Why?

I’ll be gone for a week, so this is my last post for a while. I have some questions I need answered:

• What do you call that little plastic safety ring that sits near the apex of a bottled soda after the seal is broken with the top?
• Why did birds suddenly appear every time Karen Carpenter’s former boyfriend came around?
• Why is it that a tele-marketer or your mother-in-law catches you every time, but that phone call you were waiting on for 3 hours comes 30 seconds after you’ve taken your seat in the bathroom?
• Have you ever known anyone who actually became rich off of a fortune cookie?
• Some studies have shown that more men legitimately qualify for the title “Genius”. If that’s true, how come its men who pull the pan out of the oven without the mitt, don’t know better than to simply ask for directions, and think a woman’s eyes are about 8 inches below her chin?
• If I can get a “Ronco Wiz-o-Matic” for three easy payments of $19.99, can I get it even cheaper for 3 really complicated payments?
• Why do commercials on both radio and TV still say things like: “Do you want a pain reliever that works?”…or…”Are you tired of paying top dollar for your home, car, or RV?”
• Why is this the only crap I could think of to write today?
  

What I "get"

US Marines and Soldiers are stationed in and around Islamic Holy lands, playing Metalica, Godsmack, and Hip-hop artists on their iPods. This angers the Islamists...I get that.

Danish Newspapers publish a coupla cartoons depicting Muhammad and Islam in general as more a religion of violence than the peace verbalized by Islam's supporters. This angers millions of Muslims world-wide...and I get it.

The Pope quotes a 14th century Islamic scholar who stated 600+ years ago his opinion that Islam was about violence and conquests. This infuriates millions more....and I get it.

The response to the military in Iraq is to car bomb, ambush, and use IED's, killing thousands in the past 3 years.

The response to the Danish Cartoons is to have massive riots in the streets, where hundreds of thousands gather to chant, "DEATH", "DEATH", "DEATH", "DEATH", "DEATH", "DEATH", "DEATH", "DEATH", and in fact dozens have been trampled to death during these demonstrations.

The response to the Pontiff's statements was to brutally gun down a nun at a Somalian hospital.

Like I said...I get it. Do you?

One response

I asked a very intelligent friend who works in the same company as I, what she thought the answer to the question I posed in the post directly below this is. As a refresher, the question was:

Why are we (the United States) supposed to differentiate between Iraqis, Syrians, Hammas, Hizb Allah, the PLO, the PLFP, Al Quaeda, the Taliban, Iranians, and any number of extremist groups that have America - and OUR children - finely sighted in their rifle scopes, when the terrorists do not?

Her answer was immediate and short: "Because then we'd be like Bin Laden".

I though about that for hours and hours, running the potential this and that scenario's through my head. A book most military men and women are quite familiar with is Sun Tzu's "The Art of War", written over 2,500 years ago, and widely recognized as the world's oldest military treatise. In the book, Sun Tzu says the following:

If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.

Heavy stuff from a guy who's been dead for 2 and a half millennia. Who knew he would still be pertinent and spot-on today? I believe the average American has little or no comprehension of our enemy, nor does the average person in our nation understand the true danger posed by that enemy.

"Then we'd be like Bin Laden". Yes, in some respects we would. In February of 1945, the Royal Air Force and the United States Army Air Corps spent 2 days fire-bombing Dresden, Germany...an extremely controversial attack even within the standards of that time. 3,900 tons of bombs were dropped between Feb 13th and Feb 15th. 12,000 buildings were totally destroyed, many of them part of a large German military industrial complex. Currently, historians list the death toll at between 25,000 and 30,000 military and civilians.

Controversial then...controversial now...the fact remains that the will to fight was sucked out of most of the German people and a large percentage of their highest military commanders. Was the attack immoral? Well, killing itself is somewhat immoral, even in war. Was the attack the beginning of the end of Nazi Germany? Yes, it was.

The question then remains: In the interest of self-preservation and national sovereignty, is adopting an equally brutal tactic necessarily a bad thing?

I need someone to help clarify things for me. I'm obviously confused.

Today in a White House press question and answer session, Afghan President Hamid Karzai responded to the question:

"Mr. President; There are many who think the Iraq war has become a recruiting tool and is fostering more terrorism throughout the world. Can you attest to the accuracy of that?"

To which President Karzai responded:

"Terrorism was hurting us way before Iraq or September 11 ... These extremist forces were killing people in Afghanistan for years, closing schools, burning mosques, killing children, uprooting vineyards," Karzai said. "They came to America on September 11, but they were attacking you before September 11 in other parts of the world. We are a witness in Afghanistan.

"Do you forget people jumping off the 80th floor or 70th floor when the planes hit them? Can you imagine what it will be for a man or woman to jump from that high?" Karzai asked recalling some of the more shocking scenes from the World Trade Center bombing. "How do we get rid of them? ... Should we wait for them to come and kill us again?"

Why does it take the President of a back-water, third-world, hell-hole of a country to tell the American press corps - and the American people for that matter - that it's high time to stop the internal cat-fighting and get down to the business of planting these terrorists six feet under?

A question: Do you think there were people who died on September 11th who did not like the President and his policies? A betting person would say "yes".

Do you think there were anti-war, anti-destruction, people killed on 9/11? Again, most likely the answer is "yes".

This is a fact of life (or death in this case). The perpetrators of 9/11 didn't differentiate between conservatives, liberals, jews, muslims, gay, straight, black, white, hispanic, asian, tall or short, meek, aggressive, male, female, adult or child. All killed were American's, and that was ok with them.

Yet, according to nearly half this country, we're supposed to differentiate between Iraqis, Syrians, Hammas, Hizb Allah, the PLO, the PLFP, Al Quaeda, the Taliban, Iranians, and any number of extremist groups that have America - and OUR children - finely sighted in their rifle scopes.

For the life of me, I just can't see the logic in that. We're under attack from all sides; we're under the threat of attack from all sides; but half the country wants to split hairs on who is a legitimate target and who is not.

Are the ones out to get us splitting hairs on which element of American children they want to kill?

Is that so???

So often I hear about the political differences in our society. "We're so bi-polar", I hear a great deal. "We can't agree on anything", is another.

Of course we can't. Our differences are not political, they're philosophical. And philosophies are nearly impossible to change, especially if the opposite side offers nothing in terms of an alternative.

Let's start with something small, a friggin' movie. A TV movie came out a few weeks ago called, "The Path to 9/11". Hotly debated before it even hit the screen, this movie was derived from thousands of hours of research of the 9/11 commission's findings, as well as direct testimony and interviews. But lo and behold, anyone I've talked to who is against the current administration won't even discuss the movie. Apparently President Clinton said almost everything preceding January 2001 was a fabrication or someone's interpretation of the facts. Interestingly, the conservative right fought the 9/11 Commission from the beginning, and there was no doubt Democrat's were tickled to death with the commission's findings - until this movie did what most people did not do...show people what they found in a format that wasn't 19,000 pages of bureaucratic-speak.

Okay. He's (President Clinton) not only entitled to his opinion, he may actually be correct. But...

I'm not here to debate the movie. I don't even care about the movie. I'm here to make the point that our country is not bi-polar politically - we're bi-polar philosophically, and we are so by choice.

I am no more interested in hearing someone say that President Clinton never had a legitimate shot at taking out Osama Bin Laden, than a liberal is interested in hearing that Bin Laden fostered, built, and began deployment of his army during the 8 years President Clinton was in office. Conservative talk radio doesn't want to hear a liberal call in and make sense, and liberal newspapers like the Sentinel News Brand don't want letters to the editor with a conservative slant. And on and on. I don't believe in your shit, and you're under no obligation to believe in mine. That's the way it is.

We will not pull together; we will not band as one; and we will not speak with one voice. Our country is too large, too diverse, and both teams in the extreme left and right wars have perverted the freedoms of speech, liberties, and the right to pursue happiness that our forefathers so thoughtfully and carefully constructed. Just click on "Next Blog" and just keep clicking until you find some armchair conspiracy theorist, and in particular - arm chair physicist - who will tell you all about controlled demolitions and the fall of the towers. That'll provide enough information on the type of people I will never associate with or even give one second of my time to. And when you find out the guy with the 200-blog website on 9-11 conspiracy is actually the third-shift assistant manager at a Des Moines Burger King, and that he also possesses the largest collection of Star Trek and Dungeons and Dragons memorabilia in the country, don't say I didn't tell you so ahead of time.

Drawn are the battle lines, and verbal disagreement is our weapon of choice (except for the guy above, who would prefer "phasers on stun"). We use phrases like "religious right" and "left wingers" with such vitriol and voracity, they've become the rallying cries for millions on either side. If gay marriage is opposed publicly, liberal America accuses conservatives with muddying the "real" issues, oblivious to the fact that gay marriage agenda's are the exclusive property of liberals and are being pushed as we speak. If the left asks questions about Haliburton or wonders about the status of Iraq, the far right accuses them of a lack of patriotism. Both sides accuse the other of insensitivity, and both are correct. There are some out there that are so blind with their hatred, the mere mention of the word "Bush" sends them into a frenzy. Now, I myself could do without the Martin Sheen's and the Rosie's of our world, but I've never hated anyone who is willing to do public service for our nation, regardless of whether or not I liked them. Did you hear me? I don't hate anyone willing to do public service.

If YOU DO, then maybe you should drag your narrow-minded ass down to city hall and register to do it yourself. And that goes for you too, gay marriage bashers, bible-thumpers, and unflinching hard-asses. You too need a swift kick into next month as well.

In any case, we're not coming together, so forget about it. We need to figure out how to make it work like it is, with all the disparity. And we can start by forever eliminating the phrase, "In a perfect world", cuz there ain't no such thing, homeboy.

Oh, and somebody tell the conspiracy theory guy to go to the store and buy some shampoo.

No, no...you got it wrong again

Armitage denies threatening Pakistan after 9/11

Former deputy secretary of state clarifies exchange with Musharraf

Richard Armitage denies threatening Pakistan with "bombing them back into the stoneage". MSNBC has confirmed that the list of "stan" countries we want to bomb into the stoneage does not include Pakistan.

The then Deputy Secretary clearly said we wanted to make a solid glass museum out of Uzbekistan, Turkmeninstan, Seanpennistan, Kazakhstan, Afghanistan, Sheehanistan, Kyrgyzstan, Saranistan, Tajikistan, and Belefontistan.

Not Pakistan.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States....

What would it be like,
how would it be?
If we all spoke like the Snoop,
Snoop Dogg Dee Oh Double Gee.

Would our culture rise,
or would it fizzle?
If every sentence
ended in fagizzle?

And what of the Doctor,
the one called Seus?
Would heezle beezle the neezle,
if let out on the loose?

With the song playing proudly,
Prez Snoop would declare loudly:
Weezle have to raizle the tax-o-pizzle,
to be able to snizzle wif da mizzles.

He's our man, the keeper of the plan.
Our Commander in Chief.
I just can't understand the guy,
when his bizzle meets da beef.

Peace - out.

The little squirt is in trouble

Wednesday 09-20-2006 4:40pm
(AP)

A Missouri mother is angry that her first-grader was suspended from school over a plastic toy gun. "I asked her, 'You're going to suspend my son for 10 days for this? He cannot harm a soul with this,'" said Danielle Womack, whose son, Tawann Caskey, was suspended from Milton Moore Elementary School in Kansas City. Tawann was suspended over a 2-inch plastic squirt gun. "She told me it's a weapon, a little girl saw it and reported to a teacher that he had a weapon," Womack said.

A spokesperson for the Kansas City School district explained that when a student makes a verbal acknowledgement that they have seen a "weapon", it becomes a Class IV code of conduct violation, which is an automatic 10-day suspension. When queried about potentially making a logical determination as to whether the "weapon" in question is indeed a weapon, the spokesperson said, "We don't have a by-law that permits case-by-case analysis. A weapon was reported and we are within our rights to enact the punishment".

Now blogger-folks, just when you think our nation has reached new depths of idiocy, read on...

Yesterday I heard about this on an Orlando-based talk radio station. A teacher from the Florida Coast called in to say this: "You have to understand how the school system must react. Let's say for example this plastic toy had liquid explosive in it instead of water..."

He went on for a minute or so to dumbfounded silence from the talk show host and I can only assume thousands listening in their cars on the drive home. I'm fairly certain most listeners thought the caller was spoofing the host, but after a few questions it was apparent the caller was serious. According to the brain surgeon/educator/WMD specialist on the radio, young Mr. Caskey of Kansas City could have been a terrorist attempting to blow the entire school up.

And I just felt a monkey fly out of my arse.

Mahmoud Ahch (something is caught in my throat)

His name is Achnad Whodat Waddafuck, or whatever. He's the President of Eye-Ran, as most illiterate Americans like to pronounce it. And he's one of the most lethal psycho/sociopath's in the world today, right up there with Kim Il Jung of Korea, Serbian Retard-in-Hiding Slobodan Milosevic, Rosie O'Donnell of Lesbonia, and OJ Simpson - allegedly.

Dude - there are other colored suits in existence you know. Can you find something other than tan or off-white to wear while paralyzing the planet with your insane diatribes?

Maybe...

His name is Bill, or perhaps Tom, and he grew up in small town America in places like Dalton, Mass, Secaucus NJ, or Wamego, Ks. His family was neither rich nor poor, and he was taught the social mannerisms and values of his generation:

"Yes, sir". "No, ma'am". "Please" and "Thank you".

In November of 1943, he turned 17. He cared about his football team, his buddies, and his best girl. The Pharmacy down the street had a soda bar in it, where you could get a cherry or cream soda fresh from the fountain - the syrup pumped out from the spout, followed by the carbonated water. Man, that sure was some good stuff, and at 5 cents per soda, just the ticket. He and his best girl would arrive there every Saturday around noon, and he would spring for the two soda's.

"It's the right thing to do ya know – bein’ I'm the man and all".

It was here about a year ago that our guy stole his first kiss, mild by comparison, but a kiss none-the-less. She planted it on his left cheek, and he blushed a brighter shade of that cherry soda pop sitting in his glass. Unsure what to do afterwards, he ran home as fast as he could, gleefully withholding his little secret. Thoughts of her swirled in his head as he fell asleep that night.

In all his wildest dreams or nightmares, Bill – or is it Tom? – never once imagined he’d be carrying a 27 lb machine gun from 50 yards off the shore at Omaha beach all the way to Berlin, but that’s what he did. Although rare, he got a ride or two, but by and large he walked, slogged, crawled, and fought his way to Germany. The total trip was slightly over 700 miles.

On foot...All the while carrying his 27lb machine gun and the ever-increasing weight of lost friends and comrades. Someone once told him he was part of a unit that lost 659 total to death, and over 2,000 rotating in and out to wounds. But still he walked forward, his sights set on a goal to bring this to an end.

Perhaps our boy flew missions, knowing full-well that as soon as his back foot was up on that ladder leading to the fuselage, his feet may never touch that ground again. And yet without the slightest hesitation, he climbed those steps - over and over. He may have island-hopped; flew a flag at Iwo Jima or fought a huge naval battle at Midway. In any instance, he was there, fighting and sweating, and hoping this day - just like yesterday - would not be his last.

Afterwards he came home, went to college or started a career, and raised a family. If he actually cared about it, he would have had to build a separate wing to house the medals and decorations he won. He never suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder, never blamed his government for the war and subsequent death and destruction, and never asked anything in return. He did it because it just seemed to be the right thing to do at the time.

You know what? Maybe they are “The Greatest Generation”, now that I think about it.

When...

When your dog comes up to you with his ears down and a happy look on his face...

When the sun comes up and it dawns on you it's Saturday, and you can roll back over...

When a child asks you for a hug and a kiss...

When someone winks at you to acknowledge your existence...

When you see a firefighter and your mind thinks of heroism and bravery...

When your favorite old song that you haven't heard for years comes on the radio...

When someone says something that confirms what you've believed for years to be true...

When the fingertip touch of a loved-one is all you need to get you through the moment...

When you cry and it feels good to do so...

When you laugh, and it feels good as well...

When silliness is considered acceptable...

When friendship is important to you...

When you find some time to be alone with your own thoughts...

When those thoughts lead to answers previously unknown...

When the news speaks of something good...

When a movie makes you step back and think...

When you anonymously help someone out, and only you know of your good deed...

When your child says something in an adult manner, and you see you may indeed be getting through...

When you admit you were incorrect, and it clears your soul...

When someone admits the same to you....

When your opinion counts for something...

When someone informs you that life doesn't revolve around your words and deeds - and you're ok with it...

When love is more important than money...

When fame is something you'd rather others have...

When the clock strikes twelve, and the carriage turns out to be yours...

When the salty old bastard lightens up a bit, and shows some of his softer edges...

When the nation rejoices as one, and mourns as one...

When the light in a child's eyes is the most important thing in your life...

When...well...yeah

Rosie

I received an e-mail from a friend who knows who I am and reads my blog from time (and apparently doesn't really like it) who told me I was too harsh on Rosie.

Really????? Let's check the facts.

In late 2003, O'Donnell entered into a legal battle with the publishers of Rosie magazine. They claimed that the failure of the magazine was due to O'Donnell's uncooperative, rude and violent behavior within the magazine's offices. They claimed that by removing herself from the magazine's publication, she was in breach of contract. O'Donnell claimed that there was no way she could in good conscience continue to be a part of the magazine, because they were moving away from her vision. She never defined that vision, but was nonetheless released from any wrong-doing...as was the magazine. The result? A draw.

Economic insiders state the folding of the magazine came from an insistence on uncontrolled political bias, which caused the drying up of sponsorship dollars. Of note during the trial was the curious public statement to a former magazine colleague who testified that O'Donnell said to her on the phone that "people who lie die of cancer." O'Donnel never reconciled this statement.

Rosie O'Donnell is an outspoken supporter of gun control and a major figure in the Million Mom March. In 2000, O'Donnell outraged parents of kindergartners at the private school her son attends when she was granted special permission to allow an armed bodyguard to accompany her son to school. In response, she promised that the bodyguard wouldn't actually be armed while on the school grounds. Her critics charged that this was hypocrisy, citing the April 19th, 1999, broadcast of her talk show, on which she stated, "You are not allowed to own a gun, and if you do own a gun, I think you should go to prison." Ms. O'Donnell has subsequently explained her faux pas by opining, "Celebrities shoot their mouths off too much." No one has yet to explain that statement.

Rosie, who claims to be a "Woman of the people", has an estimated net worth of $115 Million and growing. Yet her personal IRS documents show one single charitable donation of $1 million to a children's foundation. During her tenure as a talk-show host, she frequently highlighted various charitable projects, which tended to generate significantly increased donations. This much is to be rightfully accredited her, but a $1 million personal donation with a net worth of $115 million is hardly worthy of the title "philanthropy".

To my friend who says I was too hard on her - If I had this much bullshit attached to my name, I'd be lucky to have a job picking up garbage on Monday's and Thursdays. But she's a mega-millionaire - and I see no point in defending her.

Please - I have over 100 blogs on here that you are free to rip apart as you wish. This isn't one of them. Rosie is an asshole.

Period. End of conversation.

The View

On a television show called "The View", Rosie O'Donnell said something stupid - then followed it up with something stupid. In between she said more stupid things, and finished the show with a few well-chosen nuggets of ignorance.

Stupidity is the essence of Rosie, most know that to be true.

I've never watched the show because it's on daytime, weekday T.V., so I didn't hear her comments first-hand, only the re-hashing of them on talk radio last night. Apparently Rosie angered a large segment of our society. My question is, why?

By a show of hands, how many people out there think Rosie has even the slightest relevance in our culture and society? C'mon...put 'em up higher. I can't see any.

I thought so.

So why get all worked up about what she said? No one really cares what Rosie thinks anyways, so ranting about it only serves to empower her to say more stupid things. If you ignore her, eventually she'll go away.

Even if she doesn't, just change the channel.

9-11 Commission

Whether you are a Democrat or a Republican is irrelevant. Whether you are a liberal or hard-line conservative is irrelevant. The 9-11 commission - 5 Republican's and 5 Democrat's - along with thousands of researchers published their findings in 2004.

Democrats applauded the report. Republican's cringed at times. In any case, they all signed off on it.

The following is the 7th and 8th paragraphs in the PREFACE of the report. Like it or not, I've been saying this in this blog for nearly a year. Here it is in writing. You got a problem with it, take it up with them, not me. Both parties signed off; both parties agreed the report should stand as it is.


Our aim has not been to assign individual blame. Our aim has been to
provide the fullest possible account of the events surrounding 9/11 and to
identify lessons learned.

We learned about an enemy who is sophisticated, patient, disciplined,
and lethal. The enemy rallies broad support in the Arab and Muslim world
by demanding redress of political grievances, but its hostility toward us and
our values is limitless. Its purpose is to rid the world of religious and polit­ical pluralism, the plebiscite, and equal rights for women. It makes no dis­tinction between military and civilian targets.

Collateral damage is not in its lexicon.

Any questions?

The Sports Parents Museum

The year: 2054

The following are the types of exhibits represented in the Sports Parents Museum:



Momus Whimpasosus. This creature is well defined at the younger ages. Her little one could never be told what to do by a coach; never be knocked down during a game; and never criticized because "those other kids are just too rough". The only thing more prevalent than excuses was appeasement.







Parentus Ohgawdatile. The unbelieving parent. "How could we possibly be losing this game?" The realization that Kyle is NOT going to play Major League Baseball has yet to sink in. She still thinks he's bound for millionaire glory. The reason he can't hit is because "that damn coach pitching doesn't know what he's doing!"






Megaphonasops. "Goooooooooo Brittany!!! Gooooooo!!!!" "HURRY UP BRIT - HURRY UP - HURRRRRRRRY UUUUUUPPPP!!!!
(Ring ring)
"Oh hi Margie. Nope, just sitting here watching my daughters game".


Incuffsaraptor. This is the famous dad at the hockey game. "What did you
say?" "What?" "Why you sonava..."





Leevmealoneasaur. The rarest form of the species. So rare, all the museum has is an artists rendering. Stands apart from the others, and simply watches the game. Cheers when appropriate, but never too loudly. Wants the best for everyone, not just his or her own kid. Thinks sports is great for intellectual, social, and physical development. Wasn't stupid enough to bank on his kid's college being a freebie. Child grew up into a productive adult in the business community, and now coaches little kids with the same ideals his dad instilled in him.

"What's new?"

This morning a co-worker sent an e-mail to "Everyone" in our company asking "What's new?".

After several business-related responses, I sent this:

Ummmmm...the Democrats are whining. Wait - that's not new. The Republican's aren't listening. Wait - that's not new either. In a recent survey, 46% of all American's think 9-11 was a conspiracy perpetrated by the President and his administration. Let's see here...the guy who says words like Nu-cu-lar master-minded the largest, most complex conspiracy in the history of mankind? Tens of thousands were involved, and not one person has spoken up about it in 5 years? Former President Clinton couldn't keep his foray with his intern quiet for 5 weeks, but no one involved with the supposed 9-11 conspiracy has as yet chimed in?

I don't thin so Luzzy.

What it tells us is that 46% of all American's are total doof-balls, but then again...

That's not new information either.

Arrogance

For those who don't know me (and out there in blog-land, that means everyone), I work for a White Glove Mercedes Benz type of company. I myself work at a satellite office, where I don't have to wear a tie or nice slacks. As a matter of fact, I go the opposite route. In my own way of juvenile rebellion, I wear shorts, some sort of colored T-shirt, sneakers and a Red Sox hat every day. I'm not a white glove Mercedes Benz person, and I refuse to act as if I am.

Today I went out to lunch, and when I returned...parked in MY spot was a monstrosity known as a Lincoln Navigator. Not only was the vehicle in my spot, it was angled so that it was in another spot as well. As I walked in the building, I couldn't help but think, "Here we go".

Upon entrance, I was not surprised at the woman who stood in front of me. Like 95% or our company's clientele, she was blonde, about 50-ish with brand new breasts, freshly lipo-suctioned hips, thighs, and buttocks. She was wearing more jewelry than Tiffany's carries in their store window, and was wearing an evening gown as if she was going to a performance at the Kennedy Center in Washington, D.C. Reminder: it was 12:15 pm on a Tuesday. To top it all off, she had a look on her face that said "I'm rich and I'm bitchy - so back off".

Of course to me, that's my cue to get up in her face.

I asked politely if she was the owner of the Lincoln. Here is how the conversation went:

Me: Is that your Navigator?

Her: Yes it is.

Me: It's actually taking up two parking spaces, and we have limited parking here. If you're staying, could I get you to move it?

Her: No, I don't think so.

Me: You don't think you'll be here long?

Her: No, I don't think I'm going to move my car. I don't want it to get hit.

Me: I don't want mine to get hit either, but I still park within the lines. I need you move your car, please.

Her: Do you know who I am? I'm a friend of the owner.

Me: Oh - I work for the owner. Can I get you to move your car?

Her: (After a stare that I can only assume she thought was menacing). I don't have time for this!!!! (as she stormed out the door to move the behemoth)

Me: Thank you ma'am.

Her: (Grunting) Huh!!!!

Me: (while walking down the hall muttering under my breath) : % *&^%$#) &*(&^%$)_":@!$

Anyone know of a good resume service? Ha!

The real Keith

Keith Olbermann is the host of "Countdown with Keith Olbermann" on MSNBC. He graduated from Cornell University with a BS in communications in 1979, where he set off to pursue a career in his true love, sports broadcasting. After stints in Boston and LA, he finally achieved the pinnacle and hosted ESPN's sportscenter with his long-time friend, Dan Patrick. He stayed there for 5 years, and was abruptly cut loose by the network. The circumstances of his departure were and still are vague, but most in the know say Olbermann and ESPN had philosophical differences of opinion (translation: clash of monster egos). Olbermann went on the talk show circuit and back to radio soon after, and did pretty much all he could to publicly criticize and make fun of ESPN, in effect voluntarily burning all his bridges to prove a point that no one really cared about. In any case, he was and still is free to say whatever he wants. Keith won awards - and still does win awards - wherever he goes to work. He's witty, articulate, and very frank.

He became a news journalist with MSNBC in 1997, hosting a show called "The Big Show", which was a rip-off of the name ESPN called Olbermann's and Patrick's 11 pm sportscenter. Apparently, this too was another effort to blast ESPN. Soon that morphed into "The White House in crisis", a nightly run-down of President Clinton's troubles with Whitewater and Monika Lewinsky. In a very public forum, Keith said on television in front of his entire audience, "If I have to do one more Monika Lewinsky story, I'm outta here".

Well, he was outta there, to be sure.

He went back to sports for a few years, and after September 11th, he decided to go back to news journalism again, where he now hosts "Countdown", or as I like to call it, "Bush - Bashing with Keith Olbermann".

It seems a nightly occurrence now that Keith is delivering another diatribe which is a direct attack on the President and the administration. The focus of his rants is always the fact that we in the United States are constantly being denied our Constitutional Rights to freedom of speech and thought, although his being on television raging nightly is in direct contradiction of that. He's a perfect example of the kid who owns the football who won't let other kids use it unless he's picked to the team he wants to be on. I find it interesting that as soon as ESPN had one idea and Keith another - he quit. As soon as he tired of reporting on Lewinsky - he quit. His basis for quitting in the Lewinsky matter is constant repetition of the same old story, yet he has no problem pontificating nightly about the current administration. If MSNBC ever tells him to calm it down, he'll no doubt quit again. Since 1979, Keith has quit more jobs than I've owned underwear, yet he seems unable to grasp that he is the central figure in this, and quite possibly there isn't a building large enough to hold his ego.

And lastly it should be said, he's not always correct. Articulate - suave - intelligent - yes. Correct? Not always, although I'm certain he believes he is and give's no quarter to anyone with an opposing view. I used to like Keith, but like anything or anyone else who gets too big for their britches, he's wearing me out. In all of his speeches about what's wrong with the White House, he - like most of his cohorts who spout the same old bullshit - has no suggestions for what to do other than put someone else in office.

He likens himself to a positive voice of dissent. I liken him to just another wind-bag with an agenda to fulfill.

History vs the Present

On this most solemn of days in America's brief 250 year history, a short lesson.

In 1940, Adolph Hitler and his Luftwaffe perpetrated the Blitzkrieg on London and parts surrounding London. 51,509 civilians were killed. The United States - primarily because of very vocal opposition within our country to any involvement by us - did nothing.

On December 7th, 1941 the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, killing 2,896 US Marines and US Navy sailors, 228 US Army, and 120 Civilians. Going against popular opinion - even in the face of these attacks - President Roosevelt entered us into WWII.

On September 11, 2001 we were attacked again, and we entered into another unpopular war, this time with an enemy far more sinister, divisive, and widespread than in WWII. There is no country called "Al-Quaeda", and our opposition is simply defined as extremist and determined.

Unlike WWII...where we buckled down, sucked it up, and kicked some ass both overseas and on the homefront, we have spent the last three years turning the blame away from those that flew the planes or orchestrated such, instead forming a commission who fairly much broke down and exposed two different President's and their administrations' failures to act properly. The commission in and of itself is a good thing. We need after-actions investigations and the subsequent questions that go with them in order to correct any future attacks by these determined suicidal/homicidal idiots. However, the people of this country seem to have misunderstood the true goal of the commission, and the perversions of the use of its findings are truly disconcerting.

The intent of the commission was never to ensure the victims of the tragedy became instant millionaires, but that indeed did happen to many. The intent of the commission was not to turn the American people away from the much needed focus on the fact that we're knee deep in a war that was declared on us decades ago by Islamic Extremists, but that seems to have happened. There are people out there who believe the unbelievable - all the conspiracy theorists with a desire to gain their own 15 minutes promised to them by Andy Warhol, their tool of choice being the internet.

Somehow in the last 3 years the country has lost sight of the fact that we have a big red bulls-eye on us, and the extremist retards are not going to give up until they get what they want - a world that goes backwards 10,000 years in the name of some guy named Muhammad. And the frightening part of it is, the majority of assistance they're getting in their quest comes from right here in this country. Dissent in the name of betterment is guaranteed by the constitution, but dissent in the name of dissent is fuel for the extremist fire. I'm sorry folks; it's the truth.

Italy never attacked anyone in WWII, but everyone in our country knew Mussolini was aligned (however fragile) to the Third Reicht, and so it was ok to go after them. They were declared (and rightly so) a legitimate target in 1941, as was the broken tyrannical government of Iraq in 2002, and the equally suspect and awful regime in Iran right now. In WWII, the American public seemed able to grasp the concept of global domination by Japan and Germany, along with our need to stop it. In 2006, we can't seem to grasp the EXACT SAME CONCEPT.

Scream and yell about the President and his administration all you want, it's neither going to change the past, influence the present, or redirect the hatred of Islamic Extremists away from us or Israel. Or Russia. Or China. Or India. Or Great Britain. Or... Or... Or...

You see, as you all mourn the historical significance of this day, I'll maintain that 9-11 is so not historical - it's the present still - and until we as a nation understand that, we're far from winning anything.

What would you do, part II

A convoy of Marines is going through Falujah. An IED goes off, killing 4 American Servicemen in a hummer. Their bodies are so mangled and blown apart, they are unrecognizable.

A Marine in a follow-on vehicle sees a late teen aged boy/man running from the scene. He recognizes the teen as being a 19 year old problem child who has been known to hang out with the wrong people and he has a propensity to be around trouble, but has not as of yet been directly tied into any of the bombings. The Marine raises his M16 and fires. Later on, once again no one could tie the youth into the latest incident.

Now what? Court Martial the Marine? There are a growing number of groups in the country who are forcing the hand of the Armed Forces to do just that in situations like this. Groups that are comprised of citizens who have no combat experience or understanding of the combat experience.

What do you do?....what do you do?

PS Any answer that goes down the "why we're there" road, will be deleted. The politics of this have no bearing on the circumstances or this particular question. Translation: Stay focused and on topic

What would you do?

You're standing on a street corner, just exiting a store. You hear the bang, bang, of two gunshots going off.

You're temporarily dumbstruck, but you gather yourself to assess whether or not you're in any immediate danger. A car sits silently in the middle of the street, the driver slumped over the steering wheel. People are scattered everywhere and there is a great deal of screaming and yelling. Your eyes dart around, and you see a late-teen aged boy/man running away from the scene. You recognize him, and you know of his reputation for hanging out with the wrong people and his propenisty for getting into trouble with the law.

4 months later, you testify in court and identify the young man you saw running. It turns out he didn't have anything to do with the shooting whatsoever.

Do you feel bad that you gave your testimony?

Ahhhhh....True Love does still exist

AFP , TOKYO Tuesday, Sep 05, 2006

A Japanese man was arrested after trying to steal a mannequin from a display window, claiming it was love at first sight, news reports said yesterday.

Shoji Shibuzaki, 33, was arrested at 3am in the southern city of Maebara for allegedly trying to remove the mannequin from display at a community center, a police official was quoted as saying in a report in the Asahi Shimbum newspaper.

"It was love at first sight," he reportedly told police after his arrest last week.
The unemployed man said he had spotted the mannequin, which was clad in a kimono, a few days earlier when passing and crafted his plan to haul it home.

Somewhere in the background - if you listen really closely - you can hear Bab's Streisand singing:

Love...soft as an easy chair,
Love...fresh as the morning air.
One love that is shared by two,
I have found in you.

Of heroism and such things

There is a young man who used to Blog from deep in Iraq who has now thankfully been returned to all of us safely. He is a proud and brave American who goes by the name Sean. He wrote an interesting piece that I read last night http://macme.blogspot.com/2006/08/my-little-act-of-pettiness.html, and it inspired me to write this.

A few years ago, one of my kids was talking about me being in the Army for a career, and he asked me if I had "won" any medals. I got to thinking about that, and whether the word "won" or "earned" was the correct way of phrasing it. In any case, I settled on earned. I mean, think about it. If you "win" the Bronze Star and Purple Heart for Valor, but you no longer have a right leg, what is it you supposedly "won"? Fortunately for me, I have all my limbs.

Funny thing is this: When asked by my son to show him my medals - for which there are many, actually - I couldn't produce. I know they are somewhere in the back of a closet, strewn about in no particular manner or organization, but I couldn't locate any more than about 30% of them. This caused me to think about why that is, and then last night I read Sean's writing's, and the answer came to me.

Men and women who have served the Armed Forces faithfully do so because of a commitment of their soul. If the only passion you've ever had in your life is to get home as fast as possible on Tuesday's so you can watch "Survivor Part 44", then you won't know of which I speak. But if your passion has run a course that took you to the farthest reaches of human endeavor - laying it on the line for a principle - then you will certainly understand. Those who have done - and those who will do in the future - understand. We don't aspire to win or earn anything. Medals and decorations are a by-product of loyalty, commitment, and kinship, and therefore have more of a place in our individual memories than a coffee table book or a shelf in a room.

For now Sean, accept your honor with the grace and dignity that it deserves, and find your own place in the corner of a closet, whether that be physical or metaphorical, and know that what you have done is very special and appreciated by those with the capacity to truly understand.

Peace.

CBS

According to the news, Katie Couric will make her debut tonight on the CBS evening news. Questions abound, such as:

A) Who is Katie Couric?

B) They still have a CBS evening news?

C) Besides 80 year old ladies, does anyone else know this?

D) Her former partner, Matt Lauer said she will do well. That's just terrific, and thank you. Now...who the hell is Matt Lauer?

These and other riveting questions will be answered tonight...at....at....at...at whatever time they show the CBS News. I have no idea when it is.

FSU vs Miami

Last night Florida State University played the University of Miami in the opening game of the 2006-07 college football season. The players were the usual Florida-fare, lots of dreadlocks, single-digit IQ's, and most of them "majoring" in criminology, which of course will come in handy for a number of them over the next couple of years. And then....

And then.....

A kid came on the field for Florida State. A true freshman from New Jersey named Marvyn Rolle. They rolled up Marvyn's credentials on the screen ....every scholastic grade since 9th an A... 1360 SAT score... and a desire to take Pre-Med. I rubbed my eyes until blood was running out of them. Fortunately, I have DVR, which means I can rewind live programs. I did...and there it was again! No grades less than an A; 1360 SAT score. My eyes bled worse.

A football player at one of the 3 major Florida football schools with academic credentials? This is blasphemy! These schools have standards for their football players, you know. And those standards do not include academic performance! Did this kid inadvertently stumble onto the wrong campus? Did he think Florida State was Stanford or Northwestern? Doesn't he know that long ago FSU, Miami, and U of Florida took the word "student" out of "student-athlete"?

I think a complete investigation by the NCAA is in order. This type of behavior cannot be tolerated any more. The next thing you know, these schools will have entire teams of kids who can read, write, and do mathematics. And you know what that means, don't you? That's correct. Instead of going 13-0 they'll probably lose a game or two.

Oh the horror!!!!

Now here's a surprise

Steve Irwin, the popular Australian animal guy, died when stung by a Stingray in the heart. This comes as a shock to millions.



In three other related stories:

Family living on Interstate 70 run over by semi-trailer.

Drunk man chasing balloon on cliffs of Dover - misses.

Bomb maker in Damascus sneezes....42 missing in demolished apartment complex.




Is it just me, or does French-Kissing a 23 foot Python seem like a risky profession?

Just me? Crikey...my bad.

Why I shouldn't write poetry

I want to be big, he told his Dad,
strong and large like you.
I want the things that you have had,
to learn and see me through.

As he grew still young, so did his dreams,
the mindlful father there.
Through school, and sports, and music themes,
his life without a care.

The teens approached, ideas changed,
he wanted more his own.
Thoughts of hero’s rearranged,
now that he was grown.

Eighteen years, it happened fast,
time to find his fame.
Off he went the world so vast,
to stake his honest claim.

A time for love, a time for laughter,
these younger days a joy.
This is what he'd been after,
grown now, not a boy.

The message came as quite a shock,
to the one who had it all.
Dad had walked his final walk,
no time; no goodbye call.

Quietly slumped on the wooden seat,
he felt the emptiness.
Friends spoke of love so hard to beat,
born of tenderness.

Where would he turn to, what should he do?
his thoughts swirled with great speed.
The man who always saw him through,
was gone this time of need.

And then it struck, as from above,
the answer crystal clear.
Return to your own the same kind of love,
as taught you year by year.

You see, the young man finally viewed,
the lesson from the past.
Was to forward the wisdoms so imbued,
that make good moments last.

The little boy with eyes aglow,
hastened to hear and learn.
From the son of the man to the son of the man,
time circled it's return.

JL4 9-1-06