"...with Gilligan - the Skipper too. The millionaire...and his wife"....

Dawn Wells, the often overlooked but very-pretty-in-a-homespun-kind-of-way girl from a thousand pre-pubescent dreams, was sentenced to 6 months unsupervised probation for her arrest on October 18th, 2007. Mrs. Wells, now 348 years old, was convicted of reckless driving, possession of marijuana, and a smoking device.

(Gimme a break, huh? I didn't use the term "Marijuana smoking device." The media, who tries to act like they don't know what a one-hitter is - did)

In any event, the former Gilligan's Island sweet thing was given a three hour tour...a three hour tour...of the Teton Idaho County Police Station. (Presumably also known as, "Merle's po-lees station and one-stop pelt emporium")

The weather started getting rough, so the trial was moved until after Elk season, allowing the Justice of the Peace to get in his winter sporting. (He duz have a tuch of the bad heart, ya know)

In any case, miss Wells, who turns 411 years old next Tuesday, spoke only through her attorney. "I wanted to thank several people", the prepared statement read. "If not for the courage of the fearless crew, this case may have been lost."

Ever done this?

Question of the day:

"Ever dump on a friend?"

Seriously. Ever thrown a real friend under the bus? I never have. EVER. Have I angered friends, pissed off friends, ended friendships? Of course.
But intentionally...deliberately...quantifiably...maliciously...tossed a true friend into the pit with the Lions?

I wouldn't even know how. Wait...strike that last comment. I actually would know how, because I've seen it done, as well as had it done to me.

As recently as today.

A friend...a co-worker...a confidant on the highest order...someone I had personally seen to it that they received extra bonus money; extra praise heaped upon them by upper management; even an extra promotion that they probably didn't deserve...

Dumped on me.

Spit on me.

Let me down.

Abandoned and forgot about everything done for them - by me.

For no reason other than to do it.

Without provocation or excuse.

In a public setting, no less.

And to top it off...the information forwarded for all to hear was total bullshit.

We live in a sad, sad, sad, sad, world. Respect, loyalty, and personal accountability are just words on a poster on the HR office walls. They're neither adhered to or believed, therefore we live in a sad, sad, sad, world.

And today...I'm the king of the sad people. Tomorrow, it'll all be yesterday's news and not worth two lines in a paragraph. But today, sadness and betrayal get top billing.

That's why anyone outside of the blog world who knows me....knows I have 3, perhaps 4...friends. I'm leery of forming any, because as of tonight, I'm down 1.

Again.

Now in session: Stoopidity, 101.

Ok, so you're an illegal immigrant. I get it.

Ok, so you need a drivers license to complete the gig. I get it.

So you paid this white dude $350.00 to make it happen. I get it.

He told you to "bring a good photo of yourself" to him. I get it.

But this is all you had? I doangettit.

If yer gonna come in here illegally, you're better off going someplace where the residents that are going to help you are smarter than say....oh, I don't know...a newell post or a recently discarded banana peel?

Mr. Deity Episode 1: Mr. Deity and the Evil

There are two seasons of this on Crackle.com.

Creative, clever, and hilariously funny.

South City Midnight Lady

No time to blog lately. Take some time and listen to one of my life-long favorite ballads.

The Doobie Brothers

Up all night I could not sleep
The whiskey that I drank was cheap
With shakin hands I went and I lit up my last cigarette

Well the sun came, night had fled
And sleepy eyed I reached my bed
I saw you sleepy dreamin there all covered and warm

South city midnight lady
I'm much obliged indeed
You sure have saved this man whose soul was in need
I thought there was no reason
For all these things I do
But the smile that I sent out returned with you

When day has left the night behind
And shadows roll across my mind
I sometimes find myself alone out walkin the street
Yes, and when I'm feelin down and blue
Then all I do is think of you
And all my foolish problems seem to fade away

South city midnight lady
I'm much obliged indeed
You sure have saved this man whose soul was in need
I thought there was no reason
For all these things I do
But the smile that I sent out returned with you

Finally! Some closure.

http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Top_News/2008/02/18/body_identified_as_gay_lover_of_edward_ii/4841/

English authorities have discovered and unearthed the body of the man suspected to be the gay lover of Edward II of England. The man mysteriously disappeared in 1326. I'm assuming that was the year, and not almost a half past 1 pm military time.

I can't tell you the number of times I've had my children and grandchildren on my knee, telling them the fascinating unsolved mystery of Edward II, and his faithful companion (Ward? Servant? BFF?).

Now it has been solved, once and for all. Thank goodness England isn't spending their money on fruitless pursuits, such as the militant Islamic force that grows daily in their country. Instead, they're spending their money wisely, investigating and bringing to closure a 700 year old mystery.

God Bless the Queen !

As sure as the Sun rises

How to get your Blog read by dozens, daily:

5. Post drawings done by children, complete with cute and amusing anecdotes about the horrors of changing diapers and chasing school buses down suburbia's streets. Chance of readership: 20%

4. Avoid topics that stir argumentative thought or emotion. Make it an essential requirement of your blog to use only 3 syllable words, unless they are words like "Philadelphia" and "Delicatessen". Chance of readership: 37%

3. Post lots of pictures of birds, squirrels on fence tops, and your amazing vacation trip to the Carlsbad Canyons. Explain to all of us - once and for all - the difference between a stalactite and a stalagmite. Chance of readership: 51%

2. Use the word "sex" in your blog title, and talk publicly about the things you like to do in the bedroom or wherever. Chance of readership: 72%

1. Write an anti-male, "How come all 3 billion men on the planet are totally screwed up and don't like me?" blog. Hundreds women, all in the same state of affairs, will commiserate with you, telling you how much they too are delightful to be around, and how they cannot explain why all 3 billion men on the planet too stupid to see this. This will in turn, cause hundreds more to send you advice, telling you how they - charming, beautiful, and a "real catch" - handle the 3 billion or so males on the planet that are obviously so blind and brain dead, they can't see the Forrest through the football game. Talk of such things like his inablility to recognize snuggling time, and by no means ever become the least bit introspective with regards to your own attitudes and behaviors. Lay blame squarely on the male of the species, and you will develop friendships in kind from thousands floating in the same Titanic-like row boats you are in. Your blog will be more popular than Lindsay Lohan at the Tuesday night AA meeting on Wilshire Blvd, Beverly Hills. Chance of readership: 98%

What? The truth hurts? Always has, hasn't it?

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!!

Remember that phrase? "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain"? It was from the Wizard of Oz, and it showed us all there was no great and powerful Oz...just some dude throwning switches. Such is - sadly - the case when you go to Disney World. You think you're in Orlando, but you're not. You're actually in one of the seven theme parks that make up "Greater Orlando", only 1 of which is actual Orlando itself.

The first theme park is the area where Disney, Sea World, and Universal Studios are. No need to elaborate, except to point out that they are actually in Kissimmee, which is a Seminole Indian word meaning, "Three T-shirt...10 Dollah."

The 2nd theme park is located west of Orlando and north of Disney. This park is called, "The Tiger Woods Experience". If you make $50 million annually, with no ceiling on your earnings, you can take part in the TWE. Nothing but "A-Listers" in sports and hollywood living here. Arnold Palmer, Westley Snipes, Tiger...you get the picture.

Theme park 3 is located east, southeast of the city, and is known as "The B-list Expess." These are the poor and unfortunate athletes and tv people that make $25 million a year, but not $50 million as a base. Annika Sorrenstam of LPGA fame is an example of a resident.

The fourth theme park, running east to west across the entire north of the actual Orlando, taking in cities such as Apopka, Winter Park, Winter Springs, Longwood, Lake Mary, Oviedo, and Sanford, is called "Caucasianland." Caucasionland is where the working middle, uppper middle, and moderately upper class permanent Florida residents live. I in fact, live in Caucasionland. It takes about $100,000.00 to $5 million a year to live here.

All the above are what you see in the tv ads, the tv shows, the brochures, etc., and they call themselves Orlando. But they're not.

Two more theme parks lie to the Northwest and the due south of actual Orlando. To the northwest, you have "The Animal Kingdom." Nooooooo, not that animal kingdom....this one. They are family owned and family run farms; have been for 150 or so years. Cattle, pigs, horses, etc. They are self supporting and staunchly country in nature.

The sixth theme park is due south, and runs east to west like Caucasionland does. It's where the last vestiges of the once-thriving Central Florida citrus industry once was. There are still some citrus groves, but not many. There are farms with crops and vegetables, and lots of Fern farms. This theme park - by nature - is what is known as "Hispanoville." Years ago they were called migrant workers. They then became immigrants, soon followed by the term Illegal immigrants, and they are now undocumented workers or some such shit. Same time, same channel, new title. The fifth and sixth theme parks get no mention on TV or in advertisements. Sometimes they get in the pages of National Geographic, but that's about it. Which brings us to theme park number 7, the actual Orlando.

This would be the place you all think you're going to when you come here. Theme park #7 is called "Crime Spree Island." This is the place that is the actual zip code and tax code Orlando, and stretches east to west from Disney to The B-list Express. You will NEVER EVER hear of this Orlando in anything, even though it is the true Orlando. 85% African American, 9% Hispanic, 3% Asian, and 3% White, this place is a jungle not unlike any major metropolis in America. The school drop out rate, the single parent rate, the homeless rate, the domestic violence rate, the drug crime rate, the murder rate, and the desperation rate, all equal or exceed national averages.

But you don't know this.

In 2006, Orlando set a personal record with 92 murders. In 2007, they bested that with 108 murders, and in 2008, the newest trend is towards multiple slayings, which is great for the statistics. If a 15 year old blows away his entire immediate family - plus grandma and grandpa - that covers a whole week that may have slowed things down. Pretty neat, huh? There are 39 schools in Orlando proper: 21 Elementary, 13 Middle, and 5 High Schools. The drop out rate is 9.8%, and that includes the middle and elementary schools. You can count on one hand the number of schools that pass the state competancy grades, with only 1 of the 5 getting a C. The rest scrape by with D's. Conversely, the Caucasionland schools are numero uno in the state, and have ranked between 5th and 9th Nationally the last 10 years. Caucasionland fills school seats at Harvard, Stanford, and Notre Dame. Crime Spree Island fills jail cells and wall space at the Post Office. If you took Orlando by itself, it would have been 3rd in the nation in murders per capita last year. It was not, because they include the TWE, B-List, and Caucasionland in Orlando as a whole in their figures, so its murder rate falls out of the top 100.

But you don't know this.

The mayor and the governor are not going to stop tourism - and the billions of dollars annually - by telling you this. So when your kids in Fargo ND are stoked about coming to Orlando, they have no idea that they are going nowhere near Orlando.

They are headed to the sanitized, plasticized, scrubbed and washed, freshly painted, Old Spice Body sprayed, version of the world the local politico's call: Orlando.

I wish it was Orlando, but it's not.

Jack or Leona ??

The late, nasty sociopathic Leona [ "I don't pay taxes. That's what those little, insignificant people do." ] Helmsley has had her photo on MSN.com the last two days. Was I the only person who noticed?

Mr. Clemens goes to Washington

Whether or not you watch or even care in the slightest about sports, you would have to have been stuck under a rock for the past oh.....I don't know...at least 4 weeks to not know that the greatest pitcher to ever walk the planet had to answer to Congress allegations of Steroid and Human Growth Hormone today. I'll not bother you with the back-story or the details. I'd rather just draw you a simile to describe the greater problem in Major League Baseball.

Since the early 1990's, many of the highest officials in baseball were calling for drug testing. Not necessarily for steroids per se, but for amphetamines, cocaine, and marijuana. In 2003, 12 - 13 years later, they finally got the players union to agree to steroid testing. No HGH testing, and no amphetamines testing.

The Problem - Part I:

Obviously, from the late 1970's on, illegal drugs had steadily become a problem in our society, and baseball was no exception. Enter the 1990's, and baseball and our nations back-room chemists came up with new, more productive (and symmetrically more dangerous) drugs for the boys of summer to try.

The Problem - Part II:

A man named Donald Fehr entered the picture as the legal council for the MLB Players Assn. He spearheaded the crybaby antics of the players and caused the strike and subsequent cancelling of the 1994 season, mere weeks before the playoffs and world series. The animals were now clearly running the farm.

The Problem - Part III:

In an effort to lure angry fans back into the empty ballparks of 1995 through 1997, baseball looked the other way. Way, way, way, the other way. Home runs started flying out of the park faster than Michael Jackson volunteering to chaperone a 3rd grade field trip to SeaWorld. Calls for more stringent oversight within the confines of MLB (which included the aforementioned drug testing again) were thwarted by our old friend, Donald Fehr.

In each case, Fehr stated that he was only doing his required job as the appointed legal counsel of the players. More on this statement, later.

If you have a 17 year old son or daughter who is consistently skipping class in their senior year of high school, who is the school coming after to get to the source of the problem? Correct: The Parents.

If the nation of Turkey is found to have been shipping heroine into Iraq, and we suddenly had 5,000 service men and women hooked on the shit, would Congress be calling some private or staff sergeant to appear before them? Of course not. General Highpants would be there.

Although there is a certain level of individual responsibility in both these examples, the oversight authority investigating each matter would take up the main dialog with the powers that be. So why is Roger Clemens appearing before Congress, and not baseball commissioner Bud Selig, his predecessor, each and every owner and general manager, and definitely why isn't Donald Fehr - the ultimate enabler - answering the hard questions?

Fehr said he was only acting on the players behalf. I have news for him: If the players wishes were for no drug testing of any kind for nearly 20 years because they knew they would be caught, he had no legal obligation to follow such instructions. Therefore, because he argued, stumped, litigated, and continually quashed any and all attempts to pass qualified drug rules, he himself is guilty of any number of crimes. Coercion; Aiding and Abetting persons in the commission of a felony; Misrepresentation; Fraud; Perjury; and who knows what else?

This thing is a farce based upon this. If you don't go after the people truly responsible, that's just plain wrong. Don't get me wrong; Roger Clemens is no victim.

We the fans are the victims.

What's in a name?

I started this blogging nonsense in January of 2006, under the title "This and That", ultimately subjecting the 3 people who actually read this thing to my inane crap. In January of 2007 - for obvious reasons - I changed it to "Don't read this blog!" No one was anyways, so I thought I may as well give it a more timely name. Well, here we are in 2008, and I'm getting the itch again. I thought of the following:

If I were a lawyer:

"All rise" Or....

"If the glove don't fit...you have to acquit"

A doctor:

"Turn your head and cough" Or...

"Hey doc, what's with the gloves and the jelly?"

A dentist:

"The Molar Express"

An Indian Chief (American Indian, not an Indian Indian from India):

"He who run off at the mouth like a pony with diarrhaea"

Football Player:

"Fourth and forever"

But if I do change it, I think I'll go with a variation of the dental theme and call it:



Impacted Truth



Just thinkin' out loud here.

Who's REALLY afraid of Virginia Wolfe?

In the late 1950's...on my actual day of birth...14 Oct 1957...the Soviet Union launched Sputnik into the outer reaches of our atmosphere. They had also had previously (August, 1949) fully entered the world's nuclear weapons race. Therefore, for the 40-odd years that the Soviet Union was in full throttle as a space, nuclear, and most importantly - hockey - power on the planet, we here in the United States always made sure that our President-elect was the type of person who struck the right amount of fear into the hearts and minds of the Soviet leadership, be that Khrushchev, Gorbachev, or the Iron Chef.

The one thing we had in our favor was the knowledge that the Soviets knew nuclear war was a truly stupid idea, that's why it never occurred. Now, we face a new nemesis: Islamic Extremism and an out-of-control Muslim world-wide birth rate. This is a group that is nowhere near as powerful militarily or politically as the Soviet Union was, but they are 100 times more insidious. And these nimrods are firmly entrenched in this martyrdom nonsense, so a counter-nuclear attack by the western world on their territories and people seems to hold no consequence to them. Which leads to the question:

Now that we have arrived at what appears to be the definitive short list, who strikes fear into the hearts of Bin Laden, Al Zawahiri, and Ahmedinejad?

Senator Clinton
Governor Huckabee
Senator Obama
Senator McCain

These are your choices, and irrespective of party affiliation, our security and survival as a nation depends upon whom you and I ultimately decide is the face that will stare down the bad guys.

So what's it gonna be, buckwheat? Coke or Pepsi?

Things that go creeping off in the night.

Are you a computer person? Do you know every in and out of our mega-technical world, so much so that you can be sitting in Tacoma,Washington right now, yet you know exactly which keystroke I am going to make next, because you have the newest in spyware, or spying wear, or whatever on your computer?

Is that you?

If so, you're a stalker, plain and simple. "Not I", you say. "I don't follow people home late at night running bizzare fantasy's through my head as I do so", you say. But you do follow them home. Right smack into their homes, as a matter of fact. You choose to do it electronically.

Do you type the screen names of other bloggers in an attempt to find out who they really are and maybe even what they look like? Again, you're a stalker. You're teetering right on the edge of violating privacy laws and constitutional rights, and many times you don't even realize how wrong you are.

As an experiment this morning, I googled "JL4". It came up listing a couple of my blogs, a company that makes catheters, and a lot of stuff about a Christian Rock band. Anyone in my non-cyber world knows I'm not a member of any Christian rock band. I cuss too much.

So there is nothing overtly obvious about my assumed title of JL4; at least not in a way that would dictate to you or anyone else who I am and where I live. I will tell all for the first time what it means. It is the first and last initials of my 3 children and my wife, hence: J-L-4. You can try and google all you want, and you won't find anything on me. I'm not famous, infamous, nor am I notorious.

Buuuuuuut....

If you own a device or some software that can somehow latch onto my blog and inform you of which type, color, and size undergarments I have on? You will be notorious someday.
Yesterday I read a comment on a blog which said, "Anyone's information can be found out on the net", directly implying that the commentor had information on the blog owner, derived by snooping around.

That's creepy. That's holy-shit-how-can-I-protect-my-kids-from-the-creepy-blogger-guy-or-girl-? kinda creepy. If you're out there, and this is what you do...cyber sneak around to find out who is who and where they live? Seek professional medical attention, immediately. If you have sought such counselling, and you're still caught up in this, perhaps you should remove yourself from the computer world altogether. You are a threat to yourself and our society. What you do is not amusing; it's not considered a guarranteed act of freedom of choice; and it is not harmless. It's creepy. And that - by default - makes you a creep.

P.S. This post is nothing but a general observation, and was not inspired by any actual event, other than the aforementioned comment to a post that I read. I have no idea if anyone has ever spied on me. I only know I have never done something like that to anyone else. Like I said, It's Creepy, and I'm not a creep.

Are you?

CLC's

There is a new phrase in Iraq, the acronym for which is CLC's. Before I tell you about this, let me say that Nancy Pelosi is on record as saying "The Surge" did not work; past tense. Irrespective of the fact that the surge is still in the present tense, Nancy has taken her past tense defeatist stance. Why?

Because it is the popular way to go. More than half this country wants our men and women out of Iraq, regardless of the consequences.

In 1991, we pulled out. I was part of that withdrawal, and at the time I was totally down with it. President Bush #1 urged the Iraqi people to buck up, unify, and take down Saddam. President Clinton followed with the same message.

And then our sights were turned elsewhere.

Two morons named Milosevic and Kradzic split the then-Yugoslavia into 3 different nation/states: Bosnia, Croatia, and Serbia. In doing so, Milosevic and Kradzic committed the ultimate act of barbarism...genocide. This horrible happening caught the attention of the entire world, and subsequently no one was paying attention to the fact that Saddam was killing people who worked or spoke out against him by the tens of thousands. Yes, a type of genocide was also occurring in Iraq, but we did not see it.

Recently, a Marine raid on an Al Qaeda safe-house yielded a letter written by the lower echelons of the Al Qaeda field leadership to the Al Qaeda headquarters (wherever that may be). In the letter, it stated that CLC's were not only delaying and thwarting Al Qaeda, Iranian, Saudi, and Syrian insurgencies from making progress, the CLC's were out-and-out destroying their efforts to bring chaos and confusion to the region. The letter went on to say that the increased U.S. Military presence (that would be the surge Mrs. Pelosi said was not working) had bolstered the Iraqi people and given rise to the CLC's. The insurgencies are on the run, in other words.

CLC's is the English acronym for the Arabic phrase that means unified and organized resistance. What it stands for is this: Concerned Local Citizenry. Now, there once was a form of CLC in the early to mid-1990's in Iraq, but they had no substantial backing from the U.S. or anyone, and they were extinguished. You know those mass graves we keep finding every couple of weeks????? Those are the forefathers of today’s CLC's, obviously dead and gone at the hands of Saddam. This time is different though. The CLC's have solid, quantified support.

The U.S. government? Noooooo.
The Iraqi government? Nooooooo.
The American people? Nope...not them either.

Then pray tell, JL4...of whom do they fall upon for support? You can't fight back without support, as the mass graves of a decade ago clearly reveal. Who do the people of Iraq trust?

The men and women in the desert fatigues with an American flag sewn to the upper arm, that's who. The Marine. The Special Forces guy. The Ranger. The Airborne dude. The man or woman of the Army Military Intelligence Corps who are schooled and trained to speak Arabic and gain the trust of these brave Iraqi CLC's. These service men and women are the stone pillars to which the Iraqi's have latched themselves onto. The American soldier doesn't care if Iraq becomes a democracy. But they do care about the survival of the CLC's and their children, and the CLC's know this. Iraq has been a den of horrors for a half a century. Most of the Iraqi people have never known peace and contentment. Therefore, the American soldier has no desire to come home until the Iraqi people are free...free from tyranny; free from destruction; free from fear and death. In gaining such trust, the CLC's are now assisting the U.S. forces in the capture and arrest of Al Qaeda or other insurgencies on a daily basis. They (the soldiers) are being told, "325 Barak Obama Lane. There are 13 of the bad guys living in a secret basement of the house." When they go there...surprise, surprise! All 13 are hanging out, making IED's on their prayer rugs.

So Nancy, when you say the surge didn't work, you not only have your tenses wrong, you have your facts wrong as well. When you say "bring our troops home now", you're condemning what is growing in number to the millions - a place in future mass graves that will be discovered in 2015 or 2020. And most importantly, these graves will not be limited to men. There will be women, elderly, and the worlds most precious commodity as well: children.

In closing, I would love to ask Mrs. Pelosi in person, “Nancy, are you prepared to write the letter or go on world-wide television and voice your apology to the Iraqi people? You better be.

Ummmmmm....Yup !!

The King of "Did it"

Pick one of 'em. This photo is from 1998. Chances are, whoever you pick from this band of freaks, he "did it".

Evidently the mystery is finally over. "Did it".
Seriously "did it". Syringes and gauze pads point to the obvious fact that he "did it".
Yes you did Patsy. Yes...you did. You "did it", and I know you "did it". Yes Patsy...you did.

US

Us. Not the U dot S dot United States. This is about us. You and I; him and her; those guys and them.

Us. The quintessential component of happiness.

I heard a story today about a family of four. There is a mom and 3 kids. Dad died suddenly of a massive heart attack. The three kids all have MS, and are confined to wheelchairs. And they're happy. The Red Sox lose on a random Tuesday night in May, and I'm pissed until the next night when they get back on the winning track again. Each of these boys will inevitably predecease their mom. And they're happy. They hang out together, watch movies together, laugh together, go to the doctor together, and commiserate together. You see, this family "get's it."

They understand that "together" is another way of saying "us."

Be honest now. Do you live for yourself? If you do, I'd be willing to bet you're not as happy as you could be. Look at Britney Spears. Look at most of Hollywood, for that matter. Susan Sarandon always taking it to the NYC Police Department. Woody Harrelson climbing the Golden Gate Bridge because we don't listen to PETA enough. These people have millions, are chaufered everywhere, have their asses kissed whereever they go...and they're miserable. Why? Because it's about them. It's always about them. They can't even spell the word "us."

This country needs a collectivity enema; at the very least a suppository. We're all sitting around watching "American Idol" and wondering when the government $200 tax rebate check is going to arrive. We have $4 for that pack of cigs and $6 for the six-pack, but we can't spare a handful of pennies out of the change slot in the car for the homeless dude on the corner. We have expressions like, "What's in it for me?", "What have you done for me lately?", and we say "I" fourteen different times in a standard 5 minute conversation.

232 years ago, Thomas Jefferson took out his feather, dipped in the ink jar and so eloquently wrote:

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.

This is the preamble to the Declaration of Independence, otherwise known as that silly document that talks about things like 'us' and 'we' all the time.

Then again, you could take the position, "Ohhhhh shit. JL4 is a-preachin to us again", then ask me to answer the question, what the hell did Tom Jefferson know about life in 2008?

Nothing, I suppose.

Did Tom ever struggle to download a song onto his iPod from napster? Did John Adams ever file his taxes electronically? Did Ben Franklin have any inkling of what it would be like to have to live in the suburbs and commute to work?

Nope, they knew nothing of such things. You're right. Forget about all this crap I just spewed and go ahead and take care of yourself. It's the American thing to do.

The unbearable likeness of knowing

Iran unveils space center, launches rocket
Many fear program may be cover to more fully develop military missiles.


By Ali Akbar Dareini
updated 3:09 p.m. ET, Mon., Feb. 4, 2008

TEHRAN, Iran - Iran launched a research rocket and unveiled its first major space center, state television reported Monday, the latest steps in a program many fear may be cover to more fully develop its military ballistic missiles.
State television showed live images of the event from the space center, with President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad issuing the launch order in the latest step towards Iran's long declared goal of developing a space program.





Don't you just hate it when some pompous know-it-all like me says to you, "Told you so" ????

Told you so.

Nothing is impossible

Dateline, Tokyo 1945. The Japanese surrender to the Americans, even though they enjoyed a 4 year head start that began on December 7th, 1941.

In 1980, a bunch of college kids primarily from Boston University and the University of Minnesota beat the juggernaut known as the Soviet hockey team on their way to an unlikely - but not impossible - Olympic Gold Medal.

1985 NCAA Basketball Championshp Game. Villanova, despite 2 losses in the season to the mighty Patrick Ewing and Georgetown, shot a perfect 10 for 10 from the field, and hit a perfect 12 for 12 in foul shots in the 2nd half to nip Georgetown and shock - well - everyone.

2004. The Boston Red Sox, despite trailing 3 games to none to the NY Crime Family Yankees, became the first team in the history of all sports to ever to win all four remaining games in a 7 game series, which led to their first World Series win since Charlie Chaplin was a young boy acting in his 5th grade nativity play.

And last night, Ron Howard's illegitimate son, Opie Manning, defeated arguably the finest football team ever assembled in one place and time, sending New Yorkers into a frenzy and making them chant things like, "Yo" and "Yo....I'm taaaawking to you's".

And "Yo".

Take heart out there. Nothing is totally impossible; just sometimes improbable.

Buuuzzzzz!

Mr Manning? There is a Mr. Brady here to see you.

World-Wide Webbing

So here I am, typing on my Al Gore (Remember? He invented it) World-WideWebbing Machine, totally at loss for a topic.

So I figured that truly a picture is worth a thousand words, and here you go

Don't play until you read at least half way through

It was late March, 1991, and we were given the call that we could finally get out of Iraq. We have been in the middle east since July 1990, part of what we called "Club 20,000", otherwise known as the first soldiers to deploy into what was to become known as "Desert Shield" and ultimately, "Desert Storm".

The Armed Forces network was set up by December 1990, and broadcasting inside of Saudi Arabia, but we were part of the unfortunate group that went up into or near the Iraqi border the 1st week of January, 1991. We were then out of range of AFRTS then, and wouldn't hear any music for some time. Not that it really mattered, on January 16th (Jan 17th your time back here in the states) we started the air war, which was as you know, the first phase of the Persian Gulf war.

So we got our notice to go back home, and we convoyed for many hours at breakneck speed just to get the *uck out of Iraq. As we were approaching the Saudi Border early in the morning of our second day in convoy, I asked a young soldier in the back of our Hummer to turn on his portable radio to see if he could pick up AFRTS.

At the exact moment we crossed out of Iraq and into Saudi, this song came on. Now I don't pretend to know very much about the group Wilson-Phillips, no am I a particular fan of radio-pop music, but just hearing an English spoken song - so incredibly ironic as we crossed that border and into what we all knew was our first safe-haven in months...well...you know. It was just nice, and I asked him to turn it up.

As the music and the melody washed over me, I closed my eyes and thought of my dad and mom, my brothers and sisters, and my then 10 year old daughter. As tears welled up in my eyes, there was a feeling of complete comfort in my own emotion. This morning, I had my car radio on some station, and was barely listening to be honest with you, when this song came on.

And I turned it up to a deafening loudness.

Peace

Stop it right now!

On MSN.com (the most widely viewed daily news site in the United States), there is an article today that says U.S. and U.S. military not prepared for a WMD attack."

No shit? For real, Homer? Allow me to use my 21 years of miltary service as a background for this post, and let you in on what should not be - but apparently is - a secret. NO ONE is prepared for a WMD attack. Anywhere in the world; any time now; 40 years ago; or 40 years hence.

No amount of money, training, or physical preparation will prepare this country or any other country for the devestation, totatality, long-range health, birth defects, societal frustration, anger, outrage, and eventual backlash of a bio, chem, or nuclear attack of any consequence. The crushing strain of our medical and burn centers will disintigrate the integrity of the insurance business and governmental health components. I could go on for hours and scare the holy shit out of you with prognostications and speculation on how our nation will self-destruct, but that is for some dimwad at MSN, CNN, or ASS to tell you about.

You see, once the world got a good glimpse of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the way the game was played took on a whole new set of rules. Two countries comprehended both the rules and the implications of violations or infractions of those rules: The US of A and The Soviet Union. After bullshitting about in the early 1960's with Cuba and the United States' willing participation in a war intended to do nothing more than show the Soviets we would do anything, at any cost, to come out on top in the "Who-shot-the-rocket?" show, both sides came to the obvious conclusion that the only way to survive a nuclear war was to not have one. That's how SALT (Strategic Arms Limitation Treaty) and SALTII came about.

If we blew the crap outta Moscow and Vladivostock while they simultaneously barrel-assed Miami and Salt Lake City, the long-term winner would have been? Correct: China.

So the red,white, and blue and the red got together...eyed each other cautiously...and shook hands in the unspoken moment where two parties know something that no one else does. In this case, that would be mutual survivability was the responsibility of both nations.

So if you are a reporter looking for a story, go to UCLA medical center and bother Britney. Stop scaring the shit out of people by telling them their country is not capable of taking care of them, when the truth of the matter is the country never has been able to take care of you with respect to WMD's. Scare tactics are bullshit, and don't create a positive environment for anyone. Instead, tell the truth.

Like I just did.

Cloverfield vs Godzilla

Godzilla = Tokyo
Cloverfield = NYC Advantage: Push

Godzilla = Not afraid to show his face
Cloverfield = Mysterious and missing from view Advantage:Godzilla

Godzilla = Sequel after sequel
Cloverfield = One and done? Advantage: Godzilla

Godzilla = Broken Japaninglish, where the lips don't match the dialog
Cloverfiled = Broken NYC English, where the words don't match the spelling (Kawfee = Coffee)
Advantage: Push

Godzilla = Fire breathing mouth
Cloverfield = Fire producing swats Advantage: Push

Godzilla = Fought King Kong in one sequel
Cloverfield = Fought Jason Giambi after he banged the needle into his arse with the bull testosterone. Advantage: Cloverfield

Godzilla = Filmed in Technicolor
Cloverfield = Filmed with a Sony hand-held bought at Circuit City with an Xmas gift card.
Advantage: Godzilla

Godzilla - Fought the Japanese military and lost
Cloverfield - Fought the U.S. Army and won Advantage? Cloverfield

Godzilla - Died in every version and sequel
Cloverfield - Dead ????? Advantage: Hollywood & Cloverfield

Totals:

Godzilla = 3 Wins 3 Losses 4 Ties(push)

Cloverfield = 3 Wins 3 Losses 4 Ties(push)

Hollywood = 1 Win

Let the debate begin.

Remain Calm at all times

Recently named College Football Coach of the year, Kansas' Mark Mangino was hospitalized yesterday for tests that as of this writing have not been disclosed. Mangino led Kansas to a 12-1 season, culminating in an Orange Bowl victory in Miami on New Years night.

Speculation exists that the rather rotund coach may have eaten pages 2 thru 4 of the Denny's menu on Saturday. Other sources say the missing men's lacrosse team may also tie in with Mangino's recent episodes.

What? What???

Whaaaaaa???

Bawbwa Wawltews has reported that Britney Spears closest friend says she has been seeking psychiatric help, and her mom is supportive. Britney? Mental problems? Noooo waaaay!!!

Senator Ted Kennedy officially endorsed Barak Obama from the Champagne room of the Kitty Kat Club in downtown Boston. Apparently CNN has lowered the flag to half staff in response.

Roger Clemens agent has drafted an 18,000 word document outlining Clemens' career and is attempting to use it to defend his case against steroid and HGH accusations. Apparently, he's unaware of the business model "If it's more than one page, they'll stop reading." Spokesperson for Leonoid Tolstoy had no comment.

The State of the Union is tonight, and the President will speak about the uhhhhhh.....the uhhhhh...the need for more kids to be bi-lingual, and speak languages like Mexican.

CNN reported tonight that 36 soldiers have been killed in Iraq this month, when actually 12 have been Marines. Evidently, CNN does not prescribe to the standard that professionalism means knowing and using proper terminology. Later tonight, they have a story about a meteor or an asteroid - they're not really sure which is which.

The truth about inconsequentisciousness

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — Barry Bonds asked a federal judge to dismiss perjury charges against him Wednesday, arguing the indictment is "scattershot" and noted for its "striking inartfulness."

Scattershot and striking inartfullness? Why not say the conclusions were based upon implausible totalitaryness? Or perhaps, deniable factivity?

While you're at it Barroid, why don't you ask the judge to strike down Roe v Wade....or perhaps set Charlie Manson free? You could make the motion as a combined Helter Skelter abortamectomy based upon ridiculosiosis of the percentages of qualified depositionizing.

The coming weeks will tell the story...no matter the long-range contributory societological defects.

Runners...start your thesouri.

Faakken Notebook

I was forced to change professions recently, and in doing so, I had to jump into the deep and foreboding waters of technolia. Technolia lies just northeast of confusionville, hard along the eastern border of exhasperton. After an extensive research and fact-finding tour of Office-Fax, Circle-City, Orafice Depot, and Bestest-Buy, not to mention hours of "giggling" manufacturers sites, I finally settled upon and purchased a German-made laptop, the Faakken 203B.

I decided to go with the Faakken computer because it had 13 gigabooms of LAM and over 250 bites of HAM. Both my physical search and my "giggle" search said the best laptop maker in the world today was Faakken Technologies.

Being new to the laptop world, I was pleased to know everyone thought the Faakken computer had the best reliability, service, and even had a Faakken website. I wanted to be able to be online in my Faakken laptop, because my kids are always on the main computer in the house. So I had to buy what they call a "router" (pronounced Row-ter), which I always thought was a roo-ter, as in Roote 66. So off I went in search of my rowter-rooter, and Radio Shack is where I ended up. As it turns out, they make a Faakken router, and since I had a Faakken laptop, it made sense to buy a Faakken router to compliment it.

The Faakken box said the instructions were simple to follow and understand, which usually means you need a PHD in Mechanical Engineering from M.I.T. to understand - but - much to my surprise, the Faakken instructions for the Faakken router where exactly as advertised. All I had to do was place the Faakken disk into my Dell PC, and then follow the prompts for installing the Faakken router.

20 minutes later, and here I am in my bedroom, typing on my Faakken laptop courtesy of the Faakken technologies router. This is so cool, my lips have just crystallized and fallen in a million pieces onto the keyboard of my Faakken laptop.

And so out there, this marks the first post I have made from my Faakken laptop. Now back to the golf tournament on the tube.

Peace

Your nose is longer than a telephone wire

Roger Clemens will soon be taking the stand in front of Congress

Kids can say the darndest things...

....so can adults.

As a huge sports fan and former accomplished golfer, I heard an interview on the radio the other day that made me laugh, cry, and proud all at the same time. It was so profound, I remembered every word spoken, and do not need a copy of the transcript to repeat it here.

The conversation took place between national radio sports talk host Jim Rome and his guest, David Feherety of CBS sports golf coverage. Mr. Feherety was once a member of the European PGA Tour, and member of the bi-annual Ryder Cup team, a winner of dozens of European Tour events, and has been a live commentator on CBS' broadcasts for at least 10 years, perhaps longer. He is the genuine article...glib, hilarious, intelligent, and spontaneous. He speaks in a deep Irish accent, and provides warmth and energy to any conversation he is part of, to include his on-air broadcasts.

Feherety went on a USO mission with Hall of Fame golfer Tom Watson, Tiger Woods' teacher Butch Harmon, former British Open champion Tom Lehman, and 2 senior tour players.

The conversation yesterday eventually got around to the host asking Feherety how his recent (December 2007) trip to Iraq was, and this is what transpired:

Rome: So David, how was Iraq?

Feherety: It was the most emotional 8 days of my life. As God is my witness, I have never been around a more extraordinary group of people than the United States service men and women. When I went there, I was fully expecting to see thousands of demoralized, desperate human beings. I mean, the blanket of coverage by the media tells us daily of the misery these people are in. But when I got there - much to my delight and surprise - I found this to be the exact opposite. These men and women were upbeat, resolute, professionally courteous, and genuinely appreciative of my presence and in turn their role in Iraq. They didn't want to leave; they wanted to win, and they were adamant about me telling everyone back home about it. Let me make this clear: These were not soldiers led around by the nose and appointed to talk to us. There were no restrictions on whom we could converse with, and therefore we spoke freely with everyone.

Rome: Tell me more.

Feherety: Well, first of all, I was terrified to be in Anbarh province. We flew everywhere by Huey helicopter with Cobra gunship helicopter escorts. We wore full flack jackets and helmets, and it was nervy, to say the least. But when you are being protected by the United States Marine Corps, there is a certain calm that overcomes you; and you realize your in perfectly capable hands.

Rome: They tell me you got to see Saddam's palace.

Feherety: Yes, I even got to use his golden toilet. Left him a present too.

Rome: You left him a present (laughs)? I would think he wouldn't want such a present.

Feherety: Well, it was more symbolic than anything.

Rome: How long were you there?

Feherety: 8 days total. I don't know if you know this, but I suffer from mild depression and cannot sleep. I would be up wandering around at 3 am, and that's when I spoke to most soldiers and marines. I be in the mess hall chatting, out in the open chatting, got into a poker game in a tent and had a blast, even sat guard with two marines. Jim, these are the most extraordinary, intelligent, motivated, and professional people in the entire Unites States, without a doubt. Unfortunately, the closer the population gets the Washington, DC. the dumber it gets.

Rome: It put it all in focus for you, didn't it?

Feherety: Let me tell you what did, Jim. We were in Basra, awaiting our flight to Saudi Arabia. Just before we got airborne, we were told we were going to make a quick stop at Bilal airbase to do some "HR". We had no idea what HR was until we arrived a Bilal. It's important to note that we were on a C5 aircraft, which is the most monumental thing you'll ever see in your life. When any aircraft settles down at a combat airfield, they leave their engines running unless this is their final destination. We got down, the aircraft settled in, and shut the engines off entirely. The back hatch groaned open, and we all figured out immediately what HR was:

Human Remains.

The air force task force gently lowered the flag draped casket onto the C5 hatch, stepped back and saluted, then a set of pulleys and gears gently lowered the casket into the airplane right between where we were sitting. Jim, when we landed, F16's were roaring overhead constantly. As the honor guard did for this casket what they did, I could see the F16's overhead, but strangely I couldn't hear them any more. We all watched in reverent silence as the impromptu ceremony took place, and then sat shocked as the casket came inside with us. We were informed that we did not have a casket - rather, another passenger. We all nodded our understanding, and soon we were off. I turned to look at Tom Watson, and he immediately turned away, his eyes flooded with tears. Another one of the golfers was weeping....yes weeping...that is the only way to describe it. The next morning, I was home. And I felt alone and guilty.

Rome (his voice clearly cracking): Ummmm, yes. I can see that.

The conversation went back to the minutia of golf and sports, but the impact had been made. David Feherety....like everyone else who goes there...left with a 180 degree opposite opinion than that displayed on our nightly tv's and morning newspapers.

Comedian Jeffery Ross made a movie about his trip, and he too was similarly moved. It's an excellent watch, and I highly recommend it.

God Bless David Feherety, Tom Watson, Jeffrey Ross and anyone else who has the courage and the fortitude to go over there to see and entertain for themselves. Perhaps the NY Times needs to organize a field trip as well.

Peace

Change

In 1984, George Bush was the Vice President. In 1988, the American people wanted change, so they voted for?

George Bush.

In 1992 the American people wanted change, so the voted for?

William J. Clinton

In 1996, the American people wanted more change, so they again voted for?

William J. Clinton

With pesky laws in place in 2000, WJ Clinton was forced to step aside, and the American people wanted change; so they voted for?

George W. Bush

Wanting even further change in 2004, the American people voted for?

George W. Bush

And now, in 2008, the nation screams out for change. The face of that overwhelming change is?

Hillary Rodham Clinton


This message brought to you by the Bush-Bush-Clinton-Clinton-Bush-Bush-Clinton committee for positive change, because after 24 years, we know that change often means doing exactly what we have always done.

Ok...you may change the blogging channel now.

OY!!

On occasion, you get to note some things in life that are really good as a comparison study. For example, if you're unsure of your mental standing as compared to the rest of society's main body, stories about people getting a bottle-rocket violently shoved up their down-side on the 4th of July, or getting their head stuck inside a toilet bowl - provide us all with some fine examples of where we stand.

Unless that is, you're the one who suffocated him or herself jumping into the 10 foot snow drift off of their roof.

With that, I give you some latest examples, with my comments in blue.

The Swedish Agriculture and Sciences department has secured a 2 year grant for $539,000,000.00 (Yep - $539Million) to study the effects of cow farts and cow burps on Global Warming. "Hi. I'm Darryl, and this is my brother Darryl and my other brother Darryl."

A Michigan couple sued the owners of a nearby business claiming that dust, noise and vibrations invaded their property and therefore were trespassing. A jury actually found in their favor, but a Court of Appeals panel overturned the jury's verdict. The Appeals court stated that noise, vibrations and dust are intangible objects and can not be considered as trespassers. I have no idea for sure, but I'm thinking nose buggars cannot be charged rental fees for housing either.

In Hayden, Idaho, a man cut off his own hand and cooked it up in the microwave because he believed it bore the mark of the beast. "It had been somewhat cooked by the time the deputy arrived," said sheriff's Capt. Ben Wolfinger. The man is currently under observation at the mental health unit of Kootenai Medical Center. Apparently, this guy had been reading the Book of Matthew, which advises that "if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away." When the Bible says, "Abraham tied his ass to a tree and walked a mile"...it's generally assumed he was indeed speaking of his donkey.

A survey carried out by Fitness magazine found that 23 percent of women would be willing to shave their heads or spend a week in jail in order to be at their ideal weight, and 83 percent of women would rather have an 11th toe than be 50 pounds heavier. Not too surprising, but 21 percent of women also claimed that they would be willing to take a full 10 years off their lives in order to reach their ideal weight. That thing I once said about wanting to be like a male porn star so bad I'd chop off an arm? I was kidding.

ANNNND FINALLY:

A woman in North Carolina who robbed a Bank of America and felt she didn't get enough dough, turned herself in to the sheriff's office hoping to claim the reward for her arrest. "9-1-1; can I help you?" Yes, I'd like to report a large amount of cocaine is in the trunk of a '97 Nissan. "And where is the car, ma'am?" Right here....I'll wait.

Clinton, Obama Engage in Bitter Debate
an 21, 10:30 PM (ET)By NEDRA PICKLER

MYRTLE BEACH, S.C. (AP) - Democratic presidential rivals Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama accused each other of repeatedly and deliberately distorting the truth for political gain Monday night in a highly personal, finger-wagging debate that ranged from the war in Iraq to Bill Clinton's role in the campaign.

Obama told the former first lady he was helping unemployed workers on the streets of Chicago when "you were a corporate lawyer sitting on the board at Wal-Mart."

Moments later, Clinton said that she was fighting against misguided Republican policies "when you were practicing law and representing your contributor ... in his slum landlord business in inner city Chicago."

She then called him a "Black Bastard", and he called her a "White supremacist power-monger bent upon sexual upheaval".

Moderator John Stewart was caught without words, and then gave a promo to the upcoming Steven Colbert special, "Why the Smithsonian was wrong".

Tune in next week, as Mike Huckabee calls John McCain a "communist sympathizer".

I keed, I keed... JL4

Endorsement

Hmmmm

If I were a boy, you'd like me.






Who you callin boy? If I was white, you'd like me.

Ladies and gentlemen....the Democratic Nominee for the 2008 Presidential election.

Dahm Dahm duh dam, du du dam da dam du da da.

Fleetwood Mac -

They left this one off "Rumors", which was a mistake.

Almost a year

It's been almost a year, and worth a look back...they're not as good as they head into the playoffs next week, so the same magic probably won't be there.

http://jl4.blogspot.com/2007/02/game-that-would-be-king-part-i.html

http://jl4.blogspot.com/2007/02/game-that-would-be-king-part-ii.html

http://jl4.blogspot.com/2007/02/game-that-would-be-king-part-iii.html

http://jl4.blogspot.com/2007/02/game-that-would-be-king-part-iv.html

http://jl4.blogspot.com/2007/02/game-that-would-be-king-epilogue.html

So much fun...athletics at its finest and purest.

Train - When I look To the Sky

To: USMC LCPL Patrick John Muracca

24 Fec 1969 Quang Tri Provonce

Only you'll know when the moment is right, and you'll need to have all your strength and energy to haul 78 buckets of hot water across that field while naked and being told how slowly you're going.

Because Trix are for kids.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Once in a lullaby ii ii iii
Somewhere over the rainbow
Blue birds fly
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Dreams really do come true ooh ooooh
Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me ee ee eeh
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops thats where you'll find me oh
Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
And the dream that you dare to,why, oh why can't I? i iiii

Well I see trees of green and
Red roses too,
I'll watch them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Well I see skies of blue and I see clouds of white
And the brightness of day
I like the dark and I think to myself
What a wonderful world

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shaking hands
Saying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying, I...I love you
I hear babies cry and I watch them grow,
They'll learn much more
Than we'll know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world (w)oohoorld

Someday I'll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top that's where you'll find me
Oh, Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't I? I hiii ?

ELO - I Cant Get It Out Of My Head.

Midnight on the water.
I saw the ocean's daughter.
Walking on a wave's chicane,
staring as she called my name.

And I can't get it out of my head,
no, I can't get it out of my head.
Now my old world is gone for dead
'cos I can't get it out of my head.

Breakdown on the shoreline,
can't move, it's an ebbtide.
Morning don't get here tonight,
searching for her silver light.

And I can't get it out of my head,
no, I can't get it out of my head.
Now my old world is gone for dead
'cos I can't get it out of my head, no no.

Bank job in the city.
Robin Hood and William Tell and Ivanhoe and Lancelot, they don't envy me.
Sitting till the sun goes down,
in dreams the world keeps going round and round.

And I can't get it out of my head,
no, I can't get it out of my head.
Now my old world is gone for dead
'cos I can't get it out of my head, no no.

No, I can't get it out of my head,
no, I can't get it out of my head.
Now my old world is gone for dead
'cos I can't get it out of my head, no no no no.

Language

New Phrases:

Get your head out of your Al Sharpton.

Why don't you just go and Al Sharpton yourself?

He's the biggest horses Al Sharpton in town.

You son of an Al Sharpton.

Mother-Al-Sharpton! That hurt!!!

Obama sure Al Sharptoned up NH, eh?

Stupid? Beyond stupid. He's Al Sharpton.

He's a low-life piece of Al Sharpton.

Al Sharpton me!!!

Al Sharpton 'em!!!

What the Al Sharpton?

Gimme an F
Gimme a U
Gimme a C
Gimme a K.....what's that spell?

Al Sharpton! What's that spell?

Al Sharpton! What's that spell?

Al Sharpton.

Predictions

I predicted the following:

Obama and Clinton down to the wire. Check.

Romney and Huckabee. Check.

Who knew....

John McCain's wife would be only 37 years old?

Keith Olberman would openly eulogize Obama's loss?

Nevada was next and actually voted? I thought Keno was the diversion of choice. Karen? No?

Britney's car would be towed?

Live free or die

Republican presidential hopeful Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., left, gives a thumbs up as he walks with his wife Cindy, center, and daughter Bridget, right, in downtown Manchester, N.H., Monday, Jan. 7, 2008. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)This is his daughter, Bridget? Looks more like OBama's daughter than McCain's.


New Hampshire state Motto: Live free or die. Wonder how the prisoners that make those license plates feel??






What a moron. This guy is going to help Britney Spears? She's in biiiiiiiiig trouble if that's the case.

Iranian speed boats got aggressive with three of these in the straights of Hormuz today, prompting the U.S. Navy to laugh hysterically for at least 4 hours, then hang a bedsheet off the side of one of the destroyers with a Target painted on it. Hit it here, Barry...

How to win

Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee demonstrated clearly how to win the November, 2008 Presidential Election:

Take your pitch from the bottom up, as opposed to the top down.

This wouldn't have worked 20 years ago, which is why Mitt Romney and Senator Clinton are in trouble. They come from the old school of politics, which is to explain what the government is going to do for you - from above. Obama and Huckabee have recognized middle class America's angst over paying for welfare, paying too much in personal taxes, paying too much for health care (but not wanting socialized health care because that would mean paying even more), personal wages being stagnated by American business (both small as well as corporate), exploding gas prices, and a host of other middle class related financial issues. Obama and Huckabee have addressed the needs, and it is immaterial at this point whether or not they can help middle class Americans...they have our attention, which is paramount.

Short of pulling a Tanya Harding and smashing the knee-cap of Barack Obama at an ice rink in New Hampshire, Senator Clinton is in huge trouble, and there may not be any way out of it at this point. She's bound to bring out the machete and start chopping, but I think mean-spirited scare tactics at this point will play right into Obama's subtle descriptions of what she's like anyways. He has painted her into a corner, and no amount of screaming, champagne bottle smashing, or whatever else went on in Iowa last night behind closed doors is going to seal the gash in her Titanic. She's a skilled behind-the-scenes litigator, but when she comes to the forefront, she's exposed as faux. The most famous example I can think of is the image she tries to portray that she's all about the "American Woman." She's all about the cut throat, mega-income, corporate, Mercedes 600 series driving woman, to be sure. But as for the middle class mom working for a living and/or running a small business while raising children and a household? You must be an idiot if you think she's about that. She has no idea what struggles the average Jane and Joe go through on a daily basis, and it shows in her personal presentation.

Mitt Romney can still take on Mike Huckabee, as he is acknowledged as an extremely likeable man - just like Huckabee. But that likeability has not come to the forefront fully, and he needs to kick it into gear over the next few weeks.

My early prediction: Obama will crush Clinton unless she can prove he wears dresses and hangs out in transsexual bars, slipping into the men's room to collect campaign contributions. She'll hang in there until the bitter end....but it will indeed be bitter. She'll lash out at him, and he'll maintain his cool and let her tactics be her own demise.

Romney and Huckabee will fight it out all the way until the end...with both candidates being either totally exhausted or totally energized by the battle. Neither will use particulary nasty tactics against the other, and of course one or the other will prevail.

In doing so,we may indeed have two seemingly honest men running from each party running it off on November 4th. Should be interesting; especially the part where Hillary throws her lasagna in her campaign manager's face.

Gorgeous, isn't it?

This is where I was born and raised for the first 19 years of my life, and you know what? For some reason it never seemed cold. Silent, for sure. There is a nearly deafening silence to a snow covered landscape away from the bustle of major metropolia. I can remember as if it were yesterday, the countless times I was alone out in some wooded area in the dead of winter, just walking around and soaking it all up. The silence is always what struck me the most. No birds chirping; no flies; no bees. Just me and some very tall spruce pines.

And my thoughts. Always my thoughts.

A person can get alone with their thoughts out here, and come back the next day after a fresh snowfall, and all traces of anyone being there the previous day erased by the new blanket of whiteness.

It's sort of like a fresh start; a new opportunity to rethink what you pondered the day before, and give it new life and perspective.

Hmmmm. New life and an original perspective. I think America could use a good snowstorm. And that's all of America, by the way - not just political America.

Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll
find me

Orlando

The temperature right now...8:18 pm...in Orlando Florida (The sunshine state)...is 34 degrees with a 26 mph wind that brings the wind-chill variable to 29 degrees.

I went out 5 minutes ago armed with an aerosol can in each hand, sprayed them into the sky and prayed for global warming.

The dog took a pee and could barely lift his leg he was shivering so badly.

Hey Al Gore....I doubt it dude.

C'mon down here tonight and tell me all about how the science is over and there is no debate. We'll go for a swim, you and I.

You - in trunks. Me - in a full wet suit. Bet your nuggies shrivel faster.