Who knew Zsa Zsa was even alive?

Zsa Zsa Gabor's Husband: Anna Nicole's Baby Daddy?

LOS ANGELES (February 9, 2007) -- Actress Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband says he had a decade-long affair with Anna Nicole Smith and may be her daughter's father.

The claim, by Prince Frederick von Anhalt comes amid a paternity suit over Smith's five-month-old daughter, Dannielynn.

In an ever-increasingly bizarre story, three more celebrities have also stepped forward, claiming to be the father of the 5 month old baby...

Now what? Where will we turn?

Nicole Anna Paris Britneyhan died yesterday at the age of 39. Unfortunately, her breasts were only 14, her hips and buttocks still in the pre-pubescent years of 7 thru 10, and her eyes and nose barely out of diapers.

It is a social loss to our nation to be sure, the effects of which we'll no doubt still be feeling for the rest of the decade. We're running out of role models faster than a DNA test result in a Judge's hands can necessitate the phrase, "Sir...the report clearly shows the baby belongs to the pool boy."

Whom do we turn to at this point? How will our children ever grow up with a set of values that bespeak hard work, educational focus, and goals-based achievement without the positive influences of the Anna's in our world?

People magazine will soon be 7 pages lighter, there will be one less Enquire/Star at the checkout stand, and US Weekly will no doubt become US Monthly. Oh, the humanity. Who will carry the mantle for our children at this point - parents?

Parents as role-models?

Now you're just crazy-talkin'.

Yes...they DO say the darndest things

Questions on Marriage and relationships asked to children:

HOW DOES AN ADULT CHOOSE MARRIAGE?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.
God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10


HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8


WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets
them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and
make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7


The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and
have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to
clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

Astronauts gone wild

I awoke this morning to Internet, television, and radio shock. The word "Astronaut" has always - ALWAYS - brought the following adjectives to mind:

Honor, bravery, courage, guts, intelligence, and any of a thousand other superlatives.

Not this morning though. In one single story about a 43 year old mission specialist, the following words and phrases were extracted in the order which they appeared in the story. Certainly, a story such as this is the first of its kind in the history of manned space, for any nation who has participated in these endeavors:

Attacked, trench coat, wig, latex gloves, knife, BB pistol, adult diapers, kidnapping, battery, attempted vehicle burglary with battery, destruction of evidence, GPS ankle bracelet, victim, restraining order, intent to batter, pepper spray.

What in the world is going on here?

How could we have done this?

Good Lord in Heaven, what the heck were some of these people thinking? This is before the age of Prozac, so a certain level of insanity can be excused, but my goodness, most of the folks featured here have lost it - and more than likely will never again find it either.

Tino. Tino, Tino, Tino, Tino, Tino. What in the name of the disco duck were you thinking? My sources tell me the title means, "For the first time." Hopefully, the last as well.


Isn't Al Davis the flamboyant owner of the Oakland Raiders of the NFL? We now see where his flamboyancy came from. Which came first, the "Crusades" or the "Spanish Inquisition"? Whichever order they came in, we now have a solid theory as to why these tragic events occured.

The title of this little piece of musical history tells most of the story: "PLEASURE PUDDING SWEET PIE LIVID AT FAT CITY.

Anyone who has even the vaguest idea of what that title may mean may call me at 555-266-3873...that's 555-CON-FUSE.

Apparently, this classic album is from the 1970's, when the Industrial Revolution was still in its infancy, and people were forced to go to church in their neighbor's barn. Eventually the 80's came about, and concrete and stained glass were discovered.

An interesting tid-bit about the photo. All three men look as if they have both arms hanging straight down, yet the woman has a hand on her shoulder. Is anyone else spooked by this image? And furthermore, if the cameraman is over here, who are they looking at?





Pass.
















"The Playmates"? They're kidding, right? The guy in the middle is having way too much fun, while the guy in front has just come to realize he has the stomach flu, and no time to get off the scooter and over to a bathroom. Subsequently, the photo shoot ended about 4 seconds later.











I once saw Herbie Mann in concert. Now I've seen far too much of him. Why didn't he just shave the title into his chest hair? It would have had a greater cinematic effect that way.















And we finish our segment with "Devastatin' Dave - the Turntable Slave".

Dave was famous for the chart-topping hits "Hey Baby", "Yo Baby", "Wassup Baby?", and his 1972 #1 Single, "Sssapenin' Baby?"

Dave was the original model of the Michael Jackson JC Penny collection, but he eventually zip, zap, rapped himself into oblivion.

"Ssssall in a day's work, Baby", Dave said in an interview conducted in a 1984 autograph session at the Umatilla Florida Quick-Mart and Check Cashing Emporium, where literally scores of unknowing people made Dave's aquaintance for the first time.

Speaking of Prime-Time cable news

The top 4 cable news shows between 7 pm and 11 pm.

#1 The O'Reilly Factor Fox (Don't watch it often, and only in small bursts)
#2 Glenn Beck CNN's Headline News (Watch it a lot)
#3 Anderson Cooper 360 CNN (Watching it more now)
#4 Countdown with Keith Olbermann MSNBC (Used to watch it, not any more)

This is a quick look at what you could have watched in Prime-Time last week:

Anderson Cooper:

2 terrific interviews with a British war correspondent that broke down the fall of Iraq, and how Iranian insurgents have taken so much control without the main-stream American media reporting on it. Best and most informative story I've seen in a long time, and a radical departure from CNN's reporting stance. Included constructive criticism and praise [where merited] of the civilian and military policy makers in the U.S. Wonderful use of maps, Google Earth, and pertinent graphics.

Several interesting and introspective pieces about the various U.S. politico's view the entire Middle East issues on both sides of the political fence.

A heart-felt and sensitively handled on-site coverage of the Feb 2nd Tornado's that ripped Central Florida.

Anderson Cooper is a rounded program, with a focus on issues in and out of the country that concern us all.


Glenn Beck:

Iranian nuclear enrichment program and it's global consequences.

A story about Islamic Extremism taking a bolder, more proportional role in European politics.

Stories of the 5 U.S. Soldier's killed in a coordinated attack inside a compound, and the 3 (now 4) helicopter downing's in Iraq that have all the ear-marks and fingerprints of the Iranian Revolutionary Guard.

A fascinating story about the rift occurring in the U. S. between Shiite and Sunni's living in this country, to include specific notation of acts of violence happening without mention in the media.

In short, Glenn's focus is on the Middle East, it's broader issues, and how it affects the U.S.


Keith Olberman:

3 different monologue's about President Bush and the issues he has failed the country on.

Another monologue about how Newt Gingrich wants freedom of speech limited.

A story about how 9/11 fever has Republicans' criticizing Senator Barak Obama about something to do with Islam.

A monologue about how the President is conning Christians (that makes 4 Bush mono's)

A monologue about how the President doesn't want fair and speedy trials of Gitmo prisoner's to happen (that's 5...but who is counting?)

A criticism of FOX TVs popular show '24', and how it is giving its viewers the impression that car bombs on the streets of this nation are not only possible, but likely. Apparently part of the current administration's "fear tactics."

Keith's broadcasts tend to be about to people, in particular the current republican administration. He talks issues, but mainly concentrates on the people involved in the issues and the mistakes they make.

I can certainly see what makes one show higher than another. Focus. News. Interesting and constantly updating content. Each has the right to their own style and opinion of what is news, and what is not. Some stuff about people, some stuff about broader issues. Very little in the same ole - same ole department.

I don't watch local news because it does the weather 4 times a half hour. I don't watch Hannity and Colmbs, Nancy Grace, or O'Reilly, because they never change, and always have the same basic theme.

H&C is about libs vs concervs in our government. Grace is always about women who have crimes committed against them. O'Reilly spends most of his time defending what he said the night before, but in fairness to him, he does go from topic to topic.

With the exception of O'Reilly, the majority of them spin their wheels in the same spot in the ratings, while Anderson Cooper rises, Glenn Beck rockets towards the top, and Olbermann seems to be falling slightly.

In change, there is often progress. I'm pretty sure that applies to news as well.

Jerk-off's personified

There is much said on a regular basis about the media...pro and con. Quite frankly, in my opinion they have become an embarrassment to our nation, as demonstrated on a daily basis with the crap we're exposed to, from the mainstream venues of CBS, NBC, and ABC, to the pay cable stations such as CNN, MSNBC, and FOX.

This past weekend is absolutely representative of how they play stupid games to present the story they way they want it presented. I don't want to seem insensitive to the plight of the unfortunate, but did you notice this past weekend the people in the Tornado-socked area of Florida who were interviewed by the national media? If you watched any of the coverage, you got an average of about 10 interviews per hour, most of them from the less than stellar in our society.

I understand the many of those who took it hardest were folks who were trailer park owners. But there were plenty of people who lived in $500,000.00 homes that were leveled who could have been interviewed and were not. Instead of a representative section of Florida's population being shown, the media instead focused on the hapless and undereducated. Some of the quotes that went out on the air:

Woman: "I heard the freight train comin', and I nue 'twas a Tornada." (T-o-r-n-a-d-A)

Man: "In all mahh laahhfff, I ain't not never seen anythahhhn lahhk this-ee here before. It was laahk being hit with a huge storm er sumpin."

Man: "This here truck is sumpin laahhk 47 foot, and it flew over here about 19 foot or so, and ended up in a place that don't make not a lick of sense at all."

And my favorite, from last night:

"Lake County just keeps getting bombarded with inundation."

Everyone in Florida is not a country bumkin struggling to find enough quarters to buy a half case of Bud and a pack of smokes. But I believe the media intentionally shows these folks to create that impression. Why they do it is beyond me, but I truly think it's elitism at its finest.
If you show only the lowest we have on the social chain, it makes the "show-er" of such look much higher than the content of their material. Certainly there is a tie into the 2000 election when elderly South Floridian's couldn't seem to understand the ballot, and since then the media has made every effort to exploit Florida as a dumb person's Valhalla.

Personally, I think its despicable.

When luck is all you have

I live in Greater Orlando. This morning at 4:08 am, the phone rang in my bedroom. Grogilly, I answered it. It was my wife, on duty as an RN at the hospital.

"Get the boys down from the upstairs."

"What?"

"Just do it!! Tornado's are smashing everywhere."

Sometimes all we have is luck, and this morning my boys and I were among the lucky. A couple of miles here...a couple of miles there...well...

These are not mobile homes. They are brand new single - family structures built to the latest code...14 feet minimum from ground to the top of the last concrete block.

And the tornado's handled this minor incovenience as if it didn't matter.

The rabbit clearly shows that God is not selective in whom he challenges.

Are we really gonna go there again?

Joshua Sparling is a Corporal in the 82nd Airborne Division from Ft. Bragg, N.C. , and he lost the lower part of his right leg in an IED road-side attack in Ramadi. Sparling has been at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington for the last 14 months recuperating. He heard about last Saturday's peace rally, and he decided to go. His father (a Vietnam vet who has taken up residence in Washington while his son is in the hospital) and he went to the rally, with the idea of expressing the pro-soldier/pro-occupation stance.

Although his choice to attend is guaranteed by our freedoms, it's probably not the best idea. "I'm tired of the anti-war crowd bringing down the morale of my fellow soldiers," Sparling was quoted in several television and newspaper accounts. At some point in the proceedings, something went wrong...or perhaps not.

Sparling said a single male protester spat at him. Other accounts say Sparling spat back, while still other sources say nothing of the kind happened at all. Somewhere in there lies the truth, a truth we probably will never get to the bottom of. In any event, whether it's true or not, last Saturday's rally will more than likely give rise to other rally's down the road, which makes confrontation an inevitability. Sparling himself should have known he was going to bring on someone by his mere presence at the rally, and perhaps he welcomed and even encouraged the encounter.

Corporal Sparling is driven by a force inside him that only those who have done the same can understand, and I myself have many times had to fight the urge to slap the crap out of someone who thought burning the flag was a great social statement. I truly believe everyone is pretty much born to be the way they end up, and all you have to do to verify this is look back upon your own youth and upbringing, and "arm-chair quarterback" the signs that were there, even though at the time you didn't know they were signs. I myself loved parades, marching bands, and all the pomp and ceremony surrounding them. I loved to play war, cowboys and indians, and crawl around in the dirt as a child. I was competitive as all hell, and loved things like the National Anthem at games, and saying the Pledge of Allegiance in school. Anyone who wonders how I became a career soldier need only look at my youth to see the framework of my adult life. So I too am driven by the same forces young Corporal Sparling has inside his heart and soul, and I understand his need to show that devotion he has to his nation. As he becomes older, he'll learn to temper the desire for physical reaction/confrontation, and let others be as they are.

As far as this past Saturday is concerned, one thing the American public has never gotten through their thick skulls is why soldiers are willing to do what they do. You hear comments ranging from the ridiculous, "Soldiers just want and avenue to kill people legally," to the absurd, "Soliders are made up of society's under educated and lower economic strata."

In truth, soldiers are the last people who want to go to war, because "go to war" means them. Soldiers don't want to be shot at, but they are. Soldiers don't want to die, but they do. Soldiers don't want to suffer horrifying things like lost limbs, but it happens. Soldiers don't want to leave their spouses and their children, but it's a part of the deal, so they accept that.

When we as American's do something so baseline crude and animalistic as spitting at one of those soldiers, we bring ourselves down to a level beneath the morons who car bomb marketplace's and kill children. Yes, we do. Even the terrorists and insurgents don't condemn their own, as bad as their own may be. When we stoop to criticizing those who willingly and honorably do what they're told to do - not necessarily what they want to do - we tear at the very fabric of unity that has allowed us to progress this far without folding.

And the entire world watches and shakes their heads in contempt at how stupid and spoiled we are.

This looks like a long blog...but it isn't. I call it: YOU DECIDE

It is a sign of age when your drive time is punctuated by listening to talk radio, but such is the case with me. Yesterday I heard a conversation that was at once fascinating, frightening, and foreboding. I'll leave it up to you to decide for yourselves (that is...all 2 or 3 that actually read this blog). There are at least 6 - and possibly more - talking points here, and I honestly don't know where to begin.

Key:
Talk Show Host = TSH
Caller = CL

TSH: What do you want in life?
CL: I want peace.

TSH: Define peace.
CL: Peace is when we withdraw all of our troops from Iraq and Afghanistan to within the confines of our own shores, reduce the size of the military to cut expenditures, and stay within our own borders.

TSH: So you define peace as an absence of conflict?
CL: I define peace as the United States minding its own business.

TSH: So you feel we should allow evil to permeate the world, and be separatist?
CL: There is no evil.

TSH: There is no evil?
CL: Correct.

TSH: Was Adolph Hitler evil? Was Stalin evil?
CL: Adolph Hitler could have been negotiated with.

TSH: I see where you are now. So we should be negotiating with Osama Bin Laden?
CL: Yes, absolutely.

TSH: I've just theoretically appointed you chief negotiator to Bin Laden. What would you say to him?
CL: I'd offer him whatever amount of money he wanted to leave us alone.

TSH: And you'd trust that he'd comply if we paid him?
CL: Of course he would. He'd build schools, roads, and a modern infrastructure.

TSH: He wouldn't use the money to finance more terrorism?
CL: Never. I know in my heart he's an honorable man.

TSH: Would you give him $100 million? $200 Million?
CL: Yes, I'd give him $200 million. It's better than any of our soldiers dying.

TSH: Ok. Peace to you means an absence of conflict, and you think negotiating is the way to go. Additionally, you think the U.S. should be isolationist in the world.
CL: I'll go along with most of that, but those are your words - not mine.

TSH: Do you live in a single family home? Condo? Townhouse?
CL: Single family home.

TSH: Ok. You hear your next door neighbor screaming that she's being raped by a man with a knife. What do you do?
CL: I'd call the police.

TSH: Ok. You call the police and they tell you they can't get anyone there for at least 8 minutes...what do you do?
CL: Nothing. I'm against violence of any kind.

TSH: But next door, a violent act is occuring.
CL: You want me to fight violence with violence?

TSH: If necessary, yes. I believe that is the appropriate response.
CL: It can't be...I'm sure I could talk the rapist out of finishing his actions.

TSH: So you'd do nothing? That's your neighbor...possibly your friend. And you'd do nothing? She may die. Are you going to let her continue to be raped and possibly die?
CL: (Long pause and a whispered sigh) Yes. My interests are in myself and the United States.

TSH: What?
CL: We are here to talk about the United States' involvement in the Middle East, are we not?

TSH: That is what we're talking about. Confronting a violent enemy with violence of our own.
CL: (Sigh) And we're wrong for doing that.

TSH: Ok. Ok. Thank you for the call.
CL: You're welcome.

C'mon...gimme a break already

Approximately 10,000 people marched in Washington D.C. this past Saturday in an effort to stop the Iraq War. The usual suspects were there - the chick from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show", "Barbarela", and "Spicoli" from "Fast Times at Ridgemont High."

Lost on what appears to be either an ignoramus society - or at least a naive one, is the fact that "Spicoli", arrested several times over the years for assaulting photographers attempting to take his picture, was pleading for the violence to stop in Iraq.

In any event, the totally legal protest went on without incident until several unseemly types decided to deface the Capital Building with graffiti. The Commissioner of the D.C. police gave the order that "no one was to be arrested", and the felons-without-a-charge continued their assault on property that belongs to every legal citizen of this country by standing around and taking photos of their handy-work.

Look, you wanna invite Hanoi Jane out from whatever rock she was under to be a speaker?...go ahead. You wanna invite Anny Savoy from "Bull Durham" to be a speaker?...go ahead. And you are even encouraged to invite "I'm so wasted" Jeff Spicoli if you want to as well.

But defacing something that has been a part of this country for over 200 years? Now, you're just being a fucking douche-bag. You claim to be part of the "progressive movement", and you do some trailer trash stunt like that? Wanna know why no one with half a brain wants to listen to your crap?

Read back a few lines, assholes.

Take your pick

"No great civilization has ever died from murder. It committed suicide, instead."

- Arnold Toynbee


You don't like the happenings in Iraq...fair enough. You don't like the inferences that Iran is next...fair enough. You don't like the "Surge" plan...which is actually reinforcements under a different name...fair enough. Speaking of which, if it were called "reinforcements", would you be so against it?

In any case, the debate will go on about all of these things listed above, while our country erodes in a sea of violence in the cities, myspace paranoia, Paris Hiltonish celebrity fascination, anti-parenting legislation, and educational apathy among minorities and poor non-minorities.

I would prefer middle ground for sure, but if my choice for who rules the world were the neo-conservatives in the White House or the people who blow off car bombs in Baghdad markets, I'll take the neo-con's every day and twice on Tuesday.

I want freedom of thought and action, but then I see where 1.7 million legal abortions happen every year, with untold thousands of coat-hanger and knitting needle abortions happening as well, and I wonder if there isn't a better solution. "Stop the killing in Iraq, but keep abortion law as it is," seems to be the sentiment shared by the same minds in most cases, and therefore makes no sense to me. This statement doesn't make me pro or con abortion rights; it simply means I'm attempting to sort it all out.

I believe America has long passed their melting pot stage, and they are more like a salad now. A melting pot brings all the ingredients together to form one. A salad has the lettuce, veggies, croutons, and dressing together, but each item is still distinct and separate and not melded into one. Some say this is a good thing; others say it's not.

Our roll models in society are George Clooney and Terrel Owens? This is our choice? I nominate my father for roll model of the year. He's 76, has Parkinson's, can't drive in the proper lane, is so deaf he couldn't hear a nuke go off in his pantry, but he is and has always been - a good guy.

We can't decide if it's ok to be fat or ok to be skinny. And we blame others for this national epidemic. It's obviously McDonald's fault, because they drive their goods to your home, and force you to eat it at gunpoint.

Our lawyers chase votes by procuring charges against kids who didn't do anything more than drink a keg of beer at a college party and then make the bad choices that come with that intoxication.

Myspace is at fault, not parents who fail to monitor their child's activities. Currently there is no law against teaching your children as they enter their teens that all those boogeyman stories are actually real, you know.

But I'm sure we're working on one.

In California, a childless state representative is trying to pass an anti-spanking law. She states too many children are abused and beaten in California - subsequently redefining "spanking" and calling it "assault." When queried, she did acknowledge she owned a cat. Ahhhh, I see.

Fourty plus years of post secondary educational placement by race and ethnicity, and the number of minority collegiate graduations has grown a sorrowful 13%. And no one wants to bring the guilty to task on this. The powers that be are afraid to tell the truth and chew the social ass that needs to be chewed.

So what do you do? Move to Montana? I think not...the Unibomber hung out there. Move to Mexico? Perhaps. The population of Mexico decreases by thousands daily. I sometimes wonder where they're all going?

Maybe it's all a bad dream, caused by hitting my head on the window sill or something like that...

Heels together...now, click them three times....

Our upside down world

Ignacio Ramos and Jose Alonzo Compean turned themselves in to go to jail today for failure to report and do proper paperwork. Barring a pardon, they will be in jail for 11 and 12 years respectively.

You see, apparently pardon's are only given to the criminals, not the defenders.

Border Patrol officers Ramos and Compean caught Osvaldo Aldrete Davila smuggling 100 lbs of pot across the Mexican border into the U.S. When he broke free of their grasp and ran, the officers shot him in the ass. Our drug smuggling/illegal immigrant friend Davila, worked his way back across the border, and told his mommy what happened.

Davila's mommy knew someone on the U.S. Border patrol staff, and she made a complaint. It turns out the officers feared prosecution for the incident, so they failed to report it. They were recently convicted of hiding the incident, and today they went to prison - many inmates of whom are people these two officers were a part of placing them in the prison as well.

Davila? He testified for the U. S. government, and was granted full immunity from prosecution. The illegal immigrant/drug smuggler was granted full immunity. Sorry, I had to say that twice.

So Davila went back to Mexico, lesson learned, and lived happily ever after...right? Uuuuuuummmm....not so much.

He was busted 40 days after the incident - AGAIN smuggling over $1 million in pot across the border, and was pardoned by the same people who gave him immunity from the first felonious activity. Meanwhile, the border guards are in prison.

Whew!! Justice was served and I feel a lot safer now!

Excuse me. Ma'am? I think you're using that word incorrectly.

When did we start to mix and mingle terminology meant specifically for a particular group of people, yet now used by the masses?

This morning I was listening to a great conversation on education, education reform, and the problems we face in our public schools. Going backwards 40 years, I remember when I was in school the term for a child that couldn’t grasp the concepts presented – and I speak here of a child specifically identified as having some sort of clinical medical reason for their difficulties – was "retarded." I know that term has taken on a cruel insensitivity over the decades, and it was justifiably changed to the two word phrase “Learning Disabled”, or LD for short. My wife has been lifelong friends with a woman who teaches LD children in a Virginia elementary school, and again, I’m talking of the clinically diagnosed.

On this radio talk show I listened to this morning, a woman from Denver called in and spoke of her two children in elementary school. The woman was intelligent and made several cogent points, but I was alarmed at how she described child #1. She laid the groundwork for her discussion by stating both children attend public schools and normal classes. She stated child #2 was doing fine and received relatively high marks in all areas and tests. Child #1 was different. She kept referring to him as being learning disabled, and described how he struggled with both in-school tasks and homework. I was struck by the fact that she kept saying he was LD, when it seemed obvious to me that he was merely academically average. He received modest grades, and was modestly successful. She was rationalizing it by saying it wasn't his fault...mother nature is playing a large role here. Perhaps...but I doubt that.

I am of a mind that it is not acceptable for this woman to place her son’s difficulties in school in the LD mode. Look, all people are actually NOT created equal, and school is one of the major benchmarks in determining where a child will fit into society. I’d love to be able to play golf like Tiger Woods, but I can’t. I’d love to have the mind of some great thinker at Princeton, but I don’t. And her child is not especially bright. Although I feel for her and others like her, I believe we need to keep phrases like LD specific to what they were always intended to be. That way we can deal with the true issue of clinical learning disability in a forthright manner, and focus our attention thusly.

And parents need to understand that C students happen…all the time as a matter of fact. And it’s ok to be average.

Peace.

American History, 101

It's time for the younger readers out there to learn a bit. The business of running a democratic republic the size and political might of the United States is many times an unseemly one to the untrained eye. Everyone in our nation would love to hear that the acts, deeds, and policies of the country are always in the best interests of the entire world, and conducted with the utmost standards of honor and respectability.

Unfortunately, that is nothing but a pipe-dream.

For most who bemoan a lack of international or national integrity, the fact of the matter is sometimes things are done in the interests of this country only, and that's the way it is. If those who don't like it were to step into the same situations, they themselves would be faced with the same tactical, financial, and ethical dilemma's faced daily by our nation and its leadership.

With that said though, lines do have to be drawn and upheld. Sometimes our leaders lose their compass, and fail to notice or draw those lines between the dirty business that is necessary to keep the behemoth that is our country moving, and acts that are downright unacceptable to anyone.

In what has been well documented for over 30 years now, the President of the United States and dozens of his closest officers committed what amounted to a never-ending series of criminal acts and the coverup thereof, now known as "Watergate." I'm not going to give you the entire Watergate story; there are hundreds of books, movies, and on-line articles that would keep you busy for months if you started reading them right now. I wanted instead to talk briefly about one person, John N Mitchell.

John Mitchell was the Attorney General of the United States at the beginning of the 70's. As AG, by definition, he was the "top cop" in the U.S., and therefore should have been above reproach or suspicion. He was not. In charge of the committee to reelect the president as well as AG, he was directly involved in the Watergate proceedings. In 1977, he was sent to jail in Alabama for 19 months for "Perjury", "Obstruction of Justice", "Illegal spying on American Citizens" (Democratic party leaders), and numerous other charges. John Mitchell died in 1988.

The highest ranking law enforcement officer in this country turned out to be one of its biggest criminals.

In 1999, Sandy Berger was the National Security Advisor to President Clinton. In September of 2005, Mr. Berger was found guilty of stealing secret sensitive documents from the National Archives in Washington after the events of September, 2001. Berger and his lawyer said he knowingly removed the documents and his own handwritten notes by placing them in his jacket, pants and socks, and also inadvertently took copies of actual classified documents in a leather portfolio.

"I deeply regret the sloppiness involved, but I had no intention of withholding documents from the 9/11 commission, and to the contrary, to my knowledge, every document requested by the commission from the Clinton administration was produced," Berger said in a statement.

Interestingly, some drafts of a sensitive after-action report on the Clinton administration's handling of Al Qaeda terror threats during the December 1999 millennium celebration are still missing, officials and lawyers said. Officials said the missing documents also identified America's terror vulnerabilities at airports to seaports, and these documents never ended up in the possession of the 9/11 commission for their review. Mr. Berger was convicted of his crimes, and was fined $50,000.00 and given community service.

The highest ranking official in charge of our national sovereignty and security tried after the fact to hide his mistakes, and in doing so incriminated himself, held out documents we still need to see at this point but cannot, and lied to the commission investigating the worst thing that ever happened to this country.

So there my friends is your history lesson for today.

The highest law enforcement officer in the land broke the law and ending up where he belonged - in prison.

The highest security official in our nation broke the law, endangered the lives of every man, woman, and child in the land, and ended up on the first tee at Congressional Country Club in Bethesda, Maryland for his morning foursome.

Who says "History repeats itself" ? Does not.

Words and their meanings

Hate (Verb used with object): to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward.

I used the word hate in an e-mail to a friend about - of all things - the College Football National Championship Game. I said I "hated" the two teams playing because they've both come under decades of scrutiny about their social and academic ethics vs. their sports goals. In any case, argument was rendered stupid because I used an inappropriate term. The return e-mail led off with the sentence "Hate"?

It was a few days before I thought about it, then came to the obvious realization that "hate" is a word we should really curtail in this country. If someone says they hate the President or hate Senator Clinton for example, perhaps they should reconsider. It's perfectly acceptable to hate soldiers dying in Iraq and Afghanistan, but to hate the leaders that sent them there takes you into a totally different reality and dimension. In fact, it could easily be argued that hating a human being who has never really done anything to merit hate, put's the user of the word in a category to be hated themselves. I personally don't like Senator Clinton or the President, but by no means do I hate them, their political positions, or their policies.

I hate people who commit rape, murder, and crimes even more atrocious - if such a thing exists - and I believe it does. I don't like the Rev Al Sharpton; but I don't hate him either. I don't like raging feminists or chauvinists, but I don't hate them. I disagree with - and at times I'm angered by - attorney's and judges - but hate never enters the equation. At least...it shouldn't.

From here on out, I'm going to try and be selective in the verbiage that dominates both conversation and my lousy writing. I can disagree with, dislike, abhor, condemn, despise, detest, deplore, eschew, resent, scorn, and admonish without changing who I am.

But I will save "Hate" for those individuals and situations most deserving.

You got all A's? That's terrific!

Prequil: None of this - NONE OF THIS - is exaggerated or made-up. It is fact, followed by fact. I'm not kidding.

The Young America's Foundation - a 40 year old conservative non-profit organization - among other things does research on the most bizarre college and university offerings every calendar year. The listings are at once hysterically funny, while simultaneously frighteningly stupid. Los Angeles area institutes of higher learning have walked away with no less than 25% of the awards in the 6 years these listings have come out, and this year is no different.

2007's overall winner was Occidental College in L.A., with 2 entries in total, to include the number 1 winner: "The Phallus."

The Phallus is a survey, offered by Occidental's department of critical theory and social justice, focused on - and I quote directly - "Feminist and queer takings-on of the phallus." Topics include "the relation between the phallus and the penis, the meaning of the phallus, phallologocentrism, the lesbian phallus, the Jewish phallus, the Latino phallus, and the relation of the phallus and fetishism." Before I go any further, I believe two things need to be noted:

1) I'm no prude, but I do believe the sexual habits, customs, and thoughts of individuals belong in non-public settings, and ....
2) In the not-so-distant past, Professor Jeffrey Tobin, who wrote and teaches the course, might be required to seek psychiatric help before he was allowed back into the classroom. These days, he's considered "innovative" and "refreshing." I still think he's a perv, but that's just me.

Also this semester, Occidental will offer the course that the Young America's Foundation rated No. 5 in bizarreness: "Blackness." This class will explore "new blackness," "critical blackness," "post-blackness," "unforgivable blackness" and "queer blackness." They also offer a companion course, "Whiteness", which discusses the obvious right to privilege that all white males are entitled to. Their words...not mine.

Annual tuition at Occidental, a private college, is $32,800. That means if you take "The Phallus" and "Blackness" (plus its prerequisite "Whiteness") this year on a four-course-per-semester schedule, you will have set your parents back $12,300. That's just terrific, isn't it?

UCLA won the coveted No. 2 slot on the list, with "Queer Musicology." Queer musicology is a new field dating from the 1990s based in part on the idea that if you're gay, then music by gay composers such as Benjamin Britten will sound different to you than it would if you were straight.

Nipping at UCLA's heels was Amherst College in Massachusetts, with "Taking Marx Seriously." The first sentence of the course description is: "Should Marx be given another chance?" 100,000,000 people died in gulag's while Marx was in charge, evidently a minor inconvenience to be overcome by the Amherst prof's teaching this lovely course.

There is more...and here it is, in order:

1. "The Phallus"Occidental College. A seminar in critical theory and social justice, this class examines Sigmund Freud, phallologocentrism and the lesbian phallus.

2. "Queer Musicology"UCLA. This course welcomes students from all disciplines to study what it calls an "unruly discourse" on the subject, understood through the works of Cole Porter, Pussy Tourette and John Cage.

3. "Taking Marx Seriously"Amherst College. This advanced seminar for 15 students examines whether Karl Marx still matters despite the countless interpretations and applications of his ideas, or whether the world has entered a post-Marxist era.

4. "Adultery Novel"University of Pennsylvania. Falling in the newly named "gender, culture and society" major, this course examines novels and films of adultery such as "Madame Bovary" and "The Graduate" through Marxist, Freudian and feminist lenses.

5. "Blackness"Occidental College. Critical race theory and the idea of "post-blackness" are among the topics covered in this seminar course examining racial identity. A course on whiteness is a prerequisite.

6. "Border Crossings, Borderlands: Transnational Feminist Perspectives on Immigration"University of Washington. This women studies department offering takes a new look at recent immigration debates in the U.S., integrating questions of race and gender while also looking at the role of the war on terror.

7. "Whiteness: The Other Side of Racism"Mount Holyoke College. The educational studies department offers this first-year, writing-intensive seminar asking whether whiteness is "an identity, an ideology, a racialized social system," and how it relates to racism.

8. "Native American Feminisms"University of Michigan. The women's studies and American culture departments offer this course on contemporary Native American feminism, including its development and its relation to struggles for land.

9. "'Mail Order Brides?' Understanding the Philippines in Southeast Asian Context"Johns Hopkins University. This history course cross-listed with anthropology, political science and studies of women, gender and sexuality is limited to 35 students and asks for an anthropology course as a prerequisite.

10. "Cyberfeminism"Cornell University. Cornell's art history department offers this seminar looking at art produced under the influence of feminism, post-feminism and the Internet.

11. "American Dreams/American Realities"Duke University. Part of Duke's Hart Leadership Program that prepares students for public service, this history course looks at American myths, from "city on the hill" to "foreign devil," in shaping American history.

12. "Nonviolent Responses to Terrorism"Swarthmore College. Swarthmore's "peace and conflict studies" program offers this course that "will deconstruct 'terrorism' " and "study the dynamics of cultural marginalization" while seeking alternatives to violence.

You mean - - - - it isn't that way?

The way most want it to be:
The way it is:

A chicken in every pot
The homeless

Racial stability and fellowship
David Duke and Al Sharpton

Great music for our children to hear
MTV

Athletes who are role models
OJ & Mark McGuire

Good entertainment
Survivor, part XXXIV.

Flying cars
Segway’s

Great food for less money
McDonald’s

Honesty and integrity
Politicians

Talent
American Idol

Safe highways
Cell phones

Intelligent conversation
Blogger’s – myself included

Safe city, low-cost fun
Orlando

Unbiased news
CNN, FOX, MSNBC, ABC, NBC, CBS

The world...Sep 1oth, 2001
The world...Sep 11th, 2001

Peace
Iraq, Darfur, Afghanistan, Somalia

Respect and unity
The U.S.A.

My own wish list

For 2007, I wish...

...no one would talk about Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie, Brittany Spears, or anyone without talent who has become a "celebrity" because they go out to clubs after midnight and get drunk.

...the middle east would calm down.

...gas prices would go back to $1.50 (remember when we were pissed about that?)

...left wing liberals and right wing hard-asses would stop running each political party.

...the clock would strike 12, and Cindy Sheehan's 15 minutes would be up.

...teenagers would realize that hip-hop music is disruptive and at times destructive. No one ever committed murder after attending an Aerosmith concert. Too stoned, most likely.

...MTV would go back to showing videos. If not, drop the TV and just call yourself "M".

...Al Sharpton and the Rev. Jesse Jackson would appear on TV and tell the black community - in particular, young black males - that they need to get off the schnide and start assuming responsibility for their own actions.

...PETA would drop their stance on medical research using animals, and cures will start popping up.

...judges would sentence murderer's, rapists, and child molesters to jail time.

...Michael Jackson would stay in Abu Dabi or wherever he currently lives.

...defense lawyers would get a Webster's and look up the term "justice" before they get their client off from his 15th "assault with a deadly weapon" charge.

...the President would end the Iraq mess. Escalate it if you have to; de-escalate it if that's the answer. Either way, shut down the bad guys and get outta there.

...Rosie O'Donnell would get a 5 month long case of laryngitis

...there were no more info-mercials, especially those with the bearded "OxyClean" guy...or the creepy ones where the dude is talking about good bowel movements and the joys of a soft yet solid feces.

...the children were all fed, educated, and happy.

...parents would start parenting. No, no, no, it's not the schools fault. No...it isn't!

...the new Congress would pass an ethics bill that they would then obey.

...everything I just said would come true, but of course I chose things that probably won't.

Would you?

Throughout our lives, we have either said, heard someone else say, or the combination of both:

"If I had it to do over again, I would..."

Would you? Consider this if you will. I believe the universe is somehow all tied together. I can't really say how, but I'm sure Carl Sagan or someone like him can explain it to you. I just believe that's the way it is. Call it an act of faith on my part.

So the question remains: Would you? Why would you?

To assuage a past heartache or disappointment? Perhaps an unexpected death occurred and ripped your world apart. Money problems? You go back and take a different path, and all will be better...right? Perhaps...unless my belief about the universe is correct.

I have faith that everything does happen for a reason, to include the death of children, poverty, and ignorance. However, not all things that happen for a reason are negative, even though that is predominantly the way we apply the phrase. If you succeed in business, athletics, music, parenting, or whatever it is you aspire to do, the successes are because of hard work, passion, dedication, and in some small way - good luck. I must tell you though, the more you work at something, the better your luck becomes.

In any event, there is nothing I would do over again and change - to include the fact that I've had 3 major strokes, as devastating to my life expectancy as they have been.

Perhaps I would consider going back to 1990 when PETA put a stop to diabetes testing at Stanford University Medical Center and tell them they were doing the human race - and my teenage son - a great disservice. In March of 2005, he was diagnosed with Type I diabetes. 100% insulin dependent, and it carries a life sentence. But I would only consider it, not actually do it.

Other than that, I'll take every disappointment and success that came my way, because positive or negative, they were earned with honor and integrity...two characteristics that have no equal.

Pat

It used to be kinda funny, but not any more.

Pat Robertson needs to seek psychiatric help. He is a terribly disturbed man, and it's very sad.

Look, my cat tells me stuff all the time, but he (the cat) only claims to be Moses, not God.

My best friend

Long known as man's best friend, the dog as a symbol enjoys a high role in our society. I for one love dogs, but I don't go so far as to give the dog a full name - with the last name matching my own. I don't think my dog is one of my children, or even a person for that matter.

But a dog can be part of the family.

This particular dog I speak of was taken out of the pound in Salinas Ca, virtually hours from "the end". No one wanted to claim the stray who had been picked up by the doggie police and brought to the pound. He was a mutt, homely in his own special way, tiny, and not much of a pooch at first glance. But my son, 3 years old at the time and wanting a dog, picked this guy out.
He then gave him the very unmasculine [and somewhat embarrassing] name "Pinky". What can I say? The kid was 3, and that's what he wanted to call him.

Pinky was afraid of me for the first few months, giving me and my wife a clue as to why he was a runaway...we speculated that he had been beaten by some a-hole, and it was probably an adult male. We came to this conclusion as we started to see this little not-so-good-looking guy possessed enormous intelligence, and we figured one day he got hit too hard or perhaps too many times, and he bolted. That's what a smart dog would do, don't you agree?

In time, he and I forged a great friendship, one I never thought I'd have with an animal. He was with me all the time, loved to take un-leashed walks with me in a field next to our home, and was always there for me or the kids. He seemed to love children, and was warm and friendly with all adults. Another "smart" reference: In 1996, I had surgery on my right wrist. He used to lick my cast - at first my hard cast, then the soft cast, and eventually my wrist itself - in the exact spot that the surgery had been done. Through the cast, he knew something was wrong.

In 1997, he drove across country with me after I retired from the Army, enduring the heat and misery of a cross-country drive through the various deserts of the southwest and the steamy southeast in August. In 2000 I had my first stroke, and again he sensed something wasn't right and he stayed close to me all those months I was still recuperating.

2 years ago we started to notice the change. He was getting older, his hind right leg shook from time to time, and the winter cool of Central Florida became tougher to endure. Last year we noticed that his hearing of normal sounds was completely gone, and he could only respond to the concussion and noise of hands being slapped together loudly. His bladder control had become weak and sporadic, and he was closing in on 12 years with us, and probably 2 years before we picked him up that day in California.

Last night, I came home from work and my wife said he hadn't eaten, drunk any water, or moved from his brand new doggie bed he had received for Christmas a couple of days before. When I came home, he got out of his bed and peed on the floor, so my wife yelled about it and I hurriedly let him outside to go. He was wobbly and appeared disoriented. He fell twice outside, and once inside in front of my wife. Much to my surprise, I was very upset at this development, and spent most of the night trying to get him stretched out and walking better. I took him outside for two walks, which became two "carry's", and brought him inside an laid him on my bed. Twice during the night I woke up and he looked at me, as if to say "Still here big guy". In the morning, I picked him up and put him in his bed and went to work. He seemed to have little or no interest in food or water still, but perhaps he's just feeling sick and all will be ok in a couple of days. He could be in pain; could have arthritis; any number of things could and probably are wrong with him, but he can't tell me. I've considered taking him to a vet, but most are not open this week. There is no way I'm leaving him at a vet...no way in hell. He's been a part of the scene for so long now, I would never leave him to wait out his final days - if indeed were are in his final days - in loneliness. If he passes, he passes in the place he knows with the people he has loved who share that love right back at him.

Yeah, I said love...and yeah, I'm talking about a dog. Hang in there my friend.

Loneliness personified

Cold, he did the acrobatic dance in his sleeping bag, a skill he had become quite adept at over the past few years. Getting dressed - head to toe - all the while zipped up against the chill of the 3 am desert sometimes caused cramps in his back and arms, but they always went away after he snapped his body into a different position.

"Jesus", he thought to himself. Another guard shift on another night on another tour. "What number is this?", he thought to himself as he silently pulled his rifle last out of his sleeping bag. For those unfamiliar, one sleeps with their rifle when it may be needed at a moment's notice. Uncomfortable in there? No, not really. Quite comforting, to be honest.

"How many guard shifts?"..."Shit"..."How many tours?"

He trudges out and is surprised he can see his breath in the moonless sky. He quietly approaches the post, and his counterpart whispers a word...he responds with the password, and they silently exchange handshakes and make the eye contact that only those who have been there understand:

"I'm tired, you're tired, we're tired...but that is irrelevant. I was here for you and now you'll be here for me".

His fellow guardian crouches low and disappears in the darkness, intent on finding his own sleeping bag and warming it up. As he slides into the small hole surrounded by a low wall of sandbags, his thoughts turn to the fact that another Christmas has passed without a tree, turkey, or even a can of beer and a ballgame. The other day he was reading on line - he thankfully (or possibly not) - has internet access at the HQ tent; in any case, he was reading and he was rather dismayed at what he saw.

Post-Thanksgiving shopping excursions mania. Something about a new Playstation commanding thousands on E-Bay. A state Senator has a stroke or an embolism, and all anyone on either side can talk about is the balance of power in Congress. A woman forces a city council to spend money on attorney fees to stop her from putting up 5 billboards in a major city telling children Santa isn't real. She quotes her first amendment rights. Our man in the hole can't help but note the only people who talk relentlessly about their freedom of speech are the people who want to do something stupid with it.

He wonders if anyone really gives a shit any more that he is here. Gone is the patriotism of 2001 through 2003, replaced with disappointment at bungled policy and a frighteningly false sense of security. "Words", he chuckles silently to himself. "We're going to solve this problem with words". He shakes his head slowly as he scans the broad horizon in his night vision goggles.

Patting his rifle he whispers, "I got your words right here".

Of kindness...Christmas...and such things

I don't know the specifics of the story, flight number etc., but I do know on Sunday the 24th, a flight was going from NYC to Chicago. In the terminal in New York were two soldiers who had been delayed in their flight from Iraq, and they were desperate to get home to see their families.

Upon checking in at the United terminal, the clerk took it upon herself to upgrade the soldiers to first class, as there were a few seats open. When the plane landed, one of the flight attendants announced over the speaker system that the soldiers were on the plane, and the attendant asked if everyone could please remain seated for an extra 30 seconds to a minute so the soldiers could de-plane first and meet their families in the terminal.

The first thing that happened was the non-stop clapping and cheering as reported by several of the passengers on the flight. The second thing was - now get this, America - the passengers actually did as requested, and allowed the soldiers to debark first.

Been on a plane in say - the last 20 years? If you ever want a concrete example of "Ugly, rude, American's", take a ride on a plane and just watch as they all try to get off first, pushing and shoving old ladies and children out of the way. But not this time, evidently. Everyone either sat and cheered or stood and cheered, and no one tried to force his or her way forward. Even those with connecting flights.

Maybe...just maybe...there is hope for us yet.

Maybe.

A Christmas Gift

My daughter is all grown up.

A few weeks ago, she came over to my house to visit. After she left, she called me and said something about Sports Illustrated magazine, to which I responded with my customary "Whah?"

This morning, December 25th, 2006 she came over to the house with her husband and my granddaughter. We exchanged presents while I played with my 6 and a half month old granddaughter, making stupid sounds and acting as if I had completely forgotten how to speak normal adult English. You know how that goes.

She handed me a gift...actually a scroll with a ribbon on it. Everyone in the family joked about how I had just graduated from somewhere. I opened up the scroll, and inside was a Rick Reilly article from Sports Illustrated and a Certificate.

Here is the article, and you have to read it to understand the story: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/writers/Rick_Reilly/11/27/reilly1204/index.html

You know, you go through life as a parent and you try your damnedest to teach values to your kids. Most of the time you stand around scratching your head because they can't keep their room clean for more than 24 hours, and you wonder if you can't get the clean your room message through, then how in the world are you ever going to get the important stuff across?

The certificate read in part that a donation to the "Nothing But Nets" foundation to fight malaria in Africa had been made in the name of my family by my daughter, who - apparently while I wasn't looking - had become quite the special adult.

My daughter is all grown up now, and what a nice Christmas gift to have received - confirmation.

Merry Christmas everyone. Please count your blessings.

www.nothingbutnets.net

Ahhhh yes....of course.

Updated: 1 hour, 35 minutes ago

WASHINGTON - The size of your gut may be partly shaped by which microbes call it home, according to new research linking obesity to types of digestive bacteria.

Both obese mice — and people — had more of one type of bacteria and less of another kind, according to two studies published Thursday in the journal Nature.

A “microbial component” appears to contribute to obesity, said study lead author Jeffrey Gordon, director of Washington University’s Center for Genome Sciences.

Also mildly considered as possible causes of obesity were the following:

• Seconds on top of seconds with the mashed potatoes
• Carrying a napkin everywhere because a good boy scout is "always prepared"
• 24 piece KFC buckets, and asking the person who joined you, "are you eating too?"
• Dining at a Denny's and ordering "Page 3".
• Being the captain of the EA Sports Madden Football team
• A file cabinet at work that has no files in it because the donut stash is in there
• A recently discovered "microbial metallic component" in your hand known as a fork

Eating all the time has also been loosely linked to obesity, but so far no one in the medical establishment has confirmed this to be concrete fact.

How dumb can we get? The U.S. versus....the U.S.???

A question was posed recently on local access T.V. to the President of the County School Board.

Why can't we teach and demand from our students to stand quietly for the National Anthem or anything patriotic in the classroom?

The answer by the School Board Prez was short and direct: "Because if we do mandate such behavior, someone will be in my office within 24 hours with their attorney."

Now, not that I doubt the validity of the answer - because I know it's true - I 'm still confused. The right to freedom of speech, freedom of movement, freedom of the press, freedom to do damn near whatever you want is granted by our Government in the Bill of Rights and the Constitution.

Sooooo - bear with me here - the very foundation that these freedom's are based upon is used by American's against those same foundations. Do I have this correct? The right to disobey or dishonor is guaranteed, and we American's don't have to give anything in return, and if someone asks you to give a little back, you use the same documents to defend why you don't have to do what is asked? Yes, I do think I have this correct.

And I'm always hearing that the politicians are corrupt and screwed up, and we the people are the only ones trying to do the right thing?

Been to a ballgame lately? How about a school?

The stupidity of stupidness

Today on MSN.com

These are the mini headlines on msn.com at this very moment, 11 Dec 2006 10:21 am…In the order they appear.

Palestinian leaders' children gunned down (by Hammas)

Radiation linked to Russian Spy

Iran hosts anti-holocaust conference

Bush (not President Bush, by the way) resumes Iraq strategy review


But FIRST on the list is a story about Barak Obama campaigning in New Hampshire for the 2008 election.

Hello MSN? If you don’t pay attention to the other 4 stories first and foremost, their isn’t going to be a country to have an election in 2008, or don't you know that?

Good Lord, when a dumbass like myself has to tell the so-called intellectual elite what the real deal is, how the hell are we ever going to get down to solving our myriad problems in the world?

Dear Santa,

What I want for Ch------- this year is for my fellow American citizens to get a clue. I've been good {well...sort of}

JL4

Dear JL4,

I'm Santa...not David Blaine or Houdini.

Mr. C

Baby, that ladder's high

Cleek on dee peenk leenk above...den come back heeeer and read

I really can't stay - Baby it's cold outside
I've got to go away - Baby it's cold outside
This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice

The ladder was perched precariously on the uneven lawn. Only a wooden 8-footer, probably 10 years old at least, the last place I wanted to be last night - last 43 degrees with the wind blowing in Orlando night - was up on that ladder. But as fate would have it, everyone was ill Thanksgiving Weekend, I had to fly to a wedding this past weekend, so last night was it. Officially known around my house as "Dad's yearly brush with electrocution death and broken bones".

My mother will start to worry - Beautiful, what's your hurry?
My father will be pacing the floor - Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I'd better scurry - Beautiful, please don't hurry well
Maybe just a half a drink more - Put some music on while I pour

Ever try this? You stand on the top step of the 8-foot ladder - that's correct, the one that says "NOT A STEP" - and holding a 1 inch thick tree branch for faux stability, you use your other hand to try and "lasso-throw" the end of the first string of red lights to adorn the 21 foot high tree. Now keep in mind it's dark out and the strings of lights are all together and plugged in so I can see how high they are being thrown and how they look on the tree. And baby, it damn sure is cold outside.

The neighbors might think - Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink - No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how - Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell - I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell

Balancing with my left, I sling the first string up - but it doesn't go nearly as high as I need. My next door neighbor pulls up and reminds me to use caution on the ladder, to which I reply, "Does it look to you like I'm using even 1% caution?" His silence was answer enough for me. The second lasso-try was effective, getting the whole thing started. As I continued to hang onto the branch, the invevitable started to happen.

I ought to say no, no, no, sir - Mind if I move a little closer?
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What's the sense in hurting my pride?
I really can't stay - Baby don't hold out
Ahh, but it's cold outside

The ladder started to sway under my feet, and I of course counter-swayed - the grip on the brach getting tighter. In what seemed like an eternity, but couldn't have been more than a second, it swayed - I counter swayed - it swayed more - and I counter plummeted. In keeping with the spirit of the season, I did in fact say the words "Jesus Christ" just before both feet hit the ground, my upper torso violently dropping down to meet the knees of my lower torso at the exact center of my mouth, and then I ended up on my back - looking around to ensure no neighbors or family saw this spastic version of Lawn Ornament Cirque Du Soliel. The animatronic reindeer was peering at me from about 10 feet away, and I swear the bastard was smirking. I tasted blood.

I simply must go - Baby, it's cold outside
The answer is no - Ooh baby, it's cold outside
This welcome has been - I'm lucky that you dropped in
So nice and warm - Look out the window at that storm

My sister will be suspicious - Man, your lips look so delicious
My brother will be there at the door - Waves upon a tropical shore
My maiden aunt's mind is vicious - Gosh your lips look delicious
Well maybe just a half a cigarette more - Never such a blizzard before

Once more up the ladder from a second angle, and I had the friggin' thing started. I got smart and realized if I stretch the strings away from the tree by walking as far as the string will allow me to, I could more easily lasso-throw the strings around the tree in a circular motion. After 15 minutes or so, I had the first tree done. It didn't look fabulous - didn't look bad - but it wasn't going to be changed.

I've got to go home - Oh, baby, you'll freeze out there
Say, lend me your comb - It's up to your knees out there
You've really been grand - Your eyes are like starlight now
But don't you see - How can you do this thing to me

You know when you pull the lights out of the box every December? They're all in there tangled up and confused. You plug each of them in to test them, and off you go. Tree number two was lower, smaller, and looked for all intents and purposes like a cake-walk. As I was lasso-ing the first strand up - this time ony up to the 2nd to last step on the ladder - I was just about to let the strand go when BZZZT... At first I wasn't sure what happened, until the dog started licking my face. Evidently I had no recollection of falling, and shaking myself off, I headed back up the ladder.

I didn't get far.

As I was two steps up, I stopped to garner a bunch of the beginning string in my hand, and BZZZT...It happened again. This time I knew what it was because I could clearly smell my fried nostril hairs.

There's bound to be talk tomorrow - Making my life long sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied - If you caught pneumonia and died
I really can't stay - Get over that old out
Ahh, but it's cooooold ouuuuuuut---siiiiide

As I drank my hot chocolate...the dog sitting at my feet making faces like he was smelling something strange, I admired my work of yet another year. Tree 1 was soft red in color, tree 2 soft blue. The bushes and shrubs surrounding the front of the house were adorned in a classy soft white. No twinkling, no on and off "eat at Joe's" lights here. Just dignified and simple...simple in style, that is.

Merry Ch-------

Oh brother...what a bother

Doesn't bother me...does it bother you...?

To remove your shoes, belt, and outer coat at Airport Security?

To have a passport to go on cruises now?

That we have secret jails in Europe to house terrorists?

We do electronic surveillance on people who have the goal of hurting us?

That sometimes the answers given to questions is, "because". Sometimes, that is the appropriate answer whether you like it or not.

That we haven't had a President with military experience for 14 years...times change, and it is ok.

Placing my kids in public schools.


Does bother me...how about you?

Illegal immigrants commit 13 murders a day and 12 drunk driving deaths a day in this country.

That African-American relations in this country have gone back to their 1960's attitudes again. Suddenly the victim complex is alive and well again, and apparently there is no end to this thing.

That people think only of themselves in terms of national security, and make petty arguments about being inconvenienced at the airport, et al.

That too many American's feel they are entitled to know the what's and why's of governmental actions and policies.

That September 11th 2001 has become the event many families used to become wealthy; has become some sort of symbol of what is wrong with our country; and has been completely forgotten/ignored as the day some maniacal assholes made history.

That a US Senator from Massachusetts still thinks it is 1966, and he can't figure out how to get beyond that.

That people think it's the responsibility of the schools to raise and discipline their children.

You have - of course - just taken the Conservative/Liberal questionaire. Your answers are your own but I feel the need to tell you - Governmental mind readers have already documented your feelings, and your information is being stored in a vault in a secret mountain in Virgina.

Along with samples from your last blood and urine tests.

By the way - June Hyphen-Hyphen-Hyphen-Smith of Chukamunga, North Dakota? You're pregnant again.

Surrender...Part II

The entire country needs to know the following story. Pass it on to any friends you may have who don't know this tale.

In December of 1944, the German's made what amounted to their final desperate push to try and stem the tide of the war in their favor. General Eisenhower sent the 101st Airborne Division in to secure the town of Bastogne. What ensued is forever etched in history as "The Battle of the Bulge".

The 101st was completely surrounded by 6 Panzer tank divisions, was a 100,000 man force with just rifles and a small amount of mortars, both useless against Panzer tanks. The forest where the 101st was encircled was called the Ardennes, and the snow was a foot deep and the temperatures hovered around 20 degrees. They had no winter clothing, no winter boots, and soon had no ammunition. Air drops with supplies could not get through because of the weather.

Hopeless, desperate, hungry, freezing, and dying by the dozens in hourly artillery attacks, the 101st commander, Major General Anthony McAliffe, was delivered a written request for surrender by the German commander. General McAliffe immediately sent the German Commander a reply, in writing as well.

"NUTS" is what he said.

When delivered to the Germans by an American Colonel named Harper, the German's asked what "nuts" meant. Colonel Harper calmly explained it was an American's way of saying "Go to hell". The German's once again asked Col. Harper for his surrender, and Harper said, "If you insist on your foolish attack, we will be forced to kill all of you." He then went back to his headquarters, leaving a stunned and silent German delegation behind.

Post Script

The 101st held Bastogne, and eventually went on the attack themselves - still armed with only rifles, but a fresh load of ammunition had finally gotten through the drop zone. 19,000 men died in that forest. An additional 48,000 suffered loss of limb, blindness, deafness, and any of a dozen different afflictions from the artillery and the cold.

But they never surrendered.

Yesterday, the Iraq commission recommended what basically amounts to a surrender to Iraqi insurgents who we're actually not losing to. What would General McAliffe and his brave men say to James Baker, Sandra Day O'Connor, Leon Panetta, and the others on the panel if they were here today? I do believe they just might say....


"NUTS"

Tagged

Sean, at http://macme.blogspot.com/ tagged me.

This is the deal: "According to the rules, each player of this game starts with the title "Six Weird Things About Me." People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own six weird things and state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose six people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says, 'You are tagged!' in their comments and tell them to read your blog!"

I don't have 6 people that read my lame blog, so I can only tag 2. In any case, here are my six weird things about me.

1) I have some sort of bionic nose. I can smell things that no one can smell. This is not a pleasant trait, as you may well have figured out. I can tell if a woman is experiencing that "time of the month", or if someone forgot to use deodorant, etc. Here is the worst part. What can you do with this "skill"? That's correct...nothing. No one wants a drug-sniffing man, that's a job for dogs. What do you say in an interview? Can I type? Pretty well, but just wait until you see me sniff! Methinks that won't go over well.

2) I have a thing for women in glasses or those who look like a "mom". You can have Britney Spears; give me Patricia Richardson from "Home Improvement" or Talia Shire from the original "Rocky" any day of the week.

3) I lie to myself every single day. I like to envision myself as an open-minded moderate, then I go back the following day and read what I've written and realize what a hard-ass conservative I really am. So I learn from this, right? Nope. I still think I'm a moderate.

4) I am uncomfortable in large crowds; uncomfortable at parties. But put me in an environment with only 2 or 3 people, I'm as outrageous and forthcoming as anyone. Put me in a large group setting, and you'll never know I'm there.

5) I actually like some songs by Barry Manilow and Michael Bolton, and I have them on my MP3. Jeesh! Did I just admit to that?

6) I forgot 6. If I see a lampshade crooked...no matter who's home it is in...I have to straighten it. I've tried to ignore this, but I can't tell you how many times I've risen out of bed because I knew the shade in the living room was tilted...I know, I know...OCD

Okay...I'm tagging http://leasaann.blogspot.com/ and http://www.blogger.com/profile/21817830

These are the only ones besides Sean who read my crap.

Surrender

Apparently James Baker, Sandra Day O'Connor and the others on the Iraq commission have decided to surrender. Strange...I thought one only surrendered when defeat was imminent, but apparently this is where we are as a country. We don't fight to win anymore...we capitulate because the home-front has lost the nerve to stick it out, and we now take unexplained comfort in words like "Diplomacy" and "Dialog" when we know deep down inside our enemy scoffs at such terms, and looks upon us as weak and without the resolve to defeat them.

With that, I offer this poem to my brothers and sisters in arms...who died and will continue to die...for something they believed in - but evidently not enough back home did.

You are forever now - and will always be - my heroes (I think I read that in a book once). God bless you, and may He take mercy on America's soul for the inevitable attacks that will be fueled by this.

We thought of you with love today,
But that is nothing new.

We thought about you yesterday,
And days before that too.

We think of you in silence,
We often speak your name.

Now all we have are memories,
And your picture in a frame.

Your memory is our keepsake,
With which we'll never part.

God has you in His keeping,
We have you in our Heart.

You lived your life with honor,
We backed you just the same.

But now the time has come to pass,
May God forgive our shame.

Why they do it

Why suicide bombers do what they do:

No Football, no Baseball, no Christmas, no holidays at all, no birthday parties, no right to vote, no freedom of speech, no Big Mac's, no pork, no Baked Lay's, no game boy's, no ball caps, no toys, no shaving for him, no shaving for her, no faces shown, wives are chosen for you, husbands are chosen for a woman's indentured servitude, rags for clothes, towels for hats, no poetry, no literature, no tv, no music, no family picnics, no high school reunions, no high schools, no job satisfaction, no jobs, endless poverty, no house, no home, no dog, no cat, no computers, no cell phones, no writing (except for Koran verses), no reading (except for Koran verses), no affection, no love allowed (except for Allah), no religious choice, no choice of anything.

And they're told when they die, a happy life will begin for them.

Any questions? I didn't think so.

NYC

NYC has passed a law banning trans fat's in the chain restaurants in the city. No longer can McDonald's, Burger King, et al use the synthetic fat substitute. Studies have shown that trans fat's can cause heart problems and obesity.

Ohhhhhhh....I get it now. All those people who were going into McDonald's and Wendy's because they were diet conscious are now going to benefit greatly from the ban.

Alrighty-dighty everybody. Diet Big Mac's around the horn...and don't spare the fries!