Dear Sir,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a TV cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on my social security card, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight goddamn passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times. While I'm at it, would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!! SHIT!
Sorry. I apologize; I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you and me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my fucking address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthal assholes working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach. And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone, least of all, you!
Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to the other end of the city and get another fucking copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?? Nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe makes sense. You'd rather have us running all over the friggin' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some asshole to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile!?! (Morons)
Oh, by the way maybe you could pay for all the gottdammed gas at $4.20 a gallon I use for doing all this fucking running around for you in this computer age? Noooo, I guess you wouldn't do that. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776; I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had security clearances up the yingyang. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - and it turns out to be my family physician - who was born in Al Quaeda hiding Pakistan!
Hey, you know what? I just figured out why we can't smile in our photos. We're totally pissed off!
Signed - An Irate Fucked Citizen
P.S. Have a nice day and a happy, healthy 4th of July!
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2 comments:
i'm guessing you don't miss the SF86? i've been in the army for the last 12 years. the army knows everywhere i've been and lived for the last decade because it sent me there. with a little bit of work, it can probably come up with a list of people who knew me there all by itself. it granted me one clearance, why do i have to fill out the ENTIRE form to have it renewed or upgraded? why isn't it a quick "hmmmm, let's look at his police records... looks good. financial? well, obviously these problems are caused because we don't pay him enough. he's good to go." *stamp*
hmmmm. I just went to my local post office with my application, my old passport and drivers license, 2 (really bad) photos..and The woman told me I'd have it in 3-4 weeks..Easy Do!
whats the fuss? ;-)
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