Who thinks this stuff up?

There are 50 states in the U.S., which is a very fortunate coincidence since we have 50 stars on our flag, and one can easily imagine the chaos at Target and WalMart that would ensue trying to recall everyone's flags because there were too few or too many stars on it. In any case, I shall continue.

Each state has it's own motto, song, bird, slogan, and more than likely their own designated convenience store. Today, we'll focus on the state slogans. I found them on Wikipedia, and slogans change from time to time, so don't beat me up if yours is here but you're currently going by another. For example, Louisiana used to be Come as you are. Leave different. This slogan has now been changed by me to "Get the hell out! Levee's are broken", or maybe "Come in if you want, but you better get comfortable." In any event, let's look at some of these.

California: "Find yourself here." With the price of real estate, you may indeed find yourself penniless there. Also be advised, California is probably the phoniest, most superficial state in the entire country, so you may soon find yourself leaving as well. They spend tens of millions on the construction and upkeep of carpool lanes that no one uses, and of course Hollywood is there. Don't worry if you do leave - no one will notice. They're too busy trying to "find" themselves.

Connecticut: "Full of surprises" Yes, well that much is true. Like California, the first surprise you will experience is a 25 year old, 1,200 sq ft home selling for $700,000.00. I think that would qualify as a surprise to most.

District of Columbia: "Taxation without Representation." This one blows me away. Wasn't one of the primary reasons we fought the Revolutionary War because we wanted "NO taxation without representation"? And this is the seat of our government? See what happens when a crack-addicted Mayor starts doing your slogans?

Florida (where I live): "Discover your own back yard". Good one. Somewhere between June and November, discover your own backyard has been blown 700 feet north by another hurricane, and is now your neighbor's back yard extension.

Kansas: "As big as you think." They've lost me here. Is it as big as you think, or as big as it is?

Nebraska: "Possibilities...Endless." Yes...as are the stretches of road where you don't see another human for the remainder of the day, but you know what? I say that like it's a bad thing. I had better re-think this one.

New Hampshire: "Live Free or Die." Anyone ever wonder how the inmates at the NH state prison feel about making these license plates?

New Jersey: "New Jersey and You...perfect together, the perfect getaway, come see for yourself." My favorite state slogan. You can't put in on a license plate. Hell, you can't put it on the side of a transit bus. Like most people from New Jersey, the slogan rambles on and on. Notice how they referenced a "getaway"? I'm thinking they meant NJ is some sort of vacation paradise, but I'm leaning more towards "getaway" being that car idling in front of the Bank of America. Some still call it the "Garden State", but driving with the windows down near Newark quickly dispels that notion.

Tennessee: "Sounds good to me". Is this really a state motto, or something an employee would say to his boss when asked to collate the TPS reports? "Sounds good to me boss." Sounds lame, actually.

Wisconsin: "Stay just a little bit longer." This of course is because someone has to be there to turn the lights on and off. If you leave, they'd have to contract it out, probably to a Canadian firm. So please...stay just a little bit longer. Have a bite of cheese, that should help.

Of course there are more states and more slogans. Some of them are really snappy and fetching like Rhode Island: "Hope."

That's it. Hope. What does that even mean?

Alright I'm done. I had nothing quantifiable to write about, so I decided to have fun with some people. I don't mean any of this; it's a joke. So call Vinny up and tell him the "hit" is off.