germs (I loved Miltie...had him appear at the Heavenly Oasis just the other night. I had grrreeeaaat seats!)...Oh, sorry....as I was saying, every time I say something there are whole groups of douchebags who totally fuck it up. Most of them profess this that and the other thing about themselves, but in truth they wouldn't know the difference between sacrifice and sacrilege if I sent a cobra down to bite them in the neck with it. Perhaps I should...note to self...
Jim Jones, David Koresch, Adolf Hitler, and Jerry Seinfeld immediately come to mind. Stop selling your lame bullshit to the masses, or you too will not have your contract renewed. Along those lines, I gotta be totally honest with you. I was the guy who started the "World is gonna end in 2012" crap, which I thought was hysterically funny until A&E and the Discovery Channel made millions doing stories about it, but now I'm reconsidering whether or not to really do it. I mean, I can't even get spare parts for my Hummer now that you guys have totally fucked that up, and my condo in Vail has been so depreciated I'll end up taking a major bath if I try and sell it. WTF are you all doing down there?
I created Walt Disney and gave him all that swamp land for fun and frolic, but Orlando is now the home to over a hundred intercity drug and violence related murders a year? I know I set aside that shit for D.C. because I wanted the assholes running the U.S. to be running for their cars in fear at night. But I never wanted Sea World messed with.
I'm so fed up with your behavior and attitudes, it's pissing me off in a celestial way. Yep...he's white and you're black. Deal with it or I'll be forced to deal with you. I'm not perfect myself....Myself knows I created lawyers in the mistaken belief they would provide justice in the world, but when the guy drank a fifth of Jack and killed the whole family on I-84, I didn't want you attorneys to sue Jack Daniels, you dipshits! Sue the dink who drank the shit, and get your priorities straight.
Ohhh my Myself...I have a headache. Get it right down there Myself dammit! Love thy neighbor and all that garbage, or you'll be facing the biggest shitstorm since Jesse Helms was elected in South Carolina. I mean it!
KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF!!!
- G
I just wanted to clear up a few misconceptions, misunderstandings, and outright lies that have been perpetrated down there in earthland by the Jim and Tammy Fae's over the years. Where should I start? Oh yeah...
OJ, Patsy Ramsey, and Casey Anthony did it. Yes they did. Last year I got into this heated argument at the gate. Peter called me saying Patsy was demanding entrance, and that I had better go intervene. I got there and all I could say was "Patsy...are you fucking kidding me? I'm Me, and I SAW YOU DO IT". Needless to say, she was still arguing when the Archangel Herb was placing her on the elevator and pushing the down button 17 times. You get 17 levels deeper if you fit into that special category that Patsy did. I gotta write myself a note to check up on her and see how she's doing.
Are you listening Casey??? You're getting 17 pushes yourself. Maybe 18...I'm still undecided.
Ok...now that we're laying it on the line, so to speak, let me address this issue of Allah. Those violent, illiterate, backwoods bastards think they're praying 5 times a day to ME! They even screwed up the instruction manual. Actually, I said bring "love" and those assholes thought I said "Rugs" and so they drag a piece of weather-worn carpet around in the desert to kneel on, instead of just getting the fuck down and doing it right.
Alright, back to the original sentence. When I saw how stuuuupid these idiots were, I gave them to my cousin Acknad Sooliman IV, gave him the nickname Allah, and sent those stupid ass-wipes a message to get them all in line with cousin Acknad. I clearly said "destroy all the reigns" not in favor with me, and I swear to myself I never - ever - said "destroy all the planes". Good myself in Heaven, talk about lost in translation!
Ok, let's cover this health care issue o-n-e m-o-r-e t-i-m-e. I remember it as if it were last Tuesday - actually I think it WAS last Tuesday - I told Barry..."the program is meant to support people who work, but don't get paid enough to enjoy genuinely good health care", but that dipshit somehow twisted that to say, "Even if you only make $10 an hour, I'm gonna tax the shit outta you so your lazy-assed neighbor on food stamps and welfare gets the same health considerations you do".
And this ladies and germs (I loved Miltie...had him appear at the Heavenly Oasis just the other night. I had grrreeeaaat seats!)...Oh, sorry....as I was saying, every time I say something there are whole groups of douchebags who totally fuck it up. Most of them profess this that and the other thing about themselves, but in truth they wouldn't know the difference between sacrifice and sacrilege if I sent a cobra down to bite them in the neck with it. Perhaps I should...note to self...
Jim Jones, David Koresch, Adolf Hitler, and Jerry Seinfeld immediately come to mind. Stop selling your lame bullshit to the masses, or you too will not have your contract renewed. Along those lines, I gotta be totally honest with you. I was the guy who started the "World is gonna end in 2012" crap, which I thought was hysterically funny until A&E and the Discovery Channel made millions doing stories about it, but now I'm reconsidering whether or not to really do it. I mean, I can't even get spare parts for my Hummer now that you guys have totally fucked that up, and my condo in Vail has been so depreciated I'll end up taking a major bath if I try and sell it. WTF are you all doing down there?
I created Walt Disney and gave him all that swamp land for fun and frolic, but Orlando is now the home to over a hundred intercity drug and violence related murders a year? I know I set aside that shit for D.C. because I wanted the assholes running the U.S. to be running for their cars in fear at night. But I never wanted Sea World messed with.
I'm so fed up with your behavior and attitudes, it's pissing me off in a celestial way. Yep...he's white and you're black. Deal with it or I'll be forced to deal with you. I'm not perfect myself....Myself knows I created lawyers in the mistaken belief they would provide justice in the world, but when the guy drank a fifth of Jack and killed the whole family on I-84, I didn't want you attorneys to sue Jack Daniels, you dipshits! Sue the dink who drank the shit, and get your priorities straight.
Ohhh my Myself...I have a headache. Get it right down there Myself dammit! Love thy neighbor and all that garbage, or you'll be facing the biggest shitstorm since Jesse Helms was elected in South Carolina. I mean it!
KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF!!!
- G
Saturday, June 20, 2009
At it again
Ever wonder why that fashion explosion of turtle necks, sweater vests and subtly checked trousers didn't catch on? Look no more. I have no idea where the hand on her shoulder is coming from; perhaps it was superimposed into the picture like the fake farm background has been to make these guys seem less gay (good luck with that).
Finally....finally....I see an album cover with some nice, wholesome, clean cut...woah!!!! "let me touch HIM"""??? Never saw that one coming, but Methinks it the title could throw off the gospel message somewhat.
The Keithen's were the original Brady family, but as you can clearly see the T.V. show only kept Alice the maid and Jan. That hair became the model for the space shuttle docking facility at Kennedy Space Center in the late 1960's. Check out "Alice's" face...she has no idea which person is goosing her at shutter-point, but they had damn sure better cut it out. In any even, the McKeithen's obviously had the same clothing rep as the Country Church folks, above.
Following his smash hit, "Poem's for Heterosexual Cats" our Irish friend Paddy created this living masterpiece. I can't see any hands in the barrel, but that dogie looks fairly spent to me. DECCA records put this one out long before their federal trial on child porn charges exposed the name DECCA was a clever play on words for decadent.
Ummmmmm...hey, what the hell? It even comes with Special Instruction Booklets (plural!). And it's two LP's to boot!
Songs like....
He likes his steak medium well....
Don't rub his foot so hard in that spot... and an all-timer favorite...
If you see him wihout a beer, get up and go get one for him
In any event, this LP lead to a complete social revolution in this country...ummm....perhaps it caused a social revolution in this country...either way....shit changed after this, an for the better by the way. Without such ground-breaking boldness as this, how could we have ever produced
THIS....
Uhhhhhhhhh....oh fuck! Since I DO believe in Miracles and I DO believe in God....oh fuck....I have nothing to say about this one....nothing....really!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
Back for more
Upbound? More like hell-bound if you decide to use that ax on anything other than timber. I gotta figure "Butch''
is the one in the fabulously flowered shirt with the 17 inch long collar - however I could be wrong and Butch could be the chick **Wink** **Wink**
All your friends are dead, huh Freddie? Is that because they are in little pieces in the back of your 1968 Lincoln Continental, victims of Butch's gospel ax?
Listen...you got one phone call. Make it count!
Oh my God in heaven! This is what Kid Rock was supposed to look like before his sex change operation. This guy makes rednecks blush with embarrassment. Check out his "Smash Hits":
I seen her first...
Ain't above lyin'... and his platinum seller...
I got sumpin dat itches
WTF?? The missing piece is about 12 inches too far right and 3 inches too far down. The name Biffy Clyro alone is a puzzle, I'll bet you no one on God's Green Earth understands the meaning behind his music. And why are those two men taking away his desk? His clothes are probably in the bottom right drawer.
Ahhhh....Abba with the backwards "B". You gotta love a Swedish group singing in English on an album titled in Spanish all the while dressed like the crew of "Lost in Space" in the Telexstar 4 Nebula.
Judy Robinson? Is that you?
The Amason twins, otherwise known by their first names, Hansel and Dorkel. If the Lord is coming again, can we get him to wear something other than my Aunt Edna's tablecloth this time? And is it just me, or do you also see their hair as being combed in-sync for this photograph?
Joyce my old friend! Joyce is making his....ummmm...her... 2nd appearance on my blog, this time for her...ummm....his... highly acclaimed album "under the knife of my Swedish sex-change surgeon". Joyce has this really cool trick she does at parties during drinking games...she shoves her pinky finger through the soft spot in her skull that came about because of that accident in '67 with the pipe fitters truck. She can roll one eye left while making a gushy squeaking sound out of the other....I guess you have to be there to appreciate the hilarity of it.
Wow! Benjamin Netanyahoo, Golda Meier, and Jamie Farr in their younger days before they decided to bomb Gaza on a regular basis. In this photo, they are spoofing Yassir Arafat calling for a cease-fire with Mosha Diane.
Hit singles include:
I gotta samaltz for ya baby...
Bomb ya? I'm gonna fuckin annihilate ya...
and everyones favorite:
My cousin Lou married a Syrian once...once!
Holy Fuckin Shit!!!!
Count my blessings???
There are so many ways looking at this cover makes me do just that. Let's start with the Jack Nicholson impressionist on the left. "You can't handle the fuckin truth, asshole". That truth being that although this was intended to be a spiritual awakening, it looks more like Bat Masterson's wake after O.K. Corral. The dude on the right with no blood circulating in his face? Your guess is as good as mine. The baby grew up to be a child singer/porn star who bailed out of heroin rehab at age 11 and is now trying to get together a reality T.V. show together called "Think your life was fucked?" So far, only Showtime has issued a feeler on the project.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Saturday, June 06, 2009
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