Monkey Man and the Isle of Nincompoop

From MSN.com:

Jury: Smith Son Died of Drug Overdose

NASSAU, Bahamas (AP) - A Bahamas jury ruled Monday that Anna Nicole Smith's son died from an accidental drug overdose, just like his mother.

I Am Still Here...for you.

BEFORE YOU START THIS VIDEO...

If you're a part of Code Pink...if you think Cindy Sheehan is right...if you enjoy going to the movies; changing jobs when you become unhappy; cheering for your favorite team; bitching about the price of gas; protesting the extinction of the gay whales for Jesus; raising your children YOUR way; enjoy safety at the mall, and 100,000 other things...

THESE RIGHTS DO NOT NOW - NOR HAVE THEY EVER - COME FROM NEGOTIATION.

Begging, pleading, and asking nicely doesn't stop evil men from doing evil things, and until such a time actually comes to pass, we will continue to lean on the tough guys and gals to get us through it.

Whatever your point of view or persuasion, make sure you take note of the fact that for just shy of 250 years, the visuals you're about to see in this video have been happening.

Rather than being sad...try being proud.

Like I said last night. Doesn't ANYONE listen any more?

Police: Teen makes mistake of trying to rob former U.S. Marine
Bay City News Service
Article Launched: 03/27/2008 10:39:20 AM PDT


SANTA ROSA - A boy in his mid-teens learned Wednesday afternoon that it is not a good idea to try to rob a former U.S. Marine at knifepoint, even if the former Marine is 84 years old, police said today.

Santa Rosa police Sgt. Steve Bair said that's what happened around 2 p.m. in the 1600 block of Fourth Street. The elderly man was walking with a grocery bag in each arm when the boy approached him with a large knife, Bair said.

The boy said, "Old man, give me your wallet or I'll cut you," Bair said. The man told the boy he was a former Marine who fought in three wars and had been threatened with knives and bayonets, Bair said.

The man then put his bags on the ground and told the boy that if he stepped closer he would be sorry. When the boy stepped closer, the man kicked him in the groin, knocking him to the sidewalk, Bair said. The ex-Marine picked up his grocery bags and walked home, leaving the boy doubled over, Bair said.

The man reported the attempted robbery to police 45 minutes later.

Bair said the teen is described only as 15 or 16 years old. Anyone with information is asked to call the Police Department.

From the halls of Montezuma,
to the shores of Tripoli.
Don't mess with me you asshole,
I'll kick your ass you'll surely see.

Today's REAL blog

HI THERE!!!!

This is what I really wanted to blog about, until I had to go and make copies at Cumberland Farms...well...that's another story. (See below).

Question: What is causing the biggest budget deficit in our country right now?

a) The global war on terror?

b) Medicare and Social Security?

c) Gas prices and the housing crash?

d) Al Gore's catering bills, held over from the 90's?

Answer: Although most people think it's A, C hasn't been going on long enough yet, and D is most likely true....the answer is B.

In the mid 1960's, President Johnson was looking for some extra loot to support Vietnam. He peered into the social security checking account and saw $5,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.00...or thereabouts.

"Holy shit", the first-spender said. "Thar's a sheeeeet-load-a money in that gosh dangit account", he said in his deep Texas drawl. "Nobuuuudy'll notice or nuthin. I'll juss take a little off the top." And so it went for every President from that point forward.

EVERY ONE OF THEM, through the present.

Add in the fact that our senior citizens are having the nerve to live longer, and we have a stressed out Medicare system. 47 million Americans are above 65 and retired. That is slightly over 15% of our population...a figure not seen in our history.

So back to the topic. The medicare and social security are a combined 9 Trillion dollars in the red. Yup. Trillion, with a "T". Of course, I could have just as easily said Jillion, or Xillion, or Dillion, cuz until today I had no idea what a "Trillion" was. Or a billion, for what its worth. I know what 10 million or less is, because I see homes in Central Florida valued that high on a regular basis. I know what a thousand is too. That was what I lost in brain cells daily up until the age of 29 or so. But what is a "Trillion"? I found out today.

There are 60 seconds in a minute. We all know that. 1 million seconds is 12 years. 1 Billion seconds is 32 years. A trillion seconds is 32,000 years, and 9 trillion seconds is 288,000 years. So if each dollar is represented as a second, all we have to do is put a dollar a second back into the system and in 288,000 years, we'll have that bad boy balanced. I should call Alan Greenspan and tell him.

Suddenly, I'm not sweating the gas prices. I'm sweating 2019...or perhaps even 2009...or maybe next Thursday, now that I'm thinking about it.

PS. Altamonte Springs, Florida. Two men armed with pistols robbed a convenience store at gunpoint this afternoon. The suspects remain on the loose. Described as black males, 5-8 tall, wearing clothing that was oversized. One suspect had on a camouflaged shirt of varying colors, the other with dreadlocks tied into a knot behind and wearing a white cap.

Yes, yes...same guys. Doesn't anyone listen any more? So much for good samaraitanism.

Good Samaritan-ism

Apparently I've brought my "A" game to this week.

I blogged the other day about throwing sand on a car engine to extinguish flames. No big pooh-bah, to be honest. Well, this morning I had a repeat episode of an incident that happened over 25 years ago.

I was stationed at Fortress Riley outside of a beautiful little town called Manhattan, KS. Manhattan is the home of Kansas State University, and is a gem in the middle of virtually nowhere, USA. I was in a rather non-descript convenience store on a July Saturday, getting a slurpee or whatever. These two white dudes walked in wearing full length coats. Anyone who has at least driven through Kansas in July can attest to the fact that the median temperature hovers just below the melting point for carbon steel, and no one... I mean NO ONE .... wears a coat of any type, let alone full length in Kansas in July. This was long before the days of cell phones, so I left the mini-mart and went next door to a pub called "The Dugout." The dugout was a family-oriented sports bar and restaurant. I asked to use the phone for an emergency, and after looking up the number for 9-1-1, I dialed 9-1-1.

The police came screaming up in less than 5 minutes, and entered the convenience store. Our two upstanding citizens were housing sawed off shotguns under their coats, and were promptly arrested.

This morning, I was in a Cumberland Farms to copy a document. These two men with their 3-sizes-too-large-pants hanging down to their knees were slowly "shopping." Who shops at a convenience store? No one. We all go in to get what we need, then we leave, right?

Right.

These two were pawing around, so I took my sweet time making the copies. After they were there fully 10 minutes, I paid for my copies, whispered to the clerk (who was also thankfully in tune with what was going on), then went to my car. I drove no more than 2 blocks, and saw a police officer in the parking lot of a bowling alley. I pulled up next to him, and recommended that he go to Cumberland Farms and buy a cup of coffee (actually, I told him what was up - but you get the idea). He pulled out and went up the street. Upon his entrance to the Cumby parking lot, both of the young men left the store and started up the street in a rapid trot. The officer pursued them, and the last I saw was him pulled over with the lights flashing talking to the fine young men.

I went back into the store and the lady there said I deserved a gold star. She also said she was thankful that there were still Good Samaritans in the world today. I reminded her that all I did was make an observation, then go find a police officer...he did the rest. I didn't perform an heroic feats.

The moral of the story is this. Pay attention...yes, I'm talking to you...and you...and you too. Bad guys and girls are out there, you just need to take the blinders off so you don't find yourself in a compromising situation.

Oh...and stay out of convenience stores! :-)

A big "no", and a bigger "NO"

Senator Hillary Clinton was caught "misremembering" (thank you Roger Clemens, for inventing that word) her 1996 trip to Bosnia. The Senator's spokesperson said today, what the Senator meant was there were snipers in the hills surrounding the airfield when she arrived. What she said was, "I came unde sniper fire upon my arrival." Ummmm....okay, okay. I'm not even going to state the friggin' obviousness of this bullshit. Damage control in this situation is useless. She said it...she shouldn't have said it, and she screwed up. Next case, please.

Let's just call this: Big no-no number 1.

She was captain of her high school cheerleading squad, a nearly straight-A student and a soon-to-be pre-med freshman at the University of Florida.

But now, 18-year-old Stephanie Kuleba (pictured above) is dead, and her friends, relatives and family attorney are pointing to breast surgery augmentation surgery as the reason.

No official cause of death has yet been released, but family lawyer Roberto D. Stanziale told FOXNews.com that doctors believe Kuleba died of a rare and potentially deadly genetic reaction to general anesthesia known as malignant hyperthermia, which sends the body into shock.

This we will call: Big no-no number 2.

The responsible parties in this one are varied. Perhaps an improper medical history was done by the attending nurse. Perhaps the doctor was inexperienced in the ways of emergency medical procedures, being a plastic surgeon, and not a healer in the normal sense of things.

But there are far more frightening things going on here. As the father of three and a grandfather of one, I was against the wishes of my daughters mom, who wanted her ears to be pierced at 18 months old. I finally acquiesced when she reached age 10, feeling there was no harm in a single piercing in each ear at that age. With that said, whattaya think the odds are that I would agree to teenage breast augmentation?

Ya think?

To be honest with you, I personally believe that breast reconstruction and/or augmentation should be limited to women who've had full or partial mastectomies. Other than that specific medical reason, not only do I not approve, I'm not impressed with a 50 year old woman who has the high-riding breasts of a 20 year old. To me, it shows great insecurity and a shallowness that makes me run to the nearest exit when I come upon a situation like that. It's not that I'm passing judgement on anyone who has the surgery, I'm just saying that I wouldn't spend an ounce of energy attempting to court or even get to know a woman that insecure or devoid of substance.

But in this case? This is - was - a child for cripes sakes. The people who are supposed to know better, while properly guiding her through these last years of adolescence - failed her miserably. She lived in Boca Raton, a place of unimaginable opulence, which does not necessarily equate to intelligence. I know thousands of highly intelligent people who couldn't ever afford to live in Boca, and I know people who do live in Boca who who couldn't possibly spell the word commodities, even though that's how their husband was able to afford the home they currently live in.

I'm sadly reminded that Keanau Reeves said it best in the movie "Parenthood": "You have to have a license to drive and a licence to fish, but any asshole can be your parent."

Sadly, it seems that is more true nowadays than ever before.

March Madness

March Madness. A phrase familiar to sports fans to denote the rites of passing known as the NCAA Men's Basketball tournament.

But this year...not so much.

March 2008 is about exploding gas prices, bickering in Congress about the pros and cons of the Middle East conflict, renegade African-American preachers spewing hate-speech, a Presidential hopeful with memory issues, and a Presidential hopeful who can't shake the memories.

No one is happy, right? Well, not so fast comrade. Senator John McCain has to be deliriously happy. He has nailed the Republican nomination...no longer has to spend millions immediately...and he gets to sit back and watch the Democratic party smash the crap out of everything they say they stand for: Freedom, progressiveness, and a live-and-let-live philosophy. You see, Senator McCain gets to sit back with the rest of us and watch the show.

Survivor XVI, staring Senators Clinton and Obama.

While McCain polishes his trophies (and his upcoming speeches), Obama attempts to explain why there are no less that 16 Youtube.com speeches by the Rev Jeremiah Wright dating back 12 years, which Obama claims to have no recollection of their hateful content. In response to the obvious "Team Clinton" bringing forth of these episodes, Senator Obama has as recently as three days ago referred to the Monica Lewinsky blue dress, as if that has some bearing on Senator Clinton's character (which it does not).

The gloves are off, and any sense of decorum and professionalism has been lost in the process. Then after all the sad mudslinging that is going on, we have the issue of these so-called "Super Delegates". If Senator Clinton receives them, the Reverend Al Sharpton, the NAACP, and the ACLU have threatened racism lawsuits. If Senator Clinton doesn't get them, she is going to assert gender bias and an irrational fear of racial repercussions as her downfall.

Freedom, progressiveness, and a live-and-let-live philosophy. Really? I find the whole thing reprehensible and sad.

But then again, I'm not John McCain.

Twin sons of different mothers

A cop pulls a redneck in a pickup truck over. The cop says to him, "You have an I.D.?" The redneck says, "Bout what?"

And so it goes here in the Sunshine State, the only place in the world where someone can ride your bumper, high beams on, and you're in the right lane! The other day a woman came into a convenience store saying her car was on fire. Several of us customers ran outside. The car's master cylinder had caught fire, and was literally in flames. A man - clearly in his 60's - with a pony tail and a beard that had not been trimmed in 4 years, turned away from the burning engine and said, "Figgers. 'Sa Ford". I picked up two handfuls of sand and threw the contents on the master cylinder, putting out the flames. The redneck dude walked back into the convenience store to continue his scintillating conversation about squirrel huntin' with the clerk.

I have yet to come across a group or association that bugs the hell outta me as much as rednecks do. When I retired from the Army and decided to come to Florida, I envisioned nice beaches, decent weather, and a varied population. I had no idea the illiterate and stagnant were here as well. Recently, a local Baptist church --- let me say that again --- a local Baptist church, had a night gathering and dinner where they celebrated the Confederacy.

Hellooooooooo??? The South lost, remember? I'm told that a person who was at the revival dinner - or whatever you want to call it - said, "No. We didn't lose." WE? As far as I can tell, there are no people living today who can use the term WE while discussing the Civil War. Nonetheless, YES they did lose.

I'm from New England, and up there we are taught in the schools that the Civil War was the darkest period in our country's history, a time of sadness and shame. Apparently not so much in some circles down here. In 1970 in Boston, the city tried to integrate the schools, in effect moving kids from the suburbs into inner-city schools, and vice versa. There was tremendous upheaval over busing a kid 25 miles into downtown Boston, when they had a school 1/3 of a mile from their house. The inner city parents had the same problem with busing their children 25 miles outside the city into the 'burbs. I once had a friend from Georgia tell me that incident was the primary example of how racist the northeast really is. I remember saying to him, "No shit? You guys fly the confederate flag, burn crosses on lawns, have assigned seating on public buses, "whites only" restaurants, clubs, drinking fountains and the like, but Bostonians are racist because they wouldn't allow their whole lives and schedules to be totally thrown out of whack by busing? Are you serious?"

He said he was. I agreed. He was seriously misguided. Probably still is. But I liked him nonetheless.

Anyways, what was I talking about? Oh yeah. A Christian congregation that was celebrating - in the year of our Lord 2008 - the virtues of slavery, social dominance, and human suffering. Hallelujah!! Pass the whips and chains. If they only knew how they keep the likes of Jeremiah Wright, Al Sharpton, and others of that ilk in focus and current. If the rednecks would stop being rednecks, it would deny the rebellious on the other side fodder for their preachings.

Which brings up an interesting point. Has anyone else noticed the absolute identical traits contained in both the cowboy-wanna-be-rednecks and the hate-speech-spewing Jeremiah Wrights of this world? Uh huh. They're exactly the same, aren't they? But they will each swear on a stack of Bibles that they are different from each other.

But they're not. Not at all, as a matter of fact.

Really????

We've all played "Dead or Alive"...you know, you say a famous name and I guess if they're dead or alive. Here's the reverse mortgage of that game.

Everyone on this list is ALIVE.

Harry Morgan (92) Jack Lallane (94) Gloria Stuart (97) Mitch Miller (96) Karl Malden (96) Art Linkletter (95) Richard Widmark (95) Delores Hope (98) Les Paul (92) David Rockefeller (92) Barbara Billingsly (92) Eli Wallach (92) Robert McNamarra (92) Olivia De Haviland (91) Van Johnson (91) C. Everett Coop (91) Walter Cronkite (91) Kirk Douglas (91) Earnest Borgnine (91) Zsa Zsa Gabor (91) Lena Horn (90) Phyllis Diller (90) Oral Roberts (90) John Forsythe (90) Don "Come on down!!!" Pardo (90)

And this is just the 90's crowd.

I knooooow. I said the same thing when I read the list!

Is it pronounced "Bells" or "Beels" ??

Sooooo, I'm in B-e-a-l-s, which is pronounced Beels or Bells, I don't know which. In any event, I'm buying a dress shirt and a tie, and this cute young girl is ringing me up. She says to me in that cutsie voice we all take with the elderly (and I kid you not):

"Are we qualified for the over 50 senior discount, dear?"

DEAR???? DEAR???? Did she say "dear" to me, like I'm her 80 year old grandfather? I asked her, "Do I look 50 or older?" And she said, "yes". Oh my friggin word!!! I've just had it confirmed that I LOOK middle aged. Holy shit, Batman!!!

I'm a "dear".

I've become my Aunt Margaret from my youth. I'm the guy who used to listen to Red Sox games every afternoon on the radio. His name? Pops Pierce. I'm "Pops" in a different time!

By the way, Beals is offering 15% off this week for seniors on all items. Hurry...before they change the pronunciation!!!

Scofield...and some other guy

Academy award winning British actor Paul Scofield is dead at the age of 90. Scofield, famous for his role as....ummmmm...that guy in the movie....you know, THAT dude....the one who played...ummmm...that guy in that movie....

In other death related news, Staff Sergeant Ivan Kinchloe, known in real life as Ivan Dixon, died this past weekend at the age of 76. Dixon, who played the subtly funny, articulate, and technically proficient SSG Kinchloe, went on the be a celebrated director after his 5 years on the highly successful "Hogan's Heroes" T.V. show.

Dixon...who was never as famous as Scofield...the guy who played that guy who was in that movie about that thing that happened to those people...suffered from a kidney disorder.

To fear or not to fear...

When exactly did this Demagog phenomenon take hold? And how do I get the moniker "Reverend" in front of my name too?

It seems in this country, all you have to do is precede your given name with the abbreviation Rev, and then evidently you can spew out any vile, repugnant, offensive crap you want, without repercussions. Al Sharpton has made a career out of it, and now this so-called "Spiritual Advisor" to Barak Obama - the "Rev." Jeremiah Wright - of Chicago is becoming water cooler talk all over this country.

Look. As if it wasn't bad enough that Senator Obama's wife Michelle said in a public statement about a month ago, that "Finally....she could be proud to be an American", presumably because a person of color could finally be a serious candidate for the highest position in our land, but what made her so ashamed of him only being a senator? And why else was she "ashamed" to be an American? Personally, I don't fancy the idea of a first lady that is ashamed of her country for every moment of every day of her life...then suddenly she loves the shit out of it because he's the President. Smacks of disingenuousness to me. How 'bout you?

And now the "Reverend" Jeremiah Wright is blaming everything from 9-11 to the cost of Q-Tips at your local supermarket on the evils of the white man and America as a whole. This guy is a demagog race-baiter, and he is allowed to be so because of ------ what?

His title? His ethnicity? His race? Why is it acceptable to call ones self a Christian, then act in a very UN-Christian-like way? Why is it acceptable for a man who has 2 Masters Degrees and a P.H.D. to speak about the evils of the educational system being all about "the White Folks", with no one challenging the fact that HE didn't seem to have any problems navigating the system? And why is it still acceptable - in the year 2008 - for anyone in our society to reference mistakes - even if those mistakes were horrific and appalling - from 200 years ago?

No one lets the idiotic redneck hard-heads get away with their Confederate Flag bullshit, but anyone who is not a Caucasian male can reference 1679 like they were actually there and personally felt the pain.

If you were a minority 100 years ago - hell, 45 years ago - you were done wrong. No one is disputing that fact. However, given the fact that 65% of our population wasn't even born 45 years ago, and 0% were born 100 years ago, chances are no one you come into contact with had anything to do with the slave ships, the cotton plantations, and probably never burned a cross on your lawn, either. But YOU can lump everyone into the racist, prejudiced, and hateful pile and you get away with it. How in the world is that possible in this day and age?

In other words, stick to the current situation, "Reverend". And stop blaming everyone for everything just so you can continue to fuel your hatred and anger. Stop baiting. Stop being hateful on one side of your mouth, while preaching the love of Jesus out of the other side. It's shameful and embarrassing.

I'm really sick of this nonsense...and even sicker about the so-called "religious" affiliation of such hypocritical bigots. The "Reverend" Wright is doing nothing productive for anyone...black or white...yet no one dares say anything to him or about him, for fear of being called a bigot.

While all you're really doing is pointing out the bigotry of someone else. Someone who goes by the title, "Reverend" and gets away with it.

Put me in coach

Put me in coach, I'm ready to play...today...look at meeeeee.... I can beeee....Center field.

TAMPA, Fla. (AP) - Japanese right-hander Daisuke Matsuzaka will start the Boston Red Sox's regular-season opener against the Oakland Athletics in Toyko on March 25.

"I think that will be a ton of excitement," Boston manager Terry Francona said before Monday's exhibition game against the New York Gambino Family Yankees. "I know he's honored."

When asked how he felt in paticular about pitching for the World Champions on his home soil, Matsusaka said, ラドクリフ、マラソン五輪代表に1万m出場にも含み .

Roughly translated, he said: "Huya, mook shumai. Hahn too, doh soooo, whachaha. Inshai...uhhh...curveball, huminsha pum amashowie. HOY!!!"

History in the making

In an unprecedented side-by-side photo, Al Gore shows the depth of his girth in relation to our planet. The International Geographical Society has recommended the former Senator and Presidential candidate be named the 8th continent.

So far, some of the recommended names have been "Jaredland" after the Subway subs guy, "Rosietonia" after...well...you know, and "Blobany."

Vegas is posting 4-1 odds on "Rosietonia."

Islamo-what???

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23639629

Islamic leaders from something like 67 nations are having a summit, where they have been talking about taking legal action against parties who defame and humiliate the Islamic Religion regarding acts and fabrications of the truth. "Muslims are being targeted by a campaign of defamation, denigration, stereotyping, intolerance and discrimination," charged Ekmeleddin Ihsanoglu, the secretary general of the group.

Of course they have. Just over 200 hijackings of aircraft throughout the world since the late 1960's was and still is, obviously the work of the Buddhists.

The western European world, particularly places like Germany and France with their Calvinistic religious cults have spent entire millenia thwarting the rights and freedoms of it's women, forcing them to wear head to toe garb, and never make co-gender eye contact.

The car bomb was surely invented by the Hindi, not anyone else.

The gassing of the Kurds? Shinto.

The Munich Olympics? Baptists.

The Achille Laurel cruise liner incident? Mormons.

Senator Robert Kennedy was assassinated by one of the world's foremost impressionists: Pope Pius II, disguised as a Palestinian named Sirhan Sirhan.

And the biggest one...the WTC/Pentagon/Pennsylvania Corn Field? Presbyterians for crying out loud !!!

Islamophobia is right. Every religion in the world is going absolutely bonkers, and the poor Muslims are being blamed for all of it.

It's a damn shame everyone else can't be calm and level headed as they are. The world would be a much safer place if we could be.

Sooooooo exciting!!!!!

"Ummm....I'd like to thank the Academy, my mom and dad, the screenwriters guild....ummmm....my PR right hand man, Bob Schwartz. Ummmmm...I'd like to thank all the people who have worked so hard to make this happen...my lovely wife, my children, my parrish priest, Father Damian. I'd also like to give a special big shout-out to the 'Zippy Lube modeling agency and escort service', who's motto is 'We don't need 29 levels of compatability. We know what you want before you do'."

"Gawd, I do love that".

OR....

(Look at the photo)

"Sooo, the Feds walk in and suddenly my d*** can't be more than thiiiiiis big, ya know?"

OR...

"So I'm talking to Steinbrenner, right? He says, 'Of course you can be the desinated hitter at Spring Training.' Then that ass**** Billy Crystal calls, and I'm out. I mean....I was thiiiiis close, man."

The other side of tomorrow.

Do you think about it? Have you pondered it for any stretch of time...be that days, weeks, months, or even years? The dance ends, you know. Of course you do. In the history of man, apparently only Methuselah's private quartet kept playing long after they call it a wrap for everyone else.

I think about it. Tragically, almost daily. Of course, I've fought - and continue to fight - the monster every day. Pills for headaches, pills for blood thinning, pills to soften the neuropathways that wander mile after literal mile through my brain.

My brain. Years ago when I smoked, I thought it would be my lungs. Waking up at 4:30 am for 21 years in the Army, then running 6 miles in -20 degree temperatures at Ft. Riley Kansas made me convinced that it was going to be my heart or my will to carry on with that crazy shit that would do me in. My first wife had me convinced I was going to die at the end of a shiv...thrust into me by a fellow prisoner at the State Pen. Why would I have been in the State Pen? Ohhhhhhh....I would have been there if someone hadn't mentioned that a divorce was the safer option.

But my brain? Not my brain. This brain has survived everything from absentmindedness to outright stupidity. No way a brain that has been put through all that could be giving out just because a vessel or two was being stubborn and no longer wanted to be on the highway.

BUT...

Well, you know what BUT means. Everything that follows the word BUT is bullshit. "I was about to promote you Bob...BUT." "You're a fabulous person Sheilla, BUT." "Speel Cheek on Blooogspot is suuuppposed to wirk, BUT." And one of my favorites: "Yup, I was going to give you that money yesterday...BUT."

JL4, your overall fitness is fantastic....BUT.

So I think about it. Too much to be honest. But it is the ultimate truth, is it not? Are we going to? Yep. What can we do about it? Nuthin'.

So when the big day arrives...whether that be next month or 35 years from now, I'll be comforted in the knowlege that I had rehearsed it in my head a few thousand times over the years.

Annnnnnnd... I won't have to worry any more about that money you won't cough up. Nor will I be forced to listen to your "but I was going to's."

See? There is a silver lining after all :-)

"...with Gilligan - the Skipper too. The millionaire...and his wife"....

Dawn Wells, the often overlooked but very-pretty-in-a-homespun-kind-of-way girl from a thousand pre-pubescent dreams, was sentenced to 6 months unsupervised probation for her arrest on October 18th, 2007. Mrs. Wells, now 348 years old, was convicted of reckless driving, possession of marijuana, and a smoking device.

(Gimme a break, huh? I didn't use the term "Marijuana smoking device." The media, who tries to act like they don't know what a one-hitter is - did)

In any event, the former Gilligan's Island sweet thing was given a three hour tour...a three hour tour...of the Teton Idaho County Police Station. (Presumably also known as, "Merle's po-lees station and one-stop pelt emporium")

The weather started getting rough, so the trial was moved until after Elk season, allowing the Justice of the Peace to get in his winter sporting. (He duz have a tuch of the bad heart, ya know)

In any case, miss Wells, who turns 411 years old next Tuesday, spoke only through her attorney. "I wanted to thank several people", the prepared statement read. "If not for the courage of the fearless crew, this case may have been lost."

Ever done this?

Question of the day:

"Ever dump on a friend?"

Seriously. Ever thrown a real friend under the bus? I never have. EVER. Have I angered friends, pissed off friends, ended friendships? Of course.
But intentionally...deliberately...quantifiably...maliciously...tossed a true friend into the pit with the Lions?

I wouldn't even know how. Wait...strike that last comment. I actually would know how, because I've seen it done, as well as had it done to me.

As recently as today.

A friend...a co-worker...a confidant on the highest order...someone I had personally seen to it that they received extra bonus money; extra praise heaped upon them by upper management; even an extra promotion that they probably didn't deserve...

Dumped on me.

Spit on me.

Let me down.

Abandoned and forgot about everything done for them - by me.

For no reason other than to do it.

Without provocation or excuse.

In a public setting, no less.

And to top it off...the information forwarded for all to hear was total bullshit.

We live in a sad, sad, sad, sad, world. Respect, loyalty, and personal accountability are just words on a poster on the HR office walls. They're neither adhered to or believed, therefore we live in a sad, sad, sad, world.

And today...I'm the king of the sad people. Tomorrow, it'll all be yesterday's news and not worth two lines in a paragraph. But today, sadness and betrayal get top billing.

That's why anyone outside of the blog world who knows me....knows I have 3, perhaps 4...friends. I'm leery of forming any, because as of tonight, I'm down 1.

Again.

Now in session: Stoopidity, 101.

Ok, so you're an illegal immigrant. I get it.

Ok, so you need a drivers license to complete the gig. I get it.

So you paid this white dude $350.00 to make it happen. I get it.

He told you to "bring a good photo of yourself" to him. I get it.

But this is all you had? I doangettit.

If yer gonna come in here illegally, you're better off going someplace where the residents that are going to help you are smarter than say....oh, I don't know...a newell post or a recently discarded banana peel?

Mr. Deity Episode 1: Mr. Deity and the Evil

There are two seasons of this on Crackle.com.

Creative, clever, and hilariously funny.