I didn't want to rant, but they made me...they made me.

Last week, our illustrious Supreme Court decided to give Guantanamo inmates the right of Habeus Corpus AND the same right to trial that you and I get. Our soldiers are disemboweled and beheaded on the Arabic version of youtube, and their soldiers are given our best attorneys. So now WE THE PEOPLE have granted more rights to IED makers and deployers than we have to our own soldiers.

I'm starting to get really pissed off now.

Today, the same knuckleheads on the Supreme Court made the declaration that child rape is not punishable by the death penalty because the Constitution says you cannot inflict "cruel and unusual punishment" on anyone. So Uncle Bob, 6-3, 230 pounds, rapes his 5 year old niece Cindy. Cindy's pelvic bone stresses and fractures under the incredible strain of Uncle Bobs violent thrusts; her flesh shearing and ripping from his inhuman advances, blood everywhere. This doesn't even take into account the screaming, wailing, and begging coming out of Cindy's tiny lips and mouth. Her tears of terror flowing like a river. Years later, when Cindy is contemplating suicide because Uncle Bob only received 9 months in prison and he came back angrier at Cindy because she turned him in, and so proceeded to rape her continuously over the years in ways far more sinister and violent than the original act, let's contemplate today's Highest Court decision. As 15 year old Cindy hangs from a rope in the family bathroom, let's all pat ourselves on the back for not being too tough on dear old uncle Bob.

Think I'm being too graphic? If you can't understand what I'm trying to convey here, then I suggest I haven't been graphic enough.

Tomorrow, the Supreme Court is expected to pass judgement on the city of Washington about citizen's right or non right to possess hand guns. I hope they see they had better take those hand guns away, because we are moving alarmingly close to a time where we will use them against our own lawmakers. Quick history lesson for you: The constitution says nothing about sport hunting; it says nothing about target practice; and it says nothing about collecting guns for profit or just for fun. It clearly says the right to own guns is two-fold: To take arms to protect ourselves from a foreign invasion, or to protect ourselves in the event of a government that loses its mind, and begins to hurt the populace. The founding fathers had intimate knowledge of the inner workings of a government that went against the will of the people, and when that government followed them over to the New World, those founding fathers said, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, we warned you. Now, fuck you." And they blew the King and his court the hell outta here.

These 2 and possibly a 3rd decision are going to create situtations where a soldier has to decide whether or not to kill when they simply used to capture, and then they'll be courts marshaled for it. The rape thing is going to create situations where confused and angry parents consider vigilante justice, where they will in turn be given a harsher sentence than the man who raped their daughter. This and many other things will force the common man and woman to revolt, and the common man and woman are what make up the fiber of this country. That's the way it is and has always been, and if you push those common men and women too hard, eventually they'll push back. The American family, the rights of the American family, the strength of the American family has always been the cornerstone of this nation. It is what separates us from everyone else in the world.

*&%$ around with the sovereignty of the American family too much more, and we're going to have trouble....biiiiig trouble.

I'm not advocating revolution, I'm just warning you that we have gone - and continue to go - on a far too liberal path, one that has no side road to turn around on. If it continues, there will be a shitload of hell to pay. The rules and the policies are being challenged and changed every day. It is the common man and woman that is in Iraq and Afghanistan fighting. It is the common woman teaching at our public schools and mothering her children. It is the commonality of everyone that preserves our right to protect ourselves and our families from demons, morons, and sociopaths.

Sometimes, "change" can be bad. If you don't believe me, just look at the Supreme Court and what they're doing. Or better yet, ask Ron Goldman Sr. if he thinks the liberalistic judicial system is good just the way it is.

You better stand clear when he starts to answer you, though.

George...redux

If you haven't read "George" below, you won't get this post. About 10 months ago I put my e-mail address on this site, an email account which has remained relatively without any action. Today I received an e-mail from some anonymous source who took issue with my assessment of George's golf course comments and my subsequent comment about how only a misinformed environmentalist would view a golf course as an "eye-sore and an affront to humanity".

The e-mail said in part, "you have no idea how golf courses upset the delicate balance of nature by taking away habitat's from all manner of creatures. Golf courses are evil, and Carlin was correct".

Ok. Let's talk. First of all, golf courses are NOT evil, because they are not human in nature, and therefore do not possess feelings or emotion (not so for the golfers playing them, but that's another story). Secondly, golf courses actually provide a quality environment for "all manner of creature" as you put it, who lost their previous environment to malls, highways, and building projects. The grasses and trees on a golf course are not only pleasant to look at, they introduce oxygen and nitrogen to the environment (try that with a K-Mart). Ponds - both natural and man-made - provide a wonderful habitat for all manner of water-born species, as well as drinking water for above ground creatures. In the past 20 years, golf courses being built new (as well as over 50% of golf courses already in place) are using reclaimed water to irrigate their properties, and both chemicals and pesticides used have been approved by the EPA, therefore causing no destruction through there use. The reclaimed water process is fascinating in that they use a series of regulated ponds with screening and filtering machinery, putting the water back onto the course in better shape than it was when it first fell out of the sky.

If soft rolling hills of green grasses interspersed with trees of all variety, and well preserved water areas are an eye-sore, then I suggest the anonymous e-mailer has unrealistic standards.

P.S. By the way, unless they are 80 years old or on the PGA Tour and from Sweden, no one wears pink checked pants with a purple shirt on the golf course any more...and they haven't for 20 years or so. Can we finally kill that stupid stereotype?

George

Yesterday in California, one of America's comedic genius' died of a heart attack. George Carlin, famous as a counter-culture figure since the early 1960's, was one of the brainiest, brashest, comedian's ever. But if you're looking for a gushing post about him from me, you had better stop here.

Yup....George was the man that created "The Seven Words you can't say on Television", a routine that I can recite word for word from memory still. He had routines so uproariously funny that involved word-play, irony, and sarcasm that went from soft to harsh in mere seconds, but later on in life it morphed into harsh to hateful in even less time. Counter-culture had its place in the 60's, 70's, and even the early 80's, but comedic attitudes shifted in the late 80's and 90's.

George didn't shift with it.

His wife of 36 years died in 1997, and potentially with her, so may have a part of George's soul. When you're married that long, obviously a great love drove that marriage, and so her loss must have been devastating to him. The man who made us laugh, giggle, and smile by pointing out the absurdity of phrases like "Jumbo Shrimp", "Getting ON the plane" instead of IN the plane, and weathermen who made up phrases like "Rain Event", to which he responded, "Rain Event? Holy shit, I hope I can get tickets to that!" became old, wifeless, and mean the last 10 years of his life.

I can remember looking forward to watching an HBO special from 2003, and my memory will always be saddened by the fact that I felt he was so hateful and bitter, I turned it off after only 10 or 15 minutes. One of his targets that night was inexplicably golf courses, where George described them as "eye-sores" and an affront to humanity. Eye-sores and an affront to humanity? In what context does anyone besides misguided environmentalists see golf courses in that manner? Just before I turned off his hate-fest, George went into a rant (tirade?) about his favorite subject, Religion. Never in our history has a comedian gone after religion and people who believe in God more than George. On this particular night, he took off the gloves and hammered at belief and faith like he never had before, and it was so indefatigable and contemptible, I couldn't get to the remote control fast enough.

And I'm hardly what you would call staunchly religious. I just felt he was attacking a group that had never attacked him, and it was not funny. Not at all.

The irony here is that the one person who could point out irony better than anyone on a public stage is now dead, and as of yesterday afternoon, George now knows, one way or another, whether there is a higher power or not.

Perhaps he could send us a sign. In the unlikely event that happens, I'll stick to my memories of the stuff he did when he was funny. It's better for me that way.

Robber tries to rob convenience store with a palm frond

This unfortunate incident happened yesterday about 8 miles from my house. The would-be robber hoisted a dead, blunt ended palm frond, and wielding it like a spear, repeatedly demanded 50 dolla...50 dolla.

The man's name is Jose Domingo Lopez Maria Sanchez Ramirez something something something, but his friends simply call him "George".

Note that the store owner (who knew him, by the by) just keeps yelling back at him "Get out!"..."Get out!"

In a manner befitting such an act of lunacy, "George" was shooed out of the store by the owner who hoisted a bar stool, using it like a 1930's lion tamer, forcing him out the door. It's the only way I could conceive of this story ending.

For Chet Huntley...I'm JL4 Brinkley.

Linguistically speaking

Florida has this problem, you see. It's called Linguisticmissatosis, and it is an affliction similar to what would happen if you asked me to perform neurosurgery on a muskrat. Dumbfounded stares, followed by a eulogy from the muskrat's best buddy. Millions of people in Florida can't speak English, and that's not including specific dialects like "redneck" and "NASCAR", which, incidentally, go together.

Linguisticmissatosis becomes painfully pertinent when ordering at the counter of a Chinese restaurant. Maria, a woman of Puerto Rican descent who was born, raised, and schooled (really?) in the Bronx, but apparently only has a working English vocabulary of around 16 words, walks into Ming Wok's Chinese Emporium, and she attempts to order a meal of chicken and snow peas. Behind the counter, taking her order, is Sun Li, 13 year old daughter of the owners of "Mings", who herself has an equally comparable understanding of English as Maria. What ensues then would stress the patience of Job himself, if in fact Job was in line and wanted to order and consume his meal sometime before the next millennia.

Sun Li: "How can may help you I ?"
Maria: "You have sheeken?"
Sun LI: "You want lice?"
Maria: "What eees lice?"
Sun Li: "White lice and flied lice."
Maria: "You have sheeken?"
Sun Li: "What kine o chicken want?"
Maria: "Sheeken."
Sun Li (confused): "We have chicken with lice a noodle"
Maria: "Pea?"
Sun Li: "Bathloom bloken"
Maria (visibly upset): "I wannn sheeken with peas."
Sun Li (turning to speak with her mother): Suuum luk toe, sum chung lahckee cho"
Mother: "What you want?"
Maria: "Sheeken peas."
Mother: "Ohhhh...lo sohm lock chu do sahhn," she says to Sun Li.

10 minutes later, Maria pays for her food with a debit card, and the "automation is a bitch" dance begins. After about 3 tortured minutes of watching Maria try to decipher the intricacies of the 9 digit pin display, she finally arrives at a solution, and leaves with her food. Pretty fast too, as she was out of there in less than 45 minutes.

I would have loved to see the look on her face when she got home and pulled that beef chow mien out of the bag because, like they say, "for everything else, there's Master Card."

True news of the untrue variety

I am hereby declaring a Fatwah on myself. I've never actually declared a Fatwah on anyone before, mostly because when I wanted to declare one on my high school algebra teacher, I had yet to even know what a Fatwah was. But if I had known, you miserable bastard, I would have done it. And for the record, if N=15 and Y=22, besides some bespeckled sub-nerd at Los Alamos or NASA, who really cares what X is?

So I am declaring a Fatwah on myself because I think Islamic Extremists are the world's biggest issue, irrespective of what Al Gore says about Polar Bears. So a Fatwah it is, and if I insist on talking badly about people who murder children in the name of God, then I need to be silenced; and don't push me, because I'll do it. Car-bomb myself, that is. That'll teach me.

In other news, the NBA preseason has been interrupted by the NBA post season. Apparently teams that had scheduled preseason games for the 2008/09 season have had these games postponed because they're still playing the playoffs from the 2007/08 season. I'm joking of course, but you get the drift. Basketball is kind of a Fall/Winter sport...not a late June sport.

Thousands have been rushing to get married in California. Has anyone asked them if this is what they really want? It is marriage after all. 'Till death do you part, etc, etc. It seems to me, from watching the news reports and such, most of them are just trying to make some sort of profound statement. I hate to disappoint you. It's really not that profound.

A man in Orlando was arrested today at a convenience store for pumping gas out out of the ground directly into a 300 gallon tank in the back of his truck. When told by police to stop, he just stared wordlessly at them and kept on pumping. He obviously had reached his breaking point, and snapped.

In Cody, Wyoming, the coke machine was working this morning. Hundreds of residents came out and were heard oooing and ahhhing at this marvel of modern technology. In a similar story from Wamego, Kansas, residents took portable chairs and picnic lunches to watch the new car wash in operation for the first time. Clem Higgins, town librarian, was quoted saying, "It's pretty neat watching the bubbles float off down the sidewalk."

In a recent poll, democratic candidate Sen. Barrack Obama is maintaining his 4 point lead over republican Sen. John McCain. In another poll, 14% of Americans admitted they hated creamed corn, and wished their mom hadn't insisted upon them eating every bite. If people actually were starving in India, she should have shipped them all our creamed corn and spinach, saving money on psychiatric counselling down the road.

Finally, in the rape case in Lincoln, Nebraska, where the judge said the defendant couldn't use the word rape - IN A RAPE TRIAL FOR CRIPES SAKE - the perpetrator was found guilty. What was he found guilty of? Rape. No shit? Imagine that? Next thing you know, they'll be convicting murderers for committing murder. Just remember, when the case is being prosecuted, you can't say murder. You have to say, "Actions taken to ensure the ending of the life of the person on the wrong end of the device that propels a lead projectile into a large mass composed of flesh, bones, and organs vital to the survival of the holder of those biological entities, presumably and allegedly as an intentional act and not an accidental act caused by the urgency of trying to procure person #1's money into person #2's possession."

Got it? Me neither. Better ask that judge in Nebraska. Apparently, he does.

I wish I wrote this, but alas, I did not

Not that it will stop me from passing it on to you. From the novel, "In the event of my untimely demise", by Brian Sack.

Political correctness started innocently enough, but like a rehearsal dinner speech by a mean-spirited best man, it soon became ugly and uncomfortable. An entire culture developed - and not a very bright one I might add - that was passionate about not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings. With its simplistic logic, calling someone "African-American" instead of "black" was supposed to take care of decades of inequality. Calling a handicapped child "special needs" somehow would eliminate the challenges of being a parent with a handicapped child. Your busboy went from "illegal" to "undocumented". All the PC people thought everything could be solved with words.

This linguistic claptrap became a BBM (Big, Beautiful, Monster) with gigantic, intellectually challenged tentacles that reached out and strangled all other aspects of our lives. Suddenly, teachers don't grade in red ink because that's "hurtful," and teams no longer play for scores, because that might indicate that one team is actually better than another. Everyone gets ribbons just for showing up at the race, and according to the profiles on Match.com, "we're all good looking" too. It's no wonder, then, that the end result is a generation or two that have never heard a discouraging word; people for whom the mere suggestion that they can't paint, dance, or sing on American Idol is incomprehensible.

The consequence of this - as we see far too often on T.V. - is a kid who has spent his childhood being praised extensively for merely existing. A child who never failed because failure was un-possible. A child who thinks un-possible is an actual word. Family, friends, and society, never once critiqued his abilities because under the rules of political correctness, critically constructive thought and opinion is considered hate speech.

And so, we're left with children who dream so large and so stupidly, they'll sleep in a tent for two days just to get the opportunity to butcher "Proud Mary" in front of 38 million laughing people. Back stage, the family will conclude the life-long lie with one more "You were great out there."

The book is available at Borders, and is highly recommended reading for anyone possessing a 3-digit I.Q.

New vs Old

This is the decision Americans must make: Old or New? Not old as in Senator McCain is 70+ and Senator Obama is under 50. Old vs. New is about philosophy, and I hope you will pay attention, because philosophy is a four-syllable word, and I don't know many of those. Now before I start, let me preface this by saying I personally know 25 year olds that are Old American. I also know 60 year olds that welcome New America. The question is, who are you?

Old America believed in the constitution and a representative form of government. New America is about firing off an e-mail to your congressional rep and expecting them to listen to your individual issue.

Old America fought wars on both fronts: On the battlefield and in the living room. New America abhors any fighting, and believes in the theory that no killing is ever justified.

Old America worked 3 jobs if necessary to feed their families. New America holds dearly to the 40 hour work week, and expects considerable compensation for such.

Old America valued a college education, but not higher than they valued character. New America thinks a sheepskin from Duke or Yale is character.

Old America learned of sacrifice through experience; military service and the depression come immediately to mind. New America thinks sacrifice is deciding to NOT sue the neighbor for their kids accidentally busting down the back yard fence.

Old America trusted the media to give them facts and appropriate perspective. New America trusts the media to tell them how they should think.

Old America is a pencil and multiplication tables. New America is a Blackberry and google.

When you messed with Old America, you found out what the price for doing that was. In New America, there is some doubt about whether or not the Japanese actually did the bombing of Pearl Harbor.

Old America believed in their God, and worshiped in peace. New America tries to limit God to whatever building he happens to be in, and uses the legal system to keep it that way.

Old America had large families. Understandably, economics dictate smaller families, but New America has same sex marriage, which means no families at all.

Old America viewed divorce with shame. New America rejoices that only 2 out of 3 marriages fail. It could be worse, they'll tell you.

Old America taught their kids to say, "Yes Sir" and "No Ma'am". New America teaches their kids to...you know what? I'm not sure WHAT New America teaches their kids, but it ain't dat, butthead.

Old America had single parent households because one of the two parents died. New America looks upon single parenthood as some sort of a couch business.

To Old America, an abortion was a plan discarded at the last minute. In New America, we have a phrase "late term abortion", which is pretty close to defining legalized murder, to be quite honest.

In Old America, patriotism was expected, and a lack of patriotism was something you hid from the eyes of others. In New America, patriotism is a choice - heralded by some, despised as a weakness by others.

With a few small variations, Senator John McCain is Old America. Without exception, Senator Barrack Obama is New America. Senator Obama is correct when he says "to accept John McCain, is to accept the very same, if not older concepts". If you choose to vote for Barrack Obama, you will be endorsing the New America, and denouncing the old.

The only thing you have to decide is who are YOU?

Why

I didn't include a question mark in the title because the word "why" isn't a question, but a statement. And now I'm going to tell you why.

As far as coal is concerned, the U.S. is the Saudi Arabia of coal.

As far as shale is concerned, the U.S. is the Venezuela of shale.

The United States has so much oil in Alaska, the continental United States, the Gulf of Mexico, the Atlantic and Pacific shores, everyone knows we could be independent from foreign oil for hundreds and hundreds of years, plenty of time to develop alternative sources of energy, given that we've only been industrialized for a little more than 100 years. Just look how far we have gone in only the last 50...the last 10...or even the last 5.

I'm getting to the "why", so hold your horses.

In the past 17 months, 7 bills have been introduced to further our exploration, refinement, and use of OUR OWN RESOURCES. In each of the 7 cases, the voting was astonishing. 95% of Republicans voted for, and 95% of Democrats voted against. This is fundamentally impossible, when you think about it. It is so obvious that these votes are the result of childish, petulant, belligerent, spoiled little children that we - that's right, we - have voted into office. There is no way you are going to convince me that these voting statistics are the result of pure chance. No way. These idiots we have in office not only cannot ---- they will not --- cooperate with one and another. I'm a donkey, so I say this! I'm an elephant, and I say that! And who loses?

Middle class America, that's who.

It finally hit me last night why these people are the way they are. They DON'T FEEL IT. Senators make $162,100.00 a year. House members make $150,000.00 a year. They have stipends for housing, fuel, rental cars, food, and whatever else they feel like voting themselves in on. They don't pay for gas. They don't pay for food. We do.

Stipend = taxpayer money.

Four bucks a gallon doesn't hurt when someone else is paying for it. Increased food and serviceable goods prices don't hurt when someone else pays for it. These 435 House members and 100 Senators don't pay for shit, make ridiculous amounts of money to only work about 7 or 8 months a year, so they can afford to take their ball and leave the playground if the other members don't want to play nice. They don't get hurt.

This energy crisis has long ago stopped being about the one-eyed, spotted cape worm of North Dakota, or gay buffalo antelope in Anwar. It has now come down to a juvenile battle of wits, and these delinquents have names like, Pelosi (D), Foley (R), Martinez (R), and Reid (D). Furthermore, they're flunking the 5th grade too, but we're willing to elect them again and allow them to progress to grade 6. It doesn't matter who the principal is when the student body has an average IQ of about 23, and is constantly in the discipline office for misbehaving.

Think about that last sentence for a second. If Jesus Christ were president, but all he had to work with was 535 Judas', he wouldn't have a chance in hell of succeeding....pun intended!

Objection! Objection!

The White River in Indiana is expected to crest 16 feet above its banks in the next 24 hours, so the president has sent military troops to furiously fill sandbags and reinforce as best they can to save several imperiled towns.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has roundly rejected the president's actions, stating, "The use of soldiers in this situation is fruitless. The only reason he wants to send troops there is because he wants access to Indiana's vast basketball resources."

Presumptive nominee Barrack Obama also spoke from his home in Chicago, saying he visited Indiana once in 2006, and he told the president at that time "The war against flooding had been long lost, and the only thing to do is the immediate withdrawal of all residents from the area."

As Pelosi was finishing her speech, supporters were heard loudly in the background chanting:

"NO SANDBAGS FOR BASKETBALL!!!"
"NO SANDBAGS FOR BASKETBALL!!!"
"NO SANDBAGS FOR BASKETBALL!!!"
"NO SANDBAGS FOR BASKETBALL!!!"

Words, damn words, superficial words, and the dumbasses who like to call themselves "wordsmiths" that think of them.

Yeah right...you're just banging away at those letters bent over an anvil, working up a huge sweat while "smithing" the word guess into guess -"timate". Gimme a break, will ya?

In my lifetime alone, I have witnessed the collective retardification of humanity at the hands of words and phrases like Monkey Pox, Bird Flu, the “Super Bug” bacteria, near-earth meteors, global cooling, global warming, SARS, gay marriage, gay civil unions, the teaching of evolution, the teaching of creationism, antidepressants, depressants, fluoride, non-flouridated water, organic foods, inorganic foods, PETA, animals rights terrorism, Islamic terrorism, cyber-terrorism, anti-bacterial soap, something called "flavored coffee", the Cheesecake Factory (is that supposed to convey that cheesecakes are made by sweaty Taiwanese children?), HLV, HTLV, AIDS, Hep-A, Hep-B, and Hep-C (which I hope isn't made by the Hawaiian Punch people)...smart bombs, dumb bombs, bombshell, car bomb, bombed out of my mind, dropped a bomb, threw a bomb, and the always popular sports analogy: We got bombed by the Yankees.


And and I'm not done...

I hate anything with the suffix "gate". Spygate, watergate, monicagate, and if they could do it without offending blacks, they'd probably find a way to criticize the Augusta National Golf Club some more by having "Mastergate" thrown in there as well. Same thing applies to adding the suffix "nater" to a persons name. Look, it's the Mark-a-nater....it's the Brad-i-nater. I have one for you people who want to say that - you're dork-i-naters....each and every one of you.

Feel dumber yet? I'm still not done.

What am I doing now? I'm writing in a log on the web, or web logging, commonly called blogging, which makes me a blogger in the blogosphere, suffering from blogomania, but I don't have a blogroll on my blogspace page, and there are even some really clever folks out there who call it a "blawg". "Like...you knooooew...oooooh my gawd, I have a blawg."


I'm finished, right? Now friggin way, Jose.


Video Log, vlog, vloggers, vlogosphere....you get the idea. Bored folks with a camera who know how to post it on youtube commenting on Obama's latest speech like they're Bill friggin Moyers or something, or else they are filling us with useless information on Linsay Lohan's latest heroin induced spending spree on Rodeo Drive, to which I hate to bother you Californians out there, but the word is Ro-Dee-o...not Ro-daaay-o, you self-serving, fake car-pool lane driving, smog-filled, brain dead, phonies.


Done? Hardly.


Peer pressure, political correctness, open-mindedness, close-mindedness, post 9-11, postpartum depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, Black Friday, Black Tuesday, African-American (or do black people in France call themselves African-Frenchmen?) work permitted immigrants, documented workers, undocumented workers, and the "Agency for Workforce Innovation" (which is what Florida calls the Unemployment Office).

Hang in there, almost done. Has anyone else come to the conclusion that that the very worst of these is barely worthy of a double take or a second mention, or am I the only one? Ok, to finish this thing off:

Senator Obama gave a speech at the....get this....FORTUNE MAGAZINE 2007 "MOVERS AND SHAKERS" CONVENTION in Chicago, and he said if elected president, he was going to stop the use of "Corporate Buzz-words".

I guess "movers and shakers" was exempt.

Ahhhh...the terrible 13's

I had a friend recently tell me that her barely teenage kids are lacking in desire to do things like dishes, laundry, and housework in her absence. Hmmmmm....sound familiar to any of you who have raised teens and only slightly avoided killing them in the name of the betterment of society?

I does to me.

You see, being brand new teens, my friend is just now experiencing the first of many teenage stages, which follow in no particular order, but are still VERY real, nonetheless:

The Mall Stage:

This is when the mom or dad has the audacity to actually walk beside their child/children at the mall. The rule is this: Five paces in front, and never turn around or speak openly to the kids. Someone could notice, you know, and subsequently embarrass the heck out of your little darlings.

The Light Saber Stage:

This is when you the parent have had enough, and you stand on the cat-walk and have a daring sword fight with your offspring, eventually resulting in you severing their hand and in your best James Earl Jones saying, "Krrrrrrrrrrrrsh. I am your fa-ther! Krrrrrrrrrrrsh".

The Panic Stage:

This comes at age 15-16, and invariably follows the phrase, "Now that I have my licence mom, mind if I go see my friend 26 miles, 3,400 cars, red lights, and rolling stop signs away?"

Da Txt Stg:

This is where you realize that all the time, money, anguish, and late-nights you spent "getting the project done while they're in bed sleeping", results in your acknowledgment that your children ultimately failed to learn to speak English. A phone call takes considerably less time to communicate what Im gng 2 S's 2 eet dinr and wtch mvee be bck @10 by talking would take, but talking means they would have to actually talk to you which is no good to them ---- and who the hell is "S", by the way?

The How the Hell did you survive all these years? Stage:

This is when your children finally come to the realization that dad and mom are soooooooo stupid, the kid wonders how it is you were never run over by a city bus or electrocuted by dropping your crystal radio set or morse code machine into your bathtub.

All of these stages go into mysterious remission whenever they need money of course, and you are no longer the ignorant Cro Magnon person they treated you as yesterday...or 30 minutes ago, for that matter. You are their kind, caring, loving mom or dad, and could you please spot them say....50 bucks or so?

My friend will learn soon enough...and in doing so, she may actually rue the fact that the bus missed her when it did.

L8TR.

Infomercials

Three nights ago I couldn't sleep, so I turned on the TV at 2:30 AM. I was looking for a run down of that night's baseball action, but instead was greeted with an infomercial on the obvious problem I have with my colon.

Yup.

30 minutes where two grown men talked openly about elongating my feces, increasing the girth by nearly 32%, ultimately getting rid of that average 7 - 8 pounds of undigested and subsequently thoroughly impacted fecal matter.

For merely 3 easy payments of $33.95, I can have the latest in colon-imploding herbal medications. I won't belabor the topic by giving you the name of the product or its endorser, but the man was creepily obsessed with what comes out of the human rectum. He even said this, and I quote him exactly:

“I'm famous for telling America on TV about the first time I saw my four-year-old daughter's bowel movement in the toilet. It seemed so large to me compared to her size that I thought there was something wrong with her. But actually it was me that needed to cleanse.”

Now let's be real, shall we? I've had 3 children, and I've seen many a diapered bowel movement - to include the green and off-yellow's of the 3 days postpartum variety. But I can honestly tell you that none of my children aged 4 or higher ever requested, nor did I volunteer to, look into the toilet after they dropped a deuce. And being their father, I had the parental right to do so if I wanted to. But I didn't, and wouldn't unless a doctor instructed me to do so.

This "Nerd of Turds" even spices up his info-grossal with photographs of green, rope like feces, chocolate and mustard colored wet explosive messes, and one of his "Cleanse Formula" fueled Hiroshima or Nagasaki sized bombs as well. Perfect for 2:30 AM TV, and no other time.

Now go back to the top and look at his photo again. Does this look like a guy that enjoys talking about the joys of crapping large? Does he look like the kind of guy who revels in telling people on national TV how many inches long and wide an adult retro-fired ICBM should be?

Yes....of course he does.

Thoughts 6/5/08

* 9-11 mastermind Kahlid Steak and Shake Muhammed says he wants to die, so he can be a martyr. That's fine with me, but to be more precise, Shakey-boy, all you're going to be is another dead dickhead, and I shall shed no tears for you.

* Since promising she would not allow the then $2.90 gas prices to rise any higher, Nancy Pelosi has an 11% approval rating - and that's with her husband and kids. The rest of us see her as a much, much, bigger asshole.

* Marin Luther King once said, "I dream of living in a country where my four girls are judged NOT by the color of their skin, but by the strength of their character." Absolutely stunning and powerful words, that sadly - ARE NOT - being adhered to. In a NY Pravda Times article yesterday, the word "black" was used no fewer than 5 times in the first two paragraphs about the presumptive democratic nominee. Senator Obama himself has stated in the past week that this campaign should be about "issues", not things like his wife's statements, Tony Rezko, Pentagon-bombing terrorists, Jeremiah Wright, Hammas connections, etc. Since a wise person once said, "you will be judged by the company you keep", it seems Senator Obama has forgotten the late civil rights pioneer's message as well.

How sad.

When the first person of color is on the precipice of the presidency, the man who paved the way - and died for it, by the way - is being spurned by the person who is about to benefit most from Dr. King's justified persistence. Racism is alive and flourishing in this country alright, but I'm skeptical of the direction the finger is being pointed.

Fin

From the moment she stepped foot on the campus of Wellesley College in Eastern Massachusetts, receiving her first pampering session that the all-girls school is famous for, Senator Clinton began her journey into her faux world, a world you and I have no idea about...

...and in most cases have no desire to step into.

Off to law school, the big Arkansas law firms, the Governors mansion, then ultimately into a cozy little cottage on Pennsylvania Avenue in the nation's capital. A brief stop as a New York state Senator - incredibly unquestioned residential status - then finally straight into the blazing limelight known as the Democratic Presidential Race.

Whereas a normal person considers his or her moment of fame the time the letters to the editors of the local paper printed their diatribe on rolling stops and red light running, Senator Clinton really has no conception of the struggle of daily life; people taking second jobs so they can pay for the nicest hockey skates or tap shoes for their kids; what a real "village" is - homeowners association fees, idiot neighbors, and mowing your own lawn; taking the dog out for a poop; driving ones self wherever needed, to include filling that car up with gas at the "self-serve" pump. You know what, though? Up until this moment, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton had no idea what I am talking about...however...

She just lost the thing she has envisioned since she took her first steps towards the chess club meeting the nanny had just driven her to. The thing that she had stepped onto each rung in the proper progression of to succeed. The thing her husband had, that she obviously yearned for each day she awoke in that magical house for eight years.

She lost.

In what surely must have seemed a slam-dunk to her 5 months ago - total victory over the Senator still metaphorically in political diapers - turned into her biggest nightmare. And she had the radical church with the nut-job reverend. And she had the wife with the big mouth that seems to say equally big stupid things. And she had the Hammas connection; the "whitey" tape that seems to be the focus of so much talk; the experience superiority she obviously held.

And still she lost.

There is a silver lining if indeed Senator Clinton has the wherewithal to look at it this way: Senator Clinton has - at least temporarily - entered the real world.

The world in which children actually get sick and die, leaving devastated parents with a shorter life expectancy because of it. The world in which the kids who do live sometimes strike out with the bases loaded in the championship game, dispelling the myth of the Hollywood sports movie. The world where hard working, honest to goodness fine people, lose jobs because the ownership of companies count the beans and discover that this year they'll only make $9 million instead of last year's $10 million, and therefore fifteen $37,000.00 a year employees have to be fired; the world where $4 for gas totally sucks big-time; the world where no matter how good you are, no matter how hard you pray, and no matter how many good deeds you've done for total strangers, sometimes it just doesn't work out in your favor.

Welcome to the real world, Senator. If you choose to stay with us, you'll find out it's a much more satisfying and fulfilling place to be. No kidding. We may not be members of "Penelope's Petunia Society" over here in the real world, but we get a big kick out of bringing our roses from mere seeds into full bloom once a year. Our fingernails have dirt under them, our clothing is designed by Ross Dress for Less and TJMAX, not some seriously gay dude from south beach in Miami who had all his body hair removed, our haircuts cost $25 at Supercuts, not $375 from the Miami guy's cousin at "Chez Flaming Hair Salon", and our shoes are $35 Reebok's from Sears, but by and large we're a happier bunch.

After you've cleaned off that substantial plate of humble pie, you should consider staying. There is always the possibility that your daughter will give birth to a boy, and on one sweaty, hot, summer afternoon, you may indeed be sitting on some aluminum bleachers as your grandson becomes the player that hits a single with the bases loaded, winning his team a little league championship.

And you, Grandma Hillary? You'll begin to realize this is the finest moment of your life.

Class is in session.

Teacher: Ok, look. Here is what you do. Go up there and just start wailing, screaming, and denouncing anything and everything.

Student: Anything?

Teacher: Right! Anything...and don't forget to throw in some 200 year old oppression and some silly-assed shit about how EVERYBODY is racist.

Student: Everybody? Isn't that a bit excessive?

Teacher: Never mind that, facts are immaterial. Oh yeah...and don't forget to call the United States "God's big mistake" or some shit like that.

Student: You know, for a man who says he's a Christian, you sure do cuss a lot.

Teacher: Fuck that. You need to be worried about gettin' people all riled up and yellin' at the white folks. So you worry about your speech, and I'll worry about my fuckin' language, dig? And one more thing: make damn sure you mention the greatness of Farrakhan. Last thing I need is his ass comin' after me.

Student: Uuuuh, yeah...ok. But what if someone Youtube's me saying this stuff? Won't I get into trouble?

Teacher: Hellllllll no. You just start out by sayin' how you were taken out of context.

Student: What if they don't buy that?

Teacher: You about a dumbass, ain't you? You then say you were mis-commenting, mis-textifying, mis-deliberatating, or some shit like that. When you make up words and phrases, it fucks 'em up reaaaal good. Then they won't know what to say.

Student: And you swear I won't get into trouble?

Teacher: I swear. Worst comes to worst, you make some lame-assed bullshit apology, and 2 days later, no one can remember your name.

Student: Ok. One last question. Why am I doing this?

Teacher: For freedom and equality, that's why.

Student: So I ramble on about some totally non-sensical stuff, and the end result is freedom and equality?

Teacher: Ain't it great?

SpellingBee 2007 Champ

Last night, the finals for the "SCRIPPS-HOWARD-NATIONAL-SOCIALLY-UNDERDEVELOPED-AND-BUGABOO-CHILDREN'S-SPELLING-BEE was held.

This video, from a coupla years ago, is not only CORRECTLY representative of the type of child that makes it to the nationals, it shows a kind of child abuse that is never talked about in our society:

Intellectual Slavery.

So the kid can spell "notafukinclue" the first time around, and he may even end up at Princeton in a few years...

That ain't gonna guarrantee him a j-o-b.

Spell goodnight, Dick.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, tell you what it means to me.

1) Marginally talented actress and noted NYC police force hating Susan Sarandon said today that she will move to Canada or Italy if Senator John McCain is elected to the presidency. http://www.monstersandcritics.com/people/news/article_1408445.php/Susan_Sarandons_Canada_vow

Has anyone asked the Canadians or Italians how THEY feel about that?

2) Speaking of Senator McCain...if you've read my blog for any length of time, you know that I always refer to political figures respectfully by using their title: President Bush...Former President Clinton...Senator Clinton, etc. It's something my parents once taught me, a concept known as RESPECT. My children are corrected every time they too slip into modern American verbiage and say "Bush" instead of President Bush, and so on and so forth. I hope I am not the only person who has noticed how the candidates speak, but in case you haven't, let me enlighten you:
Senators McCain and Clinton nearly always use the proper terminology when addressing their opponents or the current president. Senator Obama rarely - if ever - does so. When he speaks, it is Bush, Clinton, or McCain coming out of his mouth, with no statement or acknowledgement of position within our government. Am I saying I think Senator Obama's mom should be taking him over her knee and slapping his ass several times?

Yeah....I guess I am.

3) I keep hearing about the sect in San Angelo Texas, and how they were done wrong because they broke no laws and were just innocently minding their own business. Really? An adult having sex with a minor is legal in Texas? Who knew? I can see the caravan of pedophiles going across Interstate 10 from both directions as we speak.

4) I have nothing else to say. The stupidity of the people of this country...MY country...is astounding. Say goodnight, Dick.

Goodnight, Dick.

Bill Clinton vs. 9-11 Conspiracy Heckler

Thank you, Mr. Former President. You are absolutely correct. People who persist in 9-11 conspiracy make Americans look like "idiots" throughout the entire globe.

I'm with Mr. Clinton...make that imbecile "go away".

Maxine Waters

If Miss Waters were any dumber, she'd qualify for an even higher office, don't you think?

Take her for her word...that the government - OUR GOVERMENT - should take over the oil industry. Let's see...the last time OUR GOVERNMENT took over things was....ummmm....welfare....social security....medicare and medicade....need I go on?

Let's just say....ummmmm...bad idea, shall we?

And as for reelecting Miss Waters? Well, you should talk to the brain-dead Californians about that.

Ted Kennedy

My mom is a life-long registered Massachusetts democrat, my dad a republican. It was probably 20 years ago that I asked her why...even after Chappaquiddick, the known alcoholism, and other things here and there, how could she and others in Massachusetts possibly keep voting this guy back into his Senate seat? Year after year after year.

Her answer was the most profoundly honest, simple, and understandable answer to the question that I had ever heard from any American citizen - before or since - with regard to any person holding political office in this country, as she said:

"I keep voting for him because when the people of Massachusetts ask him to do something for them, he does. Every time. Without question or doubt."

My mom had just defined what a politician was SUPPOSED to be, and the conversation needed no further discussion.

May God be with you in the coming weeks, Ted.

To Blog or Not

Often times I agonize over the decision on what to blog about. Admitedly, I have hardly anyone who reads my garbage, but the topic of discussion can sometimes draw people to your blog for a one-time look and potential blast at what I say.

Several years ago, I took a direct shot at Mary Tillman....mother of former NFL star/US Army Ranger who was killed by friendly fire in Afghanistan. I felt Mrs. Tillman had taken her grief too far and too publicly, and well....there were many who disagreed with me, and I was sorry I had brought up my point of view.

Now I'm faced with it again.

Here is the story: http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/orl-locgirldead1708may17,0,3345936.story

To blog about it would be to open myself up to complaints about me being "Insensitive". You see, my take on this story is from a decidedly parental point-of-view, and I have questions that are hard-edged and pointed...and they are not pointed at some stranger in a black Nissan. These questions involve a lack of parental supervision...of times like 3 am and age....questions about who's running the farm - the sheep or the farmer?

MY questions would be about the obviousness of the fact this could have been prevented by something called "bed time on a school night."

But I'm "insensitive", so I won't blog about it or ask these questions.

Peace.

Wait, wait, wait, wait

I've stated several times on this blog over the years that I could care less about gay marriage, and I still stand by that. You wanna get married? Go for it. Don't say you weren't warned, though.

In any event, the California Supreme Court ruled today that banning gay marriage in favor of civil unions was unconstitutional for the following two reasons:

1. A civil union does not substitute properly for a marriage (something I can neither confirm nor deny - so I say, "Ok...I'll go along with you on that)

2. Governments do not have the right to dictate who marries whom.

Really? I beg you're pardon judges, but the government ABSOLUTELY has the right to dictate who marries whom.

Or did you not apply for and obtain a marriage license before you got hitched? Yeah...I thought so. And you had to do that because someone has to make sure 40 year old perverts are not trying to marry 11 year old girls. It's because the Constitution of the United States made it clear that polygamy was not going to be allowed, and that marriage was going to be between one man and one woman, as opposed to one man and his dog, Gertrude. Actually, the Constitution does not even provide for the right to marry. It only provides for the proper execution thereof within the laws established.

Once again, if Mary wants to marry Susan, who am I to object? But for the CA supreme court to say "the government has no right to dictate"....well that's just plain incorrect.

And they know it is, too.

Now onto what President Bush said in Israel today:

WASHINGTON - Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama accused President Bush on Thursday of launching a "false political attack" with a comment about appeasing terrorists and radicals.

In a speech to Israel's Knesset, Bush said: "Some seem to believe that we should negotiate with the terrorists and radicals, as if some ingenious argument will persuade them they have been wrong all along.

First of all, it's not a "false political attack", it's a direct political attack, one in which the "falseness" of it remains to be seen. Has Senator Obama directly stated that he wants to hold talks with Iran's Ahmedinejad?

Yes he has.

Has Ahmedinejad stated repeatedly that he is the savior sent to earth to destroy all that is not Islam?

Yes, he has.

Are Senator Obama's relationships - past and present - a cause of concern in our nation, even amongst those who support him?

Yes they are.

The solution to Senator Obama's problems would be for him to actually define himself, something he has not only been reticent to do, he has been downright defiant and frustrating to the point of screaming by not doing so. He's a proponent for change, but he won't say what kind of change. He said he's going to pull out the troops, but he won't say how or what he will do in the aftermath. Actually, this guy by the day becomes more and more of an empty suit...and the trust factor - as in, "Who the hell is this shady character?" - is becoming a frightening issue.

We've always known who the President is. He's a bungler of the language; he has issues with listening to the pulse of the nation; he absolutely abhors backing down or changing a decision. All these things can and have been problems.

But here is the thing about President Bush's problems. They are out in the open, which means at least we know where he stands 95% of the time, and we can fix some things he may have refused or was sluggish in fixing himself, because we know the cause.

You can't fix a problem that you don't know exists. And we don't know jack about Senator Obama, and to trust in him - especially now - might be the end of our nation.

I'm serious. Bush for all his bungling never scared me. He's embarrased me at times; pissed me off other times. But never frightened me.

Obama makes me look at my kids and wonder if they're going to die soon.

"So he says to me, 'You could show a little more class', and I says to him, you want class? Fuck you! How's that for class?"

"Guess I told him, huh?"

"Are you serious? Have you ever played the president? I have. Don't tell me I don't know how to run this country. Have you ever been arrested? I have. Don't tell me how to run a judicial proceeding. Have you ever been an asshole? I AM an asshole, so don't even try telling me you know more about being an asshole than I do."

((((As Allah is my witness...bitch brings up Fannie Mae one more time, I'm turning around and slapping her))))

"7 come 11...baby needs new shoes!!!!"

Dere God,

Plese teech me how to red this book I gots in my hand.

Seregeante

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord, my guns to keep.

And if I die before I wake,

give my Bible to my dog Jake.

With apologies to Simon and Garfunkel

Where have you gone 1942?
Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.
Woo woo woo.

What's that you say, Mrs Robinson?
Common sense has left and gone away.
Hey hey hey.
Hey hey hey.

If this were 1942...things would be different. If this were 1942, Barack Obama would be on trial for treason. And he'd have company. Barack Obama is inexorably linked with some awful characters, and by awful, I mean awful.

In 1970, there was a group of assholes called "The Weather Underground". In 1970 the group issued a "Declaration of a State of War" against the United States government, under the name "Weather Underground Organization" (WUO), and members adopted fake identities and pursued covert activities. They carried out a campaign consisting of bombings, jailbreaks, and riots. Their attacks were mostly bombings of government buildings, along with several banks, police department headquarters and precincts, state and federal courthouses, and state prison administrative offices, and even the Pentagon. William Ayers and his wife Bernadine Dohrn currently live in Chicago and are long-time friends of Senator Barack Obama and his wife Michelle.

One of Barack Obama’s Middle East policy advisers disclosed yesterday that he had held meetings with the militant Palestinian group Hamas – prompting the likely Democratic nominee to sever all links with him.

Robert Malley told The Times that he had been in regular contact with Hamas, which controls Gaza and is listed by the US State Department as a terrorist organisation. Such talks, he stressed, were related to his work for a conflict resolution think-tank and had no connection with his position on Mr Obama’s Middle East advisory council.

Does this guy --- this Senator Obama ---- know who Hamas is? Does he know that if this were 1942...and he were associating with Hermann Goering, that he would be placed before a tribunal, and if convicted of treason, he would be shot?

And do Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews - who sing the praises of this man nightly while ignoring the obvious facts of this man's cancerous relationships- know that if this were 1942, they would suffer the same fate?

Can someone tell me what has happened to the United States? Can someone tell me why we are VOLUNTARILY giving in to our own destruction?

Hide it in a hiding place where no one ever goes.
Put it in your pantry with your cupcakes.
It's a little secret, just the Robinsons' affair.
Most of all, you've got to hide it from the kids.

A coo coo ca choo Mrs Robinson.
Jesus loves you more than you will know.
Whoa whoa whoa.

Inconveniently inconvenient

I voted for current President George Bush twice. He is often made fun of for his language goofs. NEVER made fun of is the man he beat in 2000, Nobel Peace Prize and Academy Award winning Albert Gore, the presidential candidate who became only the second candidate in 200 years to fail to win his own state.

Perhaps the people of Tennessee knew more than we did?

Upon arrival in Monticello while campaigning: "And who is this bust of?" It was of course, a bust of Thomas Jefferson, since Monticello was his home.

"It's a shame when a woman has to wait a month or so to get a ....errrrr....what's it called? A sonogram on her breasts?" Mr Candidate was attending a breast cancer fund raiser.

"When my sister and I were growing up, there was no doubt that men and women were equal...if not more so." Huh?

Stumping in Milwaukee, WI - "I'm very familiar with the importance of dairy farming in Wisconsin. I've spent the night on a dairy farm here in Wisconsin. If I'm entrusted with the presidency, you'll have someone who is very familiar with what the Wisconsin dairy industry is all about." Wow...I've had 3 major strokes and spent I-can't-remember how many days in hospital beds, but that doesn't make me a neurologist.

"Speaking from my own religious tradition in this Christmas season, 2,000 years ago a homeless woman gave birth to a homeless child in a manger because the inn was full." Cool. First he invents the internet, then he re-writes the Bible, penciling in Mary and Joseph as homeless people. Did they push around their very own shopping cart, too?

"I certainly learned a great deal from 3,000 town hall meetings across my home state of Tennessee over a 16-year period" in Congress, the vice president told NPR’s Bob Edwards. Do the math. That would be a town hall meeting every other day, weekends and holidays included, for his 16 years in the service of Tennessee. And let's not even go to the fact that the people of Tennessee were always complaining he was never there.

This is the man spearheading the drive to save the Eskimo's from igloo's....errrrrr....I mean save the Eskimo's pies....or something like that. His movie, "Michael Moore's Inconvenient Midsection" won him an Oscar in the category, "Funniest film not involving Ernest going somewhere."

How come his gaffe's were/are never splashed across the news like our current English-challenged head honcho?

Hmmmmmm?

Crash Test Dummies: Superman's Song

I used to think this was a silly early 90's brainless tune.

I now realize it's brilliant.

Turkeys Away - WKRP in Cincinnati

Take a step back in time....no, no....waaaaaaaaay back to the mid-70's.

And smile

Late night post. Look, if you can see the sense in this, pass it on.

Barack Obama wants to impose a "Windfall Profits Tax" on the oil companies. Now friends, I'm not aligned in any way with big oil, nor am I an apologist for them, but the fact remains the large oil companies only make 8% profit on their product.

Granted, if you look at it as 8 cents made per dollar of gasoline, they're obviously making a crap-load of money. Record profits, as a matter of fact. And the Democrats, currently led by Barack Obama, want them to pay dammit. They must pay for their profits. They are robbing us blind, those bastards, and they must pay!!!!! THEY MUST PAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unfortunately, there is that matter of only an 8% profit margin.

McDonald's makes 13.7% profit.

Google makes 29.4% profit.

Microsoft makes 28.3% profit.

NBC Broadcasting makes 20.5% profit.

CSX Trains makes 20.5% profit.

Okay....you get the idea. The list of major corporations in America that are making huge profits is astounding, but Senator Obama only wants to tax the oil companies, who are providing us what we absolutely need. I can exist without watching NBC TV, I could live without google, and McDonalds gives me diarrhea, a word I hate using because I can't ever friggin' spell it correctly. Soft peddaled in all of this is the fact that the oil companies are also the people who do the research and spend the money on expanding our alternative energy sources, a fact seemingly lost on Senator Obama and much of America.

Also lost on him is his law school alma mater, Harvard. Harvard currently has an endowment totalling close to $35 Billion dollars. Billion. Billion. Billion. Harvard continues to charge $57,000.00 per year for nearly 6,000 undergrads and 4,500 post grad students, and they have $35 Billion accruing interest in the bank. If they keep it in there for 10 years - and do not add or subtract from it - they'll have well over $200 Billion in 2018, and they're still charging people full price to go to their institution. At $57,000.00 per year - which hardly any other college or university is charging - Harvard could fully educate 20,000 kids a year on 1/35th of their endowment for free...but they don't.

They keep making, and they don't do any giving. And much like the other companies I mentioned, no one needs Harvard. You can get a fine education hundreds of other places.

[In any event, where's the windfall profit tax on them? Ha! You're kidding right, JL4? The government is going to tax Harvard for making a shitload of coin? Barack Obama is going to tax his alma mater? Are you trying to imply that taxation should be equal and fairly allocated to everyone and every business? What the hell is wrong with you, JL4?]

Nope....he's going to impose windfall taxes on the oil companies alone, and that's going to help out all the American people, right? Ummmmm....not right. If they're only making 8% now, and Obama wants to slam the crap out of them for making that, they're not going to LOSE money to pay their taxes....they're going to raise the price of fuel again.

Which isn't going to help anyone.

So the short version of what I'm saying is this. Yes, the oil companies make a lot of money - but they do it with volume. Of all the corporate entities in this country, they are down at the bottom of the pack with respect to taking consumer's dollars. We allow Microsoft, major universities, McDonald's, Wendy's, etc. make huuuuuuuuuge jack, and we praise them as All-American "institutions".

Exxon or Shell make money, and we vilify them and call them evil...the cause of all our woes.

As sure as I'm typing this, they couldn't possibly have it more wrong. And the one's who will lose are going to be me and you.

So you think it sucks here, eh?

Hurricane Andrew was the third most intense storm at the time of landfall to strike the U.S. mainland this century. It struck Dade county, Florida on August 24, 1992 as a category 4 hurricane. Andrew made a second U.S. landfall on a sparsely populated section of the south-central Louisiana coast as a category 3 hurricane. In southeast Florida, Louisiana, and Mississippi, rainfall totals in excess of seven inches were recorded. Rainfall amounts near five inches occurred in several neighboring states. Estimated damages in the U.S. of $25 billion make hurricane Andrew the most expensive natural disaster in U.S. history. It was reported Andrew destroyed 25,524 homes and damaged 101,241 others. Andrew was directly responsible for 26 deaths, but including indirect loss of life the death toll was 65.

An unprecedented 4 hurricanes (Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne) affected Florida in 2004, and indeed no other state has been affected by four hurricanes in one season since Texas in 1886. An estimated one in five homes in Florida were damaged by hurricanes during August and September 2004 and 117 people lost their lives in the state from the storms. Charley was the worst, being a category 4 upon landfall. Ivan was a strong 3 as it hit the panhandle.

In August of 2005, Hurricane Katrina hit south Florida as a spitting rain storm, crossed into the Gulf of Mexico and gained strength, flattening parts of New Orleans and southern Louisiana. 1,836 people lost their lives as a result of the storm and the flooding.

In all, 2018 people died, mega billions of dollars in property damage occurred, and incredibly - somehow the federal government was blamed for Katrina, but that's a discussion I have no interest in getting into.

A few days ago, a Cyclone hit Myanmar (formerly Burma), a country not categorized as third world in any sense of the phrase. However, this Category 3 storm has a confirmed 23,000 dead and estimates that go as far as to say potentially 100,000 will be the final total.

Yo! This is from wind, rain, and storm surge...even less in scope than what hit New Orleans or Homestead Florida. So go ahead out there and feel free to bash our nation; feel free to slam all our policies; feel free to blame the presidency for our hurricanes; and while you're at it - feel free to purchase an airline ticket to anywhere else on the planet that you want to.

I'll even help you pack, you self-serving retard.

Somewhere out there...anywhere...there must be someone who "gets it". As mistake prone as we are, there isn't ANY other place you want to be. As "worldly insensitive" as we are accused of being by our own populace, I don't see anyone piling sandbags up in front of their homes as protection against the daily Al Quaeda car bombs that rip through our cities. As ridiculous as we can be, we're not ridiculous enough to create a situation where 100,000 Americans are going to die because of a storm. That's what happens in places like Bangladesh, which, by the way, you can get a one way ticket to for $1,965.00 on Expedia...2 stops...no hotel or rent-a-pack-mule.

Shall I book it for you?

Stephen King

I started reading Stephen King when I was a young soldier at Ft. Riley, KS. My first novel was his second...."Salem's Lot". Eventually, I joined his book club which sent me hard bound copies of each of his novels, and I read every one of them.

Yesterday, May 5th 2008, he was speaking at the Library of Congress and said the following: "...the fact is if you can read, you can walk into a job later on. If you don't, then you've got, the Army, Iraq"

Since then, Mr. King has been so swamped with Americans disgusted with his comments that he had to shut down his website. But before doing so, he issued this non-committal statement:

"That right-wing-bloggers would impugn my patriotism because I said children should learn to read, and could get better jobs by doing so, is beneath contempt. I guess they feel ignorance and illiteracy are OK when the country needs cannon-fodder. I guess they also feel that the war in Iraq has nationwide approval. Well, it doesn’t have mine. It is a waste of national resources. . . and that includes the youth and blood of the 4,000 American troops who have lost their lives there and for the tens of thousands who have been wounded. I live in a national guard town, and I support our troops, but I don’t support either the war or educational policies that limit the options of young men and women to any one career—military or otherwise."

Mr. King is trying to claim he doesn't understand why people are mad at him, which is 100% bullshit. That's why his statement was his opinion about the Iraq war and our educational system, not a retraction of his deplorable statement about the military. As a matter of fact, he never even addressed what the whole flap is all about!!!

Why is it American's like him, John Kerry, and several other prominent political and social personalities feel it's their God-given right to take unsolicited pot-shots at the men and women of our Armed Forces? Even Keith Olbermann, one of the most liberal President-Bush-hating, Iraq-war-hating television people in this country, never takes a shot at the soldiers and the marines. He doesn't because he knows to do so would be to submerge himself below contempt, and he has enough dignity and intelligence to avoid such a stupid pratfall. Mr. King isn't worth the time it took to type this blog, to be quite honest. I wish I had never purchased a single book from him, especially since obviously I can't read anyways.

Hey, I have an idea!

Let's all go on TV and start publicly hacking on kids in wheelchairs, fireman who die in burning warehouses, single moms who have to work 3 jobs, and poor welfare recipients who would rather not be. Wouldn't that be funny? And we could do it because we have the First Amendment to back us up.

And who is it that has allowed the First Amendment to exist for over 200 years?

Oooooops.

Men

This is for women to absorb and understand. Knowing these little factoids can go a long ways towards understanding your relationship(s).

• Men should never carry an umbrella. It's rain, not sulfuric acid. Water. If a man insists, at the very least it has to be one of those large two color golf umbrella's. If you're with a man who has a foot long black pop-up umbrella, dump him....fast.
• Women who wish their man were more sensitive are wishing for the wrong thing. Crudeness is unacceptable of course, but don't expect us to cry when "Two-socks" dies at the end of Dances with Wolves. Male interior designers are sensitive...but they tend to like other male interior designers, so I guess the choice is yours.
• Nope...we don't need to pull over and ask where Pine Street is. Because we don't, that's why.
• We don't really like cats, and if we tell you we like yours, it's because we want to keep going out with you.
• Ok. About terminology. If we are over the age of 40, we are not now nor will we ever be your boyfriend. We can be a lot of other things, but not that. We're too old to be boys.
• Important dates on the calendar are reserved for Super Bowl Sunday, the Masters, and Thanksgiving and Christmas. The sixth anniversary of our first kiss is not in there. We can and should be expected to know wedding anniversaries and kids' birthdays, for sure. Other than that, end of conversation.
• We absolutely adore a woman who knows the difference between an inning and a quarter, but it's not a requirement.
• Peach and Pumpkin are fruits, not colors. Speaking of fruits, the aforementioned interior designer knows what Peach paint looks like. Ask him.
• If you want to call it a sofa, that's fine with us. Likewise, us calling it a couch should be fine with you.
• Campbell's soup IS cooking. Yes it is. It involves a pan with a handle and the stove. That's cooking.
• We're simple creatures. When we say nothing is wrong, we actually mean it. You however....
• Generally speaking, we try to handle our emotional needs internally. It's not that we're experts on the subject...it's because we don't believe in making someone else shoulder our burden. Are you listening out there?
• Mega-important rule (especially for blogger women). The fact that you had a few bad relationships/marriages is not necessarily the fault of the male of the species. Believe it or not, you could be the problem. Really. It just might be you.
• We love you, but are sometimes remiss at showing/saying it. We need you, but are reticent to admit it. We would be lost without you, and we're too stubborn to ask for directions on how to get un-lost.

But don't get cocky, alright?

Global Warming

Surge in fatal shark attacks blamed on global warming.

It's true...scientists said it was. Who is going to argue with scientists? What? Other scientists? Oh....I forgot about the scientists that aren't totally whacked out.

Here is the current up to date listing of everything that is caused by global warming - in link format - so you can see where the "researchers" found their inconvenient data.

Enjoy....I didn't make this stuff up...especially the ones where they say "More bad hair days", and "Truffle Shortages". The "scientists" did.

See for yourself...http://www.numberwatch.co.uk/warmlist.htm

What's in a word, after all?

"Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact...it's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration...it's a dare. Impossible is potential. Great men prove all the time that impossible is stupid. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing."

I like this guy

Bill Bradley is a talented man. An All-American basketball player as Princeton, he was drafted in the first round of the NBA draft, an amazing accomplishment for an intellectual from Princeton. He ended up in both the college and professional Halls of Fame.

It was once rumored that out of boredom, he decided to memorize the entire NYC phone book.
He went on to become a prominent Senator from New Jersey, and even put his hat into the ring once for election to the presidency.

But he's not what this is about.

In the spring of 2004, there was a fundraising dinner for Senator John Kerry. Over 5000 people at a minimum of $5000 a plate were assembled for dinner in this enormous ballroom in New York.

Senator Bradley asked a waiter for an extra stick of butter. The waiter politely told him, "No sir. One butter per person sir; I have strict orders."

The Emcee of the affair overheard the conversation, and abruptly called the waiter off to the side. "Do you know who that is?" he asked the waiter. "That's Senator Bill Bradley, college and professional hall of fame player and former candidate for president of the United States. I can't believe you don't know who he is."

The waiter calmly replied, "And do you know who I am?"

The emcee stated that he did not.

"I'm the guy in control of the butter."

Our nation has developed into a collective of emcee's. We all want to both name-drop as well as find excuses for everything. We need more people who are "in control of the butter", and I don't mean only in a presidential or governmental sense, I mean you, me, and our neighbors too. The more we take responsibility for our own butter, the better off we'll all be.

Home

"And I don't regret this life I've chose for me."

AMEN brother. Amen.