Why?

I’ll be gone for a week, so this is my last post for a while. I have some questions I need answered:

• What do you call that little plastic safety ring that sits near the apex of a bottled soda after the seal is broken with the top?
• Why did birds suddenly appear every time Karen Carpenter’s former boyfriend came around?
• Why is it that a tele-marketer or your mother-in-law catches you every time, but that phone call you were waiting on for 3 hours comes 30 seconds after you’ve taken your seat in the bathroom?
• Have you ever known anyone who actually became rich off of a fortune cookie?
• Some studies have shown that more men legitimately qualify for the title “Genius”. If that’s true, how come its men who pull the pan out of the oven without the mitt, don’t know better than to simply ask for directions, and think a woman’s eyes are about 8 inches below her chin?
• If I can get a “Ronco Wiz-o-Matic” for three easy payments of $19.99, can I get it even cheaper for 3 really complicated payments?
• Why do commercials on both radio and TV still say things like: “Do you want a pain reliever that works?”…or…”Are you tired of paying top dollar for your home, car, or RV?”
• Why is this the only crap I could think of to write today?
  

What I "get"

US Marines and Soldiers are stationed in and around Islamic Holy lands, playing Metalica, Godsmack, and Hip-hop artists on their iPods. This angers the Islamists...I get that.

Danish Newspapers publish a coupla cartoons depicting Muhammad and Islam in general as more a religion of violence than the peace verbalized by Islam's supporters. This angers millions of Muslims world-wide...and I get it.

The Pope quotes a 14th century Islamic scholar who stated 600+ years ago his opinion that Islam was about violence and conquests. This infuriates millions more....and I get it.

The response to the military in Iraq is to car bomb, ambush, and use IED's, killing thousands in the past 3 years.

The response to the Danish Cartoons is to have massive riots in the streets, where hundreds of thousands gather to chant, "DEATH", "DEATH", "DEATH", "DEATH", "DEATH", "DEATH", "DEATH", "DEATH", and in fact dozens have been trampled to death during these demonstrations.

The response to the Pontiff's statements was to brutally gun down a nun at a Somalian hospital.

Like I said...I get it. Do you?

One response

I asked a very intelligent friend who works in the same company as I, what she thought the answer to the question I posed in the post directly below this is. As a refresher, the question was:

Why are we (the United States) supposed to differentiate between Iraqis, Syrians, Hammas, Hizb Allah, the PLO, the PLFP, Al Quaeda, the Taliban, Iranians, and any number of extremist groups that have America - and OUR children - finely sighted in their rifle scopes, when the terrorists do not?

Her answer was immediate and short: "Because then we'd be like Bin Laden".

I though about that for hours and hours, running the potential this and that scenario's through my head. A book most military men and women are quite familiar with is Sun Tzu's "The Art of War", written over 2,500 years ago, and widely recognized as the world's oldest military treatise. In the book, Sun Tzu says the following:

If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.

Heavy stuff from a guy who's been dead for 2 and a half millennia. Who knew he would still be pertinent and spot-on today? I believe the average American has little or no comprehension of our enemy, nor does the average person in our nation understand the true danger posed by that enemy.

"Then we'd be like Bin Laden". Yes, in some respects we would. In February of 1945, the Royal Air Force and the United States Army Air Corps spent 2 days fire-bombing Dresden, Germany...an extremely controversial attack even within the standards of that time. 3,900 tons of bombs were dropped between Feb 13th and Feb 15th. 12,000 buildings were totally destroyed, many of them part of a large German military industrial complex. Currently, historians list the death toll at between 25,000 and 30,000 military and civilians.

Controversial then...controversial now...the fact remains that the will to fight was sucked out of most of the German people and a large percentage of their highest military commanders. Was the attack immoral? Well, killing itself is somewhat immoral, even in war. Was the attack the beginning of the end of Nazi Germany? Yes, it was.

The question then remains: In the interest of self-preservation and national sovereignty, is adopting an equally brutal tactic necessarily a bad thing?

I need someone to help clarify things for me. I'm obviously confused.

Today in a White House press question and answer session, Afghan President Hamid Karzai responded to the question:

"Mr. President; There are many who think the Iraq war has become a recruiting tool and is fostering more terrorism throughout the world. Can you attest to the accuracy of that?"

To which President Karzai responded:

"Terrorism was hurting us way before Iraq or September 11 ... These extremist forces were killing people in Afghanistan for years, closing schools, burning mosques, killing children, uprooting vineyards," Karzai said. "They came to America on September 11, but they were attacking you before September 11 in other parts of the world. We are a witness in Afghanistan.

"Do you forget people jumping off the 80th floor or 70th floor when the planes hit them? Can you imagine what it will be for a man or woman to jump from that high?" Karzai asked recalling some of the more shocking scenes from the World Trade Center bombing. "How do we get rid of them? ... Should we wait for them to come and kill us again?"

Why does it take the President of a back-water, third-world, hell-hole of a country to tell the American press corps - and the American people for that matter - that it's high time to stop the internal cat-fighting and get down to the business of planting these terrorists six feet under?

A question: Do you think there were people who died on September 11th who did not like the President and his policies? A betting person would say "yes".

Do you think there were anti-war, anti-destruction, people killed on 9/11? Again, most likely the answer is "yes".

This is a fact of life (or death in this case). The perpetrators of 9/11 didn't differentiate between conservatives, liberals, jews, muslims, gay, straight, black, white, hispanic, asian, tall or short, meek, aggressive, male, female, adult or child. All killed were American's, and that was ok with them.

Yet, according to nearly half this country, we're supposed to differentiate between Iraqis, Syrians, Hammas, Hizb Allah, the PLO, the PLFP, Al Quaeda, the Taliban, Iranians, and any number of extremist groups that have America - and OUR children - finely sighted in their rifle scopes.

For the life of me, I just can't see the logic in that. We're under attack from all sides; we're under the threat of attack from all sides; but half the country wants to split hairs on who is a legitimate target and who is not.

Are the ones out to get us splitting hairs on which element of American children they want to kill?

Is that so???

So often I hear about the political differences in our society. "We're so bi-polar", I hear a great deal. "We can't agree on anything", is another.

Of course we can't. Our differences are not political, they're philosophical. And philosophies are nearly impossible to change, especially if the opposite side offers nothing in terms of an alternative.

Let's start with something small, a friggin' movie. A TV movie came out a few weeks ago called, "The Path to 9/11". Hotly debated before it even hit the screen, this movie was derived from thousands of hours of research of the 9/11 commission's findings, as well as direct testimony and interviews. But lo and behold, anyone I've talked to who is against the current administration won't even discuss the movie. Apparently President Clinton said almost everything preceding January 2001 was a fabrication or someone's interpretation of the facts. Interestingly, the conservative right fought the 9/11 Commission from the beginning, and there was no doubt Democrat's were tickled to death with the commission's findings - until this movie did what most people did not do...show people what they found in a format that wasn't 19,000 pages of bureaucratic-speak.

Okay. He's (President Clinton) not only entitled to his opinion, he may actually be correct. But...

I'm not here to debate the movie. I don't even care about the movie. I'm here to make the point that our country is not bi-polar politically - we're bi-polar philosophically, and we are so by choice.

I am no more interested in hearing someone say that President Clinton never had a legitimate shot at taking out Osama Bin Laden, than a liberal is interested in hearing that Bin Laden fostered, built, and began deployment of his army during the 8 years President Clinton was in office. Conservative talk radio doesn't want to hear a liberal call in and make sense, and liberal newspapers like the Sentinel News Brand don't want letters to the editor with a conservative slant. And on and on. I don't believe in your shit, and you're under no obligation to believe in mine. That's the way it is.

We will not pull together; we will not band as one; and we will not speak with one voice. Our country is too large, too diverse, and both teams in the extreme left and right wars have perverted the freedoms of speech, liberties, and the right to pursue happiness that our forefathers so thoughtfully and carefully constructed. Just click on "Next Blog" and just keep clicking until you find some armchair conspiracy theorist, and in particular - arm chair physicist - who will tell you all about controlled demolitions and the fall of the towers. That'll provide enough information on the type of people I will never associate with or even give one second of my time to. And when you find out the guy with the 200-blog website on 9-11 conspiracy is actually the third-shift assistant manager at a Des Moines Burger King, and that he also possesses the largest collection of Star Trek and Dungeons and Dragons memorabilia in the country, don't say I didn't tell you so ahead of time.

Drawn are the battle lines, and verbal disagreement is our weapon of choice (except for the guy above, who would prefer "phasers on stun"). We use phrases like "religious right" and "left wingers" with such vitriol and voracity, they've become the rallying cries for millions on either side. If gay marriage is opposed publicly, liberal America accuses conservatives with muddying the "real" issues, oblivious to the fact that gay marriage agenda's are the exclusive property of liberals and are being pushed as we speak. If the left asks questions about Haliburton or wonders about the status of Iraq, the far right accuses them of a lack of patriotism. Both sides accuse the other of insensitivity, and both are correct. There are some out there that are so blind with their hatred, the mere mention of the word "Bush" sends them into a frenzy. Now, I myself could do without the Martin Sheen's and the Rosie's of our world, but I've never hated anyone who is willing to do public service for our nation, regardless of whether or not I liked them. Did you hear me? I don't hate anyone willing to do public service.

If YOU DO, then maybe you should drag your narrow-minded ass down to city hall and register to do it yourself. And that goes for you too, gay marriage bashers, bible-thumpers, and unflinching hard-asses. You too need a swift kick into next month as well.

In any case, we're not coming together, so forget about it. We need to figure out how to make it work like it is, with all the disparity. And we can start by forever eliminating the phrase, "In a perfect world", cuz there ain't no such thing, homeboy.

Oh, and somebody tell the conspiracy theory guy to go to the store and buy some shampoo.

No, no...you got it wrong again

Armitage denies threatening Pakistan after 9/11

Former deputy secretary of state clarifies exchange with Musharraf

Richard Armitage denies threatening Pakistan with "bombing them back into the stoneage". MSNBC has confirmed that the list of "stan" countries we want to bomb into the stoneage does not include Pakistan.

The then Deputy Secretary clearly said we wanted to make a solid glass museum out of Uzbekistan, Turkmeninstan, Seanpennistan, Kazakhstan, Afghanistan, Sheehanistan, Kyrgyzstan, Saranistan, Tajikistan, and Belefontistan.

Not Pakistan.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States....

What would it be like,
how would it be?
If we all spoke like the Snoop,
Snoop Dogg Dee Oh Double Gee.

Would our culture rise,
or would it fizzle?
If every sentence
ended in fagizzle?

And what of the Doctor,
the one called Seus?
Would heezle beezle the neezle,
if let out on the loose?

With the song playing proudly,
Prez Snoop would declare loudly:
Weezle have to raizle the tax-o-pizzle,
to be able to snizzle wif da mizzles.

He's our man, the keeper of the plan.
Our Commander in Chief.
I just can't understand the guy,
when his bizzle meets da beef.

Peace - out.

The little squirt is in trouble

Wednesday 09-20-2006 4:40pm
(AP)

A Missouri mother is angry that her first-grader was suspended from school over a plastic toy gun. "I asked her, 'You're going to suspend my son for 10 days for this? He cannot harm a soul with this,'" said Danielle Womack, whose son, Tawann Caskey, was suspended from Milton Moore Elementary School in Kansas City. Tawann was suspended over a 2-inch plastic squirt gun. "She told me it's a weapon, a little girl saw it and reported to a teacher that he had a weapon," Womack said.

A spokesperson for the Kansas City School district explained that when a student makes a verbal acknowledgement that they have seen a "weapon", it becomes a Class IV code of conduct violation, which is an automatic 10-day suspension. When queried about potentially making a logical determination as to whether the "weapon" in question is indeed a weapon, the spokesperson said, "We don't have a by-law that permits case-by-case analysis. A weapon was reported and we are within our rights to enact the punishment".

Now blogger-folks, just when you think our nation has reached new depths of idiocy, read on...

Yesterday I heard about this on an Orlando-based talk radio station. A teacher from the Florida Coast called in to say this: "You have to understand how the school system must react. Let's say for example this plastic toy had liquid explosive in it instead of water..."

He went on for a minute or so to dumbfounded silence from the talk show host and I can only assume thousands listening in their cars on the drive home. I'm fairly certain most listeners thought the caller was spoofing the host, but after a few questions it was apparent the caller was serious. According to the brain surgeon/educator/WMD specialist on the radio, young Mr. Caskey of Kansas City could have been a terrorist attempting to blow the entire school up.

And I just felt a monkey fly out of my arse.

Mahmoud Ahch (something is caught in my throat)

His name is Achnad Whodat Waddafuck, or whatever. He's the President of Eye-Ran, as most illiterate Americans like to pronounce it. And he's one of the most lethal psycho/sociopath's in the world today, right up there with Kim Il Jung of Korea, Serbian Retard-in-Hiding Slobodan Milosevic, Rosie O'Donnell of Lesbonia, and OJ Simpson - allegedly.

Dude - there are other colored suits in existence you know. Can you find something other than tan or off-white to wear while paralyzing the planet with your insane diatribes?

Maybe...

His name is Bill, or perhaps Tom, and he grew up in small town America in places like Dalton, Mass, Secaucus NJ, or Wamego, Ks. His family was neither rich nor poor, and he was taught the social mannerisms and values of his generation:

"Yes, sir". "No, ma'am". "Please" and "Thank you".

In November of 1943, he turned 17. He cared about his football team, his buddies, and his best girl. The Pharmacy down the street had a soda bar in it, where you could get a cherry or cream soda fresh from the fountain - the syrup pumped out from the spout, followed by the carbonated water. Man, that sure was some good stuff, and at 5 cents per soda, just the ticket. He and his best girl would arrive there every Saturday around noon, and he would spring for the two soda's.

"It's the right thing to do ya know – bein’ I'm the man and all".

It was here about a year ago that our guy stole his first kiss, mild by comparison, but a kiss none-the-less. She planted it on his left cheek, and he blushed a brighter shade of that cherry soda pop sitting in his glass. Unsure what to do afterwards, he ran home as fast as he could, gleefully withholding his little secret. Thoughts of her swirled in his head as he fell asleep that night.

In all his wildest dreams or nightmares, Bill – or is it Tom? – never once imagined he’d be carrying a 27 lb machine gun from 50 yards off the shore at Omaha beach all the way to Berlin, but that’s what he did. Although rare, he got a ride or two, but by and large he walked, slogged, crawled, and fought his way to Germany. The total trip was slightly over 700 miles.

On foot...All the while carrying his 27lb machine gun and the ever-increasing weight of lost friends and comrades. Someone once told him he was part of a unit that lost 659 total to death, and over 2,000 rotating in and out to wounds. But still he walked forward, his sights set on a goal to bring this to an end.

Perhaps our boy flew missions, knowing full-well that as soon as his back foot was up on that ladder leading to the fuselage, his feet may never touch that ground again. And yet without the slightest hesitation, he climbed those steps - over and over. He may have island-hopped; flew a flag at Iwo Jima or fought a huge naval battle at Midway. In any instance, he was there, fighting and sweating, and hoping this day - just like yesterday - would not be his last.

Afterwards he came home, went to college or started a career, and raised a family. If he actually cared about it, he would have had to build a separate wing to house the medals and decorations he won. He never suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder, never blamed his government for the war and subsequent death and destruction, and never asked anything in return. He did it because it just seemed to be the right thing to do at the time.

You know what? Maybe they are “The Greatest Generation”, now that I think about it.

When...

When your dog comes up to you with his ears down and a happy look on his face...

When the sun comes up and it dawns on you it's Saturday, and you can roll back over...

When a child asks you for a hug and a kiss...

When someone winks at you to acknowledge your existence...

When you see a firefighter and your mind thinks of heroism and bravery...

When your favorite old song that you haven't heard for years comes on the radio...

When someone says something that confirms what you've believed for years to be true...

When the fingertip touch of a loved-one is all you need to get you through the moment...

When you cry and it feels good to do so...

When you laugh, and it feels good as well...

When silliness is considered acceptable...

When friendship is important to you...

When you find some time to be alone with your own thoughts...

When those thoughts lead to answers previously unknown...

When the news speaks of something good...

When a movie makes you step back and think...

When you anonymously help someone out, and only you know of your good deed...

When your child says something in an adult manner, and you see you may indeed be getting through...

When you admit you were incorrect, and it clears your soul...

When someone admits the same to you....

When your opinion counts for something...

When someone informs you that life doesn't revolve around your words and deeds - and you're ok with it...

When love is more important than money...

When fame is something you'd rather others have...

When the clock strikes twelve, and the carriage turns out to be yours...

When the salty old bastard lightens up a bit, and shows some of his softer edges...

When the nation rejoices as one, and mourns as one...

When the light in a child's eyes is the most important thing in your life...

When...well...yeah

Rosie

I received an e-mail from a friend who knows who I am and reads my blog from time (and apparently doesn't really like it) who told me I was too harsh on Rosie.

Really????? Let's check the facts.

In late 2003, O'Donnell entered into a legal battle with the publishers of Rosie magazine. They claimed that the failure of the magazine was due to O'Donnell's uncooperative, rude and violent behavior within the magazine's offices. They claimed that by removing herself from the magazine's publication, she was in breach of contract. O'Donnell claimed that there was no way she could in good conscience continue to be a part of the magazine, because they were moving away from her vision. She never defined that vision, but was nonetheless released from any wrong-doing...as was the magazine. The result? A draw.

Economic insiders state the folding of the magazine came from an insistence on uncontrolled political bias, which caused the drying up of sponsorship dollars. Of note during the trial was the curious public statement to a former magazine colleague who testified that O'Donnell said to her on the phone that "people who lie die of cancer." O'Donnel never reconciled this statement.

Rosie O'Donnell is an outspoken supporter of gun control and a major figure in the Million Mom March. In 2000, O'Donnell outraged parents of kindergartners at the private school her son attends when she was granted special permission to allow an armed bodyguard to accompany her son to school. In response, she promised that the bodyguard wouldn't actually be armed while on the school grounds. Her critics charged that this was hypocrisy, citing the April 19th, 1999, broadcast of her talk show, on which she stated, "You are not allowed to own a gun, and if you do own a gun, I think you should go to prison." Ms. O'Donnell has subsequently explained her faux pas by opining, "Celebrities shoot their mouths off too much." No one has yet to explain that statement.

Rosie, who claims to be a "Woman of the people", has an estimated net worth of $115 Million and growing. Yet her personal IRS documents show one single charitable donation of $1 million to a children's foundation. During her tenure as a talk-show host, she frequently highlighted various charitable projects, which tended to generate significantly increased donations. This much is to be rightfully accredited her, but a $1 million personal donation with a net worth of $115 million is hardly worthy of the title "philanthropy".

To my friend who says I was too hard on her - If I had this much bullshit attached to my name, I'd be lucky to have a job picking up garbage on Monday's and Thursdays. But she's a mega-millionaire - and I see no point in defending her.

Please - I have over 100 blogs on here that you are free to rip apart as you wish. This isn't one of them. Rosie is an asshole.

Period. End of conversation.

The View

On a television show called "The View", Rosie O'Donnell said something stupid - then followed it up with something stupid. In between she said more stupid things, and finished the show with a few well-chosen nuggets of ignorance.

Stupidity is the essence of Rosie, most know that to be true.

I've never watched the show because it's on daytime, weekday T.V., so I didn't hear her comments first-hand, only the re-hashing of them on talk radio last night. Apparently Rosie angered a large segment of our society. My question is, why?

By a show of hands, how many people out there think Rosie has even the slightest relevance in our culture and society? C'mon...put 'em up higher. I can't see any.

I thought so.

So why get all worked up about what she said? No one really cares what Rosie thinks anyways, so ranting about it only serves to empower her to say more stupid things. If you ignore her, eventually she'll go away.

Even if she doesn't, just change the channel.

9-11 Commission

Whether you are a Democrat or a Republican is irrelevant. Whether you are a liberal or hard-line conservative is irrelevant. The 9-11 commission - 5 Republican's and 5 Democrat's - along with thousands of researchers published their findings in 2004.

Democrats applauded the report. Republican's cringed at times. In any case, they all signed off on it.

The following is the 7th and 8th paragraphs in the PREFACE of the report. Like it or not, I've been saying this in this blog for nearly a year. Here it is in writing. You got a problem with it, take it up with them, not me. Both parties signed off; both parties agreed the report should stand as it is.


Our aim has not been to assign individual blame. Our aim has been to
provide the fullest possible account of the events surrounding 9/11 and to
identify lessons learned.

We learned about an enemy who is sophisticated, patient, disciplined,
and lethal. The enemy rallies broad support in the Arab and Muslim world
by demanding redress of political grievances, but its hostility toward us and
our values is limitless. Its purpose is to rid the world of religious and polit­ical pluralism, the plebiscite, and equal rights for women. It makes no dis­tinction between military and civilian targets.

Collateral damage is not in its lexicon.

Any questions?

The Sports Parents Museum

The year: 2054

The following are the types of exhibits represented in the Sports Parents Museum:



Momus Whimpasosus. This creature is well defined at the younger ages. Her little one could never be told what to do by a coach; never be knocked down during a game; and never criticized because "those other kids are just too rough". The only thing more prevalent than excuses was appeasement.







Parentus Ohgawdatile. The unbelieving parent. "How could we possibly be losing this game?" The realization that Kyle is NOT going to play Major League Baseball has yet to sink in. She still thinks he's bound for millionaire glory. The reason he can't hit is because "that damn coach pitching doesn't know what he's doing!"






Megaphonasops. "Goooooooooo Brittany!!! Gooooooo!!!!" "HURRY UP BRIT - HURRY UP - HURRRRRRRRY UUUUUUPPPP!!!!
(Ring ring)
"Oh hi Margie. Nope, just sitting here watching my daughters game".


Incuffsaraptor. This is the famous dad at the hockey game. "What did you
say?" "What?" "Why you sonava..."





Leevmealoneasaur. The rarest form of the species. So rare, all the museum has is an artists rendering. Stands apart from the others, and simply watches the game. Cheers when appropriate, but never too loudly. Wants the best for everyone, not just his or her own kid. Thinks sports is great for intellectual, social, and physical development. Wasn't stupid enough to bank on his kid's college being a freebie. Child grew up into a productive adult in the business community, and now coaches little kids with the same ideals his dad instilled in him.

"What's new?"

This morning a co-worker sent an e-mail to "Everyone" in our company asking "What's new?".

After several business-related responses, I sent this:

Ummmmm...the Democrats are whining. Wait - that's not new. The Republican's aren't listening. Wait - that's not new either. In a recent survey, 46% of all American's think 9-11 was a conspiracy perpetrated by the President and his administration. Let's see here...the guy who says words like Nu-cu-lar master-minded the largest, most complex conspiracy in the history of mankind? Tens of thousands were involved, and not one person has spoken up about it in 5 years? Former President Clinton couldn't keep his foray with his intern quiet for 5 weeks, but no one involved with the supposed 9-11 conspiracy has as yet chimed in?

I don't thin so Luzzy.

What it tells us is that 46% of all American's are total doof-balls, but then again...

That's not new information either.

Arrogance

For those who don't know me (and out there in blog-land, that means everyone), I work for a White Glove Mercedes Benz type of company. I myself work at a satellite office, where I don't have to wear a tie or nice slacks. As a matter of fact, I go the opposite route. In my own way of juvenile rebellion, I wear shorts, some sort of colored T-shirt, sneakers and a Red Sox hat every day. I'm not a white glove Mercedes Benz person, and I refuse to act as if I am.

Today I went out to lunch, and when I returned...parked in MY spot was a monstrosity known as a Lincoln Navigator. Not only was the vehicle in my spot, it was angled so that it was in another spot as well. As I walked in the building, I couldn't help but think, "Here we go".

Upon entrance, I was not surprised at the woman who stood in front of me. Like 95% or our company's clientele, she was blonde, about 50-ish with brand new breasts, freshly lipo-suctioned hips, thighs, and buttocks. She was wearing more jewelry than Tiffany's carries in their store window, and was wearing an evening gown as if she was going to a performance at the Kennedy Center in Washington, D.C. Reminder: it was 12:15 pm on a Tuesday. To top it all off, she had a look on her face that said "I'm rich and I'm bitchy - so back off".

Of course to me, that's my cue to get up in her face.

I asked politely if she was the owner of the Lincoln. Here is how the conversation went:

Me: Is that your Navigator?

Her: Yes it is.

Me: It's actually taking up two parking spaces, and we have limited parking here. If you're staying, could I get you to move it?

Her: No, I don't think so.

Me: You don't think you'll be here long?

Her: No, I don't think I'm going to move my car. I don't want it to get hit.

Me: I don't want mine to get hit either, but I still park within the lines. I need you move your car, please.

Her: Do you know who I am? I'm a friend of the owner.

Me: Oh - I work for the owner. Can I get you to move your car?

Her: (After a stare that I can only assume she thought was menacing). I don't have time for this!!!! (as she stormed out the door to move the behemoth)

Me: Thank you ma'am.

Her: (Grunting) Huh!!!!

Me: (while walking down the hall muttering under my breath) : % *&^%$#) &*(&^%$)_":@!$

Anyone know of a good resume service? Ha!

The real Keith

Keith Olbermann is the host of "Countdown with Keith Olbermann" on MSNBC. He graduated from Cornell University with a BS in communications in 1979, where he set off to pursue a career in his true love, sports broadcasting. After stints in Boston and LA, he finally achieved the pinnacle and hosted ESPN's sportscenter with his long-time friend, Dan Patrick. He stayed there for 5 years, and was abruptly cut loose by the network. The circumstances of his departure were and still are vague, but most in the know say Olbermann and ESPN had philosophical differences of opinion (translation: clash of monster egos). Olbermann went on the talk show circuit and back to radio soon after, and did pretty much all he could to publicly criticize and make fun of ESPN, in effect voluntarily burning all his bridges to prove a point that no one really cared about. In any case, he was and still is free to say whatever he wants. Keith won awards - and still does win awards - wherever he goes to work. He's witty, articulate, and very frank.

He became a news journalist with MSNBC in 1997, hosting a show called "The Big Show", which was a rip-off of the name ESPN called Olbermann's and Patrick's 11 pm sportscenter. Apparently, this too was another effort to blast ESPN. Soon that morphed into "The White House in crisis", a nightly run-down of President Clinton's troubles with Whitewater and Monika Lewinsky. In a very public forum, Keith said on television in front of his entire audience, "If I have to do one more Monika Lewinsky story, I'm outta here".

Well, he was outta there, to be sure.

He went back to sports for a few years, and after September 11th, he decided to go back to news journalism again, where he now hosts "Countdown", or as I like to call it, "Bush - Bashing with Keith Olbermann".

It seems a nightly occurrence now that Keith is delivering another diatribe which is a direct attack on the President and the administration. The focus of his rants is always the fact that we in the United States are constantly being denied our Constitutional Rights to freedom of speech and thought, although his being on television raging nightly is in direct contradiction of that. He's a perfect example of the kid who owns the football who won't let other kids use it unless he's picked to the team he wants to be on. I find it interesting that as soon as ESPN had one idea and Keith another - he quit. As soon as he tired of reporting on Lewinsky - he quit. His basis for quitting in the Lewinsky matter is constant repetition of the same old story, yet he has no problem pontificating nightly about the current administration. If MSNBC ever tells him to calm it down, he'll no doubt quit again. Since 1979, Keith has quit more jobs than I've owned underwear, yet he seems unable to grasp that he is the central figure in this, and quite possibly there isn't a building large enough to hold his ego.

And lastly it should be said, he's not always correct. Articulate - suave - intelligent - yes. Correct? Not always, although I'm certain he believes he is and give's no quarter to anyone with an opposing view. I used to like Keith, but like anything or anyone else who gets too big for their britches, he's wearing me out. In all of his speeches about what's wrong with the White House, he - like most of his cohorts who spout the same old bullshit - has no suggestions for what to do other than put someone else in office.

He likens himself to a positive voice of dissent. I liken him to just another wind-bag with an agenda to fulfill.

History vs the Present

On this most solemn of days in America's brief 250 year history, a short lesson.

In 1940, Adolph Hitler and his Luftwaffe perpetrated the Blitzkrieg on London and parts surrounding London. 51,509 civilians were killed. The United States - primarily because of very vocal opposition within our country to any involvement by us - did nothing.

On December 7th, 1941 the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, killing 2,896 US Marines and US Navy sailors, 228 US Army, and 120 Civilians. Going against popular opinion - even in the face of these attacks - President Roosevelt entered us into WWII.

On September 11, 2001 we were attacked again, and we entered into another unpopular war, this time with an enemy far more sinister, divisive, and widespread than in WWII. There is no country called "Al-Quaeda", and our opposition is simply defined as extremist and determined.

Unlike WWII...where we buckled down, sucked it up, and kicked some ass both overseas and on the homefront, we have spent the last three years turning the blame away from those that flew the planes or orchestrated such, instead forming a commission who fairly much broke down and exposed two different President's and their administrations' failures to act properly. The commission in and of itself is a good thing. We need after-actions investigations and the subsequent questions that go with them in order to correct any future attacks by these determined suicidal/homicidal idiots. However, the people of this country seem to have misunderstood the true goal of the commission, and the perversions of the use of its findings are truly disconcerting.

The intent of the commission was never to ensure the victims of the tragedy became instant millionaires, but that indeed did happen to many. The intent of the commission was not to turn the American people away from the much needed focus on the fact that we're knee deep in a war that was declared on us decades ago by Islamic Extremists, but that seems to have happened. There are people out there who believe the unbelievable - all the conspiracy theorists with a desire to gain their own 15 minutes promised to them by Andy Warhol, their tool of choice being the internet.

Somehow in the last 3 years the country has lost sight of the fact that we have a big red bulls-eye on us, and the extremist retards are not going to give up until they get what they want - a world that goes backwards 10,000 years in the name of some guy named Muhammad. And the frightening part of it is, the majority of assistance they're getting in their quest comes from right here in this country. Dissent in the name of betterment is guaranteed by the constitution, but dissent in the name of dissent is fuel for the extremist fire. I'm sorry folks; it's the truth.

Italy never attacked anyone in WWII, but everyone in our country knew Mussolini was aligned (however fragile) to the Third Reicht, and so it was ok to go after them. They were declared (and rightly so) a legitimate target in 1941, as was the broken tyrannical government of Iraq in 2002, and the equally suspect and awful regime in Iran right now. In WWII, the American public seemed able to grasp the concept of global domination by Japan and Germany, along with our need to stop it. In 2006, we can't seem to grasp the EXACT SAME CONCEPT.

Scream and yell about the President and his administration all you want, it's neither going to change the past, influence the present, or redirect the hatred of Islamic Extremists away from us or Israel. Or Russia. Or China. Or India. Or Great Britain. Or... Or... Or...

You see, as you all mourn the historical significance of this day, I'll maintain that 9-11 is so not historical - it's the present still - and until we as a nation understand that, we're far from winning anything.

What would you do, part II

A convoy of Marines is going through Falujah. An IED goes off, killing 4 American Servicemen in a hummer. Their bodies are so mangled and blown apart, they are unrecognizable.

A Marine in a follow-on vehicle sees a late teen aged boy/man running from the scene. He recognizes the teen as being a 19 year old problem child who has been known to hang out with the wrong people and he has a propensity to be around trouble, but has not as of yet been directly tied into any of the bombings. The Marine raises his M16 and fires. Later on, once again no one could tie the youth into the latest incident.

Now what? Court Martial the Marine? There are a growing number of groups in the country who are forcing the hand of the Armed Forces to do just that in situations like this. Groups that are comprised of citizens who have no combat experience or understanding of the combat experience.

What do you do?....what do you do?

PS Any answer that goes down the "why we're there" road, will be deleted. The politics of this have no bearing on the circumstances or this particular question. Translation: Stay focused and on topic

What would you do?

You're standing on a street corner, just exiting a store. You hear the bang, bang, of two gunshots going off.

You're temporarily dumbstruck, but you gather yourself to assess whether or not you're in any immediate danger. A car sits silently in the middle of the street, the driver slumped over the steering wheel. People are scattered everywhere and there is a great deal of screaming and yelling. Your eyes dart around, and you see a late-teen aged boy/man running away from the scene. You recognize him, and you know of his reputation for hanging out with the wrong people and his propenisty for getting into trouble with the law.

4 months later, you testify in court and identify the young man you saw running. It turns out he didn't have anything to do with the shooting whatsoever.

Do you feel bad that you gave your testimony?

Ahhhhh....True Love does still exist

AFP , TOKYO Tuesday, Sep 05, 2006

A Japanese man was arrested after trying to steal a mannequin from a display window, claiming it was love at first sight, news reports said yesterday.

Shoji Shibuzaki, 33, was arrested at 3am in the southern city of Maebara for allegedly trying to remove the mannequin from display at a community center, a police official was quoted as saying in a report in the Asahi Shimbum newspaper.

"It was love at first sight," he reportedly told police after his arrest last week.
The unemployed man said he had spotted the mannequin, which was clad in a kimono, a few days earlier when passing and crafted his plan to haul it home.

Somewhere in the background - if you listen really closely - you can hear Bab's Streisand singing:

Love...soft as an easy chair,
Love...fresh as the morning air.
One love that is shared by two,
I have found in you.

Of heroism and such things

There is a young man who used to Blog from deep in Iraq who has now thankfully been returned to all of us safely. He is a proud and brave American who goes by the name Sean. He wrote an interesting piece that I read last night http://macme.blogspot.com/2006/08/my-little-act-of-pettiness.html, and it inspired me to write this.

A few years ago, one of my kids was talking about me being in the Army for a career, and he asked me if I had "won" any medals. I got to thinking about that, and whether the word "won" or "earned" was the correct way of phrasing it. In any case, I settled on earned. I mean, think about it. If you "win" the Bronze Star and Purple Heart for Valor, but you no longer have a right leg, what is it you supposedly "won"? Fortunately for me, I have all my limbs.

Funny thing is this: When asked by my son to show him my medals - for which there are many, actually - I couldn't produce. I know they are somewhere in the back of a closet, strewn about in no particular manner or organization, but I couldn't locate any more than about 30% of them. This caused me to think about why that is, and then last night I read Sean's writing's, and the answer came to me.

Men and women who have served the Armed Forces faithfully do so because of a commitment of their soul. If the only passion you've ever had in your life is to get home as fast as possible on Tuesday's so you can watch "Survivor Part 44", then you won't know of which I speak. But if your passion has run a course that took you to the farthest reaches of human endeavor - laying it on the line for a principle - then you will certainly understand. Those who have done - and those who will do in the future - understand. We don't aspire to win or earn anything. Medals and decorations are a by-product of loyalty, commitment, and kinship, and therefore have more of a place in our individual memories than a coffee table book or a shelf in a room.

For now Sean, accept your honor with the grace and dignity that it deserves, and find your own place in the corner of a closet, whether that be physical or metaphorical, and know that what you have done is very special and appreciated by those with the capacity to truly understand.

Peace.

CBS

According to the news, Katie Couric will make her debut tonight on the CBS evening news. Questions abound, such as:

A) Who is Katie Couric?

B) They still have a CBS evening news?

C) Besides 80 year old ladies, does anyone else know this?

D) Her former partner, Matt Lauer said she will do well. That's just terrific, and thank you. Now...who the hell is Matt Lauer?

These and other riveting questions will be answered tonight...at....at....at...at whatever time they show the CBS News. I have no idea when it is.

FSU vs Miami

Last night Florida State University played the University of Miami in the opening game of the 2006-07 college football season. The players were the usual Florida-fare, lots of dreadlocks, single-digit IQ's, and most of them "majoring" in criminology, which of course will come in handy for a number of them over the next couple of years. And then....

And then.....

A kid came on the field for Florida State. A true freshman from New Jersey named Marvyn Rolle. They rolled up Marvyn's credentials on the screen ....every scholastic grade since 9th an A... 1360 SAT score... and a desire to take Pre-Med. I rubbed my eyes until blood was running out of them. Fortunately, I have DVR, which means I can rewind live programs. I did...and there it was again! No grades less than an A; 1360 SAT score. My eyes bled worse.

A football player at one of the 3 major Florida football schools with academic credentials? This is blasphemy! These schools have standards for their football players, you know. And those standards do not include academic performance! Did this kid inadvertently stumble onto the wrong campus? Did he think Florida State was Stanford or Northwestern? Doesn't he know that long ago FSU, Miami, and U of Florida took the word "student" out of "student-athlete"?

I think a complete investigation by the NCAA is in order. This type of behavior cannot be tolerated any more. The next thing you know, these schools will have entire teams of kids who can read, write, and do mathematics. And you know what that means, don't you? That's correct. Instead of going 13-0 they'll probably lose a game or two.

Oh the horror!!!!

Now here's a surprise

Steve Irwin, the popular Australian animal guy, died when stung by a Stingray in the heart. This comes as a shock to millions.



In three other related stories:

Family living on Interstate 70 run over by semi-trailer.

Drunk man chasing balloon on cliffs of Dover - misses.

Bomb maker in Damascus sneezes....42 missing in demolished apartment complex.




Is it just me, or does French-Kissing a 23 foot Python seem like a risky profession?

Just me? Crikey...my bad.

Why I shouldn't write poetry

I want to be big, he told his Dad,
strong and large like you.
I want the things that you have had,
to learn and see me through.

As he grew still young, so did his dreams,
the mindlful father there.
Through school, and sports, and music themes,
his life without a care.

The teens approached, ideas changed,
he wanted more his own.
Thoughts of hero’s rearranged,
now that he was grown.

Eighteen years, it happened fast,
time to find his fame.
Off he went the world so vast,
to stake his honest claim.

A time for love, a time for laughter,
these younger days a joy.
This is what he'd been after,
grown now, not a boy.

The message came as quite a shock,
to the one who had it all.
Dad had walked his final walk,
no time; no goodbye call.

Quietly slumped on the wooden seat,
he felt the emptiness.
Friends spoke of love so hard to beat,
born of tenderness.

Where would he turn to, what should he do?
his thoughts swirled with great speed.
The man who always saw him through,
was gone this time of need.

And then it struck, as from above,
the answer crystal clear.
Return to your own the same kind of love,
as taught you year by year.

You see, the young man finally viewed,
the lesson from the past.
Was to forward the wisdoms so imbued,
that make good moments last.

The little boy with eyes aglow,
hastened to hear and learn.
From the son of the man to the son of the man,
time circled it's return.

JL4 9-1-06

The Riddle

Double click on this link to hear this song...It will kick you out, but as the song is loading in another window, come back here to scroll down slowly through the Lyrics.

http://mp.aol.com/audio.index.adp?pmmsid=1676420&referer=http%3A//music.aol.com/artist/five-for-fighting/202346/main

There was a man back in '95
Whose heart ran out of summers
But before he died, I asked him

Wait, what's the sense in life?
Come over me, Come over me

He said,

Son why you got to sing that tune?
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon
Let an angel swing and make you swoon
Then you will see... You will see

Then he said,

Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

Picked up my kid from school today

Did you learn anything cause in the world today
You can't live in a castle far away
Now talk to me, come talk to me

He said,

Dad I'm big but we're smaller than small
In the scheme of things, well we're nothing at all
Still every mother's child sings a lonely song
So play with me, come play with me

And Hey Dad
Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

I said,

Son for all I've told you
When you get right down to the
Reason for the world...
Who am I?

There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we're not wise enough to see

He said... You looking for a clue I Love You free...

The batter swings and the summer flies
As I look into my angel's eyes
A song plays on while the moon is hiding over me
Something comes over me

I guess we're big and I guess we're small
If you think about it man you know we got it all
Cause we're all we got on this bouncing ball
And I love you free
I love you freely

Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

The Fallacy of Youth Sports

It has become fashionable in today's politically correct-I didn't do it-you talkin' to me?-Society to write articles on line or in the print media blasting the terrible parenting that is going on with respect to youth sports.

We've all seen 'em, and we've all read 'em.

"Parent sues over playing time". "Cheerleaders mom kills competitor cheerleader". "Man gets mad at another man at hockey game, pushes him to ground where he hits his head and dies". "Fights break out a Little League game over balls and strikes calls".

Yup...these things all happened. However, the solution to the problem is not to write article after article about how parents are obsessed with achieving their own goals through their children. The solution is not to make blanket statements like "Parents are all out to get college scholarships for their kids and a future in professional sports and its millions of dollars". "Parents don't understand sports and push their children too hard". And the biggie: "Kids play sports only to please their parents". Blah blah blah....blah blah blah.

I'm a parent who has children in various stages of sports, and I also coach. This means I'm around sports and sports parents virtually all the time in my non-working hours and weekends, and I'm here to tell you nothing could be further from the truth. Parents understand 99% more than they are given credit for, and that includes the truths about college scholarships and professional aspirations. Most parents are blatantly honest about their children's abilities, and a good portion of them are honest with the children themselves...however, the stories about bad parenting still keep rolling off the presses, and this leads to idiotic "solutions".

Solution #1 "Silent Days"

This is when it is put out in writing well in advance that a particular day will be declared a "Silent Day". No clapping, no cheering, no talking. My kids primarily play soccer here in Florida, and it is surreal to say the least to go to one of these complexes that have 15 fields - all filled with games going on - and hear nothing. After the fact, the inevitable newspaper account is replete with quotes from the "Silent Day" organizers, who 100% of the time proclaim it a "great success".

Really? I don't think so. When I myself was a part of one of these "days", I asked dozens of kids how they liked it. Wanna know what they said? They didn't. Like it or not - criticize it or not - there is a small element of athletics where the children do indeed want to hear the cheering, and do indeed want to know they're making mom or dad proud of them.

Solution #2 Don't keep score

This is a variation of the abysmal politically correct educational concept where grades were not issued because child #1 gets A's and child #2 gets C's, and we can't have child #2 feeling bad about that. Of course when entire schools who did this failed proficiency tests and SAT's miserably, those programs were abandoned. Look, we live in a goals oriented society - or do you just go through life without a plan or an objective? If you do, then you're screwed, and you know it. Keeping score does not scar a child for life; and not keeping score does not fool the child into thinking they won when they clearly were part of a butt-kicking on the junior football field.

None of these "solutions" work...mainly because there really isn't a problem. This is a made-up deal, perpetuated and allowed to fester by people who have nothing better to do than stir up the pot.

Sports is sports, and it is both mentally and physically wonderful for a child's growth. Keeping score is ok, because life itself is about keeping score...ya gotta learn it sometime. Better to learn it on the 10 year old tennis court than later in life when the person loses their job because the boss held them to a standard for the first time ever. Parents want their kids to succeed, and every once in a while they get a bit loud at a game. Interestingly enough, the other parents police themselves, and they pretty much always let the wrong-doers know it. There is nothing wrong with wanting a college scholarship or dreaming of being a pro athlete. Dreams are what spawn innovation and creative thought, so stop bitching about that as well. And lastly, if your kid gets C's in school or can't keep up on the sports field, perhaps some honest counseling, increased practice, and extra homework is in order - not rules changes which blur the lines and make failure and success virtually the same thing.

We as a society can't afford any more of this.

Peace.

Hurricane Terminology

We here in Florida are about 24 hours or less from experiencing our 7th or 8th landfall hurricane since the summer of 2004. As a public service to those unaware, I've come up with a glossary of terms so that you too can be as informed as we are:

Advisory: Official information issued by Tropical Cyclone warning centers describing the current conditions and projected forecasts. Also, it's when the attorney leans over and whispers in his client's ear, and then the client says, "I have no recollection of that incident, Senator".

Best Track: A subjectively smoothed path, versus a precise a very erratic fix-to-fix path, based on an assessment of all available data. Best track can also be when you identify "Funeral for a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding" on Elton John's "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" CD.

Center: The vertical axis or core of a tropical cyclone, or the tallest dude on the basketball team.

Center/Vortex Fix: The geographical location of the center of a tropical or subtropical cyclone. Also when a vortex addict finally gets the vortex he's been looking for all morning.

Eye: The relatively calm center of a tropical cyclone. Sometimes known in nautical terms as the word "yes". Originated in Scotland with the phrase, "Aye laddie". And remember, there is no "eye" or "aye" in t-e-a-m.

Gale Warning: A warning of 1-minute sustained winds of 39-63 mph, or when your mother-in-law Gale is about to go absolutely bonkers because she found out you quit med school to become a Buddhist Monk.

High Wind Warning: When the wife makes chili dogs and then discovers the family is out of "Beano".

Hurricane Watch: Hurricane watches are usually sold on QVC, but occasionally they can be found in fine jewelry stores.

Hurricane Warning: "Look out! The friggin' hurricane is right over there!!"

Present Movement: The best estimate of a hurricane's movement, at times related the the High Wind Warning and those damn chili dogs.

Tropical Depression: A tropical cyclone where the wind is approximately 33 mph or less; usually treated with Tropical Xanex or 3 hours of that bald, fat bastard Phil.

Whaddaphuk: The primary words uttered by the male in the household when viewing someone from the Weather Channel or local television standing on the beach in a yellow slicker telling everyone they shouldn't be standing on the beach.

Uses:
"Whaddaphuk is that idiot doing?"
"Waddaphuk do you think is wrong with this guy?"
"Whaddaphuk will he do if a stop sign sticks in his chest at 135 mph?"

And that about rounds it out folks. Stay tuned, the circus is about to start.

Really? Wow....what a shock!!!!

BOULDER, Colo. - KUSA, a television station in Denver, reported Monday that two sources said the DNA sample taken from John Mark Karr is not a match with the DNA found on JonBenet Ramsey's body when she was slain in 1996.

KUSA also reported that the Boulder County District Attorney's office will drop the charges against Karr.

Looks like you're back on the hook...yes, you. Uh huh...I'm talking to you....yes, you did.

Yes...you did.

Ernesto

Detailed photographs of Hurricane Ernesto have just been released by Max Mayfield of the NOAA. According to the current track, Ernesto will hit Tampa on late Wednesday, spend Thursday at Disney in Orlando, and then spin itself out into the Atlantic and become the Carolina's problem by Friday.

El partido en !!!!!

If...Then

I'm often complimented on how smart, polite, and just downright nice my kids are. Often times I'm asked the mostly rhetorical question, "How do you do it?"

First of all I should say that I'm not witting this in the same mode of the proud parent who has the bumper sticker on the back of their Robins-egg blue mini-van:

MY KID IS AN HONOR STUDENT AT RETARD LAKES ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

Nope, it's not that way at all. They're just good kids...as smart-assed as any other, but they've been taught to keep the wise cracker attitude in the house and they've also been taught - apparently successfully - the art of presenting one's self in a positive and productive manner outside of the house.

As for the question, "How do you do it?", I've often answered, " I give them everything they need, some of what they want, and not much else". Inclusive in that is love, kindness, affection, help, guidance, money, inspiration, and most importantly- a sense of accountability. All 3 of my children were taught from a very early age that they are solely responsible for their own actions, and any reward or admonishment that goes with those actions is theirs as well.

It happened again tonight, which got me thinking about this some more. I think the best way to describe it is my wife and I bring our kids up in a what I call the "concrete world". Neither of us allows our children to fall into the IF-THEN philosophical trap that we all see (and perhaps from time to time have been guilty of).

"If you would only like me more, then I'd probably be nicer to you".

"If I had the same bicycle as the kid across the street, then I'd be a lot cooler".

"If my teacher wasn't such a jerk, then I would have received an A instead of this lousy C".

If-Then, If-Then, If-Then.

We have a great deal of people in our country who live in the If-Then world, don't we?

"If Florida hadn't stolen the election in 2000, then Al Gore would have been President and things would be a lot better now".

"If we hadn't invaded Iraq, then we could have better focused on Osama Bin Shitinhishat".

"If we had reacted faster and spent more money on Hurricane Katrina relief, then New Orleans wouldn't have the problems it does now".

"If Donald Rumsfeld wasn't so arrogant, then maybe the Military General's would have solved the Iraq crisis sooner".

If-Then, If-Then, If-Then.

The point of this is not to argue the validity of any of the statements above. They've all been said, and they may all be true. They also may all be false. They may have have some truth and some bull-hockey to them. In any case here is the deal:

You can live in the "concrete world" where you deal with what is, and adjust and make the best of it regardless of the circumstances; or you can live in the "If-Then world", where you will be miserable, upset, and wondering what could have been most of the time. The choice of course, is yours.

Now where is that bag of Quick-set Cement? I had it around here somewhere...

Way to go Judge...that'll teach 'em!

Two high school football players in Kenton, Ohio were convicted of a crime and will be sentenced to 60 days incarceration.

But the sentences will not be carried out until after the football season ends.

Judge Gary McKinley ruled that football would be good for the boys, and subsequently vacated their sentences until winter.

Junior starting quarterback Dailyn Campbell (16) and senior fellow player Jesse Howard (17) had stolen a decoy deer from a local hunting store. The deer was only standing on two legs, so the boys fashioned a base out of wood, put some wheels on it, and went out to a 2-lane paved country road to have some fun. They pushed the deer out into the road and laughed and laughed as car after car was forced to swerve out of the way.

When fellow high school aged Robert Roby Jr. came by, the laughing was brought to a screeching halt. Roby attempted to emergency steer his car out of the way, but went off the small road and hit both a tree and a pole. Roby sustained a broken neck, broken arm, broken leg, and broken collar bone.

And he was the lucky one.

Dustin Zacharias - a passenger in the car - struck his head so violently he has certified, clinical brain damage.

Isn't that funny? I'm damn near wetting my pants I'm laughing so hard. "The boys are good boys, just trying to have a little fun and something went wrong", said Howard's father. "They need to be left alone to get beyond this".

No he didn't. No way. He didn't say "and something went wrong" ??

Something went wrong alright, and those two need to be thrown into jail immediately...no football...no passing go...and no collection of their $200. Then proceedings need to be started to remove the Judge from the bench, because he too has made himself complicit in this tragedy by virtue of his idiotic ruling.

For now, the boys will go onto football glory, date a cheerleader, and move on with their lives after 60 loose days in the county jail picking up trash on the side of the road. And what of Dustin Zacharias?

Well...He'll still have brain damage. Just like Judge McKinley.

It be like dat

Last night I went to parents night at school. My son's teacher stood up in front of the assembled parents and covered the math portion. She spoke for about 2 minutes. In that 2 minutes, she used the word "maFF" instead of "maTH" every single time, which was over 20 at least. She also said "Bofe" instead of "both", and twice she said "we give the students pacific tasks to do".

Twice.

Look, I have no problem with anyone in the general population speaking the way they want to. Rednecks say "tahr" instead of "tire", people from New England can't pronounce the letter "r", and Ebonics is a language unto itself. I understand this and have no problem with it....except...

...when it comes to teachers. This woman went to school and secured her degree, passed her teacher certification, and is presumably capable and efficient. And now she's in charge of impressionable youth, and it pisses me off that she can't let go of her culture when she's in the school house. Does she know the word is "specific" and the proper way to pronounce words that end in a "th" sound? Yes, she damn sure does.

Thing is, I'm powerless to do anything about it. I complain and my face will be on the front page of the local newspapers tomorrow morning, under the headline:

RACIST DAD WANTS SON MOVED OUT OF CLASSROOM.

Please ...tell me I'm way off base here and I'll drop it. It's not racism, it's a matter of principle. We have a language, and the use of that language within the confines of our educational institutions should be mandatory for those charged with teaching our youth.

Pacifically mandated, to be exact.

Somebody...anybody...helllo?????

Beirut, Lebanon, Jun. 15 (UPI) Iran reportedly is readying troops to move into Iraq if U.S. troops pull out, leaving a security vacuum.
The Saudi daily Al-Sharq al-Awsat, monitored in Beirut, reports Iran has massed four battalions at the border.
Al-Sharq al-Awsat quoted reliable Iraqi sources as saying, Iran moved part of its regular military forces towards the Iraqi border in the southern sector at a time its military intelligence agents were operating inside Iraqi territory.

You know, stories like this appear around the world every day, but they NEVER or rarely appear on US television or in the national print media. Want some more?

• Iranian troops have been sporadically shelling the Kurds of northern Iraq on and off since July 27th.
• The Kurds reported less than a week ago that they killed 8 Iranian soldiers within the border of northern Iraq.
• On 14 August, an Afghan man was caught swimming the Rio Grande in an attempt to reach Texas. [What? He was lost or something?]
• Sheriff Sigfredo Gonzales of Zaputa County Texas said in a local newspaper story that over the past few months the Sheriff's department has recovered Arabic military patches and insignia, Iranian currency, Spanish language text books, and jackets frequently worn by Middle Eastern soldiers on the banks of the Rio Grande river.
• A dense jungle area that comprises a triangle of the countries Brazil, Paraguay, and Argentina known as the TBA (Tri Border Area) or La Triple Frontera in Spanish, has been the home of Arabic terrorism camps since the late 1980's. Hamas, Al Qaeda, Hizb Allah, and other major players in the now world-wide terrorism cycle our planet seems to be in have been confirmed to be there.

Why don't we hear about these things? I know that much of it has to do with security and a lack of information because of that, but I'm not buying that as an excuse. I understand why the left-leaning media would be reticent to report this, because their deal is to downplay world terrorism as a hoax or something concocted by the current administration, but why hasn't FOXnews been on this? They certainly don't believe the administration is making anything up, yet they don't report on this either.

The case could be made that Americans would panic if they knew they were slowly being surrounded, or at least the signs point to that being a possibility. I think there is a great deal of merit in assuming the average American cannot absorb and rationalize information like this. Sadly, most American's are not mentally capable of handling this kind of thing, which of course makes it all the easier for those who mean harm to us to do their thing. And I gotta tell ya, we are surrounded...right here in our supposedly safe and secure country. Or have all the news stories that have been reported - stories about terrorists being captured on both our northern and southern border trying to gain entrance - not enough to convince you this thing is real and happening right now?

The fact remains however, that these stories could very well be 100% true, or at least true enough to gain our notice. I'm confident the proper people have taken notice and are acting in our best national interests, I just don't understand why the mainstream media continues to ignore the signs and warning shots that keep going over our heads. They're all over stories about fake confessions, but ignore the truly important stuff. Everyone is culpable; Democrat's, Republican's, Libertarian's, Independent's, Flaming Liberals, Supremely hard-assed Conservatives, cats, dogs, and anyone else you care to mention.

Either we don't want to look because we're hoping it's all a bad dream and we're soon going to wake up to our old lollipop's and cotton candy world, or we're just damn stupid. My guess would be "both".

Peace.

"New" Bill of Rights

I hereby propose the "New" Bill of Rights for the American people:

• You have the right to remain silent, and most of you should. (This includes me at times, too).
• You have the right to NOT board a plane if you feel you're being inconvenienced by these "idiots" trying to protect you from harm.
• You have the right NOT to go to the airport at all if you don't want to adhere to the rule and the subsequent inconvenience. You DO NOT have the right to blabber on incessantly while you are in such a line, because no one gives a rats ass what you think anyways.
• You have the right to vote for candidates in the coming months who are the opposite of everyone currently in office. Remember as you do so though, "opposite" will apply to everything - good and bad.
• You have the right to disagree with everything we as a nation currently stand for, and of course you have the right to leave as well.
• You have the right to protest, argue on talk TV and Radio, and have your opinions heard. You DO NOT have the right to our agreement with those opinions, though.
• You have the right to be a separatist, a communist, a socialist, a globalist, an atheist, a realist, a liberalist, a moralist, a pacifist, and an anarchist. Gee, there sure are a lot of "ists" aren't there? Remember when we were just called "Americans"?
• You have the right to be offended, good Lord we all know that is true.

• Lastly, you have the right to be one of the 358,456,875,459,268,952,254,426 bloggers who hate the President and the government, want us out of Iraq immediately, but have no f***ing clue what to do after that. Be that as it may, there is no shortage of imbecilic suggestions.

A common bond

The following all have the same common bond:

1968 Senator Robert F Kennedy is assassinated in Los Angeles.

1969-1984 237 airliners are hijacked throughout the world.

1972 8 Israeli athletes die in Munich at the Olympics.

1983 241 US Marines die in their barracks as part of a peace-keeping force in Beirut.

1985 A handicapped and wheelchair bound American Jew is shot and pushed overboard on the SS Achille Laurel, a cruise liner in the Mediterranean Sea.

1988 Pan American flight 103 blows up and falls out of the sky in Lockerbie, Scotland.

1993 A truck bomb explodes in the basement garage of the World Trade Center.

1996 An apartment complex called Khobar Towers in Daharan, Saudi Arabia is erased from existence.

1998 3 US Embassies in Africa are simultaneously bombed.

2000 The USS Cole is attacked and crippled in Yemen.

2001 NYC, Washington DC, and a Pennsylvania field become infamous.

2002 A nightclub in Bali explodes

Sooooo...What caused all these events to happen? Ohhhhh, shoot. You guessed it.

The answer of course, is the US Invasion of Iraq in 2003!

And I thought I was going to fool you with this one. You're too sharp for me, boys and girls.

Mike Wallace

Mike Wallace of "60 Minutes" fame, came out of retirement recently so he could interview Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, quite possibly the most unstable and dangerous man in the world this side of Kim Il Sung.

I'll keep this short. Wallace came away from the interview with the following comments:

He's a nice dresser.
He seemed stable to me.
He was alert and intelligent.
I don't think he's an Anti-Semite. As a matter of fact, I got the impression he liked the Jews.

Let's all do what we can to put Mike back into retirement, ok?

Perfect Soldiers

There is a book that has been recently released called:

"Perfect Soldiers: The 9/11 hijackers...who they were and why they did it".

It was written by a man named Terry McDermott, a journalist for the Los Angeles times. It's an interesting account of the 19 hijackers and their backgrounds. In many ways, the book is both sympathetic and empathetic to the hijackers and their cause, and Mr. McDermott has the right to portray them any way he sees. In particular, what I wanted to talk about was the section of the book that discussed adolescent Muslim males - 14 and 15 year olds - who live in places like Paris and London for example, who have gone to Iraq to take up arms with the insurgencies against Western interests. According to the book, hundreds - if not thousands - of these kids have done so.

I have a 14 year old who is a sophomore in High School. He is an excellent student (3.98 GPA) and an outstanding athlete. He is acutely aware of the stereotypes of both academics (presumed geeks) and athletes (presumed morons), and he works hard personally and socially to dispel these myths in his own little section of the world. He is extremely fashion conscious (Aeropostale, Hollister, fitted ball caps on backwards, etc), being aware of the tightrope he's walking as a true athlete/scholar. Along the same lines, he shy's away from academic awards and pursuits, although he does intend to be nominated for the National Honor Society this year. He understands the value that has for acceptance at some of the universities he has his eye on. He's a Type 1 diabetic, so I'm 100% sure he does not drink or use drugs, because as an insulin-dependent diabetic, you can't hide drug or alcohol usage. If you do it, you'll end up in the emergency room, and he knows that. So far he has not been admitted. I'm pretty sure he has probably kissed a girl - or at least held hands - but anything further hasn't happened yet. He still has just enough naivete in him to make me comfortable.

So you may ask, why am I describing my son? Hang on...I'm getting there.

My son's goals in life are as follows: Play sports; get great grades and SAT scores; go to the university of his choice to pursue his degree while continuing to play sports; and then move into the adult working world.

In Paris, young Muslim 14 year olds are packing their bags for Iraq so they can learn to car bomb and possibly even suicide bomb Western soldiers.

I look at my son and I try to envision him as a skilled murderer. I can't. It's both too bizarre and frightening at the same time to think there are thousands out there who have so much hate and anger, they would kill another human being before they'd even experienced their first love. But it's true. And this is our opposition.

It is said there are 1 Billion practicing Muslim's in the world. Let's say for the sake of debate that 99% of them are non-violent, law-abiding, good hearted people. That means that 1% of them are of the extremist nature. Quick now - do the math. What is 1% of one billion?

Correct....10 million.

Do I think there are 10 million extremists in the world right now? Not really...no. But 1% doesn't seem too far-fetched when you look at it that way either. Let's say it's 0.5%. That's what, 5 million extremists?

Regardless of your own personal stand on Iraq, Iran, Jennifer Anniston and Vince Vaughn, the BTK killer in Wichita, or whether cow farts are causing global warming, you need to recognize there are a lot of people out there who aspire to nothing more than death and destruction, and it doesn't matter if George Bush or George of the Jungle is President. My 14 year old more than likely goes to bed at night thinking of the girl who sits to his right in English class. Ahmed goes to bed at night thinking of how many US Marines he can kill tomorrow.

But don't worry your little hearts out. As soon as we get some different people in office here in the U.S., all this will stop - right?

Peace

The illusion of freedom

This is more or less related to the blog directly below this one about Gordon Johnson. I'm afraid I'm not done venting about this jaggoff.

I was in the military for 21 years, and I have a point of view that dramatically differs from the Gordon Johnson's of this world. For some unknown reason, I truly believed when I was in the service that I was a defender of all this country stood for - Freedom, Democracy, Liberty - and no matter where I was or what I was doing, that was my driving force behind a career in the service. My time in service paralleled the terms of service of six Presidents, 2 Democrats and 4 Republicans. There were decisions made by those men and the Congress under them that affected me both positively and negatively during those two plus decades. There were times I had to wonder just what the hell I was thinking doing what I did (I think to the February's in Kansas sleeping in the woods in sub-zero temperatures), and there were the opposite times where I was the proudest and most content person on the planet. I went places and did things I enjoyed; I went places and did things I absolutely hated. But I did everything with honor and professionalism, and I never lost sight of my ultimate calling - a defender of all that is the United States - good, bad, or indifferent.

I've been to other countries and witnessed first hand how others live in this world. In those journeys I've seen the good - England, France, & Germany. I've also seen the repressed and the destitute -Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, and Iraq. Mr. Gordon Johnson and others of his ilk (and ilk is the kindest word I can come up with right now) need to take their heads out of the sand and book a trip through Expedia to some of these places, then come back and see what a good deal we have here.

And this good deal is of course the root cause of our problems.

You see Mr. Gordon Johnson...high school civics teacher and newly minted poster child for the terminally stupid...doesn't get it. What is "it"? "It" is the fact that our freedoms are a privilege, not a right. If you don't think so, ask someone at your local state penitentiary. Mr. Johnson doesn't understand that just because you have a right to protest - it is not a requirement that you do so. There is nothing in the constitution that says you cannot be inconvenienced, pissed off by someone or something, or have luck go against you. Irrespective of that well-known fact, when things do get under the skin of the Gordon Johnson's of our nation, they get mad and take their act too far. If you don't like tight security at a ball game, don't go. Hate arriving at the airport 2 hours early? Drive.

But noooooooo....not Mr. Gordon Johnson. He just has to get his petty point across and if it compromises the security of every other parent bringing their children to a game, that's perfectly acceptable to him. As long as he gets what he wants, he's happy. If he doesn't - he throws the modern day equivalent of a childish tantrum by forging allegiances with others who are just like him, and executes his tantrum through the courts system using public funds to litigate his cause. And to hell with everybody else.

That's the truth. Gordon Johnson is a big baby, and an asshole.

I started this blog with telling you what my service meant to me personally. I considered myself a defender of our rights and privileges, just like Mr. Johnson considers himself. In my life-time, I've never asked anyone to help me out; never filed a complaint because a co-worker started talking about her religious preferences in the office; never demanded that what I once defended be afforded me as a matter of course. In other words, the America I sweat blood for - the America that people like Gordon Johnson wordsmith into a confusing, never-ending blur of bullshit that makes no sense at all - has never been asked by me to pay a little of it back. You know why?

I don't think I'm owed anything.

Peace.

Gimme a break already

TAMPA, Fla. -- Security "pat-downs" of fans at Tampa Bay Buccaneers games are unconstitutional and unreasonable, a federal judge ruled Friday, throwing into question the practice at all NFL games.

U.S. District Judge James D. Whittemore sided with a season-ticket holder who had sued to stop the fan searches that began last season after the NFL implemented enhanced security measures.

High school civics teacher Gordon Johnson, backed by the American Civil Liberties Union, sued the Tampa Sports Authority, which operates the stadium, to stop officials from conducting the "suspicionless" searches. A state judge agreed with Johnston that the searches are likely unconstitutional and halted them.
The case was later moved to federal court, where the sports authority sought to have that order thrown out. Whittemore refused, writing that the pat-downs "constitute unreasonable searches under the Florida Constitution and the Fourth Amendment of the United States Constitution."

A spokesman for the ACLU said, "This is a step in the right direction in halting governmental intervention being done under the guise of a perceived terrorist threat".

Exactly what is a perceived terrorist threat?

Last time I looked - and I look every night - there is some moron issuing a Fatwah against the people of the United States, or the leaders of Korea and Iran are smoking while standing at the world's gas station. There is absolutely nothing perceived about the threat at all. To be totally honest with you, I find it hard to believe our sporting events haven't been attacked. What would be more lethal to the American psyche than a bomb going off during the Daytona 500 or a Los Angeles Dodgers baseball game?

I'm sorry, this is a step in the wrong direction.

Look, I'm sure Mr. ACLU guy, Mrs. PETA, and Ms. NOW have their hearts in the right place, but the fact of the matter is for every 3 or so legitimate arguments groups like this make, there always seems to be 1 off the wall retarded thing coming out of their mouths...and this is one of them. If someone walks into a Tampa Bay Buccaneers game in September wearing a winter coat to hide all the beer and sandwiches he's trying to sneak in, we should have the right to check him out thoroughly. It's simply a matter of good common sense. Let me end this with a question. If someone did come into that very stadium and detonate a bomb, who do you think would be first in line to file a lawsuit against the NFL for not checking everyone out?

Uh huh. High school civics teacher Gordon Johnson, backed by the ACLU, that's who.

News

In an attempt to lower the outrageous tax structure and simplify the conflicting laws, New England will now be known as Massaconnesoximont. They completely eliminated Maine because no one actually lives there, and Rhode Island is really Connecticut "east", after all.

A singer was tossed off the show "Rock Star - Supernova" for having too few tattoos and only 7 facial and mouth piercings. No, I made that one up. But the Massaconnesoximont story is true.

A new experimental vaccine to prevent obesity may become available to the public someday. Evidently taking the friggin' feedbag off is no longer an acceptable preventive measure. This story, although 100% true, was on line at MSN.com Health and Fitness. Let me get this straight: The health and fitness section is now showing obese overeaters how to cure their problems with a syringe? What is healthy and fit about that?

Also from MSNBC: ANXIETY OVER HURRICANE SEASON. And the media, in its never-ending quest to be a public service, follows that article with EAST COAST OVERDUE FOR KILLER HURRICANE. Ahhhhh. Nothing like easing that anxiety with a feel-good article.

In sports, Justin Gatlin - the holder of the title "world's fastest man" - tested positive for increased testosterone in his system. His lawyer said yesterday that Gatlin's masseuse used a testosterone based oil when performing a massage. It was later reported that the masseuse flew home on a pig that was being piloted by Elvis and JFK, and that they guy in the photo at the top of the WTC was actually John Lennon.

Tropical Storm Chris, the 3rd named storm of the year, has television news and weather people scrambling to buy airfare to the Southeastern United States and Puerto Rico. Everyone wants to be on the beach while the wind is whipping 158 mph, so they can tell us to "Get off the beach; it's unsafe". The worst thing? TV networks actually pay these mental midgets, which makes those hiring and programming this stuff even dumber. The minute I see Joe Imbecile with an on the scene report, I can't get to the remote fast enough to turn the channel off. And I'm not alone.

LONDON Jockey Paul O'Neill apologized Tuesday for head-butting his horse at a race last weekend. The Horseracing Regulatory Authority is holding an inquiry after reviewing TV footage of the incident at the Stratford races on Sunday, July 23rd 2006. "I would just like to say to the public that I'm very sorry they had to see such a thing," O'Neill said in a written statement. Apparently the horse could not be reached for comment.

In an Independence Mo. trial on-going right now, defendant Melinda Abell said she cannot remember how a cell phone ended up in her throat. The phone had to be surgically removed at the time of the incident. Marlon Brando Gill [yeah, I know...I know. I swear I didn't make that up] said he was not guilty of shoving the phone down her throat. He said she was trying to keep him from seeing who she called and swallowed it intentionally. Yes, there was great deal of alcohol involved, and neither the defendant nor the accused has better than 20% recollectionn of the specifics of the incident. I'll say one thing...they've both lost my vote for "Couple of the Year".

Great Britain has developed a form of the board game Monopoly where the money is handled with a debit card. No paper...just slide your card. "Go to jail...go directly to jail. Do not pass go, do not stop to listen to your MP3 player, do not go near Paris and Nicole Blvd, and pay your bail with a non-refundable certified postal money order". There; that outta keep the little buggers confused and occupied for a few extra hours. Tea anyone?

AND FINALLY:

The U.S. government's crackdown on media indecency could prevent World War II veterans from sharing their stories in an upcoming TV documentary series by Ken Burns, the head of the Public Broadcasting Service said Wednesday. Noted filmmaker Burns' highly anticipated seven-part series "The War" features salty language used by servicemen and others. If the expletives make it to air, they could lead to crippling fines for the offending stations as a result of a new law signed last month by President Bush. Paula Kerger, the president and CEO of PBS, told reporters at a media event in Pasadena, Calif., that she was reluctant to bleep the words out, because that would diminish the impact of the documentary. Airing the film after 10 p.m., when the new rules do not apply, would reduce the available audience, she said.

Hey...War is H-E 2 sticks, you know.

Mel

The bad news is Mel Gibson was arrested for DUI, insulted an entire race of people, and is the subject of tabloid as well as serious news virtually 24 hours a day now.

The good news is he can still save a ton of money by switching to Geico.