Objection! Objection!

The White River in Indiana is expected to crest 16 feet above its banks in the next 24 hours, so the president has sent military troops to furiously fill sandbags and reinforce as best they can to save several imperiled towns.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has roundly rejected the president's actions, stating, "The use of soldiers in this situation is fruitless. The only reason he wants to send troops there is because he wants access to Indiana's vast basketball resources."

Presumptive nominee Barrack Obama also spoke from his home in Chicago, saying he visited Indiana once in 2006, and he told the president at that time "The war against flooding had been long lost, and the only thing to do is the immediate withdrawal of all residents from the area."

As Pelosi was finishing her speech, supporters were heard loudly in the background chanting:

"NO SANDBAGS FOR BASKETBALL!!!"
"NO SANDBAGS FOR BASKETBALL!!!"
"NO SANDBAGS FOR BASKETBALL!!!"
"NO SANDBAGS FOR BASKETBALL!!!"